In the Shadow of Ursa Major
by JosieSwan
Summary: When WWI forever alters the lives of Bella Swan, Jasper, and Edward Cullen, the bonds between friends, lovers, brothers, father and sons will be tested. Will the tatters of their lives be mended, or are there some actions that can't be forgiven? AH OOC
1. Chapter 1

**A/N A Huge thanks to my fantastic beta, Bethaboo. She is incredible. Go read any of her stories, especially "Eve, the Apple of My Eye." It's incredible.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. I also don't own Legends of the Fall.**

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Colonel Charles "Charlie" Cullen was a soldier in the United States Army. In the early 1900s, the Indians were the problem. Now they'd be called Native Americans, but back then, no one seemed to care much about what they were called. Women and children were killed, and people were kicked off their lands. It was a very bad time.

The colonel didn't subscribe to his government's ideals, and tried to help the people. A man was a man, a woman a woman, and a child a child. Where a person's ancestors were from did nothing to lessen their worth as a person.

He wrote books on the subject to the government, about the treatment of natives in the Dakotas. No one seemed to listen.

After fighting for his country, and trying to save all the people who called America home, Colonel Cullen left the army to raise his family.

He wanted to leave the madness over the mountain, and begin again. So he moved to a large ranch in Montana with his wife, and three boys.

The colonel had become friends with a man named Billy Black, who was himself a Native American. The soldier and the native were as close as brothers, much to the confusion of everyone in town. But Charlie trusted Billy, along with his sister Sue, and so they came to live on the ranch with his family. Though he understood every word, Billy did not deign to speak English.

Sue, on the other hand, had no such qualms, and was always around for a lively conversation. In exchange for a place to live and food to eat, she took to keeping the colonel's house. She washed their clothes, kept the rooms tidy, and prepared their meals. Her path often crossed with Charlie's ranch hand, Emmett McCarty. After a year or so, they fell in love, and got married. They had a small daughter, Alice, who was a number of years younger than the Cullen boys.

Renee Cullen, the colonel's wife, was a woman not accustomed to living in such isolation. The winters on the ranch were hard, and the family frequently went without seeing anyone apart from themselves for weeks. She was a slightly flighty woman, easily distracted by new amusements. The lack of variety in activities and company bored her.

One year, Renee went away for the winter. She said the winters were too cruel, and that she was afraid of bears. She didn't like being so isolated; the small town life was suffocating her. She was a strange woman.

That spring, though, Renee didn't come back. After that, she didn't visit her family much. She left her boys in Charlie's care, and trusted in his guidance.

x-x-x

The colonel had three sons, but Jasper was his favorite.

Edward was the eldest of the Cullen boys. He was serious, even as a child, with an inner calm and intelligence that was easily seen. He could frequently be found with his nose in a book, or speaking with his father about places he'd been and people he'd met. To those who had just met him, Edward seemed a bit arrogant, because he was so knowledgeable and confident. But Edward didn't believe in speaking just to hear his own voice. He contributed to conversations when he felt he had something that would benefit others to hear.

He was exceedingly good at reading other people. It was all in the eyes for Edward; he could pick up on glints and glances that most would overlook. By simply looking at his father's face, he could tell when it would benefit his brothers to stop horsing around and behave. He had known as she was leaving that his mother would not be coming back to them, but that it did not touch upon her love for her sons. He would sometimes know when one of his brothers was about to tackle him, though he frequently let it happen because he loved wrestling with them.

He was a small child, very slim and wiry, though he was not weak. His was a lean strength, and people were always surprised when he could lift bales of hay without assistance. He had his mother's clear emerald eyes, and his father's strange bronze colored hair. He could never seem to tame it, much to his mother's chagrin, though this might have been caused by his habit of running his hands through it while nervous or thinking. As he grew older, he became taller; he stood over six feet by the time he was 16.

After his mother left, Edward frequently wrote letters to her. Jasper did not.

Jasper was the wild child. He almost lost his mother when he came into the world. He was quick to grin, and everyone loved him immediately. He spent most of his youth in Billy's company and on a horse. Billy taught him to become a warrior, like those of his tribe. By the time he was 8 years old, he could track any animal, and was adept using many different weapons. He was strong, both in body, and in spirit. He knew every legend that Billy had told him, and had found a special kinship with nature.

He had a natural charisma that was infectious. He was passionate about everything in life. Much like his father, he believed that every human should be treated with respect, and he had no patience for those who believed otherwise. His fiery disposition left him with a temper as quick as his smile. He loved his family fiercely, and was incredibly protective over them, especially Carlisle. While he wasn't necessarily book-smart, he was shrewdly intelligent and cunning. His charm also tended to work on animals, and Billy showed him how to tame and train horses.

Like Edward, he grew up tall, though his strength was more noticeable than his brother's. He had the same strong jaw and straight nose that his brother had inherited from his father. Jasper had inherited his mother's honey blond hair. His hair fell longer than his brother's, and twisted into lazy curls around his head. He had dimples that showed when he grinned, which made almost everyone smile with him. It was his eyes, though, that were oddly captivating. It was as if he took his father's crystal blue eyes and his mother's green eyes, and combined them. They would change from green to blue to grey depending on what he was wearing, or what his mood was.

His smile came easiest around his younger brother, Carlisle.

Carlisle was as civilized as Jasper was wild. He had a kind and compassionate disposition that everyone around him wanted to preserve and protect. Like Edward, he loved to read, but he wanted to help people. Unlike Edward and Jasper, Carlisle went away to Harvard for university, where he studied to be a doctor. He wanted to save the world, as unrealistic as that was. His idealism often got him into trouble, but he knew his brothers would do anything to protect him.

He was slightly shy, and relied on his brothers for company. When he went away to Harvard, Edward and Jasper worried about Carlisle. They thought people would take advantage of his quiet and giving nature. There was truly nothing to worry about; people flocked to his goodness, as if they could absorb it through osmosis. They would sooner kick a puppy in the nose than hurt Carlisle.

He, like his brothers, had a strong jaw, though his nose was slightly more defined. His eyes were very like his father's clear light blue. Like Jasper, he had his mother's golden hair, though his was straighter. His build was much like Edward's—long and lean. He was strong, but he spent more of his time indoors than Jasper, or even Edward. His smile was shy, but contagious.

x-x-x

When Renee failed to come back to her husband and sons, Edward was eleven years old. His father had retired to his study after receiving a letter from her. When the colonel returned, Edward caught his eye. In that instant, his breath caught around a lump in his throat. She wasn't coming back.

Charlie merely confirmed what he already knew.

Though he was able to command an army in tactical maneuvers, Colonel Cullen was not known for his tact. As soon as he knew that his mother was not coming home, Edward requested to see the letter she had sent him.

In the letter, Renee confessed that while she loved Charlie, she couldn't live on the ranch anymore. The winters were too lonely, and she needed to be in an environment where she would come into contact with more people, and have more activities to pass her time with. In addition, she thought the cattle smelled atrocious, and the horses frightened her. The threat of bears that had recently been discovered merely sent her over the edge.

She had plainly stated that she loved Edward, Jasper, and Carlisle, and that she wished they could all come with her. She also said that she knew that would be impossible for Charlie. In a rare moment of selflessness, she encouraged Charlie to blame her for leaving, so that he wouldn't suffer their resentment for driving their mother away.

Edward knew that while Charlie would never entertain the idea of accusing Renee of not loving them, he probably also didn't know how to phrase it to Jasper and Carlisle that their mother's departure was not meant as abandonment, and that, in fact, no one was to blame. "I'll tell them, Father. I'll make them understand."

He did make them understand. "It's not that she doesn't love us. She will always be our mother, and we are welcome to visit her in the city at any time. Sometimes, things don't happen how we expect them to. We can either continue on, even if it makes us unhappy, or we can change, and start something different. Mother had to start something new, but it doesn't mean that she didn't care enough to stay."

It was insightful for an eleven-year-old to grasp that concept. Edward saw the importance of making the best of what life offered. You made your own happiness, as long as you had the desire and will to do so.

x-x-x

Billy taught Jasper many customs and legends of his tribe. He grew up knowing that every warrior hopes a good death would find him. Jasper wasn't satisfied to wait, so, at twelve years old, he went looking for his.

He found a sleeping grizzly bear in the forest, and woke it from its slumber. It lifted itself up on its hind legs, and swiped at his small form. The bear's claws caught his side, and left four deep gashes. He brought his knife around and caught the bear's claw with the blade, removing it from the paw. The bear, injured, limped away.

"Jasper? Jasper?" Colonel Cullen called when he spotted Jasper lying against a tree. He had been searching for his son for an hour. "Was it a bear?" He asked, as he knelt down beside him. "Lift your hand; take it away," he requested, as he began to examine his wounds. "Did Billy put you up to this? You're a stupid, half-brained jackass, did you know this?"

"Yes, sir," Jasper replied, barely hanging onto consciousness.

"You deserve to be dead! God knows how you've lived this long," he muttered to himself. "You're going to be alright son," he confirmed, after he had finished his examination.

Billy caught sight of the knife, and held it up, chuckling. He quickly showed the claw to Charlie, who simply shook his head. That claw would be strung on a chord for Jasper to wear around his neck at all times.

It is said that when a man and an animal exchange blood, their destinies become intertwined. Their spirits unite, and they become one.

x-x-x

It was rare for the Cullens to venture into town, but when Carlisle was fourteen years old, he had a bit of a growth spurt. It seemed that he had gone from somewhere around five feet tall to just shy of six feet within a month. He needed new clothes desperately.

Colonel Cullen took Carlisle, Sue, and little Alice with him into town to shop. Alice was growing, as small children often do, and also was in need of some new dresses. They took the car into town, as they would have too many bags to carry on the horses.

Carlisle found many suits to wear, as well as some more rugged riding clothes to wear around the ranch. He detested shopping, though he never complained. He did, however enjoy spending time with Sue, Alice, and his father. In the years following Renee's departure, he had come to look at Sue as a sort of maternal presence in his life, and Alice as a little sister; Carlisle loved them both.

The colonel had gone off to purchase some liquor, tobacco, and new bullets for his rifle while his son and friends looked for clothes. In his absence, some townies saw fit to harass Sue. It was the first time that Carlisle came into contact with boys that believed that Sue was anything less than they were simply because she was a Native American.

"Indians aren't welcome in these stores. Why don't you go make some moccasins?" One boy asked with a sneer on his face.

"Excuse me, but don't talk to Mrs. McCarty like that. She has as much right to be here as you or I," Carlisle chided.

The boy looked towards his friends and laughed. "Well, look what we have here, boys. He doesn't like how I'm talking to the redskin. Well, boy, what's it to you?" he challenged.

"She's my friend, and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't call her names. She's a good woman, and you have no reason to think otherwise. Just leave her, and me, alone," Carlisle replied.

Carlisle was not a violent person, but the thought of anyone treating someone he loved with such malevolence upset him greatly. He would defend his friend and himself if necessary. He simply thought words would be enough to dissuade them.

They were not.

The boy who had been addressing Carlisle and Sue quickly ran up to Sue, who held a crying Alice in her arms. He pushed her, and said, "You can't shop here! This is no place for squaw!"

Sue stumbled a bit, and Carlisle caught her arm to prevent her from falling over. The boy took the opening he saw, pushed Carlisle down to the ground and started kicking him in the stomach.

Carlisle couldn't fathom what he had done to make this person angry enough to kick him, but he was immensely glad that he was the one being kicked, instead of Sue or Alice. It wasn't until Colonel Cullen exited the shop and saw his youngest son curled in the fetal position being kicked and ran over, yelling, that the boys ran off.

"Are you alright, Carlisle?" The relief in Charlie's voice didn't register in his ears, but he nodded, nonetheless. "What the hell were they kicking you for?"

Carlisle had to remove his teeth from the inside of his cheek to answer his father. He gritted his teeth as an alternative method of preventing tears as he replied, "They called Sue a squaw, and said she couldn't shop here. She has every right! Her money is as good as anyone else's!"

Charlie couldn't disagree with Carlisle, but he also knew that not everyone thought as he did. He simply nodded, and said, "You can't protect the world, boy. I'm glad you didn't let her get hurt, but fighting a fight that isn't yours is dangerous and stupid."

"But I didn't fight them, Father. I merely told them that they shouldn't call her that, and stopped them from pushing her down. That's when they kicked me."

Charlie sighed, and realized that he wasn't going to win any argument with Carlisle, and just led him, along with Sue and Alice, to the car to go home.

Later that evening, Carlisle found himself relaying the incident to his brothers. He didn't understand why it was so important to Jasper to know what the boys looked like, but he told him anyways.

He never found out that when Jasper went for a long ride the next morning, he had ridden into town and found the boys that had accosted his brother and friends. He gave them bruises on their stomachs to match Carlisle's, as well as some on their faces for their prejudiced words.

x-x-x

The three brothers grew strong together. Though Charlie sometimes believed that they lacked the balance one receives from a mother's presence, they loved each other. They had their individual pursuits to keep them entertained.

x-x-x

January 27, 1912

_Dear Renee,_

_I know I can't change the path my life has taken, but I sometimes wonder if I have done the right thing raising our sons alone in this wild place. What do I know of children? I was trained to lead men into battle; this is infinitely harder._

_Yours,_

_Charlie_

x-x-x

_February 18, 1912_

_Dear Charlie,_

_You take too much responsibility on yourself, as always. Our sons are finding their own paths. They are strong-willed and spirited, but who are we to complain about those qualities? _

_I will always regret not being around the boys more, but I have never believed that the lack of a maternal influence is a detriment to development. You have always been a wise man, and quite civilized when you wish to be. You will teach them all they need to know to survive in this world._

_The only worry I have ever had for their upbringing is that I worry what being raised in the wilderness will do to them. There is such a lack of diversions that cities provide. I receive letters from Edward, and I know that you have made certain that they know about art and music. And, of course, their time at university has provided them more culture than they would otherwise receive, but I sometimes wonder if that is enough. It is one thing to read about the Sistine Chapel, but it is quite another to actually see it with your own eyes. _

_I don't believe our sons will ever suffer from a lack of love. And they certainly will not lack passion or bravery._

_I was delighted to hear that Carlisle has declared his concentration at Harvard. I could not be prouder to learn that he wants to become a doctor. To be able to heal people and save lives is such a noble aspiration. Then again, I always knew he was destined for greatness._

_Yours,_

_Renee_

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**A/N Thanks to the fantastic glasscannon, and the crazy Twitter discussions we had that led me to this.**

**Next update should post on Monday.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Huge thank you to Bethaboo, who is an amazing beta, and my own personal Yoda Story Master. Her new fic, "Sins of the Father" starts posting tomorrow. Read it. **

**Disclaimer: I own neither Twilight nor Legends of the Fall. I never will.**

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It was in the middle of the fall semester of his senior year at Harvard University that Carlisle Cullen found himself at a tea for his friend's girlfriend, Emily Randle. To say he was thrilled to be there was a gross overstatement. He had avoided society teas like this for the other three years at Harvard. But his friend Samuel Uley was positively besotted with Emily, and he wanted Carlisle to meet her.

Emily was a student at Radcliff College, Harvard's sister institution. There would be many other Radcliffe students at this function, and he found the search for a husband to be among the women's main objectives. Carlisle found this tedious.

It wasn't that he didn't want a wife; he simply could not stand women throwing themselves at him with overly bright smiles. It was also apparent that many of their mothers had given them the most tedious instruction when it came to catching a man's attention: men don't like a woman who has opinions or that flaunt their intelligence.

To Carlisle Cullen, the opposite was actually true.

"Are you certain we couldn't invite Emily to dinner, Sam? I mean, these teas are just so… horrible," Carlisle complained.

"Good God, man. You'll be fine. You only have to stay for an hour, and then you can find some excuse to leave. Just meet her. She's important to me. And you'll be surrounded by beautiful women. What could be better than that?" Sam questioned.

"Fine," Carlisle agreed through gritted teeth. He plastered a smile on his face as soon as Samuel knocked on the door.

A lovely girl with brown hair answered the knock, and beamed at the gentlemen once she opened the door. "Sam! You made it," she exclaimed with glee.

"Hello Emily!" He replied with a wide smile of his own. "May I introduce you to my roommate and friend, Carlisle Cullen?"

"How do you do, miss?" Carlisle inquired with a bowing of his head, and a more natural smile after seeing how happy Samuel was in her presence.

"Please, call me Emily. Sam's told me so much about you, I am so glad to finally meet you!" Emily's eyes were shining with barely contained happiness at finally meeting the friend that her love considered a brother. Though he had not impressed as much upon Carlisle beforehand, his approval meant a lot to him. If Carlisle thought she was a good woman, he intended to propose.

Samuel and Carlisle were led into Emily's sitting room, where a few men and women were milling about. There was a fairly small dog that Carlisle recognized as a Boston Terrier running around the legs of the room's occupants.

Suddenly, a voice called out from behind Carlisle, "Emily, when is Samuel getting here? I have a paper to finish writing, and I want to get a few ideas written out before I forget them. Jake! Stop bothering the nice people and get over here!" Carlisle saw the dog immediately perk up and come trotting over to the voice behind him.

Carlisle turned around, and his breath instantly caught in his throat. Standing in front of him was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. She was fairly short, standing at only 5'3", and had long brown hair that cascaded down her back in loose curls. She was quite slim, and her features were delicate. Her nose was straight and narrow, her cheekbones high but not too pronounced. Her lips were full, though her mouth wasn't too wide. Her doe-like eyes were almond shaped, and the color of chocolate.

Carlisle immediately was drawn to the slight sadness that seemed to dwell inside the woman's eyes; she held secrets of a past that had caused her pain. He wanted to see only joy reflected there in the future.

A slight nudge to his side called Carlisle's attention, and he realized that he had been staring at the poor girl. Thankfully, Emily seemed unaware of his gawking, and saved him. "Bella, you have excellent timing. They just arrived. May I introduce you to Samuel Uley, and his friend Carlisle Cullen," Emily stated, acknowledging each man with a gesture of her hand. "Carlisle, Sam, this is my roommate and friend Isabella Swan."

"I've heard so much about you, Isabella. Emily speaks very highly of you," Sam said while grasping Isabella's hand to shake.

"Please, call me Bella. I think the only person to call me Isabella was my grandfather, and I think he was repelled by nicknames in general," Bella supplied with a laugh.

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Bella. I'm Carlisle Cullen," he said, with a polite formality. It took effort to ensure that his grin didn't betray his uncommon and immediate erection at the feeling of Bella's hand encased in his own.

He was instantly worried that he was, in fact, unsuccessful when he saw a slight blush paint Bella's cheeks. "The pleasure is all mine, Carlisle. And I'm sorry for making it seem like I didn't want to be social, earlier. I assure you that this was not the case."

Carlisle's grin broadened into a smile. "Think nothing of it. I hate it when I have an obligation that prevents me from my studies. What is your paper on?"

Her eyes widened slightly at his inquiry. "Well, I'm studying to become a teacher. I've been researching the benefits of teaching foreign languages at an earlier age. There seems to be a consensus that younger children are able to memorize vocabulary and grammar better than those who are older," Bella replied.

"My mother taught me French when I was younger, but I didn't start studying German until a few years ago. It was much more difficult to pick it up later, but I don't think I ever actually thought about it. I wonder if that was why," Carlisle mused.

"It's very likely. Then again, the grammar in German is a lot different than in French or even English. That might have contributed to the difficulty, too."

Samuel and Emily had been listening to their friends speak, until Emily caught Samuel's eye. Neither actually cared about the subject, and with a slight nod, they left the pair to commence their own conversation. Neither Bella nor Carlisle noticed their departure.

"That is somewhat true, but all three are sufficiently different. I think it'd be impossible to prove it a product of age, or difficulty of the language. At least, using myself as an example, that is. I'd be interested in more scientific studies," Carlisle stated.

"They have done some, and, while both are factors, age does improve proficiency," Bella said. She abruptly shook her head, and said, "I'm sorry. I'm sure you didn't come here to listen to me talk about my studies."

Carlisle smiled, "that may be true, but that doesn't make the topic any less fascinating."

Bella seemed to examine her shoes for a moment. "I'll admit, it is to me. However, Emily always says that men aren't interested in what I'm studying at the moment."

Carlisle waited until she raised her eyes again before responding. He resisted clearing his throat to encourage eye contact when it took more than a minute for her to do so. "I can assure you, I find it quite refreshing. Most women seem so vapid at these functions," Carlisle replied emphatically. He hoped she would see the truth in his eyes and believe his words.

Bella once again flushed. With a slight smile gracing her lips, she said, "I'm glad I haven't frightened you off with my academic discourse, Mr. Cullen."

Carlisle felt a pang of disappointment when she referred to him so formally. He had never been so instantly taken with a woman in his life. He had anticipated a desire to pluck out each of his hairs individually to combat the boredom of this afternoon tea; he found himself enraptured by the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

"Please, Miss Swan. Please, call me Carlisle. You have made me regret dreading this afternoon. I feared boredom, and I have found engaging conversation with a beautiful lady. I cannot tell you how glad I am to have been proven wrong." As Carlisle finished his speech, he realized that he had spoken without planning his words beforehand. This was most unusual.

Bella's blush intensified. Carlisle could never have known how embarrassed she was for complaining to Emily before taking notice of her companions.

She had promised to attend the tea, because Emily trusted her judgment. Bella Swan held people to impossibly high standards, and if she thought Samuel was worthy of her attentions, she would feel more secure in her choice. The tea came at a most inconvenient time for Bella, as she had a paper due in one of her classes later that week, and, holding herself to the same high standards, wanted it to be perfect.

She had entered the room, and immediately spotted Emily. She wanted to meet Samuel, and then get back to work. These teas were always so dull, and the men that attended seemed more interested in a woman's smile than her mind. Bella resented the fact that no man she had met at a tea was handsome enough to counteract the apathy she felt about the topics of conversation.

When Carlisle turned around, Bella suddenly didn't care if he was the slowest man on Earth. He held himself with a casual grace and had an easy smile that made her comfortable within seconds. While she found his features classically handsome, she found his eyes anything but common. They were a clear light blue that resembled the cornflowers that grew at her grandmother's house. The smile was more visible in his eyes than on his mouth, and Bella found herself wanting to be the cause of the smile.

What Bella had not anticipated was how strongly she wanted to lick the path that ran down the side of his neck from his ear to his shoulder.

Her parents had died when she was very young, and her grandparents felt that she would learn more through reading than lessons that she was sure to daydream during. Because of this, Bella was able to decide for herself that the standards women were held to were simply hypocritical and antiquated. If a man was allowed to have sex outside of marriage, then there was no reason that she should be expected to abstain, as long as she was not selling her body, or engaging in such activities without love. That aspect was a personal choice.

As Bella and Carlisle spoke, she was amazed that he not only didn't mind that she was speaking of her intellectual pursuits, but also seemed to encourage her in doing so. They seemed to be challenging each other; he appreciated that her being a woman did not necessarily mean that she was not his mental equal. She was impressed. She was also aroused by his intelligence.

When Carlisle asked her to refer to him by name, she couldn't help the blush that rose to her cheeks. She wanted nothing more than to be familiar with Carlisle. When he confirmed that he was enjoying their conversation, she was glad. When he called her beautiful, she was elated.

Carlisle had noticed her blush, and thought he had perhaps been too forward. He cleared his throat, in hopes that his voice would be even, and said, "I'm sorry if that was too forward. I just…I…" He didn't know if he would frighten her if he said, 'I have never been so captivated by a woman, and am drawn by your passion and eloquence.' Thankfully, Bella saw his struggle, and spoke.

"Sorry, no. I've just been standing here thinking how refreshing this conversation has been. I hate these teas, and I only came so I could let Emily know what I think of Samuel. And then, you overhear my complaining, and actually are interested in my mind. That never happens! I was just slightly embarrassed that my mouth ran away with me in front of the most handsome man I'd ever met."

Unlike Carlisle, Bella knew quite well what she was saying. Some might accuse her of playing coy, but she had honestly meant every word. She was happy that she could let him know she found him attractive.

His face was so open and kind. It made her think that he didn't know how to be dishonest. While she knew that appearances could be deceiving, she still felt a strange goodness that radiated from him. She wanted to keep it close to her for as long as she would allow him.

"Since I heard you first tell Emily you would rather be writing a paper, I've been completely enchanted, Bella," he told her, with his eyes shining like the ocean on a sunlit day. His smile was wide and genuine.

"I must say, Carlisle, that the feeling is completely mutual." Bella's smile was just as genuine as his, and she thought that the happiness suited her completely. He wanted to keep her happy always.

The thought that he wanted to protect this woman surprised him. He was accustomed to being the one protected. For as long as he could remember, Jasper and Edward seemed to try and shelter him from all the evils of the world. Whether it was from his favorite horse dying, or getting injured, his brothers always seemed to be there to protect him. His aspiration to keep this woman he had only just met safe and sound was a foreign desire for Carlisle, and he found it refreshingly welcome.

After a bit of an awkward lull in their conversation, where both Carlisle and Bella considered the person in front of them, Carlisle cleared his throat. The dog, Jacob took the momentary lull in conversation to sit on Carlisle's foot, causing Carlisle to laugh. "I take it this animal belongs to you? He's quite the remedy for chilly feet."

"Oh, yes. This is Jacob. My grandparents got me Jake a few years ago, and he's been my best friend ever since."

"Where did you grow up, Bella?"

And so they began to talk.

Bella explained how she was originally from Boston, where she lived with her parents, until they both passed. She went to live with her grandparents until right before she was accepted to Radcliffe, but had since passed away, as well.

She had been placed in a room with Emily their first semester, and immediately became friends. Emily was a sweet girl, and they truly enjoyed each other's company. They were able to be in a room together and talk for hours, or just read independently. She had taken away some of the pervasive loneliness that Bella often felt.

Carlisle told Bella about his father and mother. He spoke of how his mother left, but he often wrote letters to her. She had even come to Cambridge a few times to visit him over the last few years while he was at school. He told her of Edward and Jasper, and some of the things they had done in their youth.

He started telling her a story of when he tried to cook a chicken, but ended up forgetting about it and burning it to an alarming degree. He turned to find Samuel to include the fact that Sam actually ate it anyways, and found that they were alone in the room. When Bella noticed him looking around, she joined in his surprise.

"I can't believe everyone's left!" Bella exclaimed.

"When did they leave? And how did I not even notice this before now?" Carlisle was astounded. He was so engrossed in their conversation that he had not even noticed. It was like no one else existed besides Bella.

"I didn't even notice they'd gone," Bella replied.

"Neither did I!" Carlisle exclaimed with a laugh. "Would it be appropriate to tell you that I feel like I could speak to you for days? I want to know everything about you."

"I feel the same way. I've really enjoyed tonight." There was no doubt in his mind that she was being completely candid.

"May I please see you again, Bella? I don't think I could stand it if this was the last time I saw you."

"I would like nothing more, Carlisle," she replied, with a faint blush on her cheeks.

They departed for the evening soon after, with the promise that they would meet again the following day for tea. They would continue with afternoon teas and dinners for the following months.

It only took one month for Carlisle to realize that he would not love anyone as much as he did Bella, and that he would do whatever he could to make sure she stayed in his life.

x-x-x

It was the middle of April. Carlisle and Bella had been spending much of their free time together, and had grown quite close. While they both were frequently busy with classes and assignments, they made as much time for each other as possible.

They were very happy.

Carlisle had known months beforehand that he wanted to keep Bella in his life forever. He would be moving back home to Montana at the end of the semester, after they graduated. He planned on continuing his education there, and becoming a doctor. While he knew that he could accomplish this at Harvard, he missed his family too much to be so far from them. And now, Carlisle included Bella as part of his family.

He could see her discussing history and politics with his father. He had a clear image of her and Edward reading together. He envisioned Jasper riding with her. And he would be by her side for all of it. She would simply…fit.

It was finally a beautiful day in Cambridge and Boston. They had planned to meet for lunch, but Carlisle had been waiting for a warm day for weeks, and decided a slight deviation would be welcomed.

When he showed up at Bella's door, he was met with a wide smile and bright brown eyes before he even knocked. "Are you excited to see me, sweetest?" Carlisle asked with a smile that matched hers.

"I'm always excited to see you. Today, I must say that the sun is making me slightly giddy. I've always loved the spring; there's so much life around now, you can almost feel it."

"Well, then, perhaps you might enjoy a picnic?" He drew his hands from around his back, producing a basket he'd been concealing. She bit her bottom lip, as if containing her excitement, and nodded her head enthusiastically. "I thought we'd walk along the Charles River, and go into the Public Gardens in Boston, and enjoy our lunch there," Carlisle explained.

"That sounds absolutely perfect, Carlisle. Thank you for thinking of this," Bella replied.

With that, he offered her his arm, which she readily accepted, and they walked to the river. They crossed a footbridge across the Charles into Boston, and followed a path along the river. They kept an easy and happy conversation along the way, discussing what they were currently reading for class, and how Samuel and Emily were doing.

Once they arrived at the Public Gardens, they strolled around, looking at the flowers that were newly blossoming. Many of the trees had blossomed and were flowering, as well.

"I think I should have been a plant," Bella said, breaking a small silence.

Carlisle couldn't help the laugh that came from him. "Excuse me? You should have been a plant?" He cocked an eyebrow, feeling slightly incredulous at the suggestion.

Bella couldn't help laughing herself. It had been such a delightful afternoon. "Well, I was thinking that it would be nice. You only need water, the earth, and the sun to flourish. And your friends surround you all day. Sometimes, people stop to admire you. But no one looks at you strangely if you simply want to stay still and soak up this beautiful sunshine for hours."

"You never cease to surprise me. But I hope you know that, apart from the bit about only needing sun, earth, and water to survive, you can have all of these things. I'd be around you every moment possible, and everyone who knows you feels the same; being human merely allows you variety in your choice of companions. Many people already stop to admire your beauty, which also happens to be a great hobby of my own. And, you can stay still and soak up this sunshine for as long as you'd like. I don't mind at all, as long as you don't mind me staring at your beauty as you do. Why don't we go have our picnic now."

Bella smiled at him before reaching up onto her toes and kissing him softly. No one had ever made her feel more loved and at peace. Carlisle was so very caring, and seemed to understand her often quirky sense of humor, even when she claimed to want to be a plant. But it was his heart and intelligence that she had fallen in love with so completely.

He led her across a small bridge over the pond. In the water below them, people were drifting around in swan boats, among the ducks and swans that lived there. Once they reached the other side, he led her to a stone bench next to the bridge on the water's edge. There they sat in the sun, surrounded by nature in the middle of a bustling city, eating sandwiches.

Once they were done, Carlisle pulled out some stale bread to feed the ducks with. There were some newly hatched ducklings there, peeping around their mothers for food. Bella was enthralled with the sight of them.

When she straightened and turned around to smile at Carlisle and ask him for more bread, her breath immediately caught in her throat. The ducklings were completely forgotten. "Oh my God," she breathed.

Carlisle was bent on one knee in front of her, holding a ring in his palm. It was a simple platinum band with a thin row of three small diamonds on each side of a large aquamarine stone. It was unique, stunning, and precious, just as Carlisle saw Bella.

"Isabella Swan, I love you. Since the moment I met you, you have completely enchanted me in every way. You are beautiful, intelligent, and passionate. Every moment I have spent with you, I have become more certain that I cannot live my life without you by my side. You bring me peace, love, and a simple joy that I have never felt before.

"You said that you should have been a plant. The only things I couldn't provide you were the ability to live on sun, earth, and water. The only thing I need to survive is you and your love; let me provide whatever you may need. Let me take care of you, and you'll never wish you were a flower. Besides, I like to think I know you well enough to know that if you were a flower, you would be bored to tears. You wouldn't last two days." Carlisle paused in his speech; he hadn't intended to talk about her desire to be a plant when he had practiced it this morning. It had just seemed appropriate at the moment.

"I'll try to fill your days with laughter and love. I want to give you anything your heart may desire. I want to be yours fully, and be able to call you my own. I never want either of us to be alone ever again; I want us to always have each other. Please, Bella. Please say you'll marry me?" Carlisle finished the proposal, and held his breath, as Bella looked at him with tears running down her widened eyes, completely still. He wasn't certain if she were breathing.

After a few moments of silence, she finally blinked. She looked into Carlisle's cornflower blue eyes, then down at the ring in his hand, and back to his eyes. "Yes," she stated. "I love you so very much, Carlisle. I think you _are_ my sunshine. Perfect, warm, and vital. I would love nothing more than to be your wife!"

His smile was blinding, and his eyes were glassy with tears of joy. He slipped the ring onto her finger, and barely paused before gathering her into his arms and kissing her fiercely. He had barely touched her bottom lip with his tongue before she opened her mouth and deepened the kiss. Her fingers sank into the blond hairs on the nape of his neck, as she held him to her.

Carlisle finally remembered that they were in a public park, and that there were small children present. As he broke the kiss, he leaned his forehead against hers. He couldn't really see her mouth, but the smile in her eyes stole his breath.

"I love you. So very much," he said.

"As I love you. Completely," she replied. "Let's go home and celebrate." He nodded happily, and gathered their belongings.

They made their way back along the river and across the bridge to Cambridge. Along the way, Carlisle asked her to return to Bella after they graduated, so that she could meet his family before the wedding, and she quickly agreed to follow him anywhere he wanted to go. They arrived at his home, and they made their way inside. He had barely closed the door to his room before her lips found his again.

He moaned into her mouth as their tongues met, and his hands found her slim waist. She hummed happily as her fingers slipped into his hair. As they broke the kiss to breathe, his lips found her jaw and neck, his tongue reaching out to taste her skin. She tasted like the flowers they had been surrounded by that afternoon, as if she had absorbed their fragrance.

As she enjoyed the feeling of his mouth on her neck, her fingers left his hair and found the buttons on his shirt, and she began to undo them. He gasped at the sensation, and quickly brought his lips back to hers. When she had all the buttons undone, she pushed the fabric from his shoulders. He moved his hands from her body, unclasped his cufflinks, and removed the shirt. By the time the garment was off, Isabella had unbuttoned her own blouse. He gasped when he saw what she had done.

"Oh God, Bella," he groaned. He had seen her without her shirt before, but he had never gotten over the beauty of her form. This time as he was seeing it, he knew that she was his to keep. "You truly are the most breathtaking woman."

"Carlisle, I love you so much," she said as she allowed her gaze to rest on his muscled chest. She pressed a kiss over his heart. "I can't believe I get to keep you for always. How did I ever get so lucky?" She wondered aloud to herself.

He began nipping at her ear at that point, and brought his hands up to cup her breasts. She moaned loudly as his thumbs traced around her nipples. She began to trail kisses from his shoulder up his neck, tasting him much the same as he had her. He moaned as she dragged her teeth along his skin, and his breath hitched.

Emboldened by his responses, she moved her fingers to the front of his trousers, and started undoing the buttons there. His eyes flew open as her movements registered, and he quickly moved his hands to prevent her from continuing.

"Why are you stopping me?" she asked quietly through heavy breaths. "Do you not want to be with me?"

Carlisle's shock at the question was genuine. "Bella, of course I want you! I want you to be my wife, to have my children. I want to give your body pleasure, and find my own pleasure in you as well. But we're not married yet."

"You know I don't care if we're married. We don't have to wait. I love you, and you love me. If we're already planning on spending the rest of our lives together, why not start enjoying one another now? We can celebrate our engagement." She implored. His hands were still wrapped around her wrists, and he had leaned his head back to look her in the eyes.

"Because I want to honor you, and protect your virtue. What would people say if you became pregnant before we were married? I cannot do that to you."

"We only have a month left before graduation, and then we leave Boston. No one would ever know if I were pregnant, and it wouldn't matter if they did. I don't want to wait to share myself with you, and I don't believe that God would ever look upon two people who are committed to each other unfavorably for doing so."

Carlisle sighed. He wanted her, desperately. His body was shouting at him for not letting her touch him, for not taking her and claiming her. He simply didn't think he was quite ready for things to progress that far right now.

"Bella. I love you, and I'm sorry if this disappoints you, but I've always believed in waiting to be married. I know we've spoken about this many times before," he said, trying to remind her that this was not the first time she had made her beliefs on the subject known.

"I know. But we're engaged now. We have made a commitment. I want to bind the promises we have made."

He understood her point. And he didn't fully disagree, but that didn't mean that all the years of his parents telling him that he should wait until marriage to make love to a woman would be instantly forgotten. "Sweetest Bella, I know. I'm not saying that we won't make love before the wedding. I just need a bit of time. This is a major change in what I was raised to believe. I simply need to wrap my head around it. Please, bear with me. I'm…not ready yet. I'm so sorry. I'm not saying no; I'm saying not right now."

She wanted to continue to push him, but knew that he wouldn't feel right if they were to make love that evening. She would feel terrible if he regretted their actions, so she agreed to wait for him. His relief was visible. They both seemed to need reassurance of their connection, and their lips met once again. The kiss was deep and full of love, but lacked the urgency that it had previously contained. Despite knowing she was disappointed in his lack of physical intimacy, Carlisle was still bursting with love for Bella, just as she was of him. They communicated and acknowledged their affection through their kiss.

He knew that she was stopping for his sake, and he appreciated that she loved him enough to wait for him. Perhaps, he could try to push his limits a little, and show her he would also make an effort. He took a deep breath before he spoke, "I can't make love to you right now, and I know you're disappointed. Maybe, we could compromise a little, and go just a bit farther?"

"Yes, please," was the only reply Bella could muster.

He began kissing her again, and drew her body closer to his. Never before had Carlisle held her close enough that she could feel him hard against her, and when she did, she moaned. He ran his fingers into her thick mane, letting them tangle there. She wanted to get as close to him as possible, and he was intent on keeping her there.

She once again brought her hands down to the button at the bottom of his trousers, and found the button still undone. She started to pull down his zipper and found his hands there to prevent her once again.

"I thought you said we could go further than before? What did you mean?" Bella asked.

She bit her lip as she noticed the blush on his cheeks. "I do think we can go beyond where we had. But, I don't know that I would be able to stop myself from going to far if we didn't have these barriers. Can we just try something?"

She nodded her head as he trembled slightly. He was nervous; he had no sexual experience. It didn't matter that she had none, either. All he knew was that he loved her completely, and wanted to be able to show her how much.

He felt her body shift against him, and warmth flushed through his body. He held her closer still, reveling in the feel of her breasts against his chest. His hands moved to the undersides of her breasts, and let out a groan. He slid his right hand higher until it laid on top of where her heart was. "I love you, Bella. I always will."

"I love you, too. Forever," she replied. Her hips shifted against him again, and feeling how much he desired her sparked something in him. He rolled his hips forward, and heard her breath hitch.

He was making her feel pleasure.

The knowledge emboldened him, and he brought his right hand down to between her thighs. He could feel her warmth, even through her skirt. He started walking forwards, until she stumbled slightly. Carlisle lifted Bella up, and carried her over to his bed, and laid her down against the headboard. He settled beside her, so that he was resting against her thigh. Even through the cloth between them, the sensation was incredible. He continued to stroke her, and was rewarded by soft sighs against his lips. She tilted her pelvis to get more friction from his fingers.

She felt as if he had stolen all feeling from her body, and concentrated it on her lips, and where his hands were. When he moved his mouth from her lips, she felt the loss keenly, until she felt his tongue on her nipple. A whimper escaped her as his lips closed around it. He began stroking her faster, and the muscles in her lower abdomen clenched. She felt the warmth spreading and concentrating inside, and knew something was about to happen. "Oh God, this feels… I've never felt this before."

"Bella, I love you so much. You're so beautiful like this, soft beneath me. The look on your face... You are everything to me, Bella."

"I love you, too," she replied. As she said the words, the tension within him exploded, and he felt himself coming against her.

She gasped, feeling him throb against her, and knew what was happening. Between his tongue against her nipple, and his hand stroking her, she felt her own climax build and release.

He removed his hand, and they laid panting against each other. He kissed her forehead, her eyelids, and her cheeks tenderly. As she opened her eyes to meet his, she smiled at him.

"Always, Carlisle. I will always love you. Thank you."

"I will always love you, Bella. Thank you."

Before long, Bella had to leave, and after redressing, Carlisle walked her home. He kissed her softly. "Sweet dreams, my beautiful fiancée."

"Sweetest dreams, my handsome fiancé," she replied.

x-x-x

_April 12, 1914_

_Dearest Charlie,_

_I have big news about Carlisle. At a Harvard tea for Emily Randle, he met and fell in love instantly with Miss Isabella Swan. And Charles, I know it will surprise you greatly, but they are engaged, and he will bring her this summer to Montana to introduce her to you, and his brothers. So, Charlie, please behave yourself, and be as charming as only you can be. _

_She is such a lovely creature, Charles. But I fear the loss of her parents has left he with a certain fragility, and, at times, I think she feels very alone in the world. But she has found a new family now, hasn't she?_

_Yours,_

_Renee_

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**A/N: Updates will be coming weekly on Mondays from here on out. **

**Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, or alerted this story. I hope you continue to enjoy it!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: A huge thank you to Bethaboo, my superawesome beta who pwns me with her Irish Punkrockward in "Sins of the Father." She makes me giggle like a school girl.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, its characters, or Legends of the Fall. **

**That said, I'd like to address a concern I've heard about this fic. I'd like to just say that this is NOT merely Legends of the Fall with Twilight character names. These characters do not act how they do in the movie, and how they act effects what happens. Please don't assume that if you've seen the movie, you know what'll happen. There are some major changes afoot. I'm a few chapters ahead, and can say with certainty that the plots are NOT the same.**

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The train trip from Boston to Glasgow, Montana would take about four days to complete. Carlisle fretted over what accommodations they should select while on the train. Certainly, they needed a sleeper car, but it was generally considered unseemly for an unchaperoned woman to sleep in the same cabin as a man. When he had brought up this concern to Bella, a sadness had appeared in her eyes. She had no one to chaperone her, no family to accompany her to meet her betrothed's family .

"I know it's not conventional, and may seem a bit gauche, but it makes no sense to have two separate rooms. You and I will know that our virtue will remain intact. Besides, who would know or care? The passengers on the train, or the staff? Their opinion doesn't matter to me, and it shouldn't matter to you."

Carlisle accepted her argument, because he honestly didn't mind sharing a bed with her. He was actually quite looking forward to wrapping his arms around her small frame, and holding her close to him. He didn't care what others thought—she was right. She had always been progressive in her ideas, and he had never found quarrel with them. And he didn't want to ever put her in a position again where her lack of biological family could make her feel any less than the strong, capable, virtuous woman she was.

"You know what I think?" Bella asked on the last day of their journey. She turned towards him with her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth slightly twisted upwards.

"You know, I have absolutely no idea. I never seem to know what goes through that lovely head of yours," he replied with a grin.

"Well, I was thinking that I don't know all that much about your life in Montana. I know you have your father, the colonel, your mother –who I have met- doesn't live with you, and two brothers, Jasper and Edward. Beyond that, I don't know all that much. Tell me who my new family will be," she said with a smile.

"I can't possibly tell you how glad I am that my family will be yours. I just know you'll come to love them as much as I do." There was nothing that Carlisle desired more than for Bella to truly become part of his family. When she becomes his wife, she would be, legally and in his heart.

"Well, then, tell me more about them."

"My father was a colonel for the U.S. Army. He began to realize that it was the government's policy to facilitate removing the native populations from their lands, so that we white men could settle there. This included the slaughter of innocent people, even women and children. Once he realized what was happening, he decided to try and help the people he was charged to harm. He aided hundreds of people, before he realized that it was a fruitless venture. Eventually, he couldn't stand knowing that the problem was too big to control, and he left.

"He and Mother came to Montana, where he bought our ranch, and started a new life. Edward was five, and Jasper was three. I was only one year old. It's always felt like home. I mean, I love Boston, of course. It's beautiful, and there's so much to do there. There are so many places to go, things to see. It will always have a special place in my heart, because the most precious thing in my life was found there—you."

Bella looked down at their intertwined fingers. The light above them caught the aquamarine stone of her engagement ring. She looked back up at Carlisle, and noticed that the blue was the same shade as the gem on her ring. She doubted that he would have noticed this, but she enjoyed the similarity. It was like he had taken a piece of himself and given it to her to cherish.

"I love you," she told him.

"And I you. I really think you'll like it there. There's a freshness that you don't get in Boston. And while we don't have the ocean there, the mountains and rivers surrounding the ranch are really quite lovely.

"Jasper and I used to go catching frogs in the river. Then we'd bring them home to show Mother, and she'd scream until we were back out of the house. When she left, I used to think that she was upset that I kept bringing them into the house. I found out a couple years ago that she actually loves frogs, but liked the way Jasper and I would giggle when she screamed," he was shaking his head with a small smile on his face.

"I guess it's safe to say that Jasper and Edward are really protective of me. They were great brothers, even if they had a tendency towards overreaction. But… they love me. Always have, always will, and I know that they'd do anything for me, just as I would for them." Bella leaned her head onto his shoulder, and he rested his cheek on the side of her head. She could feel his smile, as she sat and played with his fingers.

"Edward has always been the serious one. He's always been brilliant, even as a little boy. I used to be terrified that he was reading my mind. Obviously, he couldn't, but he is pretty adept at reading people. It's hard to get much past him. When Edward was little, he didn't talk often, but he just didn't speak to hear himself. Well, I guess when it was just us, he opened up more, and could be fairly talkative.

"He's always followed the rules. When I was little, I just wanted to be like him; he's a proper gentleman, always polite, always kind. He never really got into any trouble, and always obeyed my mother and father. You know? I don't think I've ever thought about it before, but I'm not sure if he's really happy. Can you be happy if you never really push yourself?" Carlisle blew out a breath before he continued.

"Now, Jasper? Jasper's a whole different story. My father has always stood up for what he believes in, but I don't think he's ever been as passionate as Jasper seems to be about everything. His moods are always deeper than of those around him; it's like he feels everything more than anyone else, and is easily influenced by the emotions of the people around him.

"He lives his life as he wants, and apologizes to no one. He's always been a bit…wild, I guess. There's a freedom he possesses that I don't know is available to everyone. I think that's partially Billy's fault."

The name struck Bella as unfamiliar. She looked up to meet his eyes, and pulled her eyebrows together. "Who's Billy?"

Carlisle had discussed the plight of the country's native before, but he had never before mentioned his father's best friend. He didn't think Bella would have a problem, but he knew there was a difference between tolerance in theory, and in practice. "Billy is my father's best friend. Sometimes, I think they're soul mates. They've known each other for years. When my father moved to the ranch, he made sure there was a house for Billy, and his sister, Sue."

"I've always admired friendships like that; I think it's wonderful," she said. "How did they meet?"

Carlisle drew a deep breath. "Well, I guess they became acquainted when Father was sent to displace Billy's tribe from their land, and went to find a way to help them."

Bella's gaze never changed—she merely continued waiting for him to tell her their story. Carlisle was afraid that she hadn't realized what he was implying. "He's an Indian, Bella. He and his sister, though she's married to Emmett McCarty, who is white."

Bella had comprehended his meaning before he explained, but it hadn't mattered to her. "I understood before. I think it's wonderful that your father helped those people. He's such an admirable man for caring. Not many would, I think. So what's Billy like?"

It wasn't the first time that Carlisle felt admiration for Bella. He had never known her to be anything but kind and giving. And soon, she'd be his, and his alone. He smiled at her, happy that he had found such an incredible woman to spend the rest of his life with.

"Billy is like no one else. He was an elder of his tribe, and known to be a fierce warrior—he even has the scalps somewhere to prove it. He's an excellent hunter; you're not likely to go without meat for dinner while he's around.

"His people believe in a different gods than we do—in some ways, much more mysterious, and in others, more tangible. They're based off of nature. Every rock, every tree, every stream has a spirit that should be respected. I've always believed in God, but I don't deny that Billy's beliefs have made an impression on me. I think there's something special -sacred- about the world around us.

"I think Jasper has been the most influenced by him. When my mother left, he never wrote to her, and almost refuses to hear about her. I think he believes that if she loved us enough, she would have stayed. I don't think that's true. I just think that Father couldn't live in the world she had to, and it tore them apart, but Jasper could only see that she left.

"Billy taught him how to hunt and track an animal. He taught him how to cut out the animal's heart, so that its spirit would be released. He showed him how to break and train a horse. I guess, really, Billy showed Jasper about the natural world, and how to live in harmony with it. He's as at home outdoors as Edward is inside with his nose in a book." Carlisle concluded with a chuckle. Bella loved the light and love that shone from his eyes as he spoke about his family.

"I can't wait to meet them all." A slight hint of melancholy invaded her voice as she continued. "It's been so long since I've been part of a family. Do you really think they'll like me?"

Carlisle's heart hurt at the knowledge of all she had lost. He had his father, brothers, Emmett, Billy, Sue, and Alice as family. She had her grandparents, and even they had passed while she was at Harvard.

"They'll love you, Bella. You're an amazing woman, an amazing person. They won't be able to help loving you as much as I do. I'm sure of that." The certainty she saw in Carlisle's eyes comforted her immensely. She knew that if his family was half as wonderful as he described, she would be very honored to be a part of it.

"You're very lucky to have so many people in your life who love you. Then again, it's impossible not to."

"That's true. Don't think for one minute, though, that my family is perfect. My father is probably as close as you can get, though he tends to think of everything as very black and white, right and wrong. There's very little in between for him. But he has a huge heart, and can be quite hilarious when he wants to be.

"Jasper and Edward are amazing brothers, really. Though, I have to admit that they try to coddle me sometimes. They never let me be hurt when I was younger. I think they tried to hide what people could really be like sometimes. Not everyone has grown up having what I have, or believing what I believe. When I got to Harvard, it was like my world exploded, and, suddenly, people thought I was crazy for my beliefs. Classmates called me naïve, and I cannot in all honesty say they were wrong.

"I remember when I was around fourteen years old or so, I went shopping. Someone was harassing Sue and Alice in the store we were shopping in, and they beat me up for trying to protect them. In fourteen years, I had no idea what it was like to be bullied. I suppose that's why I find the idea so abhorrent, but how can you not be? I guess it hit me harder because I didn't have any knowledge, or respect, shamefully enough, that there were other ways of thinking about things. Now, I like to think that I can fight for my beliefs, and not let ignorance and selfishness harm others."

His speech was so impassioned, and Carlisle's desire to better the world was inspiring to Bella. If everyone had the compassion he had, she knew the world would be more peaceful.

"Just know that it is not your job to protect the world," she said.

"I know. I only want to protect you now. You're everything to me."

Bella smiled at him, and she kissed him. He hummed as her lips touched his, and he closed his eyes. At times, he felt he could barely breathe around her; she was so beautiful. The kiss was languid and sensual, tongues caressing gently before they parted.

"Tell me more about Sue, Alice, and Emmett. They live on the ranch, too, right?"

"Yes, they do. There's actually a small cottage beside our house, and they live there. It was originally just Sue and Billy that lived there—Billy has always helped on the ranch, and Sue helps us with cleaning and laundry and the like. After my mother left home, Sue took on a kind of motherly role for us, I guess. She is a lovely woman, and has always treated us as if we were her children."

He laughed before he continued. "Emmett was hired a couple years after we got the ranch. He was wanted for some petty theft, but when my father met him, he realized that he had been a victim of some terrible circumstances. He's a fairly large man –you'll see what I mean when you meet him- and he works harder than almost any man I have met. He is also one of the kindest people. For someone so seemingly large and scary, he's a gentle man that loves everyone around him. Emmett also has a very quick wit and wicked sense of humor. I think you'll like him.

"Their daughter, Alice, has always been like a little sister to Edward, Jasper, and I. She's still rather young; I think she's around 13 now. She certainly doesn't have her father's height; she's always been tiny, even for her age. She does, however, seem to have inherited Emmett's sense of humor. She's honest and kind, and a sweet girl. I think it'll be good for her to have another woman around the house, as I think become a bit of a tomboy from spending so much time with my brothers and I. She adores Jasper, too.

"She really looks up to him, you know? I think she might really identify with him. It's never brought up in our house, but she's aware that she has two distinct heritages. It was never a choice for her, but she was brought up with the legends that Billy has told us all, as well as the Christian God. She was taught to honor both religions, and Jasper has chosen to do so by choice. I think he shows her that it's perfectly acceptable to believe in both. I think she has a bit of a crush on him, too, but I'm sure it's just that he treats her with respect and gives her confidence that there's nothing wrong with who she is, or what she believes."

Carlisle finished telling Bella about his family, and found himself growing even more anxious to see them. It'd been important to him to get his education, and he was glad he had chosen a school across the country. He had needed the distance from his family, especially his brothers, to learn more about the world, as well as himself. Besides, if he hadn't gone to Harvard, he never would have met Bella.

Bella was thinking back on what Carlisle had told her. She could clearly imagine his brothers, father, and friends. What she was most impressed was how well he knew his family. He was so kind and compassionate, that it was sometimes difficult to notice how analytical his mind was. Very little escaped his attention, and he had an uncanny ability to utilize the information he gathered and observed of those around him. While he aspired to become a surgeon, she thought he'd also make a wonderful psychologist.

For the rest of the trip, Carlisle and Bella traded stories of their childhoods, and of their loved ones. After hearing Carlisle talk about his family, Bella found herself more open to talking about her own. She had no real memories of her parents, except that her father had her brown eyes and was a rather quiet and non-demonstrative man, and her mother had her brown curly hair, and smelled like vanilla and gardenias. Her grandparents were kind, and loved her deeply. Her grandmother grew cornflowers in a small garden, and her grandfather smoked a pipe, and frequently smelled like tobacco. She loved that smell.

Thinking of her grandparents reminded her of Jacob, and the wonderful comfort he gave her. He was currently in a different part of the train; they didn't allow dogs in the compartment with passengers. She missed him snuggling to her side as she slept. Her grandmother had been convinced that having a dog would provide Bella some companionship, so she gave her Jacob. The pup quickly became one of her closest friends—someone she told all her darkest fears and deepest desires to. When her grandparents died, Jake reminded her of how much her grandparents had loved her.

She knew what it was like to lose the ones she loved, as well as the strength it took to continue to live your life. It had taken her a long time to lose the bitterness she had felt in her youth at her parents' death –and later in life, her grandparents- and learn to remember the love that they had for her and each other. Their presence in her life, no matter how brief was nothing but a blessing to be cherished. Spending her time being negative was time she wasted when she could try and be happy.

When the train neared Glasgow, Montana, Carlisle's excitement was apparent. The smile was firmly on his face, and his eyes shone a bright aquamarine, much like Bella's ring. When he was growing up, his family was ever-present and important in his daily life. Once he went to Harvard, he was always busy, always studying, always in motion. It was going to be nice to have the summer to reconnect with his father, brothers, Emmett, Sue, Billy, and even Alice.

Bella and Carlisle had spoken at length about their plan. They had both agreed that they wanted a bit of time to adjust to life in Montana before the wedding, and planned on it taking place the following spring. Carlisle planned to start medical school the following fall, and Bella would look for a teaching position near Missoula, where the University of Montana was located.

As the train pulled into the station, Bella took a deep breath, a lifted her head. With Carlisle's arm resting on the small of her back, she stepped onto the steps, ready to see her new home, and meet her new family.

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**AN: Next chapter finds Carlisle and Bella arriving in Montana. The story really starts picking up there, and we'll meet Edward and Jasper. **

**Next update will be up on Monday.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you to my fantastic beta, Bethaboo, who is more amazing than I can say.**

**I'm still going to post another chapter on Monday, as usual, but I wanted to thank all of you who have been reading this story, as well those who have reviewed. I thought you might like to meet our boys, and make this a family affair.**

**You can also follow me on Twitter. I'm josieeswan there. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Legends of the Fall. I won't next chapter, either. Just sayin'. **

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Colonel Charlie and Edward Cullen were anxiously waiting on their horses in Glasgow, Montana for the train from Boston, Massachusetts to come in. Billy Black was sitting patiently in the car. He loved Carlisle as part of his family, but did not have the special connection with him that he had with Jasper. Jasper had not returned home the night before, and none of the men waiting for the train knew where he was. It was not like Jasper to neglect Carlisle in any way.

Finally, the train pulled into the station, and the passengers disembarked. The Cullens noticed a beautiful young woman in a white dress stepping down to the ground. Edward immediately noticed that she had brown hair tucked in tight coils at the nape of her neck, fair skin, dainty features, and large brown eyes that possessed secrets waiting to be shared. He quickly discerned that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

He didn't even notice the man behind her, until he heard him exclaim, "Edward! Father! Billy!" Edward finally realized that Carlisle was pulling the woman towards where he sat astride his horse.

Edward quickly recovered, and said with genuine joy, "Carlisle! There you are! I've missed you so much!" He quickly dismounted and ran over to Carlisle, where he picked him up and spun him around.

"It's good to be home," Carlisle murmured. "Edward, Father, I'd like you to meet Miss Isabella Swan, my fiancée."

Bella quickly shook Edward's hand as she regarded the handsome man. He had a strong jaw and bone structure. His smile was bright, and she was touched at how happy he seemed to have his brother home. His green eyes glinted with excitement, which only made his face more attractive. "It's very good to meet you," he intimated.

She quickly turned to the colonel and instantly felt comfortable in his fatherly presence. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Swan. Welcome to Montana," Charlie declared with a slight flourish before extending his hand. Bella accepted the hand and leaned forward to give him a kiss on the cheek. Charlie blushed slightly at the action.

"Please, call me Bella."

Edward felt an irrational jolt of disappointment that he was not given such liberties. Before he could examine the source of his emotions, a train attendant came by with a leash, and very small dog. He handed the leash to Bella, indicating that the animal belonged to her.

"His ears are as big as his head!" Charlie exclaimed. Though he was a fairly quiet man, he was also not known for his verbal filter.

"You seem to have an affinity for exotic looking animals, Miss Swan," Edward stated.

Bella bent down to kiss Jacob's nose and scratch behind his big ears. "Jacob is my handsome little friend. Aren't you, Jake? Your ears just let you hang on my every word with ease, don't they?" Bella cooed at her dog. She straightened and said to Edward, "I suppose I do, Mr. Cullen." She paused briefly before continuing with a smile. "Please, call me Bella."

Edward's answering smile was brilliant. Before he could respond, Carlisle had draped his arm across Edward's shoulder and said, "Bella, he's really just plain old Edward."

Bella smiled easily as she approached the car, Jacob firmly in tow. Charlie offered her his hand to help her into the vehicle. He quietly said, "Bella, you're welcome to call me Charlie if you feel so inclined. You're family now; no need to stand on ceremony with us."

Bella squeezed his hand and murmured a quick "thank you" to Charlie as she settled in. Jacob circled around in her lap before choosing the perfect place to rest for the drive to his new home. Carlisle sat in the back seat next to Bella, as Edward and the colonel rode the horses alongside the car. No one besides Billy ever drove their car.

After a few minutes of idle chatter, Edward found himself addressing Bella. "My brother tells me you are a great supporter of the social reforms."

"Yes, I am." Bella found herself slightly flustered at the topic of conversation. She knew of Carlisle's political leanings, but didn't want to offend members of his family with her ideas.

Edward noticed the slight panic in her eyes, and quickly assured her. "I do, as well. I think you'll find the whole family shares your beliefs."

Bella's shoulders, which she hadn't noticed tensing, visibly relaxed. "Carlisle has told me all about Billy here. I've heard he was quite the warrior."

Edward laughed. "Oh, he was. And he has a bag of scalps somewhere to prove it, too." Bella paled considerably, and Edward rushed to speak again. "But don't worry--Billy found my father during the war. Or maybe Father found Billy." He laughed again, and shook his head. "Maybe they found each other, but I don't think one can be happy without the other for very long. They're quite the kindred spirits."

"Does he speak English?" Bella inquired.

"Billy? Speak English? He wouldn't lower himself!" Edward's respect for Billy was evident, even when teasing him. "Do be careful, though, because he understands it perfectly," he clarified with a chuckle.

Bella quickly looked at Carlisle, whose face held a consummate contentment. He was simply happy. His family seemed taken with Bella, and she seemed to enjoy their company, as well. Even Edward, who usually abstained from conversations when possible, was engaged in their discussions, and seemed to seek out her opinions. Before he could consider that things could not be more perfect, he caught sight of a figure on a horse, leading a second horse with some sort of animal carcass on its back.

"It's Jasper!" Carlisle called out. Sure enough, the rider, noticing the travelers, picked up his pace, and Billy brought the car to a stop. Once he was close enough, Bella could tell that the horse was carrying a deceased deer on its back. Jasper slid off his horse, and began running towards the car. Carlisle left the vehicle, and started running to meet him.

As they met in a fond embrace, Jasper picked Carlisle up, grunting, and bouncing on his feet slightly. They were too far away for anyone in the car to hear their conversation. "Did they not feed you out there at Harvard?"

Carlisle laughed. He was fairly certain his physique had not changed since he left, apart from a few extra pounds of muscle. "What, Jasper, you hungover?"

"That'd imply sobering up, which I assure you did not happen." Jasper replied, as the brothers sauntered over to their waiting family, their arms slung across the other's shoulders.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet my brother Jasper. Jasper, this is my fiancée, Miss Isabella Swan," Carlisle introduced with a fond smile on his face. Jasper turned to him with raised eyebrows, widened eyes, and one corner of his mouth turned up. Carlisle's answering smile was cocky, and it was suddenly clear that Jasper was impressed with his brother's taste in women, and Carlisle was consequently proud.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Bella stated. She took in Jasper's attire. Whereas his brothers were wearing full suits, Jasper was simply dressed in a blue shirt and tan trousers, with a pair of leather riding chaps. He had on tan leather boots and a beige cowboy hat, his blond curls hanging lazily below the brim. She realized that minutes had passed since she had spoken. "Does _he_ speak English?"

Everyone else laughed, as Jasper's clear blue eyes continued appraising his brother's fiancée. He had a slight smile on his lips, but continued to say nothing. Edward, who had moved behind Jasper during the exchange, proceeded to dump his entire canteen of water down Jasper's back, much to the amusement of the others.

Jasper finally spoke when the canteen was empty. "Miss Swan, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I wish you and Ugly here," he clarified that Carlisle was the subject of his barb with a small slap to his chest, "have all the happiness in the world." He then proceeded to mutter something to Billy in his native tongue.

Charlie managed to choke on his laugh when he translated the phrase. He could no longer find surprise at his son's crassness. He was, however, glad that neither Carlisle nor Edward understood it. "If I were Carlisle, I'd fuck the proper right out of her."

Edward wasn't surprised at all at Jasper's slip into Billy's language, despite how rude it was to speak in front of Bella. Little did he know exactly how rude Jasper had been. "I apologize for Jasper's lack of manners, Bella. It seems your dog has more breeding than he does."

Carlisle and Jasper exchanged a brief glance before they grabbed Edward from his horse, and commenced a three-way wrestling match between the brothers. Bella, Billy, and Charlie all watched with affectionate laughter at their display.

x-x-x

The rest of the journey had passed in light and easy conversation, and Bella quickly forgot how nervous she had been about meeting Carlisle's family. It was obvious that his goodness and capacity to love was genetic. Even Billy's smile was quick and he laughed heartily with the rest of them. It wasn't a far journey, and before long, Bella caught her first glance of the ranch.

Nestled between the Musselshell River and the Little Rocky Mountains was a patch of lush green lands. There were stables and corrals used for both horses and cattle, and large gardens of vegetables. There was a small windmill on the property. A large, brown home with an open porch that wrapped around three quarters of the structure, and sage green shutters stood proud at two stories high. There was a small log cabin that served as home for Billy, Sue, Emmett, and Alice. As soon as Bella caught sight of the house, she knew she was home. As soon as Carlisle saw the expression on Bella's face, he felt at peace.

They had arrived home a little after two in the afternoon, and Bella was shown to her room. It had a lovely king sized bed, with a beautiful and simple wrought-iron headboard and foot posts. The bedding was a light sage green that she instantly knew would calm her nerves. There was a plush loveseat of the same color next to the bed, and a bureau and armoire to store her clothes. Jacob wiggled into the room and began sniffing every surface.

"Jake? I think we're finally home." The pup cocked his head to the side, and Bella chuckled slightly. "Did you see this place? You'll get to run around on a real yard, and play with the cattle and the chickens! Just remember—no scaring your fellow animals. You can play only if they want you to." Jake barked his agreement, and Bella heard a laugh from the doorway.

"How long have you been standing there?" Bella asked Carlisle, as he stepped into the room, carrying a vase of wildflowers.

"Long enough to know the rules," he countered, playfully. He bent down and picked up Jacob who grunted softly. "Don't worry, Jake. If none of the other animals want to play with you, I'll make sure to be available."

"I don't think I like that. What if I wanted your time, but Jake was lonely, too? Would you ignore me to play with my dog?" Bella asked with a fake pout on her lips and wide eyes.

"Sweetest Bella, you should know by now that nothing is more important than you. The dog can always wait."

"Good," Bella breathed. "I think I may occasionally be very selfish with your time."

"I love it when you're selfish," he replied before leaning down to kiss her tenderly. The kiss deepened quickly, before they heard the colonel calling for Carlisle from downstairs.

"I suppose I should practice exercising my restraint now, and let you go have a conversation with your father. He has missed you, and I want to go and look at this beautiful home."

With another quick kiss, Carlisle led Bella downstairs, where they parted.

As Carlisle sat in the sitting room, telling his father about his relationship with Bella, his time at Harvard, and their plan for the future, Bella went outside. She leaned against the railing of the porch and took in the terrain surrounding her. It was, quite possibly, the most beautiful sight she had ever seen.

She heard voices approaching, and looked up to find a small Native American woman and extremely large white man walking towards her. While her first inclination was to be slightly afraid of the burly man, his light blue eyes held a softness that, along with a wide, dimpled smile, set her at ease.

"You must be the Miss Swan that I've heard so much about!" Bella quickly discerned that the woman speaking to her was Sue, which would make the man Emmett McCarty.

"Yes, I am, indeed. Please, call me Bella. I suppose you must be Sue and Emmett, then?" Bella inquired, politely.

Emmett answered, "Why yes, ma'am, we are. It's such a pleasure to finally meet you. We're so glad to have Carlisle back around here; you must be an incredible woman to have captured his attention."

Bella blushed before answering. "I'm not certain about that, but I'm very glad to have done so, all the same." She paused a moment, and continued. "I've never been anywhere like this. I'm not well-traveled by any means, but these mountains around us are breathtaking."

Emmett began nodding, while Sue took a moment to interject, "I'm terribly sorry, but I must start our supper if I don't want the men around here to start complaining. It was lovely to meet you, Bella, and I look forward to getting to know you better. I think it'll be nice for our Alice to have another female influence in her life."

"I look forward to getting to know you better, as well. I can't wait to meet her, either," Bella replied as Sue went inside to start cooking.

Emmett laughed, slightly startling Bella in the process. "I don't know if that girl can be influenced. She's headstrong to a fault, and quite the tomboy, to boot. She has such a... _unique_ spirit."

"From what you and Carlisle have told me, she sounds like a lovely child. May I ask where she is?" Bella asked.

"Of course you may. She's right over around the corner in the vegetable garden. I think she's gathering some peas for our supper," Emmett supplied. He tilted his head and regarded Bella for a moment. "I really do hope you're happy here, Bella. I owe my life to this family, and love those boys as my brothers... or nephews... or cousins. Well, to be honest, I don't know what relation I'd identify as, besides 'family', but I know I love them, and would do anything for them." He smiled, and his eyes flashed quickly before he laughed loudly once more. "I sure do hope you're tougher than Mrs. Cullen was. A sweet woman, to be sure, but she couldn't handle this ranch."

"Well, I think you'll find me a bit tougher than I look, Mr. McCarty; I may not look like much, but I think you'd be surprised with how much I can take. If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go find your daughter. It was lovely to meet you."

There were few things that caused Bella to lose her temper. The quickest way was to underestimate her strength or intelligence. To refrain from saying anything more, Bella flashed him a quick smile, spun on her heel, and left.

He chuckled before calling out to her, "I think you'll manage just fine, Bella. I most certainly do. And please, call me Emmett."

Bella's smile turned genuine, and she slightly shook her head. It suddenly occurred to her that she had likely just had her first test, which she had passed with flying colors.

She turned the corner, and found the garden easily. As she approached, she noticed a small girl doing just as her parents had said—picking peas. She approached her quietly, taking a good look at the girl. She was very small, though Bella knew her to be around 13 years old, and slight. Her skin was a pale bronze, and she had straight, jet black hair that was drawn back and pinned in a manner that didn't allow Bella to gauge the length. Her features were delicate, with moderately wide, thin lips that Bella expected would allow a dazzling smile. She was humming a tune quietly as Bella approached.

"You must be Alice," Bella said quietly. Alice had caught her advancement from the corner of her eye, and was therefore not surprised. Bella noticed that she had her father's striking ice blue eyes; they contrasted her dark hair and tanned skin in an exotically beautiful way.

"I am. You must be Miss Swan. I heard you were going to marry Carlisle," she stated.

Bella smiled. "Please, call me Bella. And yes, I am going to marry Carlisle."

"I'm going to marry Jasper," Alice declared. Bella quickly suppressed any reaction to the statement; this girl was at least seven years younger than she was, and Carlisle had explained that he and his brothers viewed Alice as a sister. Bella knew, however, that she could not tell the girl as much, and simply offered her a smile.

"Then we will be sisters," she offered.

Alice's face lit up with joy. "I'd like that very much."

"May I help you?" Bella asked. When Alice nodded in response, she began to pick peas from the vine.

After a few moments of peaceful pea picking, a new voice broke the quiet of the moment. "I see you two have met. I'm surprised to see you outside, Bella. You must be exhausted from your travels."

Edward had been watching the pair enjoying their task with a smile on his lips for minutes before interrupting. The scene was so innocent and peaceful, and he found himself slightly envious once again. It was not an emotion to which he was accustomed, and he hoped there was a way to prevent it from returning in the future.

Bella smiled at him, and his own smile widened. "If I sleep now, I won't later when I should."

"Where's Carlisle?"

"He's inside, talking with your father. Carlisle has missed his family very much, and I know he was anxious to tell the colonel all about his life at Harvard. I think they may be gossiping about me a bit, as well," she answered with a fond smile gracing her lips.

Edward laughed at the notion. It was difficult to imagine his strong, militaristic father participating in anything that resembled gossip; he could, however, clearly envision a conversation about how Carlisle met and wooed his beautiful fiancée. Edward had a surprising longing to be the son speaking to Charlie about his own intended bride.

Refusing to dwell on impossibilities, Edward addressed Bella once again. "Father has missed Carlisle greatly; we all have. This place really isn't the same without him here."

Bella smiled again. "He's a lot like the sun, isn't he? I always have thought so. He brings so much brightness to my life; I really don't know how I had survived before I met him."

Bella noticed that while Edward's smile remained wide, it no longer shone in his eyes. She wasn't sure what it was she had said, but she felt badly for making him unhappy. "I think that's a fairly apt description of my brother." She noticed him pause before he changed topics abruptly. "You know, you really don't need to be picking vegetables. You should relax. I know Alice can coerce people into doing anything with her smile."

"I am simply enjoying Alice's company, as well as the magnificent nature here. I assure you, I was the one who sought her out, and asked if I could help her." The smile Alice gave Bella was wide and joyous. "I've never been somewhere where I've been surrounded by so much glorious nature. The air is so clear and inviting, and the views are stunning. I've always lived in the city, and have been content in its offerings, but I must admit that I am embarrassed that I never knew places of such grandeur could exist. It's such a... gift."

Edward's smile registered as true once again, as he was overjoyed that she seemed so taken with her new home.

Before he could respond, his father's voice broke through the stillness around them. "Edward! Stop mooning over Miss Swan, and come in here. Carlisle wishes to see his brother before supper."

Edward's cheeks turned slightly flushed at his father's implications. Bella was glad that, for once, she was not the one blushing.

"Please excuse my father; it makes him feel powerful and important to treat us like we're still idiot children," Edward explained to Bella, annoyance filling his tone. He turned abruptly to follow his father inside.

Bella and Alice turned and gaped at each other before bursting into fits of laughter. It warmed Bella's heart to be around such a loving a family. It would certainly take some time to get used to the dynamics of it, but she was so touched at how willingly Carlisle's brothers and father seemed to welcome her as a part of their clan.

x-x-x

Dinner at the Cullen house was a study in paradoxes. They ate nightly in the formal dining room, and dressed in full suits (much to the displeasure of Jasper, who found suits restrictive). The colonel sat at the head of the table, with Carlisle and Jasper sitting on either side, and Edward beside Jasper. As they waited for Bella to join them, Edward and Jasper took turns slapping each other on the chests, just as they had since they were small boys.

Bella joined them, apologizing for her tardiness. "I packed everything a bit too well, I think—I couldn't find anything!"

Everyone joined her in laughter. "It's no trouble, dear, we don't stand on ceremony in this house," Charlie assured her. Bella quickly looked at Carlisle, and grasped his hand tightly. She had entered the room to four men standing in front of their chairs, waiting for the lady to be seated; they were, quite literally, standing on ceremony. The blatant contradiction between words and actions caused Bella to laugh. She quickly brought her free hand to her mouth, to disguise her mirth as a cough.

Carlisle, too, had found his father's declaration amusing, and squeezed Bella's hand in return, pressing his lips together tightly to suppress his laugh. He managed to only allow his shoulders to shake slightly. Unfortunately for him, holding his laughter only managed to force the air through his nose, escaping in a very loud snort.

Bella couldn't hold in her laughs any longer, and she doubled over in giggles. Carlisle gave up on his plight as well. Both Jasper and Edward had been watching the pair across from them with an odd mixture of confusion and amusement. Edward thought over his father's last statement, and quickly saw the humor in his words. After Edward's laugh joined the couple's, it didn't take long for Jasper and Charlie to join in, as well.

"Well, I suppose that was a bald-faced lie. I should have said that we normally don't stand on ceremony on this house, but we were trying to prove that we could be civilized for your first meal here," Charlie admitted. Bella smiled, her breathing finally calming. "I don't think you can consider us civilized when my son snorts at the table."

Carlisle's indignant response was immediate. "You think that's my fault? I think that we displayed our lack of manners with Edward and Jasper slapping each other across the chest like cave men!"

Edward flushed in embarrassment, while Jasper merely gave his head a quick nod. Once again, the sounds of laughter echoed through the room.

The rest of dinner was spent in affectionate chatter while Sue's delightful efforts were appreciated. Bella felt slightly awkward when both Carlisle and Edward passed her plates of bread at the same time. Carlisle smiled at his brother's polite gestures towards his fiancée, but insisted on attending to his sweetheart's needs.

After dinner, they all sat and relaxed in the great room until the long journey caught up with Bella and Carlisle. After they both embraced his family, Carlisle led Bella upstairs to her room. After holding her in his arms at night on the train, he did not want to part with her. He gently brought his mouth down to hers, capturing it in a passionate kiss. She hummed at the feeling, and clasped her hands behind his head.

"I love you," he told her.

"I love you, too."

"Bella?" He began. She hummed in response. "Once my brothers and father are asleep, would you mind it if I joined you?"

She smiled at him, "I would like nothing more."

He returned her smile, and winked at her. "I shall see you soon, then, sweetest." He gave her another kiss, and went down to his own room.

He had waited until the rest of the house was silent before he quietly entered the hallway. He was rounding the corner to her room when he came face to face with his father. Carlisle flushed crimson at being caught, as the bathroom was in the other direction, while his father gave him a large smile.

"That's my boy," Charlie affirmed before continuing down the hall.

Knowing his father didn't mind, Carlisle slept with Bella in his arms from that night on, and didn't bother to hide his actions.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading. Next chapter will be up on Monday, per usual. Life continues on the ranch, and there will be some citrus for you all.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: A huge thank you to my stupendous story sensei beta, Bethaboo. I threw so much stuff at her this week, and she was there to hold my hand, and still work her magic. She is fantastic. **

**I've posted some links onto my profile for the story, including the engagement ring Carlisle gave to Bella. More will be added as the chapters go by. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or Legends of the Fall.**

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Carlisle found himself reluctant to wake up. He had been dreaming of traveling the world with Bella; they were on a secluded beach, sitting on white sands in front of a crisp blue ocean. Warmth surrounded him, and he wasn't certain if the source was the air around them, or the woman at his side.

Bella's hand had traveled from its place in his hair down across his chest. Her lips found purchase on his shoulder as he moaned lightly. Her hand moved down and dipped below his shirt, and began tracing the muscles in his stomach. He was acutely aware of his hardness, feeling the muscles in his pelvis clench as she familiarized herself with his form.

When her hand dipped below the waistband of his pants, he suddenly forgot how to draw breath. He could no longer hear the waves crashing against the shore. He could no longer feel the sand beneath him. He could only feel her body pressed against him, her leg thrown over his and curled around his calf, her hand making its way along his hip bone and down.

As she lightly ran her fingers along his length, he sucked in a large breath, and became aware that the warm fingers he was feeling were not only in his mind. The mouth he felt was pressing a soft kiss beneath his ear.

He remembered seeing his father on the way to Bella's room last night. He recalled drifting off to sleep holding her in his arms.

This was the first time she had woken him up in such a manner. On the train, he had woken up before she did, and was therefore unprepared for this. They had not previously progressed to touching each other without the barrier clothing provided; Bella had been patient and understanding of Carlisle's hesitations, and had refrained from pushing him further.

It had been months, and Bella was ready for things to progress. Carlisle had not been opposed to further explorations, but it was not in his nature to make the first move, and had therefore held back.

Carlisle marveled at just how much better her hands felt on him than his own did. It wasn't that her grasp had better pressure, or that her smaller fingers fit around him better; her touch felt better because it was a way for her to show him her love for him. She was exploring his body—a body he considered hers the moment he first saw her.

She began to stroke him up and down, and the movement immediately caused the muscles in his pelvis to clench. He felt tension begin to coil, like a flower being dragged through honey. His mouth was on her neck, licking and teasing the flesh where her neck met her shoulder. His hand moved from her collarbone down to her breasts, where he teased her and touched her and made her sigh.

He left her breast and moved his mouth down and replaced his hand. His fingers moved down to where her leg was still thrown over his own, and he dipped his fingers below the hem of her nightgown. He dragged them higher, until he found the smooth skin of her inner thighs. Her moan caused his hips to thrust forward in her grasp.

He slowly moved his hand between her legs, and found that she was not wearing any undergarments under her nightgown. She gasped and arched her back as his fingers found her.

The feeling of her wetness and warmth caused the coil inside of him to snap, and he was coming in her hand, unable to breathe because of the sensations running through him.

His breathing began to slow, and he could open his eyes again. The feeling of her was beyond anything he had ever known. That she let him touch her where no one else had before was more than he could comprehend—the love and trust she had for him gave him as much pleasure as any orgasm she could give him.

As much as he felt heavy and sated, he heard her heavy breathing, and saw the fire of desire flashing in her eyes. Never before had he appreciated studying anatomy in preparation of medical school more than he did at this moment. He knew where to touch her to bring her body pleasure. As his thumb circled her sensitive flesh, he slipped a finger inside of her and his mind failed to think of anything beyond how tight she was, and how warm.

She climaxed silently; the only sounds in the room were their heavy breaths, gasps, and sighs.

He kept her in his arms, and kissed her. There were no words spoken as he brushed the sweaty hair from her forehead, and she smiled softly at him. She settled her head between his shoulder and chest, and listened to his heartbeat steadily.

She kept the sound in her memory as they got up and started their days.

x-x-x

Days progressed quickly on the ranch. After about a week of getting acclimated to her surroundings, Carlisle and his brothers thought Bella would enjoy learning how to help with the cattle.

Though all the brothers knew how to perform these tasks, Emmett and Billy were by far the most experienced. When Bella approached Emmett one morning, he was taken aback by her requests.

"I want to learn how to rope a cow. You know how to do it best -well, aside from Billy, but he won't give me instructions in English- and I want to do it properly. I can ride a horse, but I need to learn how to tie the rope correctly, and how to throw the lasso around the animal. Would you please teach me how to do this?"

Her voice was steady and strong, and Emmett was amazed that this girl who grew up in a city would put in so much effort to not only find a life on a ranch, but also learn how to help out.

"Stick with me, and I'll make you a first-rate cattle driver. Let's get some rope and get started."

Edward, Jasper, and Carlisle all sat on their horses and watched Bella try to toss her lasso around the cattle.

"Now, I have to admit, Carlisle, I'm not sure anything is hotter than watching a woman rope a cow. And I bet you want her to ride you like she's riding that horse," Jasper said.

Carlisle blushed hotly at his brother's assumptions. "Jasper! Really, that's not appropriate. You're talking about my future wife, not some harlot!"

"Is she a virgin?" Jasper queried.

"Of course she is! What kind of question is that?" Carlisle asked.

"Hey, I never implied it was with someone other than you," he defended. At Carlisle's look of embarrassment, he continued. "Are you a virgin?"

"Yes. I am," he replied.

Edward was uncomfortable with the conversation his brothers were having, but kept silent. He was accustomed to Jasper's crassness, but could understand Carlisle's exasperation with the topic of conversation. He didn't feel like he had anything to offer their discourse, and kept silent during their exchange.

"Are you waiting until you're married?" Jasper asked.

"Well, Bella has all these ideas. She's very…passionate, and it's no secret that she's progressive in many of her social beliefs. She doesn't believe in waiting for marriage, and I'll admit that she's persuaded me."

"But you still haven't fucked her yet?" Jasper countered.

Their conversation was interrupted by Bella's loud cry of celebration. "I caught one! I did it! Carlisle, did you see that?"

He had indeed seen her successfully capture a cow. Though he was talking to his brothers, he very rarely let his eyes stray from her form. "I did! Very well done, sweetest. We'll make a rancher out of you yet!" He called back, fondly.

She simply threw him a winning smile, and returned back to Emmett for more instruction and criticism.

"Jasper! No. I haven't 'fucked' her, nor do I have any intentions of doing so. We will be making love," Carlisle said, returning to his previous conversation.

"Making love? Edward, will you talk some sense in our brother? A woman as passionate as Bella needs a proper fucking."

Edward coughed in surprise. He didn't want to be drawn into the conversation. He didn't want to know that Bella was so progressive to want intercourse before marriage. His mother had instilled a strong moral code in him, and part of that was the insistence that sex was something to be enjoyed only within the confines of marriage.

He knew that Jasper had "fucked" a number of women, and didn't think any less of his brother. Nor could he fault Carlisle for wanting to make love to Bella; they were to spend their lives together, after all. He still felt a pang of jealousy towards Carlisle when he thought of his engagement with Bella.

He was the oldest brother, and didn't have any relationship in his life like his youngest brother's. Despite her progressive ideas, Bella was one of the most intelligent, kind, funny, and beautiful women he had met, and he wondered why he found himself seemed so incapable of finding someone like that on his own.

"Jasper, that really is no way to speak of a lady like Bella. You know my feelings on the subject; I believe that you should wait until marriage to engage in sex. That being said, I know that not everyone agrees with me in that," Edward stated.

"It took me a long time to come around. But she won me over when she pointed out that we know that we're going to be together forever. She's everything to me, and I know my life would not be complete without her in it. I already know that, and promised her that when I offered her my ring, just like she promised the same to me when she accepted it. I don't need a ceremony to tell me we belong to each other."

"I still suggest fucking, Carlisle," Jasper said. His attention was drawn away by something streaking across the field. "You're a man, Carlisle. Bella deserves to be with someone strong, someone virile. If she wants more from you physically, do it. Prove that you can satisfy her and give her what she needs. Excuse me, gentlemen, I see a beauty that needs my attention."

Before Carlisle and Edward could begin to think about what he had said, he started riding away from them. He called out, "Billy! Look over there! Isn't that a friend of yours?" He was pointing towards a young, wild black mare running along the field across from them. He brought his own horse to a gallop towards the mare as his brothers looked on.

Carlisle turned to Edward with a smile. "I bet he has her tamed by morning."

"I wouldn't take that bet. I know he will," Edward replied, shaking his head.

Carlisle smiled at his brother, and said, "I know it's not what Mother taught us, but I can't bring myself to believe that showing Bella how much I love her can ever be considered anything besides right and good."

"Then you should do what you feel is right. What's right for me is not right for everyone, and you know I could never think poorly of you," Edward replied with a smile. He could never begrudge Carlisle any happiness.

With a brief smile of thanks, Carlisle rode over to where Bella was, signaling that her lesson was finished for the day.

x-x-x

The next morning, Jasper had indeed broken the mare, even if he received a few bruises for his efforts. Bella was as unsurprised at the feat as his brothers and father were. She had already determined that Carlisle's observations about Jasper and Edward were quite insightful, and accurate. She also had woken in the middle of the night, and seen Jasper working with the horse from her window. It was as if he used the fire inside of himself to connect with the beast, and outward calm to demonstrate what he wanted. It was an intricate manipulation of the animal, and she found herself intrigued by his enigmatic personality. There was a storm behind his calm demeanor, and it made his personality magnetic.

Life on the ranch was completely different from everything Bella had ever known. She was surrounded by the Cullen men, as well as Emmett and Billy, and she was not accustomed to interacting with so many men in one day. She was used to spending her days in town, in class, or with friends like Emily. Now her days included riding horses, reading, writing, and helping Alice and Sue in the garden. She'd been trying to insist that she could give Sue a night of cooking rather unsuccessfully. Bella had always liked to cook, and she was determined to prove to Sue that she missed it.

Bella, Carlisle, Edward, and Charlie were in the sitting room, relaxing that afternoon. Charlie was writing a letter to Renee, letting her know that Bella had settled in quite nicely at the ranch. Carlisle was reading a novel, while Bella was sketching his handsome profile. Edward was reading a newspaper. The atmosphere was both comfortable and still.

Edward's disapproving huff broke the quiet of the room, and he quickly found three pairs of eyes looking at him.

"There is still unrest in Europe. You'd think that after two Balkan wars, the area would be able to settle and find some peace. It looks as if there's a new group called Young Bosnia that is stirring up trouble in the region," he explained.

"The world will always find itself in political unrest. It doesn't matter what country you live in," Charlie stated. He had put far too many years of his life into the political agendas of others, and saw that bloodshed never helped anyone.

"That may be true, but when that unrest threatens the civilized world…" Edward began.

"The word 'civilized' has no place when discussing the affairs of the world," Charlie interjected.

Edward wanted to argue the point, but knew that this topic was not one that the colonel would ever bend his opinions for.

While Bella was fairly interested by the brief argument between Charlie and Edward, Carlisle had not even listened to a word. It was not his book that held his interest, either. Something that Jasper had said yesterday was weighing heavily on his mind.

Jasper had implied that Carlisle was not man enough for Bella. His entire life, both Jasper and Edward had shielded him from harm. He had learned the social implications of this fact while at Harvard. Was it also true physically? Jasper and Edward had always spent far more time working the ranch than he ever did. Edward would tend the fields with Emmett; Jasper broke horses and hunted.

Carlisle knew he was perfectly capable of tending the fields, but had absolutely no interest in doing so. It was dull, tedious work. He did not have Jasper's skill with taming wild animals. He was never terribly keen on being thrown and kicked by a horse during the process. Hunting, however, was something he had the skill for. He was an excellent shot, and had a silent step when tracking.

Carlisle knew that Bella loved him for who he was, and that she wasn't comparing him to his brothers. Nevertheless, Jasper's words had made him think that he could do more to show her that he would always take care of her, that he could provide for her. It was for this reason that he found himself uttering, "I'm going to go hunting tomorrow."

It was a complete departure from the argument between Edward and Charlie just seconds before, and Bella had to suppress a laugh. He clearly had not been paying attention to the others, and it was so unlike Carlisle to interrupt a conversation and change topics that she found it amusing. And though she wondered how she never knew that Carlisle could hunt, she found herself quite aroused by the idea of him running through the forest and killing their dinner. It was such a brutal act that she couldn't quite reconcile her gentle fiancé performing, but she was beginning to realize that there were things about Carlisle that she was still learning.

The next day, Carlisle left early in the morning, and tracked his prey. His steps were silent, his movements graceful. Years of wrestling with his brothers and training with Billy had granted him agility and stealth. It was no more than a couple hours before he found a six-point buck in his sight. With steady aim and an expert eye, he shot the deer between the eyes and ears—a perfect shot for a painless and swift death.

When he returned an hour later, he found Bella waiting for him on the porch with a book in her lap, and Jake at her side. Her eyes widened as she saw the size of the animal he had killed, and gave him a huge smile. She wasn't certain why it mattered so much to him, but she was aware that it did. Though she knew nothing about hunting, she could tell that the kill was expertly made; Carlisle was a perfectionist in all of his actions, and she knew that shooting would be executed with complete precision.

"I can't believe the size of that deer! That should feed us for a week!" She exclaimed.

Carlisle's answering smile was brilliant, and she knew that he was happy with her reaction. After he had laid the animal down gently to clean, Bella grabbed the front of his shirt and kissed him passionately. He returned the kiss feverishly, as the adrenaline from hunting was still coursing through his veins.

Later that evening, Charlie, Jasper, Carlisle, and Bella sat in the sitting room listening to Edward play the piano. He played beautifully, his graceful fingers dancing upon the keys, but while Bella knew his technique was flawless, she could also tell that his playing lacked passion. After a song by Franz Schubert, Carlisle smiled at her, diverting her attention from his brother at the piano.

When the song was completed, Carlisle spoke before Edward could launch into another song. "Bella, you once told me that Schubert was one of your favorite composers, and I know you've also read a bit of Goethe. Have you ever heard the song "Erlkonig" by Schubert?"

"No, I don't think I have. But I am somewhat familiar with the poem by Goethe. Why?" Bella replied.

"Schubert created a song with the poem as text," Carlisle's confident demeanor quickly turned to a slight shyness. Before Bella could ask what cause it, he continued, "I know how to sing it, and I believe Edward knows how to play it," he paused and waited until Edward nodded in confirmation. "Would you like to hear it?"

Bella had no idea that Carlisle could sing. She nodded her head enthusiastically to his query, and Carlisle moved until he was standing next to Edward.

Both Jasper and Charlie were surprised by Carlisle's suggestion. It had been years since he had sung for them, though he was as skilled at singing as Edward was on the piano. Unlike Edward, though, Carlisle was passionate about music, and rarely shared his gifts with others, as he tended to turn it into quite a production. For a song like Erlkonig, he would adopt the characters involved, and act slightly. Jasper was impressed at how much Carlisle was trying to show Bella all the different aspects of his life and personality. She was good for him, and he was so glad that Carlisle had found her.

Edward began to play the piano. There were repeating chords played in a consistent rhythm in the higher range, as a low melody swept through, sounding for all the world like horse hooves pounding and howling wind. The effect was chilling, and she felt like she was transported to a forest in the dead of night.

Carlisle's voice broke through the steady beating, and he began to narrate the tale. The poem, as Bella recalled, had four distinct voices: a narrator, a son, a father, and the Erlkonig. The Erlkonig, or Erl King, was a mythical creature, sometimes considered an elf king. The father was riding home in the dead of night with his son, who insisted the Erlkonig was approaching him. The father does not believe his son sees anything, and finds objects like the fog and a willow tree to explain the visions. Meanwhile, the Erlkonig tries to lure the son away from the father by calling him dear and sweet, and promising him dances with his daughters and golden robes. The son becomes increasingly alarmed, and the Erlkonig finally says that he will take the boy by force if necessary. The father finally shudders when his sons says that the Erlkonig has done him harm, but by the time he listens to him, his son is dead.

Carlisle's demeanor shifted with the text; he was hard and unyielding as the father, frightened as the son, and seductive and alluring as the Erlkonig. Bella was entranced by the smoothness of his voice, as well as the tale he was weaving. She also noticed that Edward's playing was more passionate. She thought about the argument he had the day before with his father—how it didn't seem to matter what he said, his father simply dismissed him.

Indeed, Edward had drawn parallels between the song he was playing and his relationship with his father. He knew that his father loved him, but he also knew that he was a very different man from him. Charlie had seen the worst of the world, and had given up; Edward believed that he could make a difference. He believed that there were forces, like the figurative Erlkonig, that could harm others, and that if people didn't listen to warnings, very bad things could happen. Like the son in the song, his father simply refused to listen to him.

When the song ended, Bella, Charlie, and Jasper clapped enthusiastically at the performance. It was entrancing. Shortly after, they noticed the time, and headed to their rooms for the evening.

x-x-x

When Carlisle and Bella reached her room, Carlisle began to unbutton her blouse as he captured her lips. The day had been eventful—he hunted and killed a deer, and showed her that he could sing. Bella was impressed by these new skills she learned her fiancée possessed. She loved him completely, and he never ceased to surprise her in new and wonderful ways.

Once he had unbuttoned her shirt, he began to unfasten the buttons on his own shirt while kissing from the hollow behind her ear, to the top of her collarbones. Bella was initially caught off guard by the initiative Carlisle was taking. Though she knew he enjoyed their intimacy, she was usually the one to kiss him or touch him first.

"Carlisle." His name fell from her lips quietly, as if she were afraid to break whatever spell had overtaken him. Little did she know that the only spell he was under was her own.

His breathing was faster than normal, but still steady against her exposed shoulder. He continued tasting the flesh of her shoulder, neck and jaw until he reached her face. He placed a delicate kiss on the skin beside the outside corner of her eye. When she moaned in response, he moved his mouth and kissed her closed eyelid on the opposite side of her face.

She became aware that one of his hands was delicately tracing along the hollow between her breasts as the other was pressing against the small of her back, pushing them together so she could feel the evidence of his desire.

His hand moved down her stomach, feeling the taut muscles in her abdomen clench lightly at his slight touch. He moved his hand lower, and began to remove her skirt and undergarments as his mouth found hers once more.

Once she was completely nude, he put a sliver of space between them, and, using only one hand, quickly removed the remainder of his own clothes.

With nothing between them, Carlisle bent slightly, and placed one arm behind Bella's knees, and the other behind her shoulders. He lifted her gently, and walked with her over to the bed.

"When you came into my life, you showed me that there was more to living than doing what was expected and helping others. You showed me was love is, what passion is. You own every piece of my heart and soul, and I want to offer you my body, as well. It may not be much, but I want to give you anything you may desire—now, and in the future. I love you, Bella."

His words were quiet murmurs, but Bella felt the force of them moving through her like a wave. She immediately knew that he was offering all of himself to her tonight, and his speech was his way of letting her know that he was finally ready.

"I love you, too, Carlisle. With everything I am," she affirmed.

His lips found hers, and he tasted the sweetness of her mouth. He reveled in the smoothness of her tongue as it met his own. He felt the fire from the pads of her fingertips as they pushed against his shoulder blades.

He settled between her legs as he broke their kiss. As he had done in the past when furthering their physical relationship, he leaned down and pressed a kiss against the soft skin above her heart. He returned to their kiss shortly thereafter. His hand moved between them, and caressed the soft skin of her breast. She moaned lightly in pleasure, never allowing her mouth to leave his.

He moved his hand lower, until it settled between her legs. He teased her, dipping his fingers into her. He groaned at the feeling of her underneath him, their chests pressed together. He removed his hand, and she whimpered quietly at the loss.

She did not wait long for him to return, but instead of his fingers, he held himself in his grasp. He broke their kiss but did not remove his mouth, as he opened his eyes to seek out hers for permission. When he saw only desire and encouragement, he pressed himself gently inside, moving in increasingly longer strokes until their hips were flush against one another's.

The pressure of her fingertips digging into his shoulders kept him still, as did the overwhelming sensations coursing through his body. His breath was coming in short gasps into her mouth, and it felt like liquid fire ran through his veins instead of blood. Everywhere her body was pressed against him was hypersensitive.

She was only slightly uncomfortable, more adjusting to the feel of him inside of her. Her skin erupted in gooseflesh. She sucked on his full top lip, trying to signal him that he could move once more. When he didn't, she relaxed her hold on his shoulders, and moved her fingers down his back, leaving a trail of shivers down his spine in their wake.

When her hands reached his soft cheeks, he began to rock his hips gently. One of her legs came up and hooked around his hips, and she began to press herself against him, causing the air in his lungs to escape quickly. He sucked in a breath before continuing to kiss her. The pleasure he felt was overwhelming him. He simultaneously felt as if every part of his skin was keeping him tethered to her, keeping him from breaking apart, and that he was melting into her softness and heat.

Bella gasped as she felt the tension in her body building, and she began to press herself harder against him. Carlisle groaned at the feeling, and felt the coil inside of him snap, as he released inside of her. Hearing his groan, Bella felt her own climax swell within her, and she moaned into his mouth.

They never broke their kiss, even as he rested, still inside of her, propped up on his forearms to keep his weight off of her. He had never felt as connected to another person, emotionally, spiritually, and physically as he did in the moments after making love to Bella. As her breathing regulated, she felt as though she was finally whole. The pain she had experienced in her life didn't matter; only the love and completion she felt with the man in her arms was important.

They finally broke apart, and he rolled them onto their sides, facing each other. They shared light kisses and whispers of love as they held one another. Both Carlisle and Bella drifted to sleep with soft smiles gracing their lips, and contentment in their hearts.

* * *

**A/N Thanks for reading! Next chapter will be up Monday, as usual. Unless I get far ahead again, and have another lapse in willpower. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Thank you, Bethaboo, for working your super beta voodoo magic on this chapter. You make me smile. I send you alpaca cuddles!  
**

**Bethaboo and I co-authored a one-shot for the Texts From Last Night contest. It's called The Princess & The Pussycat, and features some E/B hijinx. Read it. We're insanely proud of it.  
**

**Disclaimer: I own neither Twilight, nor Legends of the Fall.  
**

* * *

The more time Edward Cullen spent in the company of Bella Swan, the more he realized that there was something missing in his life. She had a passion and spirit that she displayed freely, as well as ideas that she believed in and was not easily dissuaded from. It wasn't that he didn't have ideas of his own; he only felt like he lacked an outlet to channel his energies into.

Perhaps what he found most upsetting was that no one in his house had seemed to notice his discontent. He knew that he had no one to blame but himself, due to his quiet nature. He hadn't even fully acknowledged that he had a problem until a few weeks ago.

He would be lying to himself if he did not admit to knowing the catalyst. It had been seeing his brother and his new fiancée interact with one another. He had never seen such a smile on Carlisle's face. He'd always been a good man, and brought out the goodness in others, but Bella seemed to bring out the best in him, as well. She had a vitality and enjoyment for her life that Edward found himself wishing to know her better. He wondered that if he spent enough time in her company, she could teach him how to be so passionate.

He had attended college to become a businessman, intending to assist his father with the ranch—managing finances and haggling with suppliers. Since graduating, he had done nothing of the sort. As soon as he returned from school, his father welcomed him home, and did not allow Edward to take on any tasks that he had not already been performing before university. Edward had suggested that he could take on more duties, but his father merely dismissed his requests.

What was the purpose of sending him to college if he was to do nothing more with his life than he was already doing?

Edward had been lost in thought for most of the morning, and decided to take a ride on his horse to clear his head. Perhaps the beauty of the woods by the river would quiet his racing mind. With the thought in mind, he saddled his favorite mare, Susannah, and broke a canter across the fields.

The wind whipping across his face effectively drove the thoughts that had been plaguing him away. It was liberating, and he felt freer from his cares than he had in a long while. Perhaps he simply needed to find more ways to break the monotony of his life? He drove his horse faster and faster, racing at a full gallop, allowing the speed to chase away his concerns.

He finally slowed at the wood's edge, and brought Susannah to a slow trot. As he neared the clearing at the river, he dismounted, tied the mare to a tree, and walked over towards the water. He contemplated taking a swim, and took off his riding chaps, and un-tucked and unbuttoned his shirt. He removed his hat as well, and was about to take his shirt completely off when he heard a loud, high-pitched yell.

He quickly ran the remaining distance to the clearing. If there were someone in trouble, he would help them. Perhaps someone was drowning, and needed to be rescued. He finally broke through the trees, and the river came into view. The damsel he had heard was clearly not in distress, or at least, had not been in any serious danger. Panting for breath after his sprint, Edward shook his head and smiled softly at the scene in front of him.

Carlisle and Bella were swimming in the river together. Periodically, Carlisle would splash water at Bella, causing small screams to escape. She would invariably splash him back, causing them both to laugh loudly, smiles stretched wide on both of their faces. Suddenly, Carlisle ducked under the water completely. Bella had been clearing water from her eyes, and therefore had not seen Carlisle's departure. She instantly began to search for him under the water, but did not see him before he grabbed her legs, and pulled her underwater. They both re-emerged, Bella sputtering, and Carlisle laughing and gasping for breath.

What Edward had not borne witness to was the cause of Bella's initial scream. The couple had been kissing passionately, removing one another's clothing in preparation of a swim. Overcome with desire, Carlisle lifted Bella up before he had removed her undergarments, and she immediately hooked her legs around his waist, kissing him fiercely. She was so caught up in their embrace that she didn't notice him walking them both forward. As soon as he had waded far enough in the water, he jumped forward, submerging them both into the cool water. Bella yelped in surprise. When they both came above the surface, a small splashing war began.

Edward watched the couple as they played in the water. They swam, kissed, and frolicked in the river, as Edward watched. Their carefree activity made him feel more alive than he had in a while. Everyone had always expected him to be the serious one, the composed one. No one ever really let him be fun or silly around them; fleetingly, he wondered if he had done anything to imply he wanted it that way. He wasn't certain how long he had been watching the pair before Carlisle looked up, and noticed him out of the corner of his eye, and smiled.

"Edward! Did you come for a swim, too?" Carlisle called.

Edward cleared his throat before answering. "I did, but I saw you both were here already, and didn't want to interrupt. I can just leave."

"Don't be silly. We were just having a little fun here, but my fingers are starting to wrinkle up, so I suppose we should get out, anyways," Bella replied.

"As long as you're not leaving on my account. I took a ride on Susannah before I came here, so I probably should be getting back soon, myself," Edward informed them.

Carlisle regarded his brother for a moment. He took in the slight wrinkle in his forehead that seemed at odds with the small smile on his lips. His eyes seemed simultaneously burdened and lightened, and he wondered how Edward managed to feel so many different emotions at once. "Is there anything on your mind?" Carlisle asked.

Edward smiled at his brother, though his eyes lacked mirth. "I'm fine." Carlisle cocked an eyebrow at his assertion, and Edward felt the need to explain his feelings without telling his younger brother that he didn't know what he was doing with his life. "I read some disturbing news in the paper this morning. It appears that a Bosnian Serb nationalist assassinated the Archduke of Austria, Ferdinand, a few days ago. I'm concerned that this will cause more unrest in Europe. I know I shouldn't really worry about it myself, but there's been more and more fighting in the area. It seems…note-worthy, I suppose."

Carlisle could tell that there was more to what was bothering his brother than troubles in Europe, but he also knew that Edward would talk about it when he was ready.

"There's been conflict in the Balkans for a while now, right? You mentioned something about that not long ago to your father," Bella questioned. She remembered every detail from that night clearly, and had been surprised at how quickly the colonel dismissed his son's concerns.

Edward was shocked that Bella had remembered his comments from over a week before. He turned to look at her, and his eyes widened in surprise. Bella had been bathing in her undergarments, her very _white_ undergarments, which had gotten wet while in the river. Edward had never seen a female naked; he was far too much of a gentleman. He believed that sexual relations between a man and a woman should only be enjoyed after marriage.

He could clearly see Bella's breasts, with her hardened rosy nipples pressing against the fabric of her camisole. Though he clearly told himself not to do so, his eyes flickered down to the area between her legs where a patch of thick brown curls was visible. He felt his face flame red as he took in her form. He should not be looking at his brother's fiancée in such a manner, and he certainly should not be hardening at the sight of her. Though he could not pretend he didn't know she was an attractive woman, Carlisle would be furious if he knew that he was reacting sexually to the woman he was going to marry.

After mere moments that felt like hours, Edward returned his eyes to Carlisle's face. He cleared his throat, and said, "I had mentioned something about that before. I suppose there is nothing to be done about the situation, though. The death of an Austrian nobleman really has no bearing on the success of this ranch." He smiled at his brother once again, and stated, "I should probably let you both get dressed, and head back home."

Carlisle looked down and quickly recalled that they had been swimming in their undergarments, and did not fit any standards of decent dress. He laughed lightly. "I suppose we should. Give us a moment, and we'll fetch our horses, and accompany you home, if that's all right."

Edward agreed, and fixed his own shirt before the couple returned with their horses. Carlisle had noticed his brother's odd reaction to Bella, but had misinterpreted the reason behind it. He knew Edward was less progressive than he was, and had probably been shocked at their disregard for proper swimming attire. He simply chuckled about his brother's obvious discomfort over his beautiful fiancée's appearance; he knew Edward must have felt fairly scandalized.

When Carlisle and Bella met up with Edward again, he had gotten control over his embarrassment, and his smile was slightly easier. Bella seized the opportunity to get to know her future brother-in-law a bit better.

"Edward, may I ask you a question?"

"Of course you may, Bella. You don't have to ask," he replied.

"Well, it's a bit personal." She paused slightly. When she was certain he wasn't going to object, she pressed forward. "I was just wondering what you studied in college, and what you were planning on doing with your degree."

After spending the last few weeks contemplating the same question, Edward nearly chocked on his own breath. Covering it with a cough, he took a moment before responding. "I studied business at the university. I've always planned on helping Father run the ranch. At some point, I suppose I will do so, but he doesn't seem to want the help."

"Have you talked to him about it?" She took a deep breath and waited for him to respond. When he didn't, she continued. "Please don't take this the wrong way, but you're a very intelligent man, Edward. It's quite easy to see that, but…" Bella trailed off, needing a moment to articulate her thoughts properly.

"But what?" Edward pressed, frustrated with his inability to read her intentions as easily as he did most.

"But you don't seem to be doing anything with that intelligence, working as a ranch hand. Are you really satisfied with doing what you've been doing so far?" Bella asked.

Carlisle was watching the exchange between Bella and his brother with keen interest. He had wanted to ask Edward these same questions for years, now, but did not know how to ask them. Coming from Bella, Carlisle knew that Edward would respond honestly, and take her observations to heart. Her passion for living the life you want to lead was inspiring; hopefully her words would reach his brother.

Edward considered what she said. He briefly thought of not really answering her question, but decided that talking about what had been bothering might help. "No, I guess I'm not. I just don't know what else to do, to be honest."

"Well, why don't you talk to your dad? Maybe he'd let you have a few more responsibilities around here. You could do the books, or handle business transactions," she suggested.

Edward could not argue that her suggestions had real merit. He simply wasn't sure that his father would consider giving him the responsibilities. "I'll think about it," he replied. "I think I'd like that, but I do need to consider it before suggesting it to Father."

For a moment, both Carlisle and Bella individually considered pressing the matter, but ultimately decided that it was best to give Edward the time to think about it. It would be a big step for him, and would cause a lot of change in his life.

Edward knew that he would eventually take her advice. He simply needed a little time to gather the courage to speak to his father about it.

x-x-x

It was over two months before Edward gathered the courage to approach his father about taking on more duties at the ranch. He knew he could help. The more he thought about what Bella had suggested, the more he realized that some added responsibility would make him feel like he was contributing to the world.

He found the colonel in his study on an early September afternoon. He had read in the paper that morning that German forces had invaded Belgium. There was now an actual war between many European countries, including France, Germany, and England. He wanted to discuss the war with his father, but knew that he would not be open to the conversation.

Edward drew a deep breath, and knocked on the open door, alerting Charlie to his presence. Charlie looked up, surprised. He had been writing a letter to his wife, telling her how lovely it had been to have Bella in their home. She brought a fresh perspective and softness to their home that he had been missing since Renee left. He had noticed a change in all of his sons.

"What can I do for you, Edward?" Charlie asked with a smile.

"I was hoping I could talk to you for a moment, Father."

"Of course. Come on in, and have a seat." Edward followed his instructions, and sat down in the large leather chair across from Charlie.

"I…" Edward began. He shook his head and blew out the rest of his breath roughly. He inhaled slowly and resumed speaking. "I really want to take on a little more responsibility for the ranch. I went to school for business, so I know I could help out a bit more. I'd like to do the books, or balance our accounts, or something like that. I know you love dealing with the customers, and I think you're better at that sort of thing than I am, anyways."

The last sentence he said was a lie. Though he was generally known to be fairly aloof, he knew how to work a deal, and could be considered charming when he wanted to be. But he knew that his father would never give up the business deals made over a glass of brandy and a nice cigar.

Colonel Cullen bristled internally at his son's request. It may have been true that he no longer was able to put long hours in on horseback or in the fields, but he was far from incapable. He was damn good at managing the ranch's finances, and running the place was his whole life.

Edward was young. He had no doubt that down the line, he could start giving him some more responsibility, but he wasn't willing to relinquish it just then. "Edward, I know you mean well, but I have a system, and it works very well for us. I know you could probably learn it, but there's really no need. Maybe in a few years, we can have this discussion, and you can take over the books. There's just no need to break the system now. Besides, I need your strength out there, where I can't be."

"I don't mean to imply that I know better than you. I wouldn't stop with my normal duties; I simply want to do more," Edward clarified.

"I understand. I still think it would be best to wait," Charlie stated. It was clear from his tone that there would be no more discussion. As soon as it had begun, it had ended.

Edward was profoundly disappointed. He had let himself hope that speaking to his father would help him. He thought that if he could just do something -_more_- with his mind, he could feel a little more necessary. His father may have said that they needed him on the ranch, but he knew better. He knew that it would keep on running smoothly, with or without him there.

He smiled sadly at his father, and left. Charlie pointedly ignored the disappointment in his son's face. There was nothing he could do about it. In a few years, Edward could take over some of the business side of the ranch. Until then, things would continue to run smoothly.

Edward knew that he had to do something. He knew that a change was still necessary in his life. He couldn't keep living the way he had been. The only times he felt alive were when he was discussing something with Bella, or spending time with Carlisle. His brother was quite intelligent, and was able to hold conversations on subjects he was inexpert in. Bella's company offered him a small view into what a life with passion could hold.

He couldn't help but wonder if she would be disappointed in him when she learned that he had failed at convincing his father.

As he walked outside, and onto the front porch, he saw Jasper. His brother examined his face, and seemed to find something amiss. "Who kicked your puppy?"

Edward laughed. "I have no puppy. Not even Bella's overgrown mouse she calls a dog." He paused a moment, and shook his head. "No one kicked anything. I just tried to convince Father to let me help with the business side of the ranch. He was not interested."

Jasper regarded him for a moment. "Well, I'm not sure why the hell you'd want to stare at a bunch of numbers anyways, when you could be outside. It's a hell of a lot more exciting out here, if you ask me."

"I know you think so. And I can't say that I completely disagree. But I feel like I've spent years on an education that I'm not using. Where's the challenge for me?"

"If you need a challenge, why don't we go hunting later? We can even bring Carlisle, and we'll make it a bit of a bonding event."

Edward cocked an eyebrow at Jasper. "Bonding over killing things? How fantastic. I'd rather go kill some Germans and maybe do the world some good."

"That's nonsense. Come hunting. We'll shoot a deer, and you'll feel better. It's satisfying providing a meal for the ones you love. Hell, you've got some quick reflexes. You might even be able to get some rabbits, and we can have stew."

Edward wasn't sure about Jasper's hunting expedition, but he agreed to go anyways. That day, they managed to kill a decent sized buck, and enough rabbits to make stew for the next couple of weeks.

Edward did feel somewhat better after shooting some animals. He did enjoy the feeling that he had done something that he could see the tangible benefits of. He also knew that it wasn't enough. He wanted to do something that benefited more than he and his family. He wanted to make a difference in the world, and he was beginning to wonder if he could do that on his father's ranch.

x-x-x

Jake sat on the couch next to Carlisle with his head resting across Carlisle's thigh. Carlisle was sketching something on a sheet of thick white paper while scratching between the dog's ears with his free hand. For as much as Jake had been Bella's best friend for years, he had thoroughly adopted Carlisle as his other best friend. Bella was outside, harvesting some squash for their dinner. It was now October, and many warm weather crops no longer were available.

Edward walked into the room and smiled at the sight of Carlisle petting the dog absent-mindedly. "What are you drawing, Carlisle?"

Carlisle looked up at Edward, clearly startled but smiling. "I'm trying to draw the area in the public gardens where I proposed to Bella. We were beside a bridge on a bench, looking at the water and willow trees."

"It sounds beautiful," Edward stated. "I don't remember you drawing. When did you start?"

"I started after a class on Human Anatomy, oddly enough. My professor suggested that if I wanted to become a good surgeon, having strong hands with precise fine motor skills was very important. He said that if I wanted to improve these qualities, drawing and sketching were quite helpful. I took it up almost four years ago, now, and I happen to really enjoy it."

Edward smiled. "I feel like there's so much I don't know about you. So much happened when you went to Boston." Carlisle noticed the slight sadness in his eyes. "You went away as my shy younger brother, and came back someone who was confident. You know what you want to do with your life, and you're doing what makes you happy. I have to say, I envy you that," he finished quietly.

Carlisle had been waiting for Edward to admit these truths for years. He knew his brother was not happy living the life he was, but he hadn't wanted to say something before Edward was really willing to hear it. It seemed that Edward had finally reached his breaking point.

"Edward?" He waited until he heard a hum in response. "What would make you happy? We both know that being a glorified ranch hand is really not the life you should be leading. You're brilliant, and charming. You simply need to find something that engages you."

"I know. I've been thinking the same thing. I've tried to get Father to give me more responsibilities here, but, as you know, he simply refused. I can't even blame him, either. He had his reasons, and the right to tell me no. I just don't know if I can stay here much longer. I feel like I haven't done anything. I have made no impact on the world outside the acres we own. I want to do something."

"You don't have to change the world, Edward. You just need to find something you're passionate about. Isn't there anything that you feel strongly about?"

Edward was quiet for a moment as he considered the question. "The struggles in Europe have really caught my attention. The United States has refused to do anything, but Canadians have joined the fight. There is a naval battle between Germany and England, and fighting all across France and Belgium. Every country's safety and freedom has been jeopardized."

Edward took another moment to gather his thoughts, and Carlisle waited patiently for him to continue. "Father won't even tolerate discussions of war, but I feel like I should be doing something. I feel like going overseas and joining the fight could do some good. I could make a difference. I'm a good shot, and can speak French. They could use someone like me." He blew out his breath, as he frequently did when he was convincing himself of something. "I think I want to go to Canada and enlist. Is that crazy?"

"I don't think it's crazy, Edward. Not if you can answer me this: why do you feel the need to fight in a war that doesn't threaten you or anyone you love?"

Edward sat for a moment before flashing Carlisle a look. He needed a few minutes to articulate his thoughts. It was minutes before he was able to speak again. As they sat, Carlisle continued to absentmindedly sketch the pond. He was drawing a little duckling and smiling to himself when Edward finally had gathered his thoughts.

"Innocent people are dying. The people of Belgium and France did not ask for this. It's not about fighting a war that I'm not part of which appeals to me—it's helping those who can't do so for themselves. There are people suffering, and if I can help, wouldn't it be wrong of me not to? But really, more than that, I've always prided myself on being a man of honor. Is it not honorable to help those in need? If I were to see someone being robbed in the street, or even just assaulted, I would help. It's who I am. It's who I always will be.

"I have to be honest. I'm not… complete here. I feel like there's so much more I can do. I want to make a name for myself, and if it's finding glory on the battlefield, so be it. I need to do this—to prove to everyone and myself that I am more than what I've been. I need to try and make a name for myself. Our father doesn't like to talk about his past, but he would not be where he is today if he hadn't served his country first. I really think that's what I need to do."

Carlisle had listened to his brother's words, absorbing them. "I think you should go," he said after minutes of silence.

"You do?" Edward asked, almost surprised that his logical brother agreed with him.

"I do. You have good reasons. To tell you the truth, I would probably consider going myself if I didn't have Bella to think of. I began reading about the conflict after you spoke of it, and I've been really horrified at what is happening. I think fighting is the right thing to do. Someone needs to stand up against the Kaiser," Carlisle replied. "I wouldn't make a good soldier; I don't know if I have what it takes to shoot a man. They wouldn't need me."

The brothers discussed Edward's decision for a little while longer, until Bella came into the room and they changed the topic of conversation. Edward looked at the couple, as he frequently did. The peacefulness that they exuded while together was astounding, and it made him wish that he had something like they did. He wanted someone like her to call his own.

x-x-x

One week later, Edward had packed the belongings he wished to take with him. Informing his father that he was going to enlist was not a pleasant experience. His father had called him a damn fool, but Edward stood his ground. He was certain that going to war was the path he was meant to take. Eventually, the colonel conceded, knowing that if his son wanted to go to war, there was nothing he could do to stop him, despite how wrong he thought the decision.

Saying goodbye to Jasper and Carlisle was hard for him. He loved his brothers fiercely, but they both understood his decision. What surprised him most was how difficult it had been to say farewell to Bella. She had become a good friend to him in the past few months, and was one of the only people he felt comfortable talking to. She always seemed to know what he needed, and she inspired him to become more than he had let himself become.

Bella had tried to convince him to stay, even though she knew the reasons why he could not. Tears streaked down her cheeks, and she made him promise to write home frequently. She wanted him to have something to remember home by, and gave him a drawing she had done of he and his brothers. They were sitting on their porch steps, and her silly little dog was sitting on Carlisle's feet. They all looked so happy and relaxed; it was a moment in time that he would always cherish.

As he took the sketch from her, and looked into her glassy eyes, he knew what he had been denying for so long. He was completely in love with his brother's fiancée, and that would not change. Only she would have given him so perfect a reminder of home. He also knew that he would treasure the drawing as much for the artist as for what it depicted. He drew her into a hug and whispered his thanks to her, his heart at once rejoicing and breaking at her closeness. She was not his, but he could not deny how much he loved holding her in his arms.

Billy accompanied him on horseback to Calgary, where he would join the 10th Battalion of the Canadian Expeditionary Force after a tearful goodbye with his family. Even his father told him he was proud of him for standing up for his beliefs. He knew he had made the right decision, and this would change the rest of his life.

As he thought about his love for Bella, Edward realized that he was going to war not only because of her, but also for her. Was he leaving to remove himself from the temptation she presented, or was he leaving to prove himself to her?

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Next update is likely Thursday or Friday, in addition to next Monday. **** As you can probably guess, we're moving into some angst in the next few chapters. Just wanted to prepare you.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: My beta, Bethaboo, is amazing. No matter how much I throw at her in a given week, she continues to offer me her incredible advice and support. Thank you so much--you make this fic possible in so many ways.**

**Welcome new readers! A few people have recently found their way to this little story, and I've even seen people recommend it to others. I am so honored that people are enjoying my little brainchild enough to read it, never mind review it and recommend it to others. Thank you so much. **

**I've posted some of the items listed in this chapter on my profile, as well as some pics of my main cast of characters. Check them out if you get a chance. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Legends of the Fall, and never will. I also don't own the necklace mentioned in this chapter, but I really wish I did. Sigh.**

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Bella awoke confused on December 25th, 1914. She had known that when she woke up, it would be Christmas, but had not expected the bed to be shaking when she did. She reluctantly opened her eyes, and saw her fiancé jumping on the bed beside her like he was a small child.

"What in the world are you doing, Carlisle?"

"It's Christmas, Bella! Wake up!" Carlisle replied, smiling broadly.

"What time is it? It feels early," she said, still not fully awake.

"It's time to wake up!" She merely raised her eyebrows, and he quickly allowed himself to drop into a seated position next to her. The bed continued to shake for a moment. "It's sometime around 6, but it's Christmas, Bella!"

No matter how many times he repeated that it was Christmas, Bella refused to see this as an explanation or excuse for his behavior. She had never had any brothers or sisters, and she was too young to appreciate Christmas before her parents died. Her grandparents had always given her presents, and she reciprocated, but there was generally little fanfare for the holiday in either Swan households. To see Carlisle so excited that he would wake her so early was unexpected, though not unwelcome. She found herself smiling with him, his joviality becoming more contagious as she became more alert and awake.

"Do you always wake up so early on Christmas? It seems a bit unnecessary. It's not like we're in a rush to go anywhere, or have anything to do," she stated.

Carlisle's mouth fell open, and his eyes widened. She momentarily wondered if what she said had offended him in any way. "Bella… it's Christmas. There are presents waiting for us downstairs with my father and brother."

"I know we're planning on exchanging gifts, but won't they still be sleeping?"

"Oh, they're awake already. Jasper probably has been up for over an hour—he's always been the most excited over Christmas mornings. I'm sure Sue has cinnamon rolls warming in the oven," he replied.

This Christmas would not be the same without Edward, and Carlisle was very aware of that fact. He was resolved not to let his worry over his brother's safety put a damper on his first Christmas with Bella. Edward would be missed sorely, but he was proud of his brother for breaking out of the rut he had been stuck in.

Bella pulled him from his musings by biting her lip and drawing a deep breath. "I have something for you, Carlisle. Well, really I have a couple things for you, but one is very personal, and I wanted to give it to you in private if that's ok."

Carlisle smiled. "That's perfect, because I have a present I'd rather exchange in private with you, as well."

He leaned over to her, and gave her a long kiss before he broke the kiss and left the bed. She reached into the bedside table next to her, and pulled a small package from the drawer. He returned to her side, and handed a larger package to her. She pulled the paper off, and revealed three frames inside. She turned them so that the pictures were facing up, and examined them.

She had seen him drawing on occasion, but hadn't known what he was sketching. The first picture was of her face. She was smiling lightly and looking slightly up at him, her hair falling in loose curls around her shoulders. Through his eyes and fingers, she was stunning. The next sketch was of her dog, Jacob, running underneath the fence that corralled the horses. The way his tongue hung out slightly from his open mouth made him look as if he were smiling.

The final drawing was the most beautiful. She wasn't certain how he had done it, but he had sketched the view from the bench in the Public Gardens where they had shared their picnic when he proposed. He had even included several ducklings and a mother duck where they had just emerged from the pond. She could see a swan boat beginning to emerge from underneath the bridge.

Tears streamed down her cheeks, looking at the drawing in front of her seemed to transport her back to that day. She could remember Carlisle's face as he knelt before her with a ring in his palm. It was one of the happiest days of her life, and having such a tangible and vivid reminder of it meant more to her than she could possibly say.

"When did you draw this?" Bella asked.

"I've been working on it for the last couple of months, really," he replied. He was slightly worried that she didn't like it, due to her tears, but she was smiling slightly, which put him somewhat at ease.

"It's incredible. I don't know how you managed to capture it in such detail. It's absolutely perfect, Carlisle. I feel as if I'm there again with you."

"I'm so glad you like it. That day was the best of my life; I keep the memory in my heart, always, and thought you'd like something to remind you of it."

Instead of answering him again, she threw her arms around him and kissed him fiercely. He tightened his hold on her, but tore his lips from hers before the lost track of time. "I assume that means you're happy with it."

She smiled, knowing how much thought he had put into the gift. There was nothing money could buy that she would appreciate more. "I love it. It's beautiful. They're all beautiful, even the drawing of me. The sketch of Jake is adorable—he looks like he's smiling." She placed the gift she had wrapped into his hands. "This is for you. Open it."

He unwrapped the gift, and smiled. Inside was a small leather notebook with a chord that kept closed. He had seen her writing frequently in a similar one. "It's beautiful, Bella. Thank you. I'll try to write in it every day."

Bella laughed lightly, and smiled at him. "Open it," she instructed. He removed the chord, and opened the cover, revealing pages filled with her handwriting.

"Oh my God," he breathed.

"You've always teased me and said that you wondered what went on in this head of mine," she explained with a smile. "I started this the day I met you at Emily's tea, and I've written in it every day since. From the moment I met you, I knew you were special. I want you to know exactly how much I love you, Carlisle Cullen."

He held the journal with a profound reverence, as if he were holding an ancient tome that would disintegrate if held too tightly. "I can't tell you how much this means to me, Bella. Your words, your mind… thank you for sharing this with me," he said quietly.

She would never know how much her gift would mean to him.

x-x-x

Carlisle and Bella joined his brother and father downstairs, where they had a small fir tree set in the living room, with strands of garland hanging from the branches. Charlie had always felt that Christmas was not Christmas without a tree, and insisted on continuing the tradition for his sons. Though he was blessed with many fine qualities, decorating skills had never been among them, so there were no baubles or ornaments that graced the tree.

Bella had never seen anything quite so lovely and festive than their Christmas tree. Her grandparents had never had a tree, though they always had plenty of presents and a large meal. While she had always felt the joy of holiday with her family, Christmas with the Cullens seemed so complete and merry.

Carlisle had woken Bella early in his typical excitement for the holiday. His brothers had always insisted on waking up at the crack of dawn to open presents and enjoy one another's company. When it became clear that Bella had never had such an experience, he was both saddened for her past, and grateful that he could share his family with her from then on.

"Good morning, Bella. Happy Christmas!" Charlie was in a wonderful mood. The enthusiasm his sons had for the holiday had always been contagious for him.

Bella also found herself caught in the magic of Christmas. "Happy Christmas to you, too! And you as well, Jasper," she added. She walked over and gave each of them large hugs, with a kiss on their cheeks.

They had a breakfast of cinnamon rolls that Sue had baked. They were oozing with warm, sticky cinnamon, and drizzled with a sweet glaze. They were, without a doubt, one of the most wonderful things Bella had ever eaten. She learned that they were a Christmas tradition in the Cullen family. Billy, Emmett, Sue, and Alice had all joined them for the meal, but departed shortly after to the cottage to exchange their own gifts.

For gifts, Bella gave Charlie a gun that she had inherited from her father. It was a lovely shotgun, and he appreciated it. In return, she received a new leather journal. "I saw that you had almost finished the one you already have, so I thought you'd like a new one," he explained.

"It's so beautiful… I love it. Thank you so much!"

To Jasper, Bella gave a set of daggers and knives that had belonged to her grandfather. They had ivory handles embellished with ribbons of silver spiraling along the length. Jasper looked at her and smiled sheepishly.

"I have to admit, I didn't purchase you anything, and I have nothing in here to give you. But, I know you've seen me breaking and training that black mare from a couple months ago. You don't have a horse here, and that's just not acceptable for a Cullen woman who can rope her own cows. I've been training Esmerelda to be your horse, if you'd like her."

Bella was speechless. She couldn't find the words to express her gratitude, so she flung her arms around his neck, and simply said, "thank you." She knew this was Jasper's way of officially welcoming her into the family, more poignant than any words he could have spoken. She was thrilled.

For their public gifts, Bella gave Carlisle a silver chain with an oval pendant. When he examined it closely, he found that it was a medal of Saint Raphael the Archangel, the patron saint of doctors and physicians. He was said to protect and watch over those who chose to devote their lives to healing others. In return, he gave her a necklace with a platinum chain, and a large pendant of an oval aquamarine gem, surrounded by diamonds. It was breathtakingly beautiful, and matched her engagement ring beautifully.

They thanked one another profusely, while knowing that while these gifts were beautiful and meaningful, the presents they had exchanged earlier were far more valuable to each other.

After they all sat around, enjoying a warm fire and good company, Charlie quickly stood from his chair. "I almost forgot. We got a letter from Edward yesterday, and I thought it best to save it for today, so he could be with us."

As much as he had never wished for his son to know the horrors of war, he was immensely proud of him for doing what he believed was right. He retrieved the letter from his study, opened it, and read the words aloud.

_December 8__th__, 1914_

_My Dearest Family,_

_I hope this letter finds you all well. I'm so sorry that this is the first occasion for me to write home. I expect that this letter will arrive sometime around Christmas. I cannot express how much I wish I were there with you. My Thanksgiving was not the feast that Sue cooks. I don't know what my Christmas will hold, but I know that my heart will be with you all._

_I had hoped to go into a town to acquire presents for you all, but I have not had a chance to leave camp. Things here are not what I had expected. They are so very much worse._

_I am torn between wishing that this arrives before Christmas, so you can know how much I miss you all and wish to be there, and praying that it arrives too late, and your holiday will not be tainted by my own feelings of helplessness._

_Father, I have a new admiration for you. The strength you must possess to see such horrors, and yet remain the kind and loving man I have always known is awe-inspiring. I only hope that I have such strength myself. They have made me an officer, and I am to lead and instruct my men. _

_They call them my men, as I am meant to guide them and keep them safe. I make decisions that could change their lives, and one wrong move on my part could cause their deaths. This is not a power I wish to hold, but the selfish part of me that longs for glory persuaded my mind to accept the challenge. _

_Carlisle, when we spoke about my desire to go to war, you mentioned that if there were a place for you, you would have considered going. _

_Bella, I have no right to hope that you will forgive me for what I am about to write. I can only ask that you can find it in your heart to do so. Carlisle, we are in desperate need of medics here. They don't require medical degrees, and those who join up receive amazing hands-on experience. People are being injured, and there is a profound lack of people to care for them. _

_We need intelligent, skilled men. We need you, Carlisle. I need you here._

_Things are so much worse than I had anticipated, but the actions of the Germans are beyond horrific. They must be stopped at all costs. Innocent people are being harmed, and towns and cities ravaged. I cannot begin to describe the atrocities I have witnessed. _

_I love you all. My heart is with you, always, but I know that coming here was the right decision. I would make the same choice again without hesitation. _

_Your son, brother, and friend,_

_Edward Cullen_

As Charlie finished reading the words, silence filled the room. It was clear that everyone was taking in his words, and were all deeply moved by them. It was torture hearing how desperate he sounded. While everyone was glad to hear that he was okay, a melancholic mood set over the family.

The rest of the day was spent in quiet. They took comfort in one another's presences, and appreciated the love shared. While the gaiety of the morning did not return, there was no discussion about the information Edward shared, and they made valiant attempts at regaining the holiday spirit.

No one forgot what Edward had said, nor had they forgotten the request he made of Carlisle.

That night, Bella and Carlisle made love quietly and slowly, as if they needed to prove that the other was whole and present.

x-x-x

When early morning light filtered in through the window, Bella turned over in Carlisle's arms. She found him with his eyes already open, and a crease marring his forehead.

"You're going, aren't you," Bella stated. She knew as soon as the colonel finished reading the letter what Carlisle's decision would be.

"I have to go," he whispered in reply. His jaw was clenched tight, and his eyes held pain at the thought of leaving her. "They need me. Edward needs me. People are suffering, and I could make a real difference. How can I stay?"

She knew this already, and, despite the way her lungs seemed to forget how to breathe at the thought of him in a war zone, she knew it was the right thing to do. "I know you have to. But I don't know what I'd do without you, Carlisle. Please, stay for me?"

Her voice had cracked, and she valiantly blinked back the sudden tears that filled her eyes. Though she was asking him to stay, she knew that he would not be the man she wanted to marry if he did. Carlisle was a man of honor, who wanted to devote his life to those in need. He wanted to heal people. There was a great need for men like him in Europe, and he would forever hate himself if he ignored his brother's request.

Bella saw his eyes screw shut, and a tear escaped from one corner. He was breathing heavily, trying not to cry. Finally, he opened his eyes, threw his head back, and drew several heavy breaths. His mouth was twisted in pain when his eyes finally found hers once more. The aqua she loved so well was lighter than she had ever seen them; it was if the pain had drained the color from them.

"I can't, Bella. I don't want to go, but I don't see how I could stay and live with myself. If I could save one man's life, it would be worth the pain of being away from you. There are men there, risking their lives to protect the innocent. If I'm a medic, I won't be on the front lines; there's so much less risk."

Bella wasn't aware of her own tears until she felt Carlisle's thumb brush one away from her cheek. She took a deep breath and let it out as a sigh. "Don't let anything happen to you. They may need you, but I need you here, safe, with me."

"I won't let anything happen to me. I promise, I will come back to you."

Looking into his eyes, she saw the pain and honesty they held, and could do nothing but nod in response. She whispered a quiet, "go," that hung in the air between them. They held each other's gaze before he closed the distance between them and drew her into a passionate kiss.

He could taste the salt of her tears on her mouth, and sucked each lip until the taste was gone. She frantically clawed at his clothing, tearing it away so she could feel his hard muscles and soft flesh underneath her fingertips. He removed her clothing in kind, and trailed a hand down from her breast to between her legs.

He teased her flesh until she was ready for him. Just as he was about to position himself at her entrance, she pushed him onto his back, and straddled him. She brought herself down on him in one quick, fluid motion. They both moaned at the feeling.

They had made love many times, but this union was fevered; they both clung to one another in a quiet desperation. Their hands were clutched around each other's shoulders, as if to pull their bodies closer, despite the lack of space already between them. Their heavy breaths mingled in one another's mouths, only shared gasps and sighs filled the room with sound.

Even after they found their releases together, they held each other close, shrouded in their own bubble. The outside world could not separate them if they did not allow it space. Their breathing calmed, and they continued to kiss slowly, letting their tongues say what their voices could not.

"Marry me?" Carlisle asked after suddenly breaking away from her mouth.

"My answer would never change, war or no war," she replied.

"No…I mean, marry me before I leave. I don't think I have the strength to leave you without making you mine first. We could have the ceremony on New Years Eve."

She examined his face, and noticed that he was holding his breath. This seemed to mean a great deal to him, and, if she were being honest with herself, wanted the same thing. "Do you think that's enough time to get everything arranged?"

"We've always said we want a small, intimate wedding. I have no doubt we can make it happen," he assured her.

He knew that he had to go to Belgium, where his brother was stationed. It was the right thing to do, and he could make a difference to so many people. He also knew that if he didn't marry Bella before he left, he would regret it immensely. It was the principle of it; he wanted to make her his forever, and he wanted her to have the same claim over him. He wanted to go to war with everything to fight for, and everything to come home to.

She agreed to marry him on New Years Eve in a quiet ceremony.

x-x-x

When Charlie Cullen learned that his youngest son was going to fight a war for a country he did not live in, he couldn't help but feel he had failed his family in some way. He had seen what horrors war brought, witnessed so many tragic abuses of human life. He had never told his family all that he had seen, as he only wanted to protect them from ever knowing the realities of this world. He couldn't help but wonder if they would have made the same decisions had he told them.

Jasper was the most vocal against Carlisle's decision. He called the choice bullshit, and said that he was going to get himself killed. He demanded of Bella how she could let Carlisle do this. While Charlie spoke to Carlisle about his decision, Bella went to speak to Jasper.

"You can't let him do this, Bella. I thought Edward was being foolish, but Carlisle is being simply asinine. Just…forbid him to go."

"He's made up his mind already, Jasper. I can't make him change it."

"Then change it for him!" Jasper yelled at her. She flinched, but did not back down from him.

"You misunderstand. I cannot force him to change his mind, when I know that he has to go. I know you've known Carlisle longer than I have, but I do know him well." Her eyes flashed with determination, and she remembered Carlisle telling him that Jasper and Edward had a tendency to try to keep the ills of the world away from him, even when it was not the right thing to do. "He is a man of honor, of compassion, and of strength. He has the ability to save not only the lives of his fellow soldiers, but thousands of innocent people by extension. He can, and will, do so much good for so many. I would be a horribly selfish person to keep him from doing so."

Jasper listened to her words, and admired her fire. He had not taken the time to get to know her well, partially because he thought she was too proper for their way of life on the ranch, but the more he saw of her led him to believe that his first impression had been terribly wrong. She knew what she wanted, and he could not see anyone more perfectly suited for his younger brother.

He watched as her breathing quickened, and the indignation and passion in her eyes faded into pain. She clutched a fist against her chest, as if constricting her heart to keep the anguish from spreading. Her mouth was slightly open, and he could see the way she grit her teeth together. Though her eyes were glassy, she refused to cry.

He crossed over to her, and gathered her in his arms, planting a gentle kiss on top of her head. "I will go with him." He drew in a deep breath, and shook his head before releasing it. "I'll keep him safe, and make sure he comes home to you."

He didn't want to be a part of this war; it was not a fight he felt was his to fight, but he had to do whatever he could to protect Carlisle. She spoke so quietly that he barely heard her murmur "thank you," into his chest.

x-x-x

Despite only having a week to prepare and plan a wedding, a small, intimate ceremony took place on December 31, 1914, in which Carlisle Cullen married Isabella Swan. She wore the dress her mother had worn at her own wedding, and was given away by Charlie. The rings they exchanged had once belonged to her parents. They were married in the small town church in the afternoon, with Jasper, Billy, Emmett, Sue, and Alice as their guests. They had a large supper in their home together as a celebration afterwards.

After dinner wound down, and Emmett took his family home, and Jasper, Charlie, and the newlyweds shared a brief nightcap before Bella and Carlisle retired for the evening.

Once in their bedroom, Carlisle shut their door quickly, and turned around to face his wife. "We're married," he whispered, a large smile gracing his face. His eyes shone with happiness, even in the dim room. She was looking at him with a matching smile so wide her eyes crinkled.

"We are."

He was leaving in a week for Canada, where he would enlist and join Edward in Belgium. She refused to let that knowledge taint the joy she felt at finally being his, just as he was also finally and completely hers.

He crossed the room to where she stood by the bed, and captured her mouth with his. The kiss was slow, as he attempted to convey how much he loved her. No time between them would be wasted. The burn he felt for her seemed heightened now that they were joined in front of man and God, and he felt a rush of possessiveness flash through him. His tongue swept across hers as he held her even closer.

"I love you, Mrs. Cullen. I will love you forever."

"I love you, Mr. Cullen. Always."

The words were spoken against the other's lips. Carlisle removed her dress and undergarments slowly, as his lips and tongue traveled along her jaw, down her neck, and across her collarbone. Exposed before him, she fumbled at the buttons on his shirt, but managed to remove his clothing. She pulled his face up to once again meet hers before she led them both to their bed.

His fingers touched her breasts, as her right leg wrapped around his waist. She pinched his nipple as his fingers found her slick heat. She traced her tongue around his ear as he bit down lightly on her shoulder. His fingers thrust inside of her as she wrapped her hand around his length.

He entered her slowly, savoring the feel of being inside of her. The feeling of completion had never diminished, no matter how many times they had made love. She rocked her hips against him, signaling him to move. Tension filled her body, like a snake that was coiled, ready to strike. Every thrust brought her closer to the edge.

His body had erupted in gooseflesh, though he felt like he had caught on flames. He brought her left leg up, and hooked it over his shoulder, allowing him to reach deeper inside of her. Their lips continued to caress each other's, and their eyes were open, wearing matching expressions of desire and love.

He felt his climax approaching, and brought his right hand down between them to take her with him. They came together, gasping each other's names, with one set of hands still entwined.

They would make love throughout the night, and frequently over the next days. He promised to take her on a real honeymoon when he returned from the war, but they made the most of the days he had left.

x-x-x

Bella felt sick to her stomach. She had found it difficult to say goodbye when Edward left, but she now had to say farewell to Jasper and her husband. She didn't know how she was going to survive without him here. She could only pray that the war was almost over, and he would return to her soon.

"Come back to me?" Bella implored as he gave her a kiss.

"I promise," he assured her.

Tears were rolling down Bella's cheeks. She knew that he had to go, and that it was the right thing to do. That didn't make saying goodbye any easier.

"Father will take care of you. I know the winters here can be tough, but you're the strongest woman I know. I'll write to you as often as I can, and I'll miss you every day," he said.

"I'll be fine. Just take care of yourself." She paused for a moment before continuing. "I wrote a little more in my journal. Just some reminders of me to carry with you while you're away."

He smiled at her, and patted his breast pocket. "It will stay with me, always."

They exchanged another declaration of love, and a kiss before she turned to Jasper. "I won't forget your promise to me. Keep him safe. He's everything to me."

Jasper nodded, and assured her he would do so.

After one more kiss, Jasper and Carlisle rode off towards Canada together. Bella felt the bile in her throat rise again, and she barely made it into the bathroom before vomiting the contents of her lunch. Her nerves were shot, and she didn't know how she was going to make it through the next few months without her husband.

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**A/N: Next post on Monday. Thanks for reading! **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N- Thank so much to my fuckawesome beta, Bethaboo, who is so brilliant and talented, and does so much for me and this story. **

**We're entering into a bit of angst here, guys. This chapter is a bit less so, but our boys are at war. Welcome new readers, and old! You guys are so awesome.**

**Disclaimer: I own neither Twilight or Legends of the Fall, but I like to play with the characters.

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_January 13__th__, 1915_

_Dear Father,_

_The horror of this place is indescribable. When we first arrived in Europe, we were thrown into the trenches in France. It seems like a stalemate during a game of chess at many times, only, if you walked away, you would most likely be shot. _

_So many men have been shot… killed. And I hate to admit this, but even as I have prayed for the souls of these men who died so terribly, so young, I have to admit that I have prayed for personal glory. _

_Is it wrong to want to distinguish myself in battle as you did? My entire life, I have desired to be strong and noble, like you. You fought bravely for your country, and brought honor to your name. Is it so wrong that I wish to do the same? _

_I don't believe that you were right, that I should not have come here. Still, I acknowledge that I was naïve in thinking that everything would be simple and easy. This is a war, and men are dying around me. Still, all we can do is place ourselves in God's hands, and pray for our lives._

_Your son,_

_Edward _

x-x-x

_January 26__th__, 1915_

_My Sweetest Bella,_

_I've only been away for you for three weeks, but it feels as if I have been gone for years. We arrived in Belgium yesterday. Seeing the Flemish countryside in shambles has brought the reality of my situation upon me._

_This is war, and people all around me are dying. I have been put to work in the hospital here. I'm working under a great man, John McCrea. Even before the war, he had taught men to become doctors. I am in awe of his calm demeanor and brilliant mind. I think I have a lot to learn from this man. _

_I speak of the field hospital here as if it were more than a large tent that held some beds and supplies. Perhaps that is the most shocking discovery I have made. The conditions in which we are expected to save lives are frighteningly substandard. I know the Canadian Expeditionary Force has supplied us with as much as they can. I simply wonder if it will be enough to save any of the men who are going to fight here._

_Jasper has yet to stray farther from me than a few hundred feet. It's like he fears taking his eyes off of me for a moment. I know he will have duties and assignments of his own, but for now, he seems content in watching over me._

_I saw Edward this morning. He seems to have taken to military with ease. I think he feels like he is finding his place in the world. Despite this, I see the effects the war has already had on him. I think it has forced him to grow up._

_I can't begin to express how much I miss you, Bella. The time away from you is torture. I want to be holding you in my arms, telling you how much I love you, losing myself in the feel of you surrounding me. I have yet to dream of anything else at night. _

_Waking up feels infinitely colder without you next to me._

_I have to go, but I will write to you as often as I can._

_With all my love,_

_Carlisle_

x-x-x

When Carlisle left for the war, Bella could not help the feeling of dread she felt. She had expected it, but the intensity of it still surprised her. It was the first time that her nerves had really produced a pronounced physical reaction in her. After a constant churning in her stomach remained after three weeks, she became resolved to the fact that she might not actually feel any better until Carlisle returned from Belgium unharmed. She simply hoped that her body would get used to it, and decide to let her keep a full meal down at some point.

The house, which had felt so warm and vital mere weeks ago, felt cold and lonely after the brothers' departure. She missed Edward's quiet presence and Jasper's fun and free spirit, but Bella mostly missed her husband's warm smiles and fascinating mind. The colonel engaged Bella in small conversations as best he could, but he could not replace the large hole that Carlisle's absence had created.

Despite this, she survived. The winters in Montana were brutal, as she had been previously led to believe. There was a constant blanket of white that made tending to the cattle and horses a chore. She was thankful, though, that Esme didn't seem to mind the snow, and never balked when Bella approached her with her saddle.

Charlie watched his daughter-in-law and marveled in her perseverance. It had taken her a few years to actually leave, but Renee had never weathered a winter on the ranch well. She had her children to look after, but always complained about the cold winds and lack of diversions. Now he observed his son's wife tending to the animals, helping with chores as best she could, all without a single complaint, despite the fact that her husband wasn't even there. On the contrary, she seemed to welcome the distractions that the labor provided.

They shared their normal meals together in a companionable silence. Charlie had come to love her like a daughter, and he was the only father figure she had ever really had. Still, they didn't always have much to talk about. While it wasn't necessarily awkward, Charlie knew she must be lonely, and frequently tried to start conversations, only to have them dissolve quickly.

One evening, they were sitting in the quiet dining room, and they heard laughter ringing from the log cabin where Billy, Emmett, Sue, and Alice were eating. Charlie caught the look of longing in Bella's eyes, and abruptly stood from his seat. "I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being left out of all the fun. Want to see if we can join them?"

Bella's smile was immediate, and he regretted not thinking of the idea earlier. "I think that's a fantastic idea."

They made their way through the kitchens to where the log cabin abutted the main house, and knocked on the McCartys' door. After a moment, Emmett swung the door wide open with a smile on his face. His expression quickly shifted into one of surprise at the sight of Charlie and Bella standing there, holding their plates and glasses of wine.

"I know this is a little unconventional, and we don't want to impose, but it's so quiet in our dining room, and we were hoping that we could persuade you to let us join you for dinner?" Charlie asked.

Emmett smiled, and swept his arm across his chest and out to his side in a gesture of welcome. "Of course you can join us. The more, the merrier!"

Bella smiled at him. "Thanks, Emmett. I really appreciate this."

"No problem, Bells," he said with a kind smile. His eyes softened, and he added quietly, "I know that it's got to be hard, what with this being your first winter here, and your husband overseas at war. You're an incredible woman."

Bella smiled and blushed lightly. "That means a lot, coming from you, Emmett. It's hard, but I'm getting by. If I could convince my stomach of that, I'd be even better," she replied with a laugh. She'd give anything for her nerves to settle down. She was starting to think maybe she had caught some mild illness, because it had been weeks, and she still was throwing up a few times a day.

Emmett didn't reply, but guided she and Charlie into their dining room. It was smaller, and less ornately furnished than the dining room in the main house, but Bella felt it was more intimate and inviting.

Once they had settled into their seats, conversation started flowing easily. It wasn't until five minutes into their meal that Bella caught movement in Alice's arms. She identified a ferret snuggling into the girl's crooked elbow. "Who do you have there?" Bella inquired.

"This is Rosalie. She's my little lady," Alice replied.

"Rosalie? That's a lovely name for a lovely animal. It means 'white rose' in Latin, I believe."

"How do you know that?" Alice asked.

"Well, while I was at Radcliffe College, I took a class where I learned some of the language. It isn't spoken anymore, really, but I still think it's beautiful."

"I wish I knew how to speak in Latin," Alice stated.

Emmett spoke before Bella could interject. "You don't need to speak Latin, sweetie. It really wouldn't be terribly useful."

"I actually agree, Latin isn't the most useful language to know, but there are others that I know that could be beneficial, like French," Bella said.

Emmett put his hand on Bella's, and said quietly, "Bella, you don't need to fill her head with ideas of things that won't happen."

"Why couldn't she learn French?"

"She barely knows how to read English, nevermind learning another language," Emmett replied.

"Well, how about I remedy that?" Bella suggested. "I was trained at the university to be a teacher, and I think Alice could benefit from a solid education."

"She's a half-breed, Bella. She won't get much opportunity to use that education."

Charlie chimed in when Emmett called his own daughter a half-breed. "We don't use that term around here," Charlie declared vehemently.

"Jasper calls me a half-breed," Alice supplied.

The shock on Charlie's face was comical, and Bella could not stifle her laugh. "Jasper calls you a half-breed?"

"Yes. He said I was half gopher and half hawk," she stated.

Charlie laughed. "I suppose he might be right, in that case."

Bella was amused by the banter, but the idea of giving Alice an education was exciting. "Emmett, I think Alice could use an education, and it couldn't hurt to give her one, at the very least. I'd really like to teach her."

Emmett didn't respond to her, so she bit her lip slightly, and admitted the truth. "I think it would help me…it'd keep me busy, and make me feel like I was doing some good. Please. It'd be for both of us."

Emmett looked in her eyes, and knew he couldn't refuse her request. As soon as he began nodding, Bella threw her arms around his neck and began to thank him profusely. No one at the table missed Alice's broad smile at the prospect of gaining an education.

x-x-x

_February 9__th__, 1915_

_Dear Father,_

_I have been writing you letters for months, and have received no response from you. I know you received the letter from December, as Jasper and Carlisle's presences have confirmed, but I cannot figure out the reason for your silence. _

_I miss you, and home more than I can say. The thought that coming here has disappointed you and caused me to lose your love pains me more than you can know. _

_Is it so wrong for me to want to prove myself? I lead men and try to protect innocent lives. Is this not a laudable goal? Am I mistaken? I don't know what else I can do._

_At home, I felt as if I had nothing of my own. I was living someone else's life. I had to leave. Coming here seemed the wisest choice I could make. _

_Despite your silence, I love you._

_Your son,_

_Edward Cullen_

x-x-x

_February 14__th__, 1915_

_My Lovely Bella,_

_It is Saint Valentine's Day. I cannot begin to express how much I wish I were with you today. I seem not to be able to escape that desire. I imagine you sitting by the fire, Jake sitting on your lap, seeking your warmth, while providing you with his. I would wrap my arms around you, and kiss your neck as you gazed into the fire. I miss your smile._

_I don't regret coming here. I know that I'm helping people, and I'm gaining invaluable experience here. Dr. McCrea is incredible. He is so calm and levelheaded, even as treats men with bullets in their shoulders. Or worse. He is teaching me so much about medicine. He has told me on numerous occasions that he finds my skills very promising. From him, this means a great deal._

_When I return home and start medical school, I will have so much experience. Dr. McCrea said that some schools accelerate students who have been stationed in military hospitals. It's difficult to think of the advantages of being here when I see a man brought in who will never be able to walk again due to a bullet wound. _

_I don't know what I would do if anything happened to Jasper or Edward. Edward is so composed, so brave. Men respect him here. Jasper seems content to watch over me. I don't think for a moment that he joined this war out of any real desire to fight. As for me? I want to love you madly. I miss your voice._

_There is nothing in the world I want more than to be with you, Bella. You mean the world to me, and I don't know how I hoped to show you this by going to war. But I know that coming here was the right thing to do. Still, I miss your laugh._

_There is work to be done, and I never have enough time to write to you. I hope you are well, and that my father is taking good care of you. _

_I love you, and wish you are having a wonderful Saint Valentine's Day._

_Your loving husband,_

_Carlisle_

x-x-x

Bella sat at the dining room table with Alice. She had received another letter from Carlisle, and was so happy that he seemed to be doing so well, and was learning a great deal from his superior, Dr. McCrea. He had been gone for two months, and she missed his presence.

The worry hadn't left her. She had hoped that once she started teaching Alice, her mind would be successfully diverted, and the constant pit of worry would leave her stomach. That had not been the case, though, as she continued to feel perpetually nauseated, and was sick multiple times a day. It even had prevented her from sleeping at night.

Despite her fatigue and discomfort, Bella began her lesson for the day. When they first began, Alice did know how to read, but not terribly well. Now, she could read far more. Bella had begun with teaching her various fairy tales, but had recently decided to do something a little different.

It was because of this decision that Alice sat in front of Bella, finishing a poem by Robert Browning called "The Pied Piper of Hamelin". It was a more literary than the short tales written by Wilhelm and Jacob Grimm, Charles Perrault, and Hans Christian Andersen. Though many of the stories were quite frightening or sad, Bella had always found the Pied Piper tale to be particularly chilling.

"He took all the children away, and they were never seen again?" Alice said, once she had finished the poem.

"Except for the child who was lame and couldn't follow, yes. In some versions, there is a deaf child who could not hear the song that remains, as well, or a blind child who cannot see where to go. It's a particularly chilling aspect to the story that only the healthiest children are taken," Bella explained.

"So, the moral of the story, then, is to always pay people what you say you will, or you will have your children stolen from you?"

Bella couldn't help but smile lightly. "Taken literally, yes, though that is the extreme interpretation. What is generally accepted as the moral is to always pay one's debts, or be prepared to suffer the consequences."

Alice shook her head. "That's an extreme consequence to suffer."

Bella nodded in agreement. "It is. Fairy tales often depict the most extreme examples to demonstrate their moral."

"You've also said that there is some truth in every fairy tale. Does this mean someone really stole a whole town's children? That would be…horrible."

"Some people believe that the Pied Piper could represent death, and that they are talking about the plague that killed many people, including children. Others believe that it was a product of a war in which some where boys were expected to fight, or that killed many villagers, including children."

They continued the discussion, but something about the topic of children had tugged at Bella's mind. It wasn't until Alice had gone back home for the day that Bella had the time to sit and think. It was when her stomach churned and she was sick once again that something finally solidified in her mind. She usually wasn't sick like this unless she was menstruating, which, she realized with shock, she had not suffered from in months—not since before Carlisle had left.

Her hands flew to her stomach, and a wide smile stretched across her face. She was pregnant with Carlisle's child. While the prospect of not seeing her husband again until after the baby was born, she held a very tangible reminder of his love inside herself.

x-x-x

_February 28__th__, 1915_

_Dear Father,_

_I have spent nights sleeping in trenches, masking my fear from my men. How can I inspire brave actions when I feel no bravery myself?_

_How did you ever survive this for years? I have been here less than six months, and feel my heart shattering in my chest. I have seen men that I consider my friends fall beside me. People are dying around me._

_What good is personal glory? Being a hero should not come at the price of losing people who depend on you. It should not require killing others. _

_It appears that I had many misconceptions about what war involved. Your silence leads me to believe that you resent my decision to come here. You're allowed to do so. I, however, I cannot regret my choice to save innocent lives._

_The country around me is in ruins. Buildings have crumbled within days. Villages have been wiped out, and the people who lived there suffered before death. Perhaps it is wrong for me to have also wanted glory, but I will never consider it wrong to try to prevent further horrors from taking place._

_Are you even reading these letters? I love you, Father._

_Your son,_

_Edward_

x-x-x

_March 12__th__, 1915_

_My sweetest Bella,_

_Last night, I dreamt of you again, my love. I dreamt that you were in our bed. I don't think I've ever told you how I think the sage green of the bed linens heighten your beauty. The color brings out small flecks of green amidst the brown of your eyes, and compliments the blush on your cheeks. I miss seeing you there, though I do see you every night in my dreams. _

_I walked to where you laid on our bed, and removed my clothing. You were asleep, and already nude before me. I stroked my hand across your cheek, and you sighed and stirred. I kissed your closed eyelids, and you moaned lightly, and when I finally kissed your mouth, your eyes fluttered open, and then closed again as you began to kiss me back._

_We made love slowly, gently. You were so tight and warm surrounding me, Bella. I don't think you will ever know just how difficult it is to be inside you and not come within seconds of entering you. Your love wraps around me as much as your body, and I can't think of a single thought beyond your touch, and how much I adore you. _

_I love you, Bella. I don't think I can ever tell you that enough._

_I cannot describe how jarring it was to wake up and find myself here in Belgium this morning. I felt like I was still in Montana with you. I wanted to still be in our bed. I could almost smell you beside me. Did you know you smell like oriental lilies? It's intoxicating. I could not help but take myself in my hands, and find release to the images of my dream flitting behind my eyelids. _

_I feel like I have entered Hell. It is so dark and frightening here. The depravity of man astounds me. I know I am doing good here. I can see that I am. I am certain that coming here was the right thing to do. _

_Does it make me weak or horrible that a part of me wishes that I had never come?_

_I love you with all of my heart, Bella. Your words bring me more comfort than I could accurately convey. Every time I feel lost, I read your journal, and your love grounds me once again._

_I miss you, my wife._

_Yours eternally,_

_Carlisle_

x-x-x

It was the middle of April, and Bella had not had word from Carlisle in almost a month. She looked forward to his words more than she could say, and felt so terrible that she was unable to write back to him. Instead, she had begun writing letters to him in the journal that Charlie had given her during Christmas. She included all her thoughts on the child she carried, and how much she loved him, and wished that he was with her. She could fill hundreds of pages with the words "I miss you," and still feel the expression was not strong enough.

Alice had been reading very well, and Bella was impressed with her progress. They had read many poems, though Alice still preferred stories of legends. In a moment of inspiration, Bella decided to have Alice read one of the oldest legends she knew: _The Odyssey_.

For weeks, they had discussed the various monsters and temptations that Odysseus faced. His journey was filled with complications, and Alice became animated while reading the epic poem. Bella could not help but laugh as she realized that instead of feeling bad for Odysseus's inability to return home, she was envious. The more Bella had taught her about foreign lands, the more Alice wanted to travel the world. She wanted to find adventures like Odysseus.

"Though his journey is filled with excitement, you must remember that he has a home and a family waiting for him," Bella pointed out.

"You mean Penelope?" Alice asked.

"Yes, Penelope, as well as his son. He loved them. He was obligated to go to war, and then found himself unable to return to those he loved. He faced monsters and temptations simply to get back home. It was not a fun adventure for someone who simply missed his family."

Bella could not hope but think of Carlisle, and how horrible it would be if he had such troubles coming home from Europe. She also knew that he would fight any monster to come back to her.

"We've spoken a lot about Odysseus, but we haven't really talked about Penelope," Alice pointed out.

"You're right. She waits for him, despite the years he is lost to her. Her faith in him is quite remarkable, really. She knows that Odysseus was not killed in battle, even ten years after the end of the war. She remains adamant that he is still alive, and that he will return from her. She rejects the attention of 118 suitors, and refuses to betray her husband.

"Some people believe that Penelope is a great heroine for this reason. She is seen as a strong woman, who remains faithful to her husband, and is often used as an example for the perfect wife. She is a quite admirable character."

Alice examined Bella's face. "You would do the same thing, wouldn't you?"

"I would wait forever for Carlisle to come back to me," Bella replied honestly.

x-x-x

_April 7__th__, 1915_

_Dear Bella,_

_This is perhaps one of the most cowardly acts I have ever perpetrated. I have been writing to my father, but I cannot help but think that he wants to read nothing I have to say. I knew he did not approve of my choice to come to war, but I feel the lack of his support and of his love acutely. _

_The letter you wrote and sent to me through Carlisle touched me in ways you will never know. Your words were simple, expressing your hope for my good health, and to let me know that I was missed. You told me that you thought I was strong, and that you admired my courage for helping those in need. To be strong and brave in your eyes means the world to me._

_I know I cannot send this letter. You are my brother's wife now. I can't tell me how much it saddened me to learn that I missed my youngest brother's wedding. And it's all because of my foolish desire to make a name for myself. I was a naïve fool. Perhaps I am still a fool, but I think I have learned a bit more about the cruelty of man. _

_You will never know the truth of my own depravity. You cannot know that I fell in love with you. I fell in love with my brother's fiancée, and I love you, even though you are now his wife. I denied it for so long, but I cannot seem to any longer._

_You are beautiful in every way. You are kind, honest, and brave. You are filled with a passion that I can only hope to one day possess. I admire your spirit, your selflessness, your conviction, and your principles. You are one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. There is nothing more alluring than the way you are able to back up your ideals. _

_Your physical beauty astounds me. You possess an innate gracefulness that captivates me. Looking at you brings desires in me that I have never allowed myself to feel before. There was nothing that felt more right than holding you in my arms. I would keep you there forever if I could._

_I am the worst sort of man to fall in love with my brother's wife. I cannot have you. I know this. But I have tried for months not to feel this way, and failed miserably. You have captivated me since the first time I saw you, and I cannot seem to get you out of my mind. _

_I will not act on my feelings. But right now, when I lack any feeling of comfort, and my own father seems so disappointed in me, I can't help but think that things could not get worse. _

_I am just writing down my thoughts, and pretending that you might hear them some day… that is enough for me._

_I love you, Bella. _

_Edward_

x-x-x

It was late April when Bella woke up late one night to the oddest sensation. She propped herself up on her hands, and shook her head to clear it of her dreams. She was once again dreaming of Carlisle, imagining him coming home to her, and his smile as he greeted his son for the first time.

No sooner did she remember her son's image from her dream, as she felt a sharp movement from her slightly swollen stomach. She had felt her baby kick her for the first time. She couldn't help but hold her stomach, a tear escaping her eye as she smiled widely.

In spite of his distance, she felt so profoundly connected to her husband, and already so in love with the child growing inside of her. She went back to sleep, and dreamt of a little boy with her father's aquamarine eyes, and soft, golden hair.

x-x-x

_April 23__rd__, 1915_

_My Darling Bella,_

_Something has happened. Edward was shot in the leg last night. He will be fine, though he will be sent home. I removed the bullet from his leg myself._

_I cannot find the words to say how horrifying it was to see my brother writhing in agony on my table as I pulled a piece of metal from his thigh. He is incredibly lucky that no major arteries were hit, or he would not be alive right now._

_The Germans have attacked our forces with poisoned gas, Bella. They are no longer fighting with bullets and firepower alone. They threw poison into our trenches, and gave our men the choice of being killed by gas, or taking their chances with German bullets. They are like sitting ducks. _

_The 10__th__ Battalion of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, our unit, was ordered to close the gap of land we lost in the gas attack. Though we took the gap, and claimed victory, I question the veracity of such a claim when we have suffered such astronomical losses. _

_My heart breaks for the men who have lost their lives, as well as their families. No one told me how horrible this war would be, and what realities I would face. They're using gas made of chlorine! It has blinded men, and killed them. How could we have anticipated such cruelty? _

_The only good thing to have come of this is that I can see Edward more regularly, I suppose. He'll be here for a couple weeks, at least, until it is safe for him to return home. Even though he's been here, I've missed my brother. I think he regrets asking me to come here, even though he was right in doing so. _

_I love you, Bella. I am more jealous than I can say that my brother will be seeing you soon, and I have to remain here, so far away from your comfort and love. I hope you are well, and that the spring on the ranch is treating you well. _

_With all of my heart,_

_Carlisle_

x-x-x

_April 25__th__, 1915_

_Dear Bella,_

_I know you will never read this, but I must tell you—I'm coming home soon. I've been shot, and can no longer fight. They've told me that they are giving me a medal for my valor and honor. This is clearly what I had gone to war in hopes of accomplishing. I have made a name for myself and found glory._

_Why, then, does this victory feel so damn hollow? They are recognizing efforts made while pushing through barbed wire, dodging gas attacks, and machine gun fire, all over a strip of land in Ypres Salient. _

_We were fools, going in without proper reconnaissance. We were idiots to keep pushing through, even though we were being gunned down like animals. _

_A thousand men have died, Bella. Thousands more have been wounded. What makes my actions any more brave or noteworthy than anyone else's? French soldiers were even picking up guns from the bodies of dead Germans to continue the fight! _

_I have lost men who followed my lead into battle. I had men that I have come to consider friends die. They had families, friends, and loved ones waiting for their return. They will not be coming home. _

_I sit here, lying on a cot while more fighting has broken out. Duty dictates that I should be with my men, fighting at their sides, but I cannot. I am stuck here, incapacitated and useless. _

_My father was right. My foolish pride, and a puerile belief that I could make a difference in the world led me to this wasteland. Can one man really make a difference in a hell like this? I don't believe he can. _

_Every time I look at my brothers, the guilt eats away at me. My choices brought them here, where they are risking their lives. The guilt I feel when I look at Carlisle is exponentially worse. Not only did I drag him here after falling in love with you, but I also took him away from you. You should be enjoying your first months of marriage together. I should not have asked him to come. _

_We have received gas masks now, so that we can protect ourselves from the latest instrument of death the Germans are using. It is a comfort, but I can't help but wonder what horror we will face next. _

_With love,_

_Edward_

x-x-x

_April 29__th__, 1915_

_My Sweetest Love,_

_Things have gotten so much worse. We are in the midst of yet another battle here in Saint Julien. Jasper is still fine, though I worry about him greatly. He continues to fight on the front lines. _

_I have a pit of fear in my stomach, like a chill that refuses to leave me. I am terrified that something will happen to someone I love. I don't know if I could stand that._

_Edward is recovering well, and is a comfort to me. I feel like I am drowning in this madness. I don't know if I can take seeing this horrific amount of suffering for much longer. I only keep pushing through, knowing that they need me here. _

_I still dream of you every night, my love. You are in my thoughts and my heart, always. _

_I promised you that I would come home to you, and I intend to keep that promise. Staying safe is becoming increasingly difficult, but I am making every effort to do so. I will come back to you. _

_I love you, Bella. Please, stay safe for me. I will be with you as soon as I can, and continue to do everything in my power to return to your arms safely. _

_With all of my love and devotion forever,_

_Carlisle

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**A/N- Thanks for continuing to read. Next update likely Monday, but my self-restraint is seriously lacking, so you may hear from me before then. We'll see how much I can get done despite feeling like poo.  
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	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you Bethaboo, my amazing beta. You are totally my Yoda, and I'm grateful every day that you are helping me with this story. Seriously.**

**This chapter and the next couple are a bit on the shorter side, I know, but they're also all pretty heavy. You may want to keep some tissues handy--the boys are in war right now. The battles I've listed below are real, as are Dr. McCrea and Alexis Helmer. I've taken some license with their characters, though. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Legends of the Fall. **

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The battle fought in Kitchener's Wood over Ypres Salient was a gruesome affair. Years later, Marshal Ferdinand Foch, the Allied Supreme Commander would call the Canadian's charge the "greatest act of the war." To the men there, it was a nightmare in which men charged forth, running into traps of barbed wire, and were ambushed by Germans waiting with machine guns. The worst, however, was the use of poisonous gas. Men were blinded and suffocated within minutes of exposure, and there was nothing Carlisle could do to prevent a soldier's painful death. He could remove bullets; he could not expel the unknown poison.

There was nothing in the world more painful for Carlisle than tending to a bullet wound in his brother's leg. To know that Edward was suffering, and that there was so little he could do to ease his pain. He had come to this war to help other; to heal those who were brave enough to fight for the lives of the innocent. Despite all the horrors he had already witnessed, he had not let himself believe that harm would ever come to a member of his family.

He felt a surge of anger towards Jasper when he discovered that Edward had been shot. Jasper had spent most of the battle helping wounded soldiers to the hospital, in a poorly disguised effort to watch over Carlisle. He was not in danger working in the hospital, but Edward, on the other hand, was helping to lead a dangerous charge. As a result of Jasper's misguided attempt to protect Carlisle, he failed Edward completely.

Once the battle had ended, Carlisle confronted Jasper. "I understand that you want to protect me, Jasper, but I'm fine here. You should be less worried about making sure I'm safe and more time supporting the other men in your unit. People admire you, and follow you naturally. Be a leader and help fight our enemies."

Jasper did not respond to Carlisle's plea, but simply nodded. He had promised Bella he would protect Carlisle, and would continue to do so. He did concede that he was safe while in the hospital; when the fight inevitably continued, he would join the fray, and worry less about his younger brother.

The fight did begin once more, this time over the lands in Saint Julien. The Germans were attempting to reclaim the land that they had lost in Kitchener's wood, and used similar tactics. Thankfully, men were now supplied with gas masks to protect themselves in the event of another gas attack.

Despite their readiness for the fight, the Canadian First Division found themselves at a profound loss of troops once again. By the end of the 2nd Battle of Ypres, 6,000 of the original 10,000 troops would either be badly wounded or killed. Dr. McCrea, Carlisle, and the other medics at the hospital had their hands full treating the wounded. Occasionally, a man would fall, and a medic would be sent to tend to those in the field who could not make it to the hospital before bringing them back.

There was an ominous fear tugging at his consciousness, and he had a feeling something very bad was going to happen that day. He regretted chastising Jasper a few days earlier; he didn't know what he would do if both of his brothers were injured, and he had all but told Jasper to lead the charge.

"Hodge!" Carlisle heard someone calling from behind him. He recognized the voice as Dr. McCrea's. Hodge was another medic, and a friend of Carlisle's. He was currently the medic assigned to bringing the wounded back to the hospital.

"Hodge!" Dr. McCrea repeated. Carlisle turned around, and saw Dr. McCrea looking at him. "Sorry, Cullen. I thought you were Hodge. You two have the same damn hair. I was wondering what he was doing back here."

Carlisle smiled, and shook his head. "It's just me. Hodge is still out there."

Dr. McCrea shook his head. "I've been in wars before, but I don't think I've ever seen anything this bad."

The battle raged on, and more men were wounded and brought to the hospital. Carlisle treated men with bullets lodged in almost every body part. The Germans had begun to also use grenades, and some soldiers lost limbs altogether. Men were injured from shrapnel, and others were killed. The sheer devastation the battle produced was horrifying.

A man suddenly ran into the hospital, his shirt stained in blood. Carlisle had just finished tending to a patient, and was free to rush over to help the man. "Sir, where are you hurt?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm not. Lieutenant Colonel Boyle has been shot. He's losing a lot of blood, and we can't find Hodge. You have to come help!"

The man, who Carlisle recognized as Dr. McCrea's former student and friend, Lieutenant Alexis Helmer, was in an absolute panic, but Carlisle immediately understood why. Lieutenant Colonel Boyle was in command of the division. The loss of his life would be a terrible blow to Canadian morale, and detrimental to the battle.

Carlisle nodded to Helmer, and began to follow him out into the battle. He stopped briefly to grab his rifle, knowing that running into a fight without defense would be a terrible idea. If he had to be out in the open, he sure as hell was going to take some Germans down with him.

They made their way quickly, though carefully, through the fields lined with corpses. Carlisle would catch sight of a German gunman fairly frequently, and with a steady hand, shot them between their eyes, much like he would a deer. Death would come swiftly; no matter how terrible he found their actions, Carlisle could not condone making anyone suffer.

"How the hell did you end up a medic, Cullen? You're one hell of a shot," Helmer remarked.

"I grew up on a ranch in Montana, so I know how to hunt, but I think that saving lives is a more noble aim than taking them. I became a medic so I could do my part to help the cause. I have no desire to kill anyone."

Helmer nodded. "You're a good man. Your wife is a lucky woman."

Carlisle smiled at the mention of Bella. "I'm the lucky one. She's an incredible woman. I can't wait to see—"

Carlisle was unable to finish his sentence, for a loud _bang_ sounded to his right. He snapped his head back towards where Helmer was behind him, just in time to see his body being torn apart from an explosion, right before everything went black. They had not even noticed the grenade.

x-x-x

Jasper was not happy about Carlisle's demand that he join the front lines of the battle. He didn't like the idea of leaving Carlisle vulnerable. This fight was so much worse than anything they had previously witnessed, and after Edward's injury, he was terrified of what could happen. He loved Carlisle, and had always protected him. Promising Bella that he would look after Carlisle was the easiest promise he had ever made.

Jasper did not find engaging in the battle to be an easy task. Though his family largely viewed him as the most wild, and knew he enjoyed the hunt, he did not relish in taking the lives of others. He killed animals for food and pelts, not sport. Billy had taught him to value the spirit of the animal, which is why he performed the ritual of cutting out the heart to release its spirit.

When the Germans continued their charge, Jasper did not want to take another human's life. As bullets flew past his head, and gas canisters polluted the air, he knew that he could not simply stand there. He knew the men that fought alongside of him, and he refused to let them die. Too many had already at the hands of the Germans.

He reconciled himself with the task he must now perform, as the man next to him was shot in the chest. Jasper found a small dip in the ground, where he could conceal himself, and brought out his rifle.

His family had always called him a warrior, but Jasper knew that the term was not quite correct. He was a hunter. He laid motionlessly on the cold ground, where he was almost certain to be mistaken for a corpse, and took aim at his prey. While German soldiers were shooting his comrades mercilessly with machine guns, he only needed a single bullet to kill.

He was a silent hunter, yet quite deadly.

He had killed over twenty men in an hour, and the Germans had finally realized that there was a sniper hidden amongst their enemy lines. They began to search him out, knowing that neutralizing him would be their best hope; his aim was too precise, and he was too deadly. After searching for him for a half hour, a German soldier finally spotted Jasper and took aim. The bullet grazed Jasper's cheek.

He was bleeding profusely, and while Jasper was certain it was just a flesh wound, he could not deny the compulsion he felt to head to the hospital. With a legitimate reason to check on Carlisle, he took off towards the large tent as swiftly as he could.

When he arrived, the hospital was in a state of chaos. There seemed to be too many wounded, and too few doctors. There were no available beds, and Jasper couldn't even find Carlisle in the crowded tent. After searching for a few minutes, he finally spotted Dr. McCrea.

"Dr. McCrea? Do you know where my brother is? I was hoping he could look at my face. I seemed to have caught a bullet."

Once Jasper made the request, he felt somewhat foolish, asking for his brother to examine his wounds, when Dr. McCrea was the superlative physician. However, they both knew that he wasn't seeking Carlisle based on his expertise. Dr. McCrea glanced around. "Carlisle went to tend to Lieutenant Colonel Boyle, who was injured in the battle. He just left about ten minutes ago, I believe. You should be able to find him. I can take a look at that cut for you, if you'd like," Dr. McCrea offered.

Jasper smiled, despite the panic welling inside of him. What the hell was Carlisle doing going into the field? He could get seriously injured. "Thank you, but I think I'll be fine. There are people who have far worse than a little cut."

"Okay, if you're sure. Take care of yourself," Dr. McCrea stated.

Jasper just nodded, and ran out of the hospital, hoping to catch up to his foolish brother. He was supposed to stay in the hospital, not run unarmed into a gruesome battlefield. He ran as fast as he could in the direction he knew Boyle to have been in. It was only a couple of minutes before he caught sight of his brother's golden hair.

He continued to run, even though he saw that Carlisle was holding a rifle, and shooting his enemies. He began to call Carlisle's name, hoping to get his attention as he raced towards him. As he drew closer, Carlisle slowed down, and turned slightly behind him. Jasper was glad he could finally hear him calling out to him.

He could make out a wide smile on Carlisle's face right before he saw a bright flash of light, obscuring his brother from his view. The blast from the grenade was blinding, and Jasper picked up his pace considerably to reach his brother.

He finally reached where Carlisle had stood, and began to frantically search for him on the ground. The smoke in the air was still thick, and Jasper could barely breathe, nevermind see. There was a body that was merely a torso that Jasper assumed was the man he had been standing next to. He searched frantically for his brother's face, but could not spot him. Finally, he caught a glimpse of Carlisle's familiar golden hair.

He raced over to kneel beside him, and saw the color of his uniform, confirming that he was a medic, not a regular soldier. His flesh was charred, and the blast had damage the features on his face, but the hair was unmistakable. Despite the warmth of the body, there was no pulse that he could feel anywhere, nor was he breathing, and Jasper knew that he was dead. He clutched Carlisle's body to his chest, and began rocking back and forth. He noticed, with no small amount of horror, that the silver of his St. Raphael's medal had melted into his flesh from the heat of the blast.

Jasper was aware of nothing going around him. The world itself could have imploded, and he would only have known the weight of his brother's body in his arms, and the softness of his hair against his cheek. Tears streamed down his face, and he could not feel anything beyond a searing pain radiating from his chest.

It was another grenade exploding in the distance that reminded Jasper to where he was. As the knowledge that German soldiers had killed his kind and loving brother began to fully permeate his consciousness, something inside of Jasper snapped.

He recalled what Billy had taught him over the years, and took the knife from his pocket, and tore the fabric of Carlisle's uniform. He laid his brother back on the ground, and placed the knife on his brother's left breast. He cried out in agony as he plunged the knife into Carlisle's chest. He chanted in Billy's native language, singing the words to release Carlisle's spirit from his body. Only through this ritual could his brother find peace.

Once he held the heart in his hands, Jasper cried out once more—this time in a rage. His brother, who had only ever tried to help others, was dead. Never again would he see his warm smile, or hear his happy laugh. The joy that his brother gave to all of those around him would never be felt again.

Bella had once compared Carlisle to the sun, and Jasper had found her description particularly apt. His goodness radiated from him much like the sun's warming rays, and it was difficult to be angry or upset in his presence. Without his kindness, Jasper felt a cold gray shadow blanket the world around him. The chill caused Jasper to shudder.

The color had drained from Jasper's blue-green eyes, and he was left with a cold gray stare as he surveyed the ground around him. He carefully wrapped his brother's heart in the tatters of his singed uniform, and placed into his small satchel where ammunition was generally kept. He dodged bullets and gas canisters as he ran towards the heart of the German camp.

He reached where three soldiers were stationed, and watched as a soldier pulled the pin of a grenade before it was thrown. Silently, Jasper stalked behind the men, crouched like a panther on the prowl, and he sprung towards them, cutting the throat of the man who threw the grenade, stabbing the heart of the man next to him, and jabbing the third man's temple with his knife. He grabbed the hair of each man, and drew his blade across from their forehead, back, cutting clean scalps as Billy had described.

In a haze, Jasper lost himself to the hunt, as angry as the grizzly inside of him, but as swift and quiet as a panther, taking the lives of those responsible for his brother's death. By the time he surfaced from the rage inside of him, he held 25 scalps in his hand. He braided portions of hair from each scalp together to form a chain that he tied around his neck.

At least one man he had killed had been an officer, as he saw a horse without a rider standing near him. He walked over to the animal, pat its muzzle, and mounted it. He rode the horse back towards the main camp, no longer feeling any anger. He simply felt hollow pain gnawing at his heart.

As he rode into camp, men parted to provide him a path. He rode to where the closest officer stood, dismounted, and bowed his head as he displayed the scalps around his neck. He was barely aware of Edward's sudden presence by his side, asking him what had happened.

"Carlisle is dead. I have released his spirit, and avenged his murder," Jasper replied in monotone. There was no feeling left inside of him besides a stinging rawness. The Jasper everyone knew no longer existed.

x-x-x

It was days later that the battle had ended. The Germans had gained back some land from the battle, but both sides suffered heavy losses. The skies were cloudy, and the smoke had yet to clear, even after days. It was the middle of May by the time the bodies of the fallen had been gathered for burial.

Edward Cullen stood alone, using a cane to support his weight. His leg was healing well, but he still could not put his full weight on it. Carlisle had proved to be a skilled surgeon, and Edward had been told that it was his brother's efforts that had prevented him from needing amputation.

It was not lost on Edward that he now would welcome the loss of a limb if it meant that his brother was still alive.

Edward had never seen Jasper so devoid of light. It was as if a storm was raging inside of him, even as his face showed nothing but calm. His voice sounded empty when he informed Edward that Carlisle had been killed. To have seen the blood soaking Jasper's clothing was jarring, but his detachment was terrifying.

Edward wasn't certain that Jasper was aware that he had handed his brother's heart, as if he were passing him a canteen to drink from. Jasper, he realized, was no longer present.

Every inch of Edward hurt, the loss of his brother echoing in every molecule of his being. He watched as others mourned the dead, and though he knew the depth of their pain, he could not help but envy them. They did not lose a brother. They did not suffer the guilt of knowing that their family was destroyed because of decisions and requests they made. That alone was Edward's burden to bear.

He would be returning to Montana in a few days, as the hospital was overcrowded already. He would not be able to fight with his injured leg.

He watched as fellow soldiers covered the bodies of the fallen with dirt, and could feel nothing beyond his grief. It was Dr. John McCrea whose words finally managed to penetrate Edward's armor of grief and guilt. He had written a poem to honor those who had lost their lives that day, including Alexis Helmer, who was a former student and friend of McCrea. The simple eloquence captured Edward's attention, and he knew that from that day forward, he would always think of McCrea's words. The loss the army was dealt in Ypres was staggering, but McCrea gave voice to those who had been lost. Edward could only hope that their deaths would not be in vain. He hoped that _Carlisle's_ death would not be in vain.

"_In Flanders fields the poppies grow  
Between the crosses, row on row,  
That mark our place; and in the sky  
The larks, still bravely singing, fly  
Scarce heard amid the guns below._

_We are the Dead. Short days ago_  
_We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,_  
_Loved, and were loved, and now we lie_  
_In Flanders fields._

_Take up your quarrel with the foe:_  
_To you from failing hands we throw_  
_The torch; be yours to hold it high._  
_If ye break faith with us who die_  
_We shall not sleep, though poppies grow_  
_In Flanders fields."_

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**A/N: The above poem, "In Flanders Fields" is real. John McCrea wrote it and did recite it as a eulogy for his friend after the battle of Saint Julien. I wish I could write something with that much power and beauty. **

**Next update is on Monday. **

**Thank you all to my wonderful readers. Your words and responses to this story are really touching. **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Bethaboo, you are the best beta a girl could ask for. Thank you so much for all you do for me. **

**Thank you so much to everyone who let me know that you trust me with this story, even after last chapter. I'm sincerely touched by your support. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and I don't own Legends of the Fall.

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As Edward approached the porch to the ranch he had lived in for most of his life, he had expected to feel some measure of comfort.

He did not.

Neither the warmth of the late May Montana weather nor the sight of the home he had missed so greatly permeated the stale coldness that surrounded him. He had been hoping for a reprieve from the feelings of guilt and raw pain that had assaulted him since Carlisle's death, but he felt nothing.

On his person, he carried tokens of the months of horror he had faced. He had gone to Europe to find glory and honor, to find his place in this world. He wanted to accomplish something. The medal of honor that they had given him sat heavily in his pocket. He should have been proud of it; he'd risked his life to lead his men to some measure of safety, and in doing so, had been shot and wounded. A medal of bravery, they called it.

In his pack he held the only two objects that really mattered—a letter from Jasper to his father, and the literal heart of his youngest brother.

At his mental acknowledgment of his precious parcel, bile rose in his throat, and he swallowed reflexively. He was not worthy of indulging in his own pain. What he faced inside the doors was his burden to carry. His penance was to inform his father that his youngest son was dead. He then had to inform the only woman he had ever loved that her husband, the love of her life, would never come home to her.

Thinking of Bella brought a stabbing pain through his chest, and he was momentarily unable to draw breath. For months, the vision of her face behind his eyelids kept him moving forward. He knew just how wrong it had been to want to prove himself a man of worth to the woman married to his brother. Even though he had tried not to, and argued to himself that this was not the case, deep down, he knew he was simply lying to himself. Bella meant everything to him, and the exact last thing he wanted to do was to cause her pain.

He was the one that had desired glory. He was the one that had wanted to save the world and make a name for himself by fighting in this senseless war. He'd thought that preventing German forces from advancing was a noble goal. It may have been so, had it not come with such an exorbitant price to everyone he loved.

He would never forgive himself for the discussion he had with Carlisle about enlisting. Carlisle had been the most logical and rational in his family, and he had thought that if it was a terrible idea, he could count on his brother to tell him so. His own foolish ideas and desires led to the death of his most beloved brother. The conversation was enough to make Carlisle believe the war was worth fighting in, but there was nothing that could excuse the letter Edward had sent home in December. He had been in such shock at the conditions, and they were in such need for skilled medics; he really thought Carlisle could do some real good. He never dreamed that Carlisle could get hurt, never mind killed.

He took a deep breath, and decided that dwelling on his past actions would not benefit anyone. Billy, who had come to pick him up from the train station in the car, had been uncharacteristically silent. It was as if the old man already knew, and was allowing Edward the silence he needed to center himself before crossing the threshold of his own home. With a slight nod, as much to himself as to Billy, he steeled his nerve, and walked through the door.

The sight he was met with was simultaneously the most beautiful and painful sight he had ever witnessed. His father was standing just inside, with a proud smile lifting the edges of his thick mustache, and Bella was beside him, with her own smile gracing her beautiful face. She was more radiant than he had remembered. His father pulled him into a warm embrace, which he returned with one arm, keeping himself still steady with his cane in his other hand. He could not tear his eyes away from Bella.

The changes were subtle. He was embarrassed to have noticed that her breasts were larger, but the swell of her belly was unmistakable. She was definitely expecting a child. A sob tore through his throat before he could catch himself and prevent it.

"You're home, son. You're home. All will be right now." Charlie continued to mumble soft reassurances to his eldest son. He well knew the horrors of war, and how much it could effect a man. He rubbed Edward's back soothingly before placing a hand on his shoulder, and ending the embrace.

Edward leaned heavily on his cane, and bowed his head. He clenched his teeth together and flexed his jaw, his eyes closed tightly. He calmed his breathing before he lifted his head and opened his eyes again.

Bella was watching Edward with a furrowed brow and worried eyes. He had been discontent before he left, but now, he seemed broken. His leg had obviously been wounded, and the pronounced limp displayed his pain, but she could sense that his deepest hurt was not from a physical wound. She heard a faint sound that took her a minute to identify as a whisper. Edward was saying something very quietly; she wasn't sure if she was meant to hear it. When she got close enough, she finally understood his words.

Edward was saying "I'm so sorry," repeatedly under his breath.

Charlie noticed that they had not said a word, yet had not moved from the foyer. He had quickly recognized that this was not a happy homecoming, and that whatever news Edward held was best divulged sitting. "Why don't we go into the sitting room. I think we'll all be more comfortable there."

Edward merely nodded, and followed after Charlie. Bella trailed in behind him. She knew that something was weighing on his mind, but she could not stop herself from asking the questions that had been trying to escape since she first heard the car approaching.

"How is Carlisle? Is he well? Did he have any letters for you to bring to me?"

Bella looked so hopeful, and Edward had the fleeting thought that a second gunshot wound would be more welcomed than the pain he now felt.

He drew a deep breath through his nose before he spoke. There was no way to sweeten the information, so he decided that it would be best to simply state it. "I'm so sorry, Bella...Father. One of our commanding officers, Lieutenant Colonel Boyle was wounded in battle. He ended up being killed, actually, but one of his men ran to the hospital to get help. He found Carlisle, and they ran to him. Jasper took off to stop him when he found out, but he didn't make it in time." Edward was not aware of the tears that streamed down his face. "There was a grenade. It caught Carlisle and the other solider. Jasper found his body, but there was nothing he could do. I'm so sorry. He didn't make it."

His story was met with complete silence. He finally looked up, and saw both his father and Bella sitting on the couch opposite him silently. The colonel's eyes were searching Edward's face, as if it would tell him that what he had just heard was a lie. Bella's eyes were wide and unblinking. Edward could not discern what emotion they held.

"What do you mean, he didn't make it? Are you telling me that Carlisle is dead?" It was not Bella who found her voice, but Charlie. She was grateful, because not only was she unable to think of any appropriate statements or questions, she wasn't really able to think of anything. The fact that Carlisle was not in the world was not one that she was prepared to believe. Surely there had to be a mistake. Surely Jasper didn't really find his body.

"I'm so sorry, Father. Jasper said he was burned badly, but that he could tell it was him." Edward drew a deep breath and leaned slightly more heavily on his cane.

"Where is Jasper? Wouldn't they let him come home to mourn with his family?" Charlie asked. He was desperate for any information that might indicate that Edward's information was flawed.

"I have a letter from him. I'm not certain of many details… only that the army brought him to a hospital, because he was unwell. He took Carlisle's death particularly hard."

"But he's not dead," came a soft interjection from Bella. Both men were startled by her voice, despite the fact that she had barely whispered the words.

Edward could not stop himself from moving to her, and taking her hands into his own. "I didn't want to believe it either, Bella, but Jasper was certain."

"If he's dead, where is his body?" she asked quietly. If she could see him, touch him, maybe she would know if it were really him or not. As it was, she had not felt the shift in her universe that she would have expected to feel had she really lost her husband.

"They buried him in Ypres, in Belgium," Edward stated quietly. His mind took him back to watching soldiers lower their fallen comrades into the cold earth, and heard echoes of Dr. McCrea's words as they permeated his consciousness. "There was a funeral for the many men who died during the battle. It was a good service, and he was honored for his bravery and courage."

Though tears fell from her eyes, Bella had not really processed Edward's words. Her mind kept flashing back to a memory of a young girl being held by her grandfather, wondering where her parents were, and why no one wanted to tell her where to find them. As she had grown, she took great comfort in being able to visit her parents' graves. Even if she hadn't been in years, the knowledge that she could was enough. She would not be able to go to Belgium to pay her respects to her husband if he shared the grave with hundreds of other men.

"I won't be able to visit him," she said. Even though he had been gone for months, he could hear the difference in her speech. It was more childlike than usual, and far more vulnerable.

He had seen many atrocities in war. The actions of man were horrific, and he had suffered nightmares about the terrors he had witnessed. Nothing frightened him more than the fleeting thought that Bella may not survive Carlisle's death. He had never thought of her as fragile or broken, but he could not deny that she certainly seemed that way now. He searched his mind for anything he could think of that might bring her some small measure of comfort.

He wasn't certain if the knowledge would help, but he knew he had to try. Hesitantly, he told her about his most precious cargo. "Jasper… he has always put his faith in the religion of Billy. We all know that. He performed some of the traditional rituals on Carlisle's body. He…" Edward paused a moment after suddenly finding a lump in his throat that would not allow words to pass. "He removed Carlisle's heart, and gave it to me so that we could bury it here, on the ranch."

Bella wasn't certain if she was grateful or horrified by Jasper's action. One on hand, he had mutilated her husband's dead body. On the other, she would now be able to visit her most cherished part of Carlisle whenever she needed to.

It was later that day when Edward, Charlie, Bella, Emmett, Sue, Billy, and Alice gathered on a hilltop to bury the heart of Carlisle.

The numbness that flowed through Bella's body and caused the hair on her arms and legs to stand on end was dissipating. Slowly, she could feel the pain she knew she should feel worm its way past the barrier of her skin. She was aware that it would soon overtake her, but she had appreciated the sterile feeling of numbness that had encompassed her since Edward had first arrived without her husband by his side. She knew the freezing agony was coming—she simply hoped to be able to survive its burn.

Edward had given Charlie the small wooden box that contained Carlisle's heart. As they stood on top of the small hill, Billy chanted prayers for Carlisle's spirit. He asked the ground to accept the body of his family, and to keep it safe and protected. Sue, Alice, Bella, and Edward all had tears running down their faces. Charlie held the box within his hands, and said every prayer he could recall to a God he still tried desperately to believe in.

As Charlie began to kneel down and place Carlisle's heart into the ground, Bella found herself putting her hand on his arm. When he turned to look at her, he saw that her eyes shone with tears, but held an intense vulnerability. She looked at him as if she were a child, looking for security in a thunderstorm. He wanted to tell her that everything would be fine, that she would be fine, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words when he wasn't sure of them himself.

She surprised him, though, by sliding her hand down his arm to where he held her husband's remains, and took the box from his grasp. She brought the box to her lips, and kissed it, saying a bitter farewell to the only part left of him that she could. She gave the box back to Charlie, and bowed her head.

Her hands rested on her stomach, as if the child growing inside of her body could feel the love that she felt for it. He was the tangible reminder of her husband's love, and that what they had was real and good. She thought of her life with Carlisle. Though it had been brief, it had been so full of joy and love. She thought of his smile when he looked at her face. She remembered the look in his eyes when he first shook her hand. She recalled the elation in his expression when she agreed to marry him. She recollected what it felt like to have him moving inside of her, the way he felt as he made love to her, and the look of adoration in his eyes as he brought them both to completion.

She saw Charlie cover her husband's heart with dirt, and murmur prayers to God, asking him to take care of his son. She saw Edward, ignoring his physical pain, and lowering himself down beside his father to offer his support. She saw Emmett holding his wife and daughter in his expansive embrace, his face ashen, as he watched a man he viewed as his family being laid to rest.

Edward rose up from his father's side, and moved to embrace Bella. Though he tried to convince himself that he simply wanted to comfort her and support her, a part of him needed to draw support from her arms, as well. He loved his brother more than anything, and he needed to feel anything aside from the dull ache that permeated his entire body.

One by one, the family members left the small hill that would be Carlisle's final resting place. It had begun to rain, and Bella wondered if they sky somehow knew of the loss the world suffered. Emmett, Billy, Sue, and Alice were the first to leave the grave, each paying their respects to Charlie, Edward, and Bella. They understood that Jasper wasn't able to come home yet, as his letter to Charlie had explained, but his presence was missed.

Charlie left next, nodding to Edward as he passed. He didn't want Bella to be alone, as it was obvious that Carlisle's death had not fully sunk into her consciousness yet. When the realization truly hit, the resulting storm would be devastating. Edward continued to hold her in his arms, trying to offer whatever solace he could provide. For months, the mere idea of holding her in his arms kept him going. This was never how he wanted it to happen.

She continued to cry, but turned around in Edward's arms so she could see the freshly turned earth that now held her love. A sob tore through her as the storm inside of her began to gather. It wasn't fair. Carlisle had not wanted to go to war, but went because he wanted to protect others. He wasn't a fighter. He wasn't supposed to be on the battlefield. He wasn't seeking glory, he just wanted to heal those who had risked their lives to save others.

He had promised to come back to her.

He had broken his promise.

A raw yell broke the silence of the space, and Bella clawed at Edward's arms, feeling suffocated in his embrace. He was not who she wanted to be holding her. Her reality came crashing down around her, and she began to come to terms with the fact that Carlisle's arms would never hold her again. He would never see his child's face, or hold him in his arms. He would never make love to Bella again, or run around in the rain with her.

As much as she did not want to believe that the Earth could continue to turn without her husband's light, she knew she could no longer deny the heart that was resting in the ground was tangible proof to the contrary. He was gone, and was not going to come back.

She did not notice when Edward turned around and limped back down the hill. Her rejection of his comfort had hurt, but not as much as the knowledge that she was in pain and he could do nothing to ease her suffering.

She sank to her knees, never becoming aware that she was screaming in her pain. She didn't notice that her voice became hoarse until her shouts became silent. She didn't feel the rain begin to increase, nor hear the thunder crash around her. She was only aware of the agony that ripped through her, manifesting in a splitting pain that threatened to tear her apart.

She wasn't aware when the pain localized in her lower abdomen, and she didn't know that it began to spasm. She never knew she was bleeding. She couldn't differentiate between the emotional agony she was drowning in and the physical pain that ripped through her.

She didn't know that she was losing her baby –Carlisle's baby- as she wept over his grave. The one thing alive of his that she still had was lost to her on the same day she buried her love.

Edward had become concerned when the rain grew heavier, and the thunder and lightning became more frequent. As much as he wanted to give Bella a moment alone, he didn't want her to get sick. When he found her, she was bleeding, and, though he was not a doctor, he knew there was something seriously wrong. He drew her into his arms, ignoring the searing pain in his leg, and carried her back to the house. He fetched Sue, who confirmed that she had, in fact, lost her child.

The baby, a girl, was buried beside her father on the small hilltop.

**A/N Some of you asked me whether or not she was going to lose the baby, and I'm sorry that she really had to. I don't think her body could support a baby through her grief. I tried to have her keep it, but it really had to happen. **

**Thank you so much for reading. Next chapter on Monday. **

**In other news, I am writing a one-shot for the Nashville Flood Relief http:// bit . ly/aeYde7 (remove the spaces). $5 donation to a charity gets you a compilation of one-shots and outtakes by some amazing authors. Mine will be an AU Vampire Carlisle/Human Bella one-shot, set in Victorian England:  
After Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, Bella makes a wish that she could have lived in Jane Austen's time, and finds herself transported through time, where she meets a familiar face, Carlisle Cullen, whose control is not as practiced as it is in 2010.**

**It's a great way to support an important cause, so please, consider making a donation. **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you to my lovely and amazing beta, Bethaboo, whose support for me and my writing means the world to me. I couldn't do this without you. You should seriously be reading her story, Sins of the Father, if you aren't already. It's really quite extraordinary.**

**Also, I'd like to thank my readers, including those who just found this story. I'm blown away by the number of people who have connected with these characters and what happens to them. I love reading about your theories and how you can relate to the events with your own experiences. I'm so touched, and so honored. I really appreciate everyone who reads this, and am so grateful for everyone who reviews and recommends this fic. **

**Disclaimer: I own neither Twilight, nor Legends of the Fall. That will never change.**

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The room he found himself in was bright. The walls were pale, and the lighting harsh. It felt sterile, cold. It was all gray. He liked color. Even the brown of battlefields would be better than the gray he was immersed in.

The truth was, he was not used to feeling so confined. His movements were restricted, and there weren't many people that he could interact with. It was uncomfortable to him. He was being treated much like an animal caged in a zoo. He didn't like zoos. He felt bad for the poor lions who were denied the ability to act on their instincts. They were predators, and killing was what they were born to do.

So was he.

They called him unstable. They considered him a danger to others. He didn't know how to make them understand that they were wrong—he wasn't a danger to anyone but his enemy. He was only a danger to those who had killed his brother.

Images assaulted his memory, and plagued his mind while he slept. Every night, the dreams were the same. He would see his brother laughing and smiling, kissing his beautiful wife. He would come to talk, and his face would seem to melt, his flesh dripping like candle wax. He could smell the sulfur on his skin, burning the hair of his nose.

There was not a night that Jasper Cullen did not wake up screaming.

The image of holding his brother, dead in his arms would never fully leave his mind's eye. At times, he believed he could smell the charred flesh, and feel the weight of Carlisle's body in his arms. Every night, he was transported to the battlefield in St. Julien. Every night, he witnessed the death of his younger brother. Every night, he failed to save him.

When he first was brought to the hospital, he was numb. He knew that he had killed the enemy. He knew that he had taken their scalps as tokens of his prowess. He was a skilled warrior, and had proven his worth in battle. As usual, people feared him for this. People were always afraid of what they did not know or understand, and Jasper's actions were not something that people were accustomed to.

To him, they did not matter. The only people that he cared about were those he was being kept from. They told him that he needed treatments before he could return to his family. They said that he needed to heal, and to grieve for his brother. How could they expect him to mourn Carlisle's death when he wasn't allowed home? He needed to be with those who cared for Carlisle as much as he did.

It would be over a year before Jasper Cullen would return to his family.

Though he felt that he would deal with things if he went home, the officials of the Canadian Expeditionary Force believed him to be a danger to society at large. He had been unaware of his own actions after his brother's death. After they spoke to Edward, who had explained why Jasper had cut out Carlisle's heart, they accepted his action as a product of his beliefs. They could not, however, accept his break with reality.

Killing Germans was acceptable within the context of the war, but it was clear from Jasper's lack of emotion as he returned from camp that the killing was exacted without emotion. As Edward found his brother, he asked Jasper what had happened. Jasper had informed him of Carlisle's death, that he had released his spirit, and that the death was avenged. When Edward asked for further details, Jasper could not answer. He strode back into his tent, fell to his knees, and began to rock back and forth.

When Edward had finally caught up to him, he found Jasper muttering phrases under his breath. It took Edward minutes to finally discern that his brother was chanting, "Broke my promises. Lied to Bella. Failed her. Failed Carlisle. Should have stayed. Broke my promises."

For nearly three weeks, these were the only words that Jasper spoke to anyone.

It was for these reasons that the Canadian army felt he was not fit to return home with his brother. Instead, they brought him to a psychiatric facility near Toronto, Ontario in Canada.

It was a month before he began to speak to anyone and emerge from the prison of his mind, only to find himself in a different sort of prison. While he was neither being punished, nor was he incarcerated, Jasper was not allowed to leave the facility.

For one used to being as wild and free as Jasper Cullen was, the confinement of the hospital was the worst form of torture.

x-x-x

He woke up in a dark room with many people. It was a nondescript chamber, and he did not recognize it. Then again, it was difficult to focus on things like his surroundings with the sharp pain in his head. He reached behind his head, and found a large bump on the back of his head, indicating that it was the source of his pain.

He was lying in some sort of hospital bed, though it was unfamiliar. Though he could hear voices around him, he couldn't see anyone. More pressing was the dull ache that permeated his body. It felt as if a dozen horses had trampled him; every part of him ached. Besides the horrible pain in his head, it was his leg that hurt the most.

He sat up carefully, his legs stretched before him, and looked at his leg. He noticed that it was well bandaged, and he quickly decided against the urge to remove the dressings to get a better look. He didn't want to risk getting an infection. He also knew better than to think he could successfully treat his own wounds at the moment. Between the headache and the intense nausea and confusion, he was fairly certain he had a concussion.

Before he could worry more about his injuries, the door to his small room opened, and a tall man in a green military uniform strode into the room. He did not recognize the man, but was instinctually afraid of him. His breaths were becoming shorter, and he could feel his heart racing hard in his chest. He was terrified of the man, and he had not even spoken two words.

"_I see you've woken up. Do you feel ok? Should I fetch the doctor?_" For some reasons, the words sounded strange to him, though he couldn't understand why. Perhaps it was a result of the head wound.

He nodded his head, and replied, "_Yes, that would be good. I believe I have a concussion, and am in a great deal of pain._"

The soldier gave a short nod, and left the room almost as quickly as he had entered it. "Well that was odd," he said aloud to himself.

With those four words, his eyes widened, and his confusion increased. The reason the soldier's speech sounded strange was because it was not the language he thought in. He clearly thought in English, but the soldier was addressing him in German. He wasn't certain why, but that knowledge shot a shiver of fear down his spine, even though the man had inquired about his health.

Before he began to ponder the oddities of this reaction, another man walked through the door. He was wearing a uniform as well, but also had a stethoscope around his neck, indicating that he was a doctor.

"_Hello. I'm glad you are awake. We've been worried; you were unconscious for over a week,_" the doctor informed him.

He responded in his best German, "_Thank you. I believe I have a concussion, and my leg is in a great deal of pain. Do you know what happened to it? To me?_"

"_You don't remember the incident?_" After he shook his head no, the doctor frowned, but continued, "_It is fairly common for this to happen. The mind protects itself from painful memories. We don't know the specifics of what happened, or what a medic was doing in the field, but your injuries are consistent with a fall. There is shrapnel in your leg that has damaged the nerves in your thigh._"

His eyes slid closed at the last piece of information. Though he had assumed that there was something seriously wrong with his leg, the prognosis for nerve damage was not good. Barring infection, he would keep the leg, but he would always have a limp. Despite this knowledge, he had a feeling that he was fortunate that this was the extent of his injuries, and thanked the doctor for the information.

"_This may seem like a foolish question, but do you know anything else? Why am I here?_"

The doctor looked mildly confused for a moment before a flash of understanding crossed his face. "_You were brought here because some of our men found you in the field, and noticed your medic uniform. We have a great shortage of medics in our camp, and when they saw that you were unconscious and injured, they decided to take you here, so that when you are well, you can treat our wounded._"

He understood what the doctor was not saying. "_I am a prisoner,_" he said.

The doctor simply nodded. He was silent for a few minutes while he processed the information. There was clearly a war being fought, and being a prisoner of the war was a terrible situation to find oneself in. That being said, they were tending to his injuries, and needed his help. While helping the enemy was not a preference, he was fairly certain that he would be considered expendable if he refused to work for them. He could not allow that to happen.

He wasn't certain about the moral implications involved. On one hand, he surely would not be expected to kill anyone from his own country, but he would be saving the lives of those who would. Did that mean that he was responsible for the deaths of those they killed? Then again, as a doctor, he was bound by oath to heal anyone in need, no matter who they were. Ultimately, his decision was easy to make.

He looked up at the doctor, and slowly nodded his head in acceptance. There really wasn't anything else he could do. The two choices presented were to either heal the enemy's wounded, or be killed.

The doctor examined him, and instructed him to get some rest. Despite learning that he had been unconscious for a week, he was exhausted. He knew that his body had a long road to recovery, and listening to its demands would be critical at this point.

He slipped into a deep sleep before the doctor had even left his room.

He woke up sometime later, not knowing how long he'd been asleep. He didn't know what the date was, though he remembered that he was in some sort of German military hospital. He was uncertain why he felt so at ease about his predicament, but a large part of him had acknowledged that even if he objected, there was nothing he could do to ameliorate his situation.

He had the most incredible dream, and tried in vain to remember the specifics of it. All he could recall was a general feeling of contentment, and short flashes of different elements. There was a beautiful woman who was smiling at him, and a large pond with swans. The woman was stunning, with lovely brown hair and a breathtaking smile. Though the dream was innocent, he had felt himself inexplicably drawn to the woman. He wished he knew who she was.

As he sat, trying to clear the fog in his mind, the doctor returned to his room. After a short examination, he began to ask questions.

"_Can you tell me a bit more about your medical experience?_"

He was silent for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. The clouds in his mind had not abated, and he was beginning to realize that there was something seriously wrong. He could no longer attribute it to the concussion, or from just waking up. The haze in his mind was something much darker, and he knew he had to make this fact known.

It was all he could do to keep his voice steady, though the reality of his situation was beginning to sink in, and he could feel himself starting to panic. His breath was growing shorter, and he could feel his pulse quicken.

"_I have taken classes and studied medicine, and I have practical knowledge as well, but I don't know the specifics. I know what it means to have nerve damage in my leg, and I know I've treated it before, but cannot recall any actual situations._"

He wasn't certain why he kept his answer slightly ambiguous. It was almost as if he did not want to fully admit what he was beginning to realize as truth.

The doctor looked at him, somewhat startled. He had clearly expected a more precise answer from the man lying in the hospital bed. "_Can you tell me anything else? Where you studied?_"

He shook his head slowly, and drew a slow breath from his nose. "_I can't tell you where I am from or where I studied. I cannot even tell you my name. I remember how to be a doctor, but I don't remember anything about who I am._"

As soon as the words left his mouth, his composure cracked. There was no denying that he had amnesia, and the shocking truth crippled him. His breath was coming in short pants, and he tried to tell himself to relax, and that hyperventilating would not help him. This was easier said than done, though he managed to calm his breathing after a few minutes of silence.

The doctor's eyes had widened and mouth dropped open slightly. Though he knew that head wounds could cause memory loss, he had never witnessed it himself. It was minutes before he could gather his own thoughts enough to respond to the young medic.

"_I'm so sorry. I… can't imagine what that must be like._"

The truth was, there was nothing anyone could really say or do. He knew practical medical knowledge, knew how to speak German—and French, he decided—fluently, but could not even remember his own name. He knew nothing about himself.

"_Please… is there anything else you know? You said I was wearing a medic uniform, but was there anything else I had? A name on my uniform?"_

The doctor shook his head. "_Your clothes were burnt in some places, likely from a blast of some sort. They thought it may have been a grenade. You had a couple of personal items, and I know that they were kept." _

"_Can I… have them? I know you've been quite generous as it is, but it might help me,_" he pled.

The doctor simply nodded and left the room. They may have been enemies in this war, but he would not wish this fate on anyone, and it would only help his recovery to have his possessions.

The doctor returned after a few minutes, and handed him a small leather journal, and a silver chain with a small medal on it. He recognized it at once as a medal of St. Raphael the Archangel, the patron saint of physicians and doctors. He slipped it around his neck, and was comforted by the weight of it.

He did not notice the doctor leaving the room as he picked up the journal. He felt so fortunate to have his own words to tell him who he was. Even if it did not restore his memory, he would have his identity.

With that thought, he flipped open the first page and read.

_Today was vastly different than what I had expected it to be. I'm beginning a new diary because I have an odd feeling that the events that occurred today will forever have changed the course my life will take._

_I must confess that part of me feels like a terrible friend. Emily wanted me to meet her new beau, Sam, so I could give her my opinion. She arranged a tea so that we could become acquainted, but I barely spoke five words to the man. I found my attention firmly engaged somewhere else. _

_If it is acceptable to judge someone on who they choose as their friends, then Samuel certainly has my good opinion. I was barely aware of my surroundings; I was so captivated by his charming friend, Carlisle. _

_Carlisle is unlike anyone I have ever met. When I explained the paper I was researching, he not only listened to my ideas, but he also engaged in a debate on the topic with me. His intelligence is staggering, and I was quite impressed that he seemed not only to tolerate, but also appreciate my own mind. Normally, I have found that men are intimidated by a woman who is capable of thoughts and ideas, but Carlisle seemed quite fond of these characteristics. _

_He was kind and sweet, and seemed to radiate goodness. I'm not certain that he is capable of ill thought and action, especially after hearing of him talk about his family. It is clear that they mean the world to him. Even after meeting him once, I found myself longing for the first time in a long while that I was part of a family like that. _

_No, it wasn't that, exactly. I think I simply wanted to know the people responsible for the incredible man I had met. _

_Listen to me, going on like a foolish girl. I've mocked people for carrying on like I am about Carlisle, but I cannot seem to help it. Even though I just met him, I feel like I have known him for years. He is exactly the sort of man I always dreamed of meeting. _

_He has expressed an interest in pursuing some sort of relationship with me, and I must admit that I agreed quite readily to the suggestion. He may find me eager, but life is brief, and I have never felt anything quite so _right_ as I do right now. Carlisle is important, and I refuse to let myself pass up an opportunity to know him better. _

_I know I should not admit this, but there is something so incredibly attractive about him. He's certainly a handsome man, and his kindness and warmth seem to radiate around him. Still, though I can see his goodness, I have the strangest impulses to search out a different side of him. _

_To be honest, I wanted to taste every inch of his skin, and see if his inner sweetness could be tasted on his skin. _

_I have never felt such a strong physical draw to a man before, and that I seem similarly drawn to his personality and intelligence seems incredible. I cannot wait to know him better. I feel like this was the first day of a great journey, as foolish as that may sound. _

_Whether it is folly or not, I cannot wait to know Carlisle better._

He finished the entry. It was clearly written by a woman, and he was curious as to why he was in possession of a woman's diary, and why he would carry it on his person in the middle of a war. He could only surmise that the author must have meant a great deal to him in order for him to do so, and that he must mean a great deal to the woman for her to give it to him.

She was clearly a fascinating woman. She mentioned writing a paper and doing research, so she was clearly educated, though he had also formed that assumption based on the intelligence displayed within her words. She seemed…extraordinary, and he found himself hoping that he was the Carlisle she seemed so taken with, and he continued to read her words in hopes of proving he was.

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**A/N: Surprise? I have to give some MAJOR props to bebe86 from Twilighted, who read chapter 9 close enough to figure out exactly what had happened. Sorry I couldn't confirm your theory in a review reply, but I was seriously impressed.**

**I couldn't kill Carlisle. He just... wouldn't let me. But as you can probably tell, it's going to be a very long journey for him to get back home, and a lot will happen as he's trying to find his way back to his family. **

**Next chapter will be up on Monday, and we'll be back in Montana on the ranch. **

**I know this is a really long author's note... sorry. I've finished my piece for FicsForNashville, and am seriously proud of it. Bella makes a wish and finds herself in England circa 1815, when Jane Austen was writing. There she sees a familiar face, Carlisle Cullen, whose control is not what it is in 2005, and who is not quite the same man she had grown to care about. I'm donating the prologue and first chapter to FicsForNashville, though it can stand alone as a one-shot if you don't want to read on. **

**A $5 donation to a suggested charity gets you a compilation of outtakes and one-shots from all over fandom, and goes to support the relief efforts from flood devastated Nashville and its surrounding area. It's a really great cause, and some amazing authors are a part of this. Please consider helping if you can. ****http:// bit . ly/aeYde7 (remove the spaces).**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thank you so much to my beta, Bethaboo, who totally was the best cheerleader for these next two chapters. This is a bit of a tough one, and it wouldn't be half as good as it is if she wasn't around to guide me. **

**I know I confused a couple of you guys last chapter, but to clarify: Jasper is in a psychiatric facility in Canada, and Carlisle is ALIVE, but has a wicked case of amnesia. The only reason he knows his name is Carlisle is because he was still carrying the journal Bella gave him for Christmas in his pocket. He doesn't know his last name is Cullen, or really exactly what happened. The man that Jasper found was the other medic, Hodge, who was running the wounded back to the hospital, but was killed while doing so. Carlisle is being held in the German camp, where they are getting him healthy so that he can work as a doctor for them. I hope that clears up some confusion. **

******Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I don't own Legends of the Fall. I just like to mess around with the characters and plots.

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_October 31__st__, 1914_

_Carlisle took me to dinner tonight, and has expressed an interest in officially courting me. I tried to tell him that the concept of courting someone was antiquated and slightly foolish, but when he challenged me to find a more appropriate phrase, I was unable to come up with one. I suppose I must now consider myself being courted._

_I cannot express how happy I am that my first impression of him seems to have been accurate. He has told me about his studies in medicine, and how seriously he takes his education. He is social when it doesn't effect his schoolwork, or when the function is important to someone he cares about. This explains why he came to tea with Samuel._

_I know this will sound fairly cliché and trite, but he truly is everything I never hoped to wish for in a man. He's kind, intelligent, gentle, strong, and absolutely beautiful. His features are so sharp and masculine, but his eyes are simply captivating. They remind me of the cornflowers that grew in Grandmother's garden. I could stare into them for hours. I'm slightly afraid that I actually did tonight._

_He seems quite respectable, and has impeccable manners. Despite how well my grandparents raised me, I have the oddest desire to corrupt Carlisle… just a little. I've yet to quell the desire I had when I first met him of running my tongue along his neck. He smells so good, like vanilla and sandalwood, and I want to know if his skin tastes the same as his scent._

_I've never felt myself drawn to anyone like I am with Carlisle. He seems quite remarkable, and I wonder how I was so lucky to have found someone like him._

_He's going to take me to a dance being held at Harvard next weekend. I don't have the heart to tell him that I've never been a graceful dancer. Hopefully, his toes will retain some feeling at the end of the night. A girl can hope, right?_

_He has brought out a side of myself that I thought had been lost years ago. I don't know how he did it, but he makes me feel capable of anything. It's a powerful feeling, if not slightly daunting. I may have only known him for a short amount of time, but I have a feeling that he'll be good for me. I can't remember the last time I felt this hopeful about anything._

x-x-x

There is a stillness that grief brings that is unlike anything else in the world. Once the anger and rage has been burnt through, all that is left it a quiet, raw hurt, like an amputated limb that continues to cause pain, even after amputation. Even if the loss is not in a person's direct thoughts, the agony grief causes is omnipresent.

Bella Cullen felt hollow.

She had known there was a chance that Carlisle would be wounded or killed; it was a war, after all. This theoretical knowledge did nothing to lessen the anguish and shock she felt when she realized that she had, in fact, lost her husband. The rage she had felt at first was blinding. She was angry at God, the Germans, the war, the wounded soldier that had required immediate medical attention from her husband. She was even angry at Carlisle himself.

He had promised her that he was going to come home. He told her that he would return to her. She would have been like Penelope—she would have waited forever as long as he was out there somewhere. She would always be waiting to welcome him, if only he were still alive to do so.

Once her anger subsided, she felt heavy, but empty. Carlisle had brought her to life in so many ways, and brought her a happiness that she really hadn't been aware existed. He made her laugh, and made her feel special. Even though Charlie had asked her to stay at the ranch and told her that she was still part of the family, Carlisle was the one who had given her that family.

He had given her everything, and she couldn't believe that the world could continue turning without Carlisle.

Losing her child had been terrible for Bella. Her little girl had been a piece of Carlisle that remained. She had been so happy when she realized she was pregnant; she had always wanted a family, and she knew that Carlisle would be a wonderful father. He would have doted on their little girl. She wanted their daughter to have his beautiful blue eyes and warm smile. She wanted her to have his goodness, his kindness.

She didn't know how she could have gone from having a wonderful husband and baby growing inside of her to nothing in such a short amount of time. It simply didn't make sense. She couldn't understand what wrongs she had committed to warrant God taking everything away from her like that.

All she ever did was love her husband, and encourage him to do what he thought was right.

She had lost her parents when she was so young, but had always considered herself fortunate in having loving grandparents. Her grandmother and grandfather were lovely people, and took her in to raise her without hesitation. They may not have been perfect, but they'd loved her. When they were taken away from her, too, she was devastated, but she knew that they had lived full lives.

Carlisle had not lived a full life. He was brave, honest, and good; he was so young, and had so much to offer the world. He was going to heal people. He was going to save people, just as he had saved Bella from her life of solitude. He had a new wife, a family who loved him, and was going to be a father. It wasn't fair that he had been taken from everyone who loved him so soon. They loved him; they needed him. Bella needed him.

The last piece alive of him was their child, and God saw fit to take her, too. Bella couldn't understand why this had happened to her. At times, the pain would rip into her, and she could only gasp through the despair she felt.

She couldn't believe that she could continue breathing without Carlisle.

x-x-x

Edward was at a loss. He saw Bella slipping further away from their family –from him- but could do nothing to stop it. He had been at war for months, and seen so many good men killed. He had lost his youngest brother, and been powerless to prevent it. His other brother had been declared mentally unstable and sent to a psychiatric hospital.

Nothing he had been through in his life was as painful as seeing Bella lying on the ground in the rain, screaming in physical and emotional agony as she lost her child and mourned for her husband.

The mere memory of that horrific day brought a shiver up his spine. He could do nothing besides screw his eyes shut and clench his jaw tightly, breathing through the pain that he invariably felt at the recollection. Throughout the war, he had dreamt of Bella, and what it would be like to be able to actually be in her presence once again. Now, the reality of their reunion caused him nightmares each night.

He shook his head, and tried to think of something –anything- that he could do for her. It had been two months since they buried Carlisle and their baby, and Bella had become a shell of who she once was. The fire and passion that had once defined her had been snuffed out, and all Edward wanted to do was find a match to reignite it.

Edward couldn't pinpoint exactly why he was so worried about Bella. To the casual observer, she looked like she was doing fine –sad, perhaps- but fine. She would eat at meals when it was expected of her, though he noticed that she actually ate very little. She even continued to teach Alice, but while her lessons were thorough and informative, they weren't engaging. While Edward had not witnessed what they were before Carlisle's death, the occasional comment from either his father or Alice would indicate a change.

He was at a loss for what he should do. Frankly, seeing her like this frightened him; she was always so full of life, so vital, and the fact that she seemed to be drifting along was disconcerting. She had already lost her parents and grandparents in the past, but managed to retain her spirit—why was Carlisle's death so different?

What Edward had failed to consider was that she had finally reached her breaking point. Her parents were certainly young when they died, but the illness they fell to had run rampant through the region before claiming their lives. Her grandparents were older, and it was simply their time. She understood the death of her family. She couldn't understand why God saw fit to claim Carlisle and her baby. No matter how many different ways she tried to look at it, their deaths always seemed unjustified and tragic.

Her baby girl was innocent, unborn. Carlisle was only trying to help people. Nothing that either of them had done warranted their deaths. The only conclusion that Bella was able to draw was that they died because she loved them so completely. Maybe her parents succumbed to their illness because Bella loved them. Perhaps her grandparents would have lived longer if she hadn't needed them. Carlisle and their daughter would still be alive if they hadn't meant everything to her.

Perhaps her love was a curse. She was already so fond of her new family, and she didn't want anything to happen to them, but she didn't have anywhere else to go. To be honest, she didn't want to _be_ anywhere else, either. This was where Carlisle and her daughter were buried, and the mere thought of not being able to visit them whenever she'd like sent pain spiraling through her chest. No, she couldn't leave, but maybe preventing herself from loving everyone at the ranch more than she did already would keep them safe.

x-x-x

August had arrived at the ranch by the time Edward had finally had enough of watching Bella withdraw into herself. He'd tried to give her time to break out of whatever mental or emotional prison she had banished herself to, but she seemed completely unable.

Bella had been sitting by the fireplace, alternately gazing out the window, and writing in her journal. Edward approached her from behind, and flicked his eyes from the delicate skin of her neck to the words she was pouring onto the page. He saw the words "My Dearest Carlisle," scrawled across the top of the page before he scolded himself for trying to invade her privacy so inappropriately. Instead, he forced himself to walk over to the chair next to hers and sit down.

He was seated for a full five minutes before he realized that she really wasn't even going to acknowledge his presence. He contemplated clearing his throat, but decided the action would border on condescending, and spoke to her instead.

"Hi Bella," he said. Though he had decided to strike up a conversation with her, he hadn't actually planned on anything to say. Conversations had never really been his strong suit, either.

She barely glanced at him before continuing to write. "Hello Edward."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Just writing," she answered. That she didn't inquire about him was not lost on him.

"I see. I hope I'm not disturbing you, but I feel like I haven't spoken to you since last fall, and was wondering if you'd like to catch up."

Bella finally spared a long glance at Edward. She understood that he was just trying to be friendly, but she hadn't wanted company at the moment. To be honest, she very rarely wanted company. As was her tradition, she was writing in her journal to Carlisle. She had begun writing letters to him in her journal when he first left for war, but she continued to do so even after his death. It allowed her to feel close to him once again, like maybe her words would somehow reach him, even in death.

She sighed heavily. She didn't want to talk to Edward, but that wasn't his fault, and she felt bad for continuing to be so rude. She shut her eyes for a moment, silently apologizing to Carlisle for mistreating his family for so long. "I'm sorry; I know I haven't really talked to you since you returned. I just…haven't had much to say. How are you doing?"

"I guess I'm alright. My leg seems just about healed, which is good. I was very lucky that the bullet missed the nerves in my leg, or I could have had a permanent limp."

Bella, of course, already knew this. She'd received a letter from Carlisle that told her that Edward had been injured, and that he had operated on Edward's leg himself. She could tell he had been terrified for his brother, and both relieved and proud that he would have no lasting damage to his leg. She knew that she should respond to Edward, but the sudden lump in her throat prevented any response beside a nod.

Edward caught the sorrow that passed her eyes, and was touched that she would empathize with his injury. He took a deep breath and tried to think of ways to broach the subject of her grief with her. As he had never really been known for subtlety in conversations –or, really, conversations in general- he decided to just dive right in.

"Bella, I'd really like to talk to you. I know that Carlisle's death, as well as losing your daughter, have been very difficult for you. I just…I want to help. If you need anyone to talk to, I'll be there for you."

Bella knew that Edward meant well. That he cared enough about her to approach her about this, that he wanted to offer his support, was very sweet. But she didn't want to talk about Carlisle. She didn't want to talk about how she lost her baby. She knew that if she opened herself up at all, her pain would escape in a flood, and there would be no dam strong enough to ebb the flow.

She looked up at Edward's earnest expression, and found herself unable to tell him that she wouldn't be able to accept his offer. The hope she saw in his eyes was too apparent. Instead, she found herself closing her eyes, and murmuring a quiet, "thank you, Edward."

Edward took a deep breath, and nodded quietly. He knew she wasn't going to come to him; she either wasn't ready yet, or just didn't feel comfortable enough with him. Instead, he offered her a smile once she opened her eyes, and answered her. "The offer is always open. I'll let you get back to your writing."

She noticed that sadness lingered in his eyes despite the smile on his lips, but could offer no more assurance than she already had. In a moment of utter selfishness, she envied his ability to smile at all.

She couldn't believe that she could smile again without Carlisle.

x-x-x

Bella found herself once again on the couch in the sitting room. She frequently found herself in this position in the late afternoon. When Carlisle first went to war, she had hung the pictures he had drawn for her in their room, but had decided after the first month that she wanted to share the picture of where he proposed with the rest of the family, and therefore hung it in the sitting room.

By the time Edward had returned with the news of Carlisle's death, Charlie had remarked numerous times how much he admired the drawing. Though every time she looked at it she was overcome with sadness for what she had lost, she could not remove it from the wall. If she were being completely honest, gazing upon the picture made her feel closer to Carlisle; she remembered that day with such prefect clarity that seeing it helped her see Carlisle's smile and feel the love they shared that day.

As there was never a break from the constant pain of his loss, feeling his love was worth the heightened anguish. Anything she could do to feel closer to him was worth the pain.

That was why she continued to write to him in her journal. It had been six months since she had lost her husband and child, but she still loved them as fiercely as when they first entered her life. She couldn't help but think that it would be a disservice to his memory to stop writing to him. As long as she carried him in her heart, she would write her letters as a testament to her love.

She was writing another letter to Carlisle when Edward once again interrupted the quiet of the room. Well, his entrance into the room caused Jake to jump off of Bella's lap, the movement breaking Bella's concentration.

Bella looked up from her writing, and acknowledged his presence with a slight incline of her chin. Edward smiled warmly at her, and sat down in the chair next to her. After she had ignored his offer for a shoulder to cry on, he had rarely sought out her company. At first, he had, but he seemed to quickly discern that she wasn't ready to talk. She wasn't sure if she ever would be.

After the distance they maintained for the last few months, Bella was surprised to see Edward join her, though she was careful not to show it. In truth, Edward was simply tired of trying to give her space and stay away from her. He felt compelled to be near her, and while her heartache hurt him, it hurt more not to try and help her.

As soon as he sat down, she noticed that he had a book with him, and he simply began to read. She was glad that he wasn't trying to talk to her, as she didn't want to make him feel badly again. Carlisle's assessment of him had been quite accurate, really—he was very good at reading people, and he seemed to know that quiet companionship was the most she could offer at the moment.

After they had been reading for a half hour or so, Bella was once more brought out of her musings when she heard Jake whining from the floor. Instinctively, she patted her lap so he would jump up. When he continued to whine, she looked down at the floor next to her, surprised that he wasn't there. He was looking up at Edward with wide eyes, a soft whine escaping his mouth, as his nose nudged at Edward's leg.

He wanted Edward's lap, not her own, and she was well aware that Jake would not take no for an answer. Sure enough, after only a minute more of impatient begging for a snuggle, Jake grew tired of being ignored, and jumped on Edward.

Jake circled his lap a few times before plopping down in the center of Edward's lap. Edward didn't even look at the dog; he simply continued reading, seemingly entranced by his book. In reality, he wasn't quite sure what to do with the dog—it was the first time Jake had actually sought out his attention.

As he continued reading, Jake became restless. He was no longer content in simply sitting on Edward. Usually, when he sat on Bella, she would pet him absentmindedly. He demanded the same attention from everyone he sat on, whether Edward was aware of this or not. After reading for a half hour, Jake began to shift in his lap again. As his activity began to distract Edward, he scratched behind Jake's ear in an effort to calm him.

The action had the opposite effect that Edward was seeking. As soon as Edward's fingers made contact, Jake stood up, and put his front paws on Edward's chest, reaching up to shower Edward's face with lots of kisses. Edward had not expected Bella's dog to assault his face with its rough tongue, and yelped in surprise before he began to laugh.

It had been months since Bella truly heard laughter. Carlisle's death had blanketed the once vital ranch with sadness. She couldn't believe that she could laugh without Carlisle, but was somewhat glad that Edward could. It was nice to hear.

Though she was completely oblivious to the smile that graced her lips, Edward was not, and the sight warmed his heart.

x-x-x

After making her smile, Edward continued to sit with Bella in the afternoons. He would read and she would write. It was comfortable, and even though it had taken the entire winter, they even began to have small conversations. They never held much substance beyond what the book he was reading was about, or what she was teaching Alice currently, but to Edward, they meant the world.

Once the winter had passed, Bella decided to let Esme stretch her legs a bit, and take her out to tend the cattle. It was a two-person task, so she asked Edward one day if he would accompany her. She didn't miss the look of shock and happiness in his eyes as she made her request, and realized just how withdrawn she had been.

She was not the same woman that had arrived at the ranch a year and a half ago, but she was grateful to Charlie for his acceptance of her into his family. He insisted she stay, even after Carlisle's death, and they had truly become like father and daughter.

Charlie's relationship with Edward, however, had become more strained since his return from war. Bella had been too consumed by her own grief to notice the relationships around her, but it was clear that Edward's choice to go to war had injured the relationship between father and son. They frequently quarreled in the mornings, while Bella was teaching Alice, in an effort to keep their arguments private.

Charlie understood why Edward had felt the need to go, and blamed himself for not being more forthcoming about the horrors of war. He often wondered if Edward would have felt the need to go and fight if the colonel had shared more of his own experiences. Edward, however, did not understand that Charlie was upset with himself, not Edward, for his decision to go to war. What Charlie did find almost unforgivable was Edward's request for Carlisle to enlist after he arrived overseas. As a direct result of that decision, one son had lost his sanity, and the other his life.

Rationally, Charlie knew that Edward wasn't truly to blame, but his mind was never quite able to convince his heart of that fact.

Edward was glad to be able to spend some time on Susannah, riding alongside Bella for the afternoon. It was the first time she had actively sought his company, and he was elated. They spent the day in easy companionship, and Bella was glad to have a friend like Edward. He seemed to know when not to push, though she knew he'd be there if she needed someone.

They were only a half a mile from home when Susannah got spooked. There was a snake that slithered past her path, and the horse panicked. She reared up, and threw Edward to the ground, where he landed on his ass in a muddy puddle. Bella was shocked to hear him exclaim, "Fuck!" as he fell. She had never heard him curse before.

Bella quickly dismounted and rushed to Edward's side. "Are you ok? Are you hurt?" Bella questioned him rapidly.

He shook his head, his eyes still wide, though his clothing and face were splattered with mud. "I'm fine," he replied in a daze.

Suddenly, the sight of the impeccably groomed and refined Edward Cullen sitting in a puddle, filthy, struck Bella as hilarious. A loud giggle burst from her lips. His eyes snapped to her face, which only seemed to incite her laughter further. Soon, she was doubled over, clutching her sides as her whole body shook with mirth.

"I'm sorry," she forced out between laughs. "It's just…you're a mess!"

Edward gave a wry smile, as he replied, "I'm so glad this amuses you. I can assure you, it's less entertaining when you're the one with soaked trousers and mud in your hair."

Clearly this was the wrong thing to say, as it only made Bella laugh harder. When she finally gained control of her breath, and her laughter died down to the occasional chuckle, she extended her hand and helped Edward out of the puddle. Even after they returned home, Bella was teasing him about his state.

Edward could not have cared less about his soiled clothing—they could be cleaned. It wasn't the first time he'd been thrown from a horse and landed in a puddle. To be honest, he was simply grateful that he hadn't landed in Susannah's droppings. He shuddered at the mere thought of that happening. Instead of washing his clothing, he'd be burning it.

No, he couldn't find it in himself to care about the fall once he heard Bella laughing for the first time since the deaths of Carlisle and her baby. Perhaps, after months of living behind a wall of grief and pain, she was finally coming back to them—back to him.

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**A/N: Next update on Monday. **

**I'm gonna keep harping on this, but I've written a piece for Fics For Nashville. A $5 minimum donation to a supported charity brings both aid to a number of people who really need our help, and gets you a compilation of one-shots and outtakes. If you want to read the prologue and first chapter of my new story, "An Unexpected Lady," head to ********http:// bit . ly/aeYde7 (remove the spaces). Modern Bella finds herself in Regency England (aka Jane Austen's time), and finds herself face to face with Carlisle Cullen. There are so many amazing authors that are donating their time and talent, and we need to help this amazing city that's been devastated by flooding. Thank you.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: As always, thank you to my amazing beta, Bethaboo. She is completely incredible, both in her writing, and her ability to help me make sense. **

**Sorry this is a touch on the late side, I was away from the internet for a couple days. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and I don't own Legends of the Fall. I still play with the characters, though.**

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_November 16__th__, 1914_

_Dear Diary,_

_Carlisle took me to dinner tonight, and we had such a wonderful time together. He told me about his childhood in Montana, and I told him about growing up in Boston. We sipped wine and ate some amazing seafood. We went to this wonderful little place down by Long Wharf, where we could sit and look at the boats in the harbor. _

_He's romantic without even realizing it. He brought me flowers when he picked me up, and helped me with my coat. I know these are all things any gentleman would do, but I'm not accustomed to anyone directing their attentions to me. He guided me through the restaurant with a hand on the small of my back, and the heat of his hand radiated through my body, and left me craving more of his touch. _

_He has made it no secret that he is interested in me, and I have told him that I feel the same way. We may only have known each other for a few weeks, but he captivates me in every way. He seems to always understand what I am saying, and doesn't mind my tendencies to talk about my studies. He still actually encourages them, which never fails to make me smile._

_I have lived for 21 years, but I'm not sure I ever felt truly alive before I met Carlisle. I'm aware that this is such a cliché, but he brings out the best in me, and makes me feel things I've never felt before. I don't know if I can go back to how I was before I met him. It seems ridiculous, even to me, but he has completely turned my world upside down. _

_I love who I am when I am with him, and if I am honest with myself, I know that I am falling desperately in love with him. Really, how could I not?_

x-x-x

It had been exactly one year since Edward had returned from Belgium, and nothing was how it had been on that fateful day. He could remember the smile that lit up Bella's eyes when she embraced him in welcome, and asked him for news of Carlisle. He recalled the glow that surrounded her, perhaps due to her pregnancy. He also remembered the look on her face when she realized that her husband was not coming home.

It had been exactly one year, and Edward was beginning to think that the light in her eyes would never fully return.

It was true that she had finally begun to smile and laugh, and while each of these were remarkable progress, it still was not enough for Edward. He wanted to catch a glimpse of the passion that she once held. He wanted the vibrant woman that had captured his heart and refused to relinquish her hold. The problem was, Edward wasn't certain if she would ever return.

He had been so captivated by the vibrancy and love that seemed to shine from her when Bella first arrived at the ranch. He was enchanted by the way she connected to his whole family. She radiated peace and joy, as if her life were finally complete, and Edward was spellbound in her presence. He loved the way he felt when he was around her—like his life could have purpose.

What Edward was beginning to realize, as he spent the last year in her company, was that while he did love who she was and how she fit so easily into his family, he hadn't really been in love with her. He was drawn to the love and happiness she seemed to provide his family, he loved how he felt when he was around her, and he loved how she treated him, but he really didn't know her as a person.

Somehow, in the months they spent together before he left for the war, he neglected to truly get to know her, relying on Carlisle's judgment of her character, and their interactions together. Since he returned, he had been rectifying this problem. For months, he watched her as he floated through the abyss of her grief, taking small comforts in watching her gradually return to her life. Finally, she was smiling and laughing again, and was willing to engage in conversation with those around her.

Edward was slightly mortified that while he did think she had a lovely personality, he had still managed to mistake a strong physical attraction and simple affection for real love. As she was finally breaking out of the frozen shell she had surrounded herself in, he really began to know her. They would sit and talk about different novels she had read, places she wanted to travel, and different historical events. They discussed music, and Edward learned that she actually was a good singer, and would sing while he played the piano.

He didn't fool himself into thinking that she was past her grief; he wasn't sure that she would ever get over the loss of her husband and baby. In truth, he wasn't sure that _he_ would ever get over the loss of his brother. His heart ached for her, knowing that she lost the man that she had pledged to spend the rest of her life with. He didn't want her to know what it felt like to have lost a child. He knew that she had already lost so many people she loved in the past, and it hurt him to know that she was in yet more pain.

After they began spending more time together, and really talking, Edward began to get to know the real Bella. She was a kind woman, who loved her family and friends dearly. She was protective of her loved ones, and stood up for what she believed in. She could be very funny, and had a very offbeat sense of humor. She was, quite simply, breathtaking. No longer could he simply believe that he simply loved the idea of having someone like her, he loved the person she was.

It was a beautiful morning, and Edward desperately wanted to remove some of the pain and gloominess that seemed to surround the ranch on this day. Bella was writing in her journal, as she still did daily, and he briefly wondered what she could possibly have to write of interest. At times it seemed as though she was sleepwalking through life, yet she still managed to write pages every day in her little diary. He wanted to engage her in an activity that wasn't about Alice's education, or tending to the cattle. He wanted her to have a project that was simply for her.

He remembered the rare activities that his mother had engaged in while she still lived with them, and thought it might be something Bella could do.

"Bella?" He waited until she turned her head, raising her eyebrows in a silent consent for him to continue before speaking again. "I was wondering if you might ride with me into town today. I was thinking that I wanted a way to honor Carlisle's memory, and that I'd love to plant a flower garden out front. I'm a bit terrible at gardening, as you know, so I was hoping you might help me with it?"

She looked at me for a moment, before she smiled lightly, and nodded her head. "Don't think for a moment that you'll be able to foist all the work on me, Edward. You get to prepare the soil and do the heavy lifting, but I'll come with you to select the flowers and lend you my green thumb."

He laughed lightly at her words. He would help as much as she would allow him, so long as it was more time spent in her company. He wondered briefly if she knew that.

There were times when Edward remembered the letter he had sent the prior December, asking Carlisle to come to war, and allowed his guilt to consume him. While he had gone to war to seek glory and honor, Carlisle enlisted because he _was_ honorable, because he wanted to help. It had been the right thing to do, as was Edward asking him to come. No matter how much he had told himself that he'd done the right thing, he could not assuage his guilt. He could not convince himself that his brother's death was not a result of his letter asking him to join the fight.

He shook his head to bring himself back to the present, where Bella had agreed to come with him to the town's nursery to buy the supplies needed for their garden. He forced himself to consider that helping Bella through her grief was a way to make up for whatever pain he may have caused her. Right now, planting a garden in Carlisle's memory would be the best way to help Bella get through the day.

The ride into town was filled with easy conversation, as Edward took the time to simply bask in her presence. He still saw the pain that lingered in her eyes, but her smiles were genuine, so he was glad she could smile on such a sad anniversary.

Once they arrived in the nursery, Bella selected some flowers that reminded her of Carlisle. She chose sunflowers, because he reminded her of sunshine, daffodils because they made her smile like he did, cornflowers that were the color of his eyes, and forget-me-nots, because they were blue like his eyes, and she never would forget Carlisle. She also bought some lilac bushes to plant, because she loved their scent, as well as a number of different lilies. The lilies were yellows, and the lilacs were pale blues.

She didn't explain why she chose the flowers she did to Edward, but she had a feeling that he wouldn't really care, anyways.

Edward had watched her carefully examine the different bulbs and seeds, making sure that they met some unknown set of specifications. He waited for her to tell him why she chose the flowers she did, but she never did. He was tempted to ask her about it, but couldn't come up with a way to do so without seeming too interested in her answers. He was usually so good at reading people that he was continually disappointed that he could never seem to know what she was thinking. The only thing he could ever really detect was the pain of her loss. He should have realized that he was, in fact, reading her correctly, and most of her thoughts centered on the husband and child she lost.

He was almost certain at times that she was aware that he cared far more about her than he should care about his sister-in-law, but she never acknowledged it. He couldn't know that she was still so completely in love with her husband, that she was oblivious to Edward's attentions.

They rode back to the ranch in relative silence, Bella enjoying the sway of Esme beneath her. She was lost in memories of Carlisle's bright smile and shining eyes. She looked down at her hand at her engagement ring, and remembered the day he proposed to her. They had seen the lilies she selected in the Public Gardens that day, and she was excited that she could have another tangible reminder of how happy she was that day in their new garden.

When both her parents and grandparents died, she felt their losses acutely. She knew that they would watch over her from Heaven, but their presence from the world had departed. She did not feel the same about Carlisle. She could still feel his love as if it were wrapped around her like a blanket. There were certain objects and places that made her feel even closer to him. In the sitting room, gazing at the drawing of the place where he proposed was one such place, as was writing letters to him in her journal. The garden that Edward helped her tend would become another.

On summer days, she sat on a bench on the porch and gazed at the blue and yellow flowers, and felt closer to her love. It was a place where she could feel both loved and at peace. It was one of the only places in which the light in her eyes shone brightly, and she felt happy. Edward could not have anticipated how much she would cherish the garden, but seeing the joy on her face provided him with his own joy.

Even if it brought her no closer to him, Edward only wanted to see her happy.

x-x-x

It was late June, and Bella was annoyed. She had lent Edward her copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ a month ago, and he had yet to return it. She wanted to lose herself in the world of Victorian England for the afternoon, and was finding the absence of her book quite frustrating, considering Edward had accompanied Charlie on an errand in town. It was some meeting with a potential customer, and had just left, so she knew that it would be a while before they would return.

In the meantime, she wanted her book back.

Edward had always told her that he was welcome anytime in his room, where he kept a majority of his books. While she did not want to invade his privacy or take any liberties, she decided that the only option left to her was to retrieve the book from his room, and hope he wasn't angry about it later.

As she pushed the door open, she realized that she'd never actually been in Edward's room before. It wasn't that she lacked proper invitation—she simply never had a reason to go in before. She'd knocked on the door, of course, but had never set foot inside. She wondered if she ever would have done so if Edward had not borrowed her book, but quickly decided that she probably wouldn't have.

She hadn't really given it much thought previously, but his room was at once exactly what she expected and nothing like she imagined. Perhaps it was a result of his time in the military, but his room was positively Spartan. It was immaculate, complete with a bed made with sharp creases, and dressers without any knick-knacks on top of them. Even his dresser was bare, apart from a pen sitting on top, perfectly parallel to the back edge of the desk.

Edward had always seemed to lack purpose before he left for war, but he had seemed so different since returning. While his leg was healing, he wasn't able to do as much physical labor as he had previously, and it had seemed that he was a bit happier. She didn't know that the purpose Edward found was to make her happy, not anything to do with the running of the ranch; she merely saw that his smile was more genuine than it had been.

It was slightly petty, but she'd thought on more than one occasion that it was unfair of him to be happier after her entire world had shattered. It was mildly comforting to know that his joy seemed not to penetrate the sanctuary of his room.

He had a bookshelf next to his desk, with different texts on business and economics, as well as some classical literature. She did find _Pride and Prejudice_ sitting on his shelf, next to a copy of _The Iliad_, oddly enough, but the book on his shelf was not the one she had leant him. She stared at the book for minutes before she pulled it from the shelf to examine it more closely. It was absolutely not her copy, and she could not for the world think of a reason for him to borrow it from her when he already owned it. She chose to believe that he rarely read any of the books on this bookcase, and simply hadn't remembered it was there.

The only real evidence that Edward ever occupied this room at all was his nightstand. Sitting on the small surface, beside his reading lamp, was a couple sheets of paper, and a book. She walked over, and picked up her book, after verifying that it was, indeed, the book he borrowed from her. Next to it was the drawing she had given him right before he went to war, of all three brothers on the porch. Her breath caught in her throat as her fingers traced over Carlisle's face, smiling back at her, while Jake sat on him. She could barely swallow around the lump that had formed in her throat—he had been so very beautiful, and so very happy.

She shifted her attention to the letters that had been hidden underneath the book she now carried, and she blinked in surprise as she saw "Dear Bella" scrawled on the page, as well as two dates from April of last year. Could he have carried these letters back for her from Carlisle and neglected to give them to her? How could he have not shown them to her in over a year? They were sitting right there to remind him!

She snatched them up quickly, and began to walk across the room, as she read the first few paragraphs.

"_April 25__th__, 1916_

_Dear Bella,_

_I know you will never read this, but I must tell you—I'm coming home soon. I've been shot, and can no longer fight. They've told me that they are giving me a medal for my valor and honor. This is clearly what I had gone to war in hopes of accomplishing. I have made a name for myself and found glory._

_Why, then, does this victory feel so damn hollow? They are recognizing efforts made while pushing through barbed wire, dodging gas attacks, and machine gun fire, all over a strip of land in Ypres Salient. _

_We were fools, going in without proper reconnaissance. We were idiots to keep pushing through, even though we were being gunned down like animals. _

_A thousand men have died, Bella. Thousands more have been wounded. What makes my actions any more brave or noteworthy than anyone else's? French soldiers were even picking up guns from the bodies of dead Germans to continue the fight!_"

She was reading the letter, before she heard Edward call her name in surprise.

"Edward? Why do you have letters written to me from Carlisle in your room?" She looked at him, her eyes wide as they searched his. "How could you keep these from me? You've had them all this time?"

His own eyes had widened, and he was breathing faster. She noticed the terror in his expression, but thought it was because she had found out that he had kept letters from Carlisle from her.

"Bella, I don't think you understand…" he began, but she quickly cut him off.

"Of course I don't understand! I have so little left of my husband, and you kept these from me? How could you do that!"

It was the most emotion he had seen her express since Carlisle's funeral, and he wasn't sure if he should be happy that to see the fire was still inside of her, or be terrified that it seemed to be directed straight at him, like an avenging angel bringing down the fires of justice upon his head.

"I didn't…"

Again she cut him off. "I know you may not have meant to keep them from me, or you thought you were protecting me, but you had no right! They were written to me by Carlisle, and you were wrong to keep them from me!"

"They aren't from Carlisle, Bella! I wrote you those letters!" Edward yelled back at her. It was, quite possibly the first time Edward had ever yelled at a lady, and his face was as flushed as hers, and his chest heaving with emotion.

"What the hell do you mean, you wrote them? They're addressed to me, and they're about the war!"

Edward was somewhat comforted that she had not read all the way through the letters, as she clearly hadn't read his declarations of love. "I wrote them to you. Yes, they're about the war, but look at them, Bella. That's not Carlisle's handwriting—it's mine."

He was no longer shouting, but adrenaline still coursed through him at the thought of her reading their full contents. She glanced down at the letters in her hand, and realized that he was correct; this was not Carlisle's writing.

"Why did you write me letters from Europe, Edward? And why did I never receive them?" Bella, too, was calming, now that she knew he had not kept something of Carlisle from her. She was merely at a loss for what his motives were for writing her letters and not sending them.

"I had been writing to father, and he hadn't responded to me. I didn't really understand that we just couldn't really receive letters on the front, so I thought he was simply ignoring me. I was hurt, and needed an outlet, and writing to you helped me gather my thoughts." He drew a breath as he chose his next words carefully. He didn't want to lie to her, but he couldn't tell her he didn't send them because of their content. "It just didn't seem appropriate to send letters to my brother's wife, and I didn't think you'd want to hear what I'd have to say after I was responsible for your husband going to war."

Her eyes softened a bit. She had worked hard not to blame Edward for Carlisle enlisting and dying, and she would be damned if she let him do so. "We both know that Carlisle made his own decision to go. You merely informed him that there was a need for men like him. Hell, even I told him that he needed to go. You can't blame yourself for that." She paused briefly to shake her head softly. "Edward, you know that I value your thoughts and opinions on everything. I'm your sister; I would have been honored to read your letters."

Before he could respond, she looked down at the second letter she held in her hand, and began to read it. Edward tried to take them from her to stop her from reading his words, but when her breath hitched and she visibly paled, he knew it was too late. She knew he loved her.

Her hands were trembling as certain passages jumped off the page at her.

"_You will never know the truth of my own depravity. You cannot know that I fell in love with you. I fell in love with my brother's fiancée, and I love you, even though you are now his wife. I denied it for so long, but I cannot seem to any longer._

_Looking at you brings desires in me that I have never allowed myself to feel before. There was nothing that felt more right than holding you in my arms. I would keep you there forever if I could._

_I am the worst sort of man to fall in love with my brother's wife. I cannot have you. I know this. But I have tried for months not to feel this way, and failed miserably. You have captivated me since the first time I saw you, and I cannot seem to get you out of my mind._"

She shook her head over and over again, blinking at the page, as if the words would somehow change if she did.

"Was this some sort of joke, Edward? What were you trying to say here?" She asked, her voice shaking.

"This wasn't a joke, Bella, and I should have thought my meaning quite clear. I was telling you that I love you, but that I knew I couldn't act on those feelings."

"But I am married to your brother, and you barely knew me, Edward." Her voice was almost a whisper, as if speaking any louder would give his words more truth. "You couldn't have loved me. I am Carlisle's wife."

Edward noticed that she referred to her marriage to Carlisle in the present tense, but chose not to examine her phrasing more closely.

"You're right, Bella, I didn't know you very well. You are an extraordinary woman, and I was attracted to you from the moment I first saw you. The more I got to know you, the more I found you to be an intelligent and kind woman. I think I was in love with the idea of you."

He saw her shoulders drop, and he knew that she was relieved by his words, so he hesitated before continuing. However, his brother was dead, no matter how much everyone wished otherwise, and he had seen her at her best, as well as her worst, and knew that he was very much in love with her at present. He sucked in a deep breath, and confessed his heart.

"I may not have really known you then, but I know you now. I have seen you suffer through your darkest days, as well as your happiest. I have been with you every day for over a year, and I can certainly say that I know you well. You're incredible, and beautiful. I may have not really loved you then, but I can say will all honesty that I do now." He closed his eyes and breathed for a moment before opening his eyes again. "I am in love with you, Bella, and I want to be with you."

Bella stood completely still through his speech with wide eyes, and he could tell she was not breathing. He waited a moment for her to respond to him, and held his breath as she blinked twice. Before he knew what was happening, Bella pivoted on her heel, and walked out of his room, leaving Edward completely bewildered in her wake.

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**A/N: Next update on Monday again. Happy Memorial Day!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N Thank you, Bethaboo, for all the amazing work you do. Seriously, folks, she's the best beta a girl could ever ask for.**

**Hello to all my readers, new and old. I appreciate each and every one of you. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, nor do I own Legends of the Fall. I like to think I've completely warped both of these stories, anyways.**

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Jasper had come to resent the color gray. It had never been a favorite of his, but now he associated the color with being confined, with being imprisoned. He knew that he wasn't technically incarcerated, but he couldn't help but feel as if he was. And that thought made him extremely angry.

In all honesty, there wasn't much that didn't make Jasper angry. He had been in the psychiatric hospital for over six months, and it had taken him a very long time to open the lines of communication with those around him. He had been convinced that the events of that May day had been a nightmare, and that his brother was not really dead. He dreamt every night about cutting out the heart of his brother's corpse. He dreamt of hunting down German soldiers in revenge.

During the days, he had refused to speak to anyone. He felt that if he spoke about his dreams, they would become real. He began participating in therapy after he discerned that his nightmares were memories, and they would not cease unless he had help.

Once he began opening up, the denial he had been feeling faded into a white-hot rage. He was unable to see beyond his anger about everything. He was there for six months, and he resented everyone around him. He refused to tell the doctors about his anger, as he believed that it would only serve to convince them that he was unstable, and should not be allowed to go home.

He missed the freedom he felt on the ranch. He missed riding his horse—he missed _breaking_ horses, the way that taming a wild animal felt. He loved the feeling of connecting to the animal inside of him, and using that to communicate wordlessly to another beast. It was primal, and he wanted to feel that rush again.

Bears hibernated in the winter, but they hated being confined. The bear inside of Jasper was hungry, and angry at being caged.

He walked into his doctor's office for his weekly session. The man was fairly young –about 40 years old- and had a very calming presence. Jasper had long acknowledged that he was very well suited to his profession, but he still didn't feel comfortable enough with him to share his past with the good doctor.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Merriman."

"Good afternoon, Jasper. Please, I know I've asked you to call me Peter. I've asked you to do so at the beginning of every session. I want you to think of me as someone you can trust and be open and honest with."

"How can you expect me to trust you and be open and honest when you're holding me here against my will?" His reply was more of a yell than he had meant it to be, but, to his credit, Peter did not flinch. Nor did he seem at all surprised by his outburst.

"Jasper, you're not a prisoner here. The only person keeping you here is yourself. You went through a very traumatic event, and have had a hard time coping with that. Talking about what happened is what will allow you to heal, and will allow you to go home to your family."

"I don't know if I want to go back to my family," Jasper mumbled to himself. It was evident that Peter heard the statement when he responded.

"Why wouldn't you go back to your home?"

"I want to go back to fight. The Germans must be stopped by any means necessary. They're tyrants."

"What makes them so tyrannical in your opinion?" Peter inquired.

"They are killing innocent people! They must be stopped!" Jasper struggled to remain seated. He was afraid that if the doctor saw him pacing, he would be able to see his anger.

"It's a war, Jasper. Throughout history, civilizations have decided that they needed more room to live, and therefore invaded other countries. Rome did it, England has done it, and even the settlers of the United States have done it. It may not be ideal, but that is how the world works," Peter explained calmly.

"Oh, I am aware of the crimes the government of the United States perpetrated against the native inhabitants. They slaughtered men, women, and children, all in the name of 'God and Country!' It was criminal!" Jasper shot back.

"Yet you still live on lands that once were considered another's. Your family's ranch would not exist if not for the displacement of the country's indigenous people."

"Even if that's true, it still doesn't excuse the actions of the Germans," Jasper argued.

"Jasper, I understand your concern, but I think you simply want to further avenge your brother's death."

"Of course I want to! They _killed _him, Peter!" The use of his name surprised Peter, and he knew that Jasper was finally going to be more receptive to therapy. "They took the life of someone who only wanted to help others! He was a good, honorable man, who wouldn't hurt anyone!"

"If you return to war, there is a chance that you may kill a German who shares Carlisle's ideals. Not all men who fight in battles are evil, even if they are the enemy. People are forced to fight, or join because they want to serve their country."

"Or they go because they hold ridiculous notions of finding honor and glory through battle," Jasper spat bitterly.

"Some do, yes, but certainly not all. Do you think it's wrong to want to find glory and honor?" Peter asked, and Jasper was momentarily impressed by his ability to remain completely calm, even as Jasper was raging.

"It's wrong when your search for personal glory causes a family to lose a member. If Edward hadn't been so desperate to find himself on the battlefield, Carlisle would never have enlisted, and he would still be alive today!"

Jasper's chest was heaving in his anger, and Peter let him sit quietly until he got his anger under control again. Jasper shut his eyes tightly, and calmed himself back down.

"Jasper," Peter began softly. "Edward didn't cause Carlisle's death. It was a tragic accident, but you can't blame him for something that wasn't his fault. Carlisle chose to go to war. He chose to risk his life, and he died trying to help and heal others. You cannot take his acts of honor and bravery away from him. He was a hero, saving the lives of others, and while his death was tragic, there would be no honor in taking the lives of others in revenge. A German soldier is still a person; every person you kill has a family, just as you do."

"He shouldn't have died. He was a good man, who deserved to be happy and go home to his wife. It's wrong that he was killed when he had so much to live for," Jasper said quietly.

Peter saw that the rage that had caused Jasper's eyes to gleam a deep green had faded to a navy blue filled with sadness. Anger was a common aspect of grief, but Jasper wouldn't begin to heal until he released his anger, and dealt with the pain of Carlisle's death.

x-x-x

_May 29__th__, 1916_

_My Loving Carlisle,_

_Today marked a full year since Edward returned from Belgium only to tell me that you had been killed. It has been a year since I lost our little girl. I wish every day that I had been strong enough to bring her into the world. It still feels like I have failed you as a wife in every possible way._

_I don't know if that will ever change. _

_I keep thinking that there is something wrong with me. I hadn't realized it had been so long since Edward had returned. It wasn't like this when I lost my parents and grandparents. The world had been forever altered when they passed. I knew they were gone. I felt it in my bones. _

_I don't feel that way now. _

_I don't know if I'll ever stop feeling that way. All I can really feel is that you're not here with me, holding me in your arms. Nothing feels more wrong to me than that. I've finally managed to feel _something_ now apart from the numb and pain. I don't know why the rest hasn't followed that._

_Edward has been helping me greatly. I don't know what I did to deserve the friendship I have seemed to gained from him, but I am glad that we have grown so close. He's a good man, Carlisle, and he actually seems to have more of a purpose than he did before he left for war. I don't know if that's what changed him, but it's good to see him happy. _

_He suggested planting a garden in your honor. He said he wanted to celebrate your life. While this is a goal I will always work towards, I think he was worried about me. It was nice to know that he cares enough about me to try and make today easier on me. It was also sweet of him to try and mask his concern for me, and try to make me think I was doing him a favor by helping. It really was thoughtful, but transparent. _

_I ended up planting flowers that remind me of you, and that I think you'd like. I think it will be a place where I can go to feel closer to you. I think you'd like the sunflowers and forget-me-nots. The sunflower is so tall, and the forget-me-not so small that you'd think they'd look foolish sitting next to each other, but they compliment the other so beautifully. _

_My life isn't right –isn't complete- when you're not here with me. When can I feel your arms around me again? When will I start to whole again? I don't know how long I can keep pushing myself forward without your strength behind me. I want to feel happy again. I want to feel loved again. _

_I miss you. I continue to survive without you, but want to feel alive again. Please, Carlisle. Let me feel you again. I need you._

_Eternally yours,_

_Bella_

x-x-x

It had taken almost 6 months for Carlisle to be well enough to actually treat patients again. Both his head wound and his leg had prevented him from doing so. His leg, in particular had given him problems. He had not been able to walk without the aid of a crutch or cane for months, impeding his ability to use both hands effectively to heal the wounded. It wasn't until he was able to walk without aid that he was able to feel useful again.

His injuries, however, were far from fully healed. Even though his balance had improved dramatically, he still had a pronounced limp from the shrapnel. In addition, while his head no longer ached as it had, and the scars had mostly healed, he still had no memory of who he was. He couldn't recall what his parents' names were, nor if he had any siblings. He didn't know what town or city he was from.

He still remembered how to practice medicine, as well as how to speak in German, English, and French. From his initial habit of thinking in English to himself, as well as the fact that he was Canadian, he deduced that English had been his first and primary language. The longer he spent in the German camp, the more he began to think in German.

The only tie he still had to his past was the small diary that he had on his person. He knew that he was married, as he still wore his wedding ring, and the end of the journal had informed him of this fact as well. He had tried to read only one entry every day. He had planned to do just that—but found himself so captivated by the writer's passion and loving heart that he could not prevent himself from reading it as quickly as possible. He did, however, begin to read it again once he had finished it. He would read it many times, as it provided the only clues to his former life.

He also had fallen completely in love with the woman on the page. She was intelligent, kind, compassionate, and interesting. She had a certain spunk that made him want to know her more. He found himself trying to embody the characteristics she seemed to love about him in the past. He would find a way back to her, and he would be the man she wanted, needed, and loved.

As angry as he had been at his injuries, and his inability to recall his own past, he felt compelled to heal the wounded German soldiers. While he knew intellectually that they were the enemy, he could not fully view them as such. The doctors who had helped him were kind, and had taken care of him. They had treated him with respect. Even if they were the "enemy," they were still humans with minds, feelings, and families.

They were people, just like him, and even without his memories, Carlisle was not a man who could stand by and watch people be wounded or sick without trying to heal them. The war was tragic and senseless, and Carlisle would do anything he could to make certain no more lives were ruined than was absolutely necessary.

He had actually been making friends, as well. One particular act of kindness the men around him showed was that they began to refer to each other not by their last names, but by their first. They had clearly seen the pain it caused for Carlisle to not know any other name besides his first name, and tried to support him the only way they could think to—they only responded to their given names.

Soon, everyone in the German field hospital in Belgium became known by their first names. Weber became Frideric, Rosenberg became Christoph, Schneider became Hans, and so forth. It was when he learned what they were doing, as well as the reason behind it, that he stopped seeing them as the enemy, and began to view them as his friends. These were good men with good hearts, no matter what side of the battle they were on. They were like him—they wanted to help heal the wounded and sick. Their goals were the same, and though he knew he was still little more than a prisoner of war, he was not treated as one. He was a doctor, the same as any of them, no matter how strangely they pronounced his name.

For months, he had gone through the same steps, day after day. He would heal the wounded. He would treat the sick. The monotony was trying, because he frequently saw his friends around him sending letters to their loved ones, or going on short leaves. He wasn't allowed to leave with them, and he didn't know whom he should write to.

The girl in his dreams haunted him every night. He saw her long chestnut hair, her wide brown eyes, and could swear he remembered how she felt in his dream when he woke up. He had learned her name was Bella from the journal she wrote, but could not truly remember what it felt like to make love to her, or see her laugh. His dreams of here were sometimes the only splash of color in his gray existence.

One day, he absent-mindedly began to draw her face on a sheet of paper. In one year, he had drawn over 400 variations of her smile.

x-x-x

Jasper had finally worked through all of his anger after a year in the institution. His doctors had been pleased with his progress, but they still would not release him. Peter had sensed something that Jasper was holding back, and he knew that it would be a disservice to the young man if he released him from his care before he was on the path to acceptance.

While Jasper believed he was keeping his emotions close to his chest, Peter had an uncanny ability to see through his carefully constructed walls and understand his pain.

"You realize that the sooner you tell me why you feel guilty, the sooner you can return to your family, don't you?" Peter asked, after watching Jasper sit in the chair across from him for 20 minutes, refusing to speak.

Jasper exhaled sharply, and narrowed his eyes before responding. "I'm not certain that I should go back to my family."

"Why wouldn't you?" Peter asked, genuinely curious. He knew that Jasper's guilt was the cause, but didn't know the reasons for his guilt.

"I don't know if I can face them… my father, Bella. The only reason I went to war was to protect Carlisle. I thought that if I was there, I could watch over him, and he'd be safe. I promised Bella before I left that I would bring him back safely, and I didn't. I promised that she would still have a husband, and I let him die."

"You didn't let Carlisle die, Jasper. You were doing what you were supposed to do—fighting the Germans."

"That's what Carlisle said. When Edward was injured, he yelled at me. He told me that by staying close and watching over him, I was letting others down. That we needed everyone we had on the field, and that I wasn't helping anyone. He basically ordered me to go and fight."

Peter smiled. "It sounds like Carlisle was a very intelligent man."

Jasper tried to smile, but the clenched muscles of his jaw wouldn't allow the motion. "He was. He was absolutely logical and brilliant, but had the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. He was generous and good. I let him down."

"You did exactly what he asked of you; how do you see this as disappointing him?" Peter asked.

"Not that day. When we were crossing the Atlantic. He asked me to take care of Bella for him, if anything were to happen to him. Instead, he is killed, and I'm here, completely unable to be there to support her."

"You can be there for her now. There's no time limit on the ability to comfort," Peter stated gently.

"I just don't think she needs some insane man's support. And she probably hates me," he added quietly.

"You're not insane, Jasper. You may have not coped in the healthiest ways with your brother's death, but it was a tragic event, and you witnessed something horrible. It takes time to overcome traumas like this."

"Maybe so, but I doubt my father will forgive me. He hates war more than anything, and he'll never forgive me for deserting my brother in order to kill others."

Peter sighed. He wasn't getting Jasper to see the truth. "I think you'll find that he already has. I'm certain that the same is true of Bella. From what you've told me, they are both strong and good people. I honestly am more worried about your inability to forgive yourself."

"I just don't know if I should be forgiven by anyone. I failed to keep him safe. I keep thinking that if I had just gotten there sooner, Carlisle would have been safe. If I hadn't been so consumed with the thrill of the hunt. I was hunting humans."

"It is war, Jasper. Killing is a part of war. You've stopped blaming the Germans and Edward for their parts in this war; it's time to forgive yourself."

Jasper scoffed lightly. "I'm not certain if I have fully forgiven Edward in all of this, either. If he hadn't been so consumed with his quest for honor, Carlisle would still be alive today."

"You cannot know that, Jasper. Carlisle could easily have picked up a paper, and seen how in need for medics they were on the front, and gone anyways. Carlisle's death was no more Edward's fault than it was anyone else's."

"You mean mine," Jasper pointed out.

"Yes, I do," Peter replied bluntly. "It wasn't your job to protect him, and it isn't your fault he was killed. It was a tragic accident, but blaming yourself will only continue to hurt you and the rest of your family."

x-x-x

It took Jasper and Peter three more weeks of having the same conversation before Jasper finally began to see the truth of Peter's words. He had done everything he could to keep his younger brother safe, and no matter how many 'what if' scenarios Jasper contemplated, Carlisle was still dead.

Now, all he could do was accept that he was gone, and that his family still needed him. He had to trust Peter's opinion, and have faith that he would be welcomed home, and that they would not be angry with him.

It had been a long journey home for Jasper Cullen, but in early July, newly released from the psychiatric facility, he laid eyes on the ranch he grew up on. He was finally home.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading, as always. Next update on Monday, as usual, and Jasper's back! What's going to happen to our Cullen family when the Wild Child returns?**

**Shameless plug time: Voting has opened for the Texts From Last Night Contest. Please vote for my entry (co-authored with the incredible Bethaboo), The Princess & the Pussycat (found at http:/www . fanfiction . net/s/5922046/1/The_Princess_the_Pussycat - as always, remove the spaces). You can vote here: http:/www . fanfiction . net/u/2276896/BagofEggsBetches#**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank you, Bethaboo, for all the hard work you put into this story. You pretty much rock my world. **

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I have to admit, I'm really proud of it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Legends of the Fall.**

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_December 9, 1914_

_He kissed me today. Carlisle took me to see a choral concert this evening, and when we reached my doorstep, he leaned in and kissed me. I barely heard him sigh my name before his lips met mine._

_It was enchanting, and ignited a fire within me that I did not know could exist. I felt consumed, though my entire being seemed to cry out for more. I'm not sure exactly what I hoped would come next, but I am quite certain that it would not be enough. I want all of him. I want to burrow myself in his arms, and never know what it feels like to be outside of his embrace._

_The more time I spend with Carlisle, the more I am positive that I will never desire to be with anyone else. He is the only person I know who can make me ignite with one brush of his lips against my own. He is the only person I know who can talk to me about biology and anatomy without boring me to tears. He is the only person I know who makes me feel alive. _

_Despite the progressions we have made throughout the years in women's rights, a woman is still frequently viewed as an object for a man to obtain, to possess. I have long been horrified at the concept of a person owning another. For the first time in my life, I find myself wishing that I could be possessed by Carlisle—to be consumed. _

_That being said, I also wish to know if there is any way that I can similarly make him _mine.

x-x-x

Edward was panicked and miserable. He couldn't believe that Bella had found the letters he had written to her while he was at war. He couldn't forget the anger that consumed her features when she believed that he had neglected to give her letters from Carlisle. He was pained by her response to his declaration of love.

He had clearly told her that he was in love with her, and that he wanted to share his life with her, and she merely turned and walked away. It was as if the words were so odious to her that she could not see fit to dignify their existence with a response. He was absolutely crushed, though a large part of him knew that it was not the worst reaction she could have had. She might have slapped him, or screamed at him, flung his betrayal against Carlisle in his face—but she did none of that. She simply walked away, leaving him no doubt that she would not –or could not- return the sentiment at this time.

In truth, Bella simply could not process the information, so just as soon as the declaration was made, she had disregarded and forgotten it. She was in absolutely no shape mentally to consider the affections and feelings of anyone else, never mind her own. She was in love with her husband, and to even consider loving another would be the vilest betrayal of Carlisle.

Before either Bella or Edward could examine the events of the morning, they heard a very excited yell from Emmett. Bella crossed to the window to see what had caused his celebratory yell, and she could not help but smile at what she saw. She yelled for Edward without looking behind her, unaware that he had followed her into the room, and was standing not three feet from her.

When he saw what had caused such a reaction from Bella and Emmett, Edward shot out of the house, running to where they could clearly see Jasper approaching on a horse.

Bella was amazed at just how little Jasper had changed in the last year and a half. He wore the same clothes, same hat, same boots, and even had the same haircut. He still was clean-shaven, and his features were the same they had been.

_Except his eyes_, Bella noted. Though he was smiling, clearly happy to be returning home to his family, and the freedom of the ranch, his eyes were neither the green nor blue that Bella remembered they changed between. Instead, they were a stormy gray color, as if the last year and a half had sucked the color and life right from them.

Once he finally had arrived where they were all congregated, Jasper quickly dismounted, and was captured in a large bear hug from Charlie. His father's smile was brilliant, and it was clear that Charlie was elated to have his son home again. Jasper's smile was also bright, though his eyes still were haunted. Once Charlie released him, Jasper sought Billy, who clasped him on the back, and they shared a small exchange in Billy's language.

They were still talking, when Emmett's restraint finally snapped, and he quickly closed the distance between them, and lifted Jasper into a hug that rivaled Charlie's in intensity. The two men both grunted as they embraced, and Bella thought they were actively trying to sound like bears while bear hugging.

Jasper gave small embraces to both Alice and Sue before he turned to Bella. She offered him a smile, and he attempted to return it. Bella noticed that it was the least genuine smile he had offered that day, and she realized that he probably hadn't expected her to still be hanging around his family's ranch, now that she was no longer part of the family. His eyes, while still gray, were now lighter, so that they looked less like a thundercloud, and more like silver. She knew that his eyes frequently were an accurate way to judge his mood, but she had never seen them so void of color before.

He turned to Edward, and Bella unconsciously held her breath. A quick glance at the rest of the family showed her that she was not alone in the action.

"Welcome home, Jasper," Edward said, smiling lightly.

Jasper smiled at him, but seemed hesitant, as if he weren't certain if Edward was going to hug him or shun him. "Hi, Edward. It's good to see you."

"It's so good to have you home," Edward said, and stepped forward to embrace his brother. He could feel the tension leave Jasper's body as he returned the hug.

Edward had missed Jasper. For so many years, he was so accustomed to his presence in his life, that Jasper's separation was hard on him. He relied on Jasper's unique ability to make the family feel complete. He was almost a symbol for the ranch itself; he was wild like the horses he tamed, soothing yet powerful like the river they swam in, and calm like the fields they tended. Their home was not the same without him, and Edward was so glad that he had come back where he belonged.

Edward couldn't shake the memory that haunted him at night of Jasper's face as he handed Edward their brother's heart. It was stained with blood, and devoid of the humanity that Edward was used to. It was horrifying, and Edward frequently woke up at night from nightmares of that day, more so than any other memory of the war. He could see that Jasper had regained himself over the last year, but Edward had seen a side of Jasper the others had not; he had seen Jasper's wildness consume him as if it were a demon or spirit controlling his body. Even as his hand tightened around Jasper's shoulder, Edward was afraid of the darkness that he knew still remained. He could only hope that it would remain dormant, and not harm the delicate balance that held their family together in the wake of Carlisle's death.

x-x-x

After unpacking his things, and joining the family for dinner, Jasper asked quietly where Carlisle's grave was. Bella offered to take him there, as she had desired to bring some flowers for the graves of her husband and daughter. Jasper looked as if he wanted to refuse, so she simply grabbed her shears and went to the garden and cut the flowers before he could voice his protest.

They walked in silence, Bella's thoughts centering the cornflowers she held in her hand for her daughter, and the forget-me-nots she had chosen for Carlisle. They were not what she usually chose for their graves, but when she arrived in the garden, she cut them before she gave it a thought. For his part, Jasper was silent because he was afraid of Bella. He had broken a promise to her, and failed to protect her husband. He could clearly see the pain she was in, and he wanted nothing more than to be able to take away her pain. He knew it was impossible, but he would do anything to atone for his sins.

As they approached the top of the small hill, he saw the cross that marked Carlisle's grave, and was surprised to see a smaller cross resting next to it. He turned to Bella with his eyebrows raised, silently asking her what it meant.

Bella was mildly surprised until she realized that Jasper held no knowledge of her baby. "After Carlisle left, I discovered I was pregnant. When Edward came home, we held a funeral for Carlisle. Afterwards, I began cramping, and ended up losing the baby. It was a girl." She couldn't help but notice that though tears ran down her face, she had managed to keep her voice even.

He once again remembered Carlisle's request to take care of Bella if anything happened to him, and he realized that he had failed his brother once again. Not only had Bella been suffering over Carlisle's loss, but she had lost their child, as well. "Oh my god," Jasper gasped quietly.

She chanced a glance at his face, and the dark gray of a thundercloud had returned to his eyes. He didn't even bother masking his horror at the situation, and his eyes were not the only evidence of the storm brewing within him. His body had begun to shake, and she could hear him audibly gasping at air, as if they were on top of a mountain, not a hill, and the air was too thin.

It took her a full minute of watching him to realize that he was crying. She moved towards him, but he turned his head to the side, and threw his arm out to prevent her approach. Disregarding his silent request, she moved forward, and drew him into her arms. He threw his arms around her waist, and clung to her small frame as if it tethered him to the ground. She felt his hot tears saturate her shirt where his eyes were pressed against her shoulder. She could feel his body as it trembled against her own, and she recognized that his anguish at the situation fueled her own, and her own tears fell down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry I failed you, Bella. I'm so sorry," he cried.

"You didn't fail me, Jasper. What happened wasn't your fault," she replied. He knew she was crying, as he felt her tears against him, so was therefore surprised that her voice showed no sign that she was crying. She had spoken the same words that Peter had in the psychiatric hospital, but hearing them directly from her lips both soothed his conscience and caused him pain. He didn't want her to forgive him. Carlisle's death was not something that could ever be forgiven.

"No, it's not. I promised that I would bring him home safely, and I failed! He died, and I wasn't there fast enough to protect him!"

Bella sighed and withdrew herself from Jasper's embrace. "You did the best you could. It was Carlisle's decision to go to war, and I supported that decision. I'm not even certain I would ask him to stay if I could do it all over again. He wouldn't be the man that I love if he didn't try to make a difference when he could. You can't blame yourself for what happened at war. It won't do either of us any good."

"You don't understand, Bella! I saw him, when he was still alive! I tried to get his attention, and when he heard me, he turned around. I made him stop. Maybe if he was just a little further away, the grenade wouldn't have killed him!"

Bella reeled from the image in her mind of Carlisle being in the blast. She had no idea that Jasper had been so close to him, and a part of her mind that had refused to accept his death was silenced.

"You can't know that, Jasper. He may not have even heard you. It's not worth carrying around this guilt. It will eat you alive. Just…let it go. We can't change the past," she stated as firmly as she could. In light of his news, her voice was not as strong as she had hoped it would be.

"Maybe still, but I wasn't there to prevent him from going! I wasn't there to keep him in that damn hospital! _It's my fault Carlisle is dead!_" Jasper's voice rose as they continued to argue, until he was almost shouting at Bella, even though her face was mere inches from his own.

She didn't even flinch at his outrage. She also didn't plan to slap his face, but as her palm connected with his cheek, she knew she had done it without premeditation. She couldn't even force herself to feel sorry about striking him.

He stood in front of her, wide eyed and in shock. His mouth hung open slightly, and he was still breathing rapidly. The dark gray of his eyes shifted slightly, and she could see cracks of a deep blue creep in.

"You don't get to discount his role in all of this. They were his choices to make, and he died saving the lives of others! Are you really selfish enough to take his heroic acts away from—"

Bella's furious reply was cut short as Jasper seemed to snap out of his surprise, and swiftly brought his mouth to hers. Bella gasped as she realized that he was kissing her, which only served to provide him enough opening to trace his tongue along the inside of her lips before seeking out her own tongue.

Bella had been caught off guard by her own anger. She hadn't actually felt any emotion beyond pain and numbness since Carlisle's death. She had been amused at times with Edward, and had been upset when she thought he had kept letters Carlisle had written from her, but never actual anger. She didn't know what it was about Jasper's words and presence, but for the first time in over a year, she felt alive.

As Jasper continued to kiss her, she felt a spark that she had not felt since she was in her husband's arms the night before he left for Europe shoot through her veins. It was feeling. It was sensation. It was life. It was something she needed, and as she felt his lips move against hers, she suddenly began to furiously kiss him back.

He groaned as he felt her finally respond his kiss, and he couldn't prevent himself from moving his arms down her body, learning the feel of her curves. Her waist was thin –too thin- and while he was afraid that she was fragile, he couldn't force himself to loosen his grip. He needed this. He was pouring out every emotion he held into his kiss, and she gasped once more at the onslaught.

He moved his hands down past her waist, and cupped her firm little ass in his palms. She was so tiny, and he wanted to consume her. He had been caged for too long, and now that he was free once more, he couldn't help the need to connect to someone else. He had seen the sorrow and pain and anger that he felt reflected through Bella's eyes, and the fact that she understood him, that she felt the same as he did was enough to bring him to his knees.

In the back of his mind, he knew that there was a reason he should not be touching her, but he couldn't seem to think of anything besides the small hand he felt tangle in his hair, and the other whose nails were scratching down his chest. He hissed in pleasure, and drew his mouth away from hers, and began to kiss down the column of her neck. He moved his hands, dragging them up her back, and around to undo the buttons of her shirt.

He felt her hand move down his chest and stomach, until she traced the length of his cock through his pants. The other hand pulled his hair lightly as he scraped his teeth along her collarbone. She hadn't even realized that he had finished removing not only her shirt, but her undergarments as well. Despite his whimper, she quickly moved her hands to the buttons on his own shirt, and, after fumbling for what felt like minutes but was only seconds, simply ripped it open.

Before she had finished pushing his shirt off his shoulders and arms, her tongue had found his nipple, and swirled around it before she pulled on it lightly with her teeth. He couldn't stop himself from moaning a quiet and gritty "fuck" at the feeling of her hot mouth on his nipple. He quickly busied his hands, and removed the rest of her clothing while her own fingers worked on the buttons of his trousers.

Their clothing removed, they both stepped back for a moment to examine each other's naked forms. Jasper groaned when he saw her breasts flushed pink with arousal, and her nipples hard and begging to be tasted. His eyes traveled down through her tiny waist and taut stomach, leading to hips that were shapelier than he would have expected… until he realized that her body had begun to change to accommodate her baby. Her breasts were larger than they had been, and her hips were probably slightly wider than they had been before. Her skin was a milky white that flushed a delicate pink when aroused. Her hair had only gotten longer, and now grazed the tops of her thighs. He wanted to wrap his hand around her hair and use it to pull her to him. Her face had not changed, except that it was slightly thinner than it had been before he left, but her eyes were still wide and captivating, and her mouth a deep pink from their kisses.

As Jasper was cataloguing her features, she was doing the same to his. He had broader shoulders than Carlisle, most likely from the years of hard labor on the ranch. He had well-defined stomach muscles, and she couldn't stop her fingers from reaching out and tracing along the ridges between them. She loved the way they twitched underneath her touch. His eyes were now a midnight blue, dark with desire, and his tanned skin still contrasted beautifully with the golden wheat of his hair. She was surprised at how silky it felt to her touch. He had a small trail of hair, similar to the one Carlisle had, that led from his navel, down past the v of his hips, until it ran into a mass of golden curls. His cock was hard, and while he wasn't quite as long as Carlisle, he was slightly thicker.

The sight of his arousal caused her pelvic muscles to clench, and desire pool deep within her. She moaned loudly, and Jasper's eyes snapped to her.

"Fuck. This is not right. You're not mine," he said through panting breaths. In a brief moment of clarity, he realized that Carlisle probably did not have this in mind when he asked Jasper to care for his wife.

"Stop. Don't think. I have to feel. You make me feel. Don't make me stop; don't let me stop," she chanted before grabbing the back of his head and pulling his lips back to her own. He didn't protest again. Her anger at his apology had mostly dissolved, and she could only feel the red-hot burn of passion.

She traced the fingernails of her right hand lightly down his stomach before grasping his cock firmly in her hand. He shivered at her touch, before groaning as she held his length. He reached behind her and wrapped his hand around her hair, as his other hand found purchase on her breast, squeezing her nipple roughly as she moaned in pleasure.

Slowly, he moved that hand down, only to replace it with his mouth before skimming his hand across her stomach, and slipping his fingers into her slick, wet heat. She cried out in pleasure as his thumb found her clit, and his teeth scraped across the sensitive flesh of her nipple. She stroked his cock in a long, even motion, circling his head with her thumb, and occasionally brushing along his slit to gather moisture. He continued to circle her clit with his thumb as he roughly pushed two fingers inside of her, barely letting her adjust before adding a third. It was only minutes before she felt her muscles clench, and her orgasm shock through her. If she hadn't removed her hand while she came, Jasper wasn't certain if he could have held off his own climax as he heard her cry of pleasure and felt her muscles clench around his fingers.

Her body went limp, and Jasper slipped an arm around her waist as they sank to the warm grass together. Jasper brought his mouth back to hers, as he resumed kissing her. He was so hard that it was almost painful, and he took no time in grasping her legs, pulling them around his waist, and plunging deep within her. A strangled cry left his lips and he stilled quickly at the feeling of her hot wet heat wrapped around his cock.

Though his instinct was to fuck her hard, he couldn't help but remember that this was Carlisle's Bella, and she didn't deserve to be treated like some tramp he met in a bar. When he felt he could move again without coming, he set a slow, deep rhythm. His thrusts were strong, and she shifted her hips to meet them. He slid his hand up her thigh and side, until he once again found her breast, palming it forcefully, but not roughly.

He thought that the slower pace would allow him to last longer than he would have otherwise, but it had been too long since he had been inside a woman, and she was so tight, so wet, and so warm, that his climax seemed to rip through him without warning, and he came with a long low moan of Bella's name.

He collapsed beside her on the grass when his climax subsided, sweaty and panting for breath. She was equally sweaty, and was flushed beautifully with exertion. She was a stunningly beautiful woman, and Jasper forced himself not to think about the ramifications of what they had just done.

She began to sit up and gather her clothes. He put his hand on her arm, and waited until she looked at him. "I'm not done with you yet," he stated.

She merely nodded her head, and slipped her clothing back on. He put his hand back on her arm once again, and she found him looking at her with furrowed eyebrows.

"I'm not done with you either, Jasper, but there are rocks here. We're going inside, and we'll find a bed. No matter how amazing that just was, I don't want my back to pay for it tomorrow," she replied. She finished getting dressed, and without waiting for Jasper, she began walking down the hill, and back down to the house.

x-x-x

Once they were back inside, Charlie quickly spotted them, and seemed not to notice their rumpled appearance. He wished them a good night, and headed off to his study, most likely to smoke a pipe and have a glass of scotch before bed.

Bella didn't even pause in the hallway when they reached her room, and proceeded to walk straight into Jasper's. He could not recall a single time when she had set foot in his room before, but he could not deny that he loved the sight of such a stunning woman amongst his possessions. As soon as he had shut the door, he looked over at her once more, and was shocked to find she had been undressing, and was already down to her undergarments.

As she undid the laces to her top, his cock hardened once more, and he strode forward to assist her in removing the rest of her clothing. Bella had other ideas, though, and removed his hands, and placed them on the buttons to his trousers, silently requesting him to remove his own clothing.

When they were both naked in front of each other once more, Jasper closed the distance between them once again, and kissed her mouth hard. He had gone for over a year without any sort of sexual contact, and the passion Bella held inside of her made her a more than decent partner. He had been drawn to the fire within her from the moment he took the time to get to know her, and now that he had felt her heat, he wanted to be consumed by it.

He walked her backwards to the bed, and lifted her slight form in his arms so they could lay down. Before he realized what was happening, she turned around, and began to crawl on her hands and knees towards the head of the bed. Once she reached her destination, she began to turn around, only to be stopped by Jasper quickly grasping her hips. The sight of her tight little ass on display for him made his cock twitch, and he couldn't resist the urge to take her from behind.

He moved his hand from her hip, down across the soft curve of her ass, and then lower to where she was hot, wet, and waiting for him. She moaned loudly as he slipped three fingers inside of her, and he delighted in the way she shifted backwards into his touch. Within moments, he had removed his fingers, and replaced them with his cock. She released a strangled moan, just as he groaned in pleasure. She was even tighter like this, and it took all of his concentration to neither pound into her, nor climax too quickly.

He set a quicker pace this time, giving into his more primal urges in the primal position. She was panting, and he knew he wasn't going to last long. She felt too good, and despite the release he had earlier, it had been too damn long before then. He moved his left hand up to cup one of her breasts, pinching her nipple lightly. He moved his right hand to where they were joined, and began to rub her clit roughly.

It was too much for Bella, and she was lost in the sensations he created in her. She was moaning loudly, but bit her lip as she felt the pleasure inside of her explode. With a cry of her name, Jasper found his own climax, and he scraped his teeth against where her shoulder and neck met. He spun them around quickly, and laid down on the bed, pulling her slightly on top of him. He was panting through his post-climatic euphoria, and was completely oblivious to the slight panic that was preventing Bella from catching her breath.

She knew, without a doubt, that if she had not bitten her lip as she came, it would have been Carlisle's name on her lips.

Wordlessly, she stood up, only pausing briefly to kiss Jasper's lips quickly. He was looking at her with furrowed brows, but did not question her out loud. He knew she wouldn't have answered him even if he were speaking out loud. The quick look into her eyes before she turned away to put on her made him aware of the raging storm that was beginning inside of her.

She only bothered putting on her skirt and shirt, electing to carry her undergarments as she made her way to her room. She quietly shut the door behind her, but as soon as she turned to make her way down the hallway, she jumped. Edward's tall frame was standing in front of her, and she could see on his face as he looked between Jasper's door, her presence in the hallway, and the undergarments in her hands; he knew exactly what had transpired.

His face wavered between anger, confusion, and anguish, and Bella could think of nothing to say. She began to try, murmuring a quiet "Edward," before he cut her off.

"Don't. Just… don't say anything. I tell you that I am in love with you, that I want to make a life with you, and you say nothing. Not one word. Jasper comes back, and it's not even a full _day_ before you are in his bed."

"Edward, it wasn't like…" she began again, only to be cut off once more.

"_I said not to say anything, Bella!"_ Edward hissed. Bella could only seem to focus on the knowledge that this was the first time that she had ever seen Edward angry. "I don't know how I managed to misjudge you so completely, but it seems I did."

Before she was able to say a word in reply, he brushed past her. Before she had even fully processed what had just occurred, tears escaped down her face. She barely made it to her room before she tossed herself on her bed, and cried herself to sleep.

She had never considered that Edward's haste to leave her was because his anger was quickly becoming eclipsed by his agony, and felt the need to reach the sanctuary of his own room before succumbing to his own tears.

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Next update in a week, as usual!**

**Shameless plug time: Voting has opened for the Texts From Last Night Contest. Please vote for my entry (co-authored with the incredible Bethaboo), The Princess & the Pussycat (found at http:/www . fanfiction . net/s/5922046/1/The_Princess_the_Pussycat - as always, remove the spaces). You can vote here: http:/www . fanfiction . net/u/2276896/BagofEggsBetches#  
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	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Much thanks to Bethaboo for her amazing beta skills, and for putting up with me having the attention span of a goldfish this week. You are, as always, the best. **

**Welcome to all my new readers!**

**Disclaimer: I really still don't own Twilight or Legends of the Fall, but I play with them anyways.

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January 21, 1915

_I've known that I was in love with Carlisle for over a month. I knew it when he first touched my lips with his own. I knew it when he smiled at me as he told me about why he wanted to be a doctor. I may have even known it when I agreed to let him take me out on a date. I didn't know that he felt the same._

_He told me today. _

_We went to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum across the river in Boston. He had apparently been listening to me months ago when I declared my love for museums of any kind, with a particular fondness for art. He thought it was particularly amusing that I didn't have to pay an entrance fee to the Gardner simply because my name was Isabella. _

_We were looking at the lovely flowers in the indoor garden courtyard, when he turned to me, and stated very seriously that he had something to tell me that couldn't wait for another moment. Apparently, his vital piece of information was that he was in love with me. I returned his sentiments immediately, and was treated to the most incandescent smile I have ever seen. No painting that we looked upon today could match the beauty of Carlisle's happiness. That I was the cause of such happiness makes me the luckiest woman in the world. _

_I wanted to be the cause of that smile every day of my life._

x-x-x

In three separate rooms of one large house, the world came crashing down upon the heads of three separate people, all as a result from one impulsive act.

Bella was quite confused by her dream last night. She dreamt that Jasper had returned home, and that she had slept with him. To make matters worse, she dreamt that they had been intimate right by the gravesites of Carlisle and their daughter. She couldn't imagine why her subconscious would create such a scenario instead of reuniting her with her love as it typically did. It wasn't to say that the dream was bad, by any means, but the fact that it had satisfied her so completely was what worried her this morning.

Feeling guilty over a dream would prevent nothing; she could not control the actions of her subconscious. Sighing, she rolled onto her back, and threw her arm over her eyes. As her back hit the mattress, she winced in pain. Suddenly, it became all too clear that the dream she had been analyzing was not a dream at all. Jasper really had come home, and she really had slept with him. Twice.

She refused to think about the fact that she had slept with him beside Carlisle's grave. That was simply unforgivable.

Seeing Jasper cry had resonated with something deep within her. He had loved his brother deeply, and she felt perversely grateful for his pain. Charlie had hidden the depth of his own grief, and it often seemed like Edward had moved past his own very quickly. She had never really thought about it before, but it bothered her that she never saw either of them really grieve. Yet here was Jasper, weeping over his brother's grave. She felt connected to him through the shared emotions.

She had been so angry, though. He blamed himself for what happened to Carlisle, taking away the dignity of Carlisle's choices and actions, and it made her furious. Carlisle's choices were his own, and the guilt Jasper was carrying around would serve no purpose, and just create more pain for everyone involved. That was something that no one needed.

What shocked her the most, though, was how much she actually _cared_. She had been so lost inside herself for so long, that she had not even known how distant she had become. She read with Edward. She played the piano for Charlie. She continued to instruct Alice daily on a multitude of subjects. What she never did was truly engage. The only times she felt as if she were truly alive was when she wrote letters to Carlisle.

When she found herself yelling at Jasper, it was the first real emotion apart from pain that she had felt in over a year. She wanted to cling to it. She was so afraid that once the anger had evaporated, she would be left the same empty shell that she had been for so long. Her fears were not completely unfounded.

She had felt a myriad of emotions as she found herself responding to Jasper's touch. Between the sharp clarity of anger and the crashing waves of pleasure, she _felt_. Bella had known something other than the constant numbness of pain, and she knew that she would do anything to simply feel once more. In the cold light of a new day, perhaps she no longer felt emotions with the clarity she had the night before, but she did no longer felt numb, either. Progress was progress, after all, and she wanted to see how far she could go before reality came crashing back down.

Before she left her room to start the day, the memory of Edward's face taunted her conscience. His words were harsh, and his tone full of rage, but all Bella could see in his eyes was agony. She honestly could not understand why her actions had caused him such pain, but in the clarity of the morning, she was now aware that she had. She had not really considered his words after she found the letters he had written her. She knew he could not really love anyone as broken as she was—especially someone who was still so completely in love with her husband.

The anguish she had seen in his eyes last night bespoke a deep hurt, and, for the first time, she wondered if she had been wrong to dismiss him.

Jasper honestly wasn't quite certain what to make of everything that had happened. Sex for him had never really meant more to him than a good release, and the comfort of a warm body. While he'd never had sex with someone he didn't know, he also had never had a real connection with the woman before. It confused him, in that respect, why he felt unsettled by what had happened with Bella.

He'd always known that she was a beautiful woman. When he first met her, she seemed so proper that he had dismissed her charms; Jasper needed his companions to have spirit. As he got to know her, he realized that his assessment of her had been too hasty, and that she was, in fact, quite a passionate woman. It had made him content that she would be a good wife for Carlisle.

He wasn't quite certain how he'd ended up in a shouting match with her at Carlisle's grave to feeling her warm flesh under his fingertips and surrounding his cock.

He'd been trying to apologize for breaking his promise. He'd tried to atone for his mistakes, and was frustrated that she had dismissed his failure so easily. He had to admit that her arguments were sound, and that they should not have been unexpected; a large part of him still believed he was not worthy of forgiveness, and he had felt that Bella was the most likely person to indulge him in his guilt over Carlisle's death.

He certainly had not anticipated her anger at his apology. He had never once considered that Carlisle's death had a purpose. He had never once viewed his brother's sacrifice as the ultimate act of heroism. His brother had acted bravely—he had saved the lives of his comrades, and killed the enemies. Jasper had never considered that his guilt took away from Carlisle's memory. Carlisle had made his own decisions, and those decisions were honorable, no matter how much Jasper wished they had not cost him so much.

Bella had defended her husband with such fire and intelligence. Jasper would have expected her to forgive him to ease his own suffering, and was strangely touched that she was instead chastising him for belittling Carlisle's part in his own death. He idly wondered how Peter could have told him the same information for months without finding success, and Bella was able to do so within hours of his arrival home.

No matter how impressed he was at her eloquence and passion, he could not understand what had possessed him to have sex with her. It wasn't unusual for him to be aroused by strong women with hot tempers, but this was not some casual acquaintance of his. This was Bella, the woman his brother had married. He had seen the depth of her grief in her eyes, and knew that she was never likely to feel complete without Carlisle's presence in her life. He also saw that the pain in her eyes was overshadowed by his touch.

As he left his room and went to the porch to look at the home he had missed so greatly, he continued to contemplate the previous day's events. Carlisle had asked him to take care of Bella in the event that something should happen to him. While he still had no doubts that this was not Carlisle's original meaning, he wondered if providing Bella with companionship and physical pleasure could be the best way to fulfill his promise to Carlisle.

Edward had not slept that night. Every time he shut his eyes, the image of Bella leaving Jasper's room, her hair disheveled and carrying her undergarments, flickered behind his eyelids. He couldn't help the tears that fell. He had been trying to coax Bella back to life for over a year, loving her and helping her, and she slept with Jasper as soon as he returned.

He simply couldn't fathom what he had done wrong. He didn't understand what it was about his love that she found so abhorrent. He had declared himself to her. He had told her that he loved her, and her response was to ignore him and sleep with his brother. What grave misstep had he made that this outcome was warranted?

Edward knew that he had lived a good life. He had tried to do the right thing. He had gone to war to defend the defenseless. He had a good education. He had never broken a law, or intentionally harmed another person. He was a good man, and he always tried to do the right thing. Were his mistakes really so great?

He had set aside his own grief for Bella. He loved her, and it pained him to see her in so much pain. He was patient for months as she refused to acknowledge his presence. He sat with her every day in hopes that something he did would make her smile. He came up with projects that would occupy her mind and honor her past. He did everything he could to make her laugh. And after all of this time, how was his patience and thoughtfulness repaid?

She slept with Jasper. She gave his brother the gift of her body. He hadn't even been home for full day before she went to his bed.

How could he have taken advantage of her like that? How could Jasper pray upon her emotions like that? Did he even care about her? Did he care about the agony and hurt that had permeated their home for the past year? Did he not care that he had slept with his brother's _wife_?

But the question that Edward was afraid to ask even himself was the most important of all. How could she have done that to him? After all of this time, did his feelings really mean so little to her?

x-x-x

Edward couldn't sit inside any longer. He needed to clear his head. He decided to go for a ride on Susannah to think about what he wanted, and what he needed. He was no longer certain that he could stay on the ranch if all he would see was Bella seeking comfort and affection in Jasper's arms. That being said, he was not fond of the idea of not seeing her every day. Would it be more painful to see her and not be able to have her? Or would it be worse to leave and miss her?

As he stepped outside to go to the stables, he instantly regretted doing so. Jasper was leaning on the railing next to the steps, drinking a cup of coffee. He didn't turn around, even when he heard the door shut and Edward's footsteps behind him.

"I've been staring out at the same sights I've seen since I was a little boy. I don't know whether I feel blessed or insulted that it looks exactly the same," Jasper said before lifting the mug to his lips.

Edward was torn. He wanted to yell at Jasper for sleeping with the one woman he's ever wanted, ever loved. He wanted to embrace his brother and welcome him home, as he knew he should. He wanted to simply slip past Jasper and go ride his horse to clear his mind. He wanted it to be yesterday again, so he could take Bella away before Jasper ever returned and prevent the nightmare he found himself in. Most of all, Edward simply wished that yesterday had never happened.

There is an old adage that states that you can't always get what you want. Edward found this saying particularly appropriate, so he instead stood frozen on the porch, unable to do anything besides stand and listen to his brother.

"I've missed this place. The hospital I was in was horrible. Everything was gray, and I wasn't really allowed to go anywhere. I just felt trapped. Now, I'm surrounded by mountains and rivers and open fields to explore, and it doesn't really seem like it's enough. And I'm back here, and everything feels the same as it used to, but really, everything has changed." Jasper paused and once again sipped his drink before finally turning to look at Edward. "I missed you, brother."

Edward closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. "I missed you, Jasper. I wonder though, if it was really me you missed."

Jasper's brow furrowed and Edward wondered how he could have the audacity to feign confusion. "Of course I missed you. I know I've seen you more recently than Father and everyone else, but I was gone for over a year, and you know I love you."

"Well, Jasper, I just think you have a strange way of showing that. You're here for less than a day before you spurn Father's and my company." Edward was trying to keep the acidity out of his voice. He had to keep reminding himself that Jasper didn't know how strongly his actions would impact Edward.

"I needed to go see Carlisle's grave. I've gone over a year without being able to pay my respects to my brother. I know I failed to save him, and that it's my own damn fault for not being able to come back here right away, but it was killing me not being able to truly see him to rest."

Edward bit his tongue harshly, trying to stop the words he didn't want to say but couldn't help but think from escaping. He lost the battle. "Yes, that was abundantly clear, seeing as you ended up sharing your bed with Bella within hours of doing so," he spat venomously.

Jasper's eyes widened, and the blue of his irises swallowed the green completely in their shock. "What?" he sputtered. "How did you know about that?"

Edward let his eyes slip close before he took a deep breath, and then forced himself to meet Jasper's still shocked gaze. "I saw her in the hallway, leaving your room, carrying her undergarments. How could you do that, Jasper?"

"How could I do what, Edward? Sleep with her? It wasn't exactly planned, though I won't lie and tell you that it wasn't something I would do again in a heartbeat given the chance."

"Do you even love her? Do you plan on marrying her? She's a good woman, and doesn't deserve to be treated like some common whore," he questioned. As soon as the words left his lips, Edward wished he could retract them. He didn't want to even consider Bella marrying anyone else, even if it was his own brother, but could stand the thought her good name ruined even more.

"Make an honest woman of her, Edward?" Jasper questioned. His shock had dissipated, and he had begun to assess Edward's mood. He was clearly enraged, but there was a deep hurt that Jasper could clearly detect. "I'm not so sure that she would even want to marry me, but I care for her, and will treat her as she deserves to be treated."

"How can you stand there and claim to care about her when you took advantage of her grief?" Edward's voice had risen in volume, and he was almost shouting, while Jasper was still calm and collected.

Jasper knew that Edward was lashing out; it was easier to focus on anger than reveal pain, and Jasper knew that better than anyone. That being said, he wasn't about to allow Edward to hurl accusations against his character. "I did no such thing, Edward. It wasn't like that. We were arguing, and it became heated, and then we were kissing."

"Well, that clears everything up, doesn't it, Jasper. I know I can't have an argument with a woman without kissing her," he retorted sarcastically.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand. You've never let yourself feel passion for anyone or anything. You're so damn careful and controlled all the time, you never let yourself get caught up in a moment."

"You don't know me at all. I feel passion, Jasper. You haven't been here for the last year. You don't know how it's been. You're back for less than a day, and you make love to her? I've been here for a year, doing anything and everything in my power just to see her smile or laugh. She's been little more than a hollow shell of the woman she used to be. All I've been doing was trying to love her, to show her that it's okay to be alive, and within a day, you come and destroy all of that!"

Edward's breath was coming hard and fast, and he could feel the sting of tears, though he refused to let them fall. Edward didn't even notice that he had admitted his love for Bella to Jasper, but his brother certainly had. Jasper sucked in a breath as the pieces came together in his mind.

"I didn't destroy anything, Edward. It's not like my aim is to make her miserable. You know me better than to think I want to hurt her."

"You know you can't make her happy," he replied. He closed his eyes once more, and shook his head.

"I have to try. I owe it to her to at least try. If she wants me, she can have me in any way she so chooses."

That proved to be the breaking point for Edward's battle with his tears. He chocked out a laugh as a tear slid down his cheek. Jasper was right—it was Bella's choice, and she had made it abundantly clear that she was not going to choose Edward's love. "You're going to hurt her. You know you are. And when you do, I don't know if I'll be able to hold her together this time."

"You don't have to hold her together, Edward. That woman has already been to hell and back, and she's much stronger than you seem to give her credit for. Maybe she just wasn't responding positively to your constant coddling. And you can be certain that I'm going to try like hell not to hurt her. I owe her that much… I owe Carlisle that much."

Edward's green eyes flashed in anger. "How dare you say that you owe it to Carlisle to sleep with his wife, especially without marrying her! She deserves more than that, more than you, and I won't let you insult him like that. What would he think if he knew that you slept with her as soon as you saw her again?"

"I loved Carlisle, and I promised to look after her if anything were to happen to him. He meant the world to me, but he's gone, and there's nothing that any of us can do to change that," Jasper stated.

"How convenient for you," Edward replied, his voice dripping with disdain.

As Edward's insinuation, Jasper snapped. "I wasn't the one who begged for Carlisle to go to Europe where he could be killed. I'm not the one who placed him in harm's way, and if you imply that I have ever been anything less than heartbroken with his death, you and I will no longer be brothers, Edward. I can forgive you this once, because I see your pain underneath this anger, and I know that you love her. But you say that again, and we are through."

"Are you trying to imply that I was responsible for Carlisle's death?" Edward asked incredulously.

"I was here on Christmas. They were happy, Edward. They were so fucking happy that morning, and Father read that letter, and just two weeks later, Carlisle and I were on our way to Canada. There is no question in my mind that it was your letter that was the catalyst for Bella becoming a widow."

"I loved Carlisle, and I love Bella! The last thing I would ever want is for her to suffer!"

"And yet she has suffered because of your actions; we've all suffered. You claim to love her? Then trust her. She chose to be with me, Edward, and as long as she's happy, I will take care of her the best that I can."

With that, Jasper shook his head, emptied his cold coffee into the grass on the other side of the railing, and stalked back into the house. Edward wanted to go for the ride he had originally come outside for, but found himself rooted to the wooded floor beneath him. When his knees grew weak beneath him, he slid to the floor, his knees folded with his arms wrapped around them, hugging them tightly towards into his chest. He was in a tight ball, his forehead leaning against his knees, when he realized he was shaking, and tears ran down his cheeks. As the sobs continued to rip through his compacted frame, he wondered where he could possibly go from here.

x-x-x

Bella finally decided that sitting in her room was not helping her make sense of what happened the previous night, and decided to go sit on the porch swing, in hopes that the fresh air would provide some much needed clarity. When she opened the door, and saw Edward curled up in a ball on the porch, the guilt she had been trying to avoid feeling overtook her completely.

He looked so small and helpless, two things she had never before thought him capable of being.

"Edward? What are you doing on the floor?" She asked quietly. Her voice still managed to startle him, and he turned to look at her, not bothering to wipe the tears from his face. His eyes were glassy, and rimmed with red, and she felt the pressure of her guilt like a vice around her ribs.

"I was just thinking," he replied. His anger from the previous evening and earlier that day had faded. While the knowledge that she had slept with Jasper –and clearly did not choose him- still left him with a gaping wound in his soul, he had made some decisions, and had begun to feel the numbness that his resolve provided.

"What about?" She asked. It was the most interest she had shown for his well being in months, but he could not muster the hope required to appreciate that fact.

He focused on breathing. In and out. In and out. "I'm leaving."

"You're _what_?" She asked. "Where are you going, and why?"

"I'm going to Helena, to try and start a business there. There's nothing left for me on this ranch right now, and I need some distance."

"I don't understand why you think you have to leave home." Bella's voice was almost childlike, and Edward momentarily felt bad for how this decision would impact her life. She was used to seeing him every day. They had developed a routine. He was dependable, always there if she needed him.

He was a fixture, like a lamp or chair that she found comfortable, but didn't need at all. He had spent the last year trying to pull her back into her own life, ignoring his own life to focus on hers. He wasn't doing it to convince her to love him—he sincerely only wanted to make her happy. Making her smile, seeing the light return to her eyes gave him a purpose, something he had lacked in all the years after college and before leaving to war.

Still, Bella had clearly made a choice, and wanted to be with Jasper, and Edward knew that staying would cause him more pain than leaving would. He had nothing to offer her apart from his love, and she had clearly decided that it wasn't enough for her.

"I need to go. I have a few things I really need to come to terms with—things I've been avoiding for a while now. I need to make something of myself. I need to find a career that will give me some sort of purpose, something that will make me happy for me, not for you or my father."

She sat down next to him, mimicking his pose, but leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I can leave if it makes it easier for you. You shouldn't have to give up your home because of my selfish actions. I really haven't treated you very well recently."

Edward closed his eyes tightly, and Bella could see the way his jaw clenched. "It wasn't your fault, Bella. I won't sit here and lie to you and say that it doesn't hurt to know that I'm not what you want or need, but all I've ever wanted was for you to be happy. If Jasper makes you happy, then that's all I can ask for.

"I'm not leaving because of what happened last night—not really, anyways. I want you to stay here. You're a part of this family, and you belong here. I don't. I don't think I have for a very long time, and maybe this will be good for me. I need to do something that will make me feel like a part of this world, like I'm actually needed. I'm not needed here, but I have to believe that there is somewhere that I'm meant to be."

She wanted to protest, to tell him that she did need him around, but she found herself unable to say the words. The person she really needed wasn't here, and keeping Edward trapped in a life that he had gone to war in order to escape wasn't fair to him. He deserved more than a broken woman who couldn't love him like he deserved to be loved.

As they sat side by side on the floor of the wooden porch, gazing out at the same sights Edward had seen since he was a small boy, Bella found herself wishing that Edward could find someone to love him. He deserved someone that would marry him…someone that would make _him_ smile and find happiness again.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading, as always, and for everyone who has recommended this fic, I'm really touched. Next update on Monday, and we'll see more of what's happening with Carlisle.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Bethaboo is a fantastic beta, who even reads my crazy Carlisle and Jasper slash, as well as this story. You're incredible, B-thank you. **

**As you may have guessed, I wrote a Carlisle/Jasper one-shot for the Alternate Shipper Challenge called "The Unanticipated Prey." If you haven't already, you should check it out. **

**This chapter is all Carlisle, so we'll get to see what he's been up to over in the German camp. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and I don't own Legends of the Fall. I doubt you thought I did, but I'm telling you anyways.

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_June 26__th__, 1917_

_My Dearest Carlisle,_

_I fear that I am a plague to your family. You have been lost to the war for over a year, and now I have driven Edward from his home. I don't know why it is that Charlie insists that I remain here at this point. I think I'm a reminder of you, and while I know it makes him sad, I sometimes wonder if a part of him believes that you might find your way back to us. I also think that as painful as it is to be reminded you're not with us, it would be even more painful to him to pretend you never were. You could never be forgotten, Carlisle._

_I have hurt everyone by my actions recently, and I don't know how to fix things. Edward told me that he's in love with me, and I simply dismissed his assertion. He has done everything he could to make me happy, and I have treated him worse than I treat Jake. I have taken advantage of his kindness and comfort, and didn't even acknowledge his feelings when he told them to me. _

_Even worse than my treatment of Edward was my betrayal of you, Carlisle. I slept with Jasper. I saw him crying over your grave, thinking he failed you, and it touched me that he loved you that much. Then he was blaming himself for your actions, and I started yelling at him. I was angry, Carlisle, and I haven't felt any emotion that strongly for so long. Before I knew it, he was kissing me, and making me feel things again. I just wanted to feel anything besides the pain of you not being here. _

_Edward found out, and he was so angry and hurt. I could see it in his eyes, and then he decided that he had to leave. He said it was because he wanted to find something to do with his life. I know he had become a soldier for that very reason, but I cannot help but think that he wouldn't have left if it weren't for my actions. The horrible part of me keeps wondering if Edward was so hurt by what I did, how would you take the news of my betrayal? Would you still love me?_

_Even now, I cannot fully regret my actions. If I hadn't slept with Jasper, I would still feel so hollow without you. I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't want me to live my life like this. I'm a little ashamed that I haven't pursued any of the dreams we shared when we were planning our life together. I haven't moved into town, or become a teacher. You wanted more for me. You expected more from me. I know I need to make some changes in my life, Carlisle, but part of me thinks that if I do, it would be like letting you go, and that is simply not a possibility for me. _

_I wish I knew what to do and where to go from here. I've already destroyed so much. I need you here to tell me what I should do. _

_With all my love, always,_

_Bella_

x-x-x

Carlisle's days were filled with treating wounds, and curing ailments. He still liked the doctors he worked with in the field hospital well enough, but he wished that there were more to his life than this. He wasn't certain what his life was like as a doctor in the Canadian camp, but he couldn't believe that it was as tedious as life as a prisoner. He was not allowed to take leave as the German soldiers were, as he was still a prisoner. He simply felt… trapped.

He had a routine. The field hospital, while working on a different schedule than most facets of the German army, it was still a military operation, and therefore highly regimented. He got up every day at the same time, ate at the same times, kept the same hours at the hospital every day, and then retired to his bunk at the same time every night. It was slightly tedious, and though he liked the men he worked with, he interacted with them for so many hours of the day as they treated patients together that he didn't ever feel the need to socialize too much with them.

The monotony had gotten to him, and after sitting in bed, trying to remember his dream about a beautiful brunette who kissed him and smiled at him, he realized that it was July 4th. He fought for the Canadian army, but after reading Bella's journal, he had come to learn that he was not actually a Canadian citizen. He was American, and he wasn't sure what it meant to him that it was the date of his country's independence.

He couldn't recall any celebrations from his youth, or if there were any particular traditions that American's observed on the holiday, and it put him in a foul mood. He wanted to remember any part of his former life, even if he was unable to return to it. The war was not going to last forever. It was 1917, and more countries had joined the fray. At some point in time, he would cease to be a German prisoner of war, and would be allowed to go home. Did that really mean anything if he didn't know where that was?

His only link to his past was a journal written by his wife, and while he had vivid dreams every night of a lovely woman with shiny brown hair and captivating brown eyes, he wasn't even certain if that really was Bella. For all he knew, she was some fantasy that his mind had created. While he was grateful that he had the journal to learn about his past from, he wanted the genuine memories. He saw his wife's thoughts on a page, and he hoped more than anything that he really did hold all of the traits that she had fallen in love with.

She always seemed to put the needs and desires of others ahead of her own, and several anecdotes she recounted proved her to be fiercely loyal to those she considered friends or family. She was intelligent and well read, and he found himself wishing, on many separate occasions, that he could either recall the conversations they had already held, or that they could have more. She was so unique, and even after reading her journal multiple times, he wanted to know more about her. She was fascinating and had the most simply beautiful outlook on life.

Yet for all of his wishes and desires, he could neither remember her full name, nor his, providing no viable way to return to her, to return home.

His fellow medics and doctors were unaware of the date's significance to Carlisle. They simply went about performing their tasks and treating patients as usual. For as much as Carlisle didn't remember his own traditions for the holiday, not acknowledging it at all seemed strange to him. He had never felt quite so different and removed from the others in the hospital as he did that day, and he didn't really know what to do about it.

He sat alone as he ate his lunch that day, feeling a bit out of sorts, though he knew if anyone asked him the reason for his melancholy, he would be completely unable to articulate his thoughts. He was brought out of what he liked to call contemplation -even though he knew his fellow doctors were categorizing it as brooding- by one of the nurses that worked with him at the hospital. He did his level best to smile at her, even though he knew it fell short. She merely smiled wider at his effort.

"Good afternoon, Heidi. How are you today?" He asked.

"I'm well, Doctor Carlisle. How are you doing?" Heidi replied, using the name that all the nurses called him, no matter how strange it always sounded to his ears.

"I have nothing to complain about, I suppose. I'm feeling strangely homesick and nostalgic, which I have no right to feel when I can't even remember where home actually _is,_" he replied.

She was silent for a few moments, and Carlisle was slightly uncomfortable with the way she was studying him. He had been quite shocked at first with the forwardness of the German women he encountered in the hospital, as more than one woman had offered him the comfort of a warm body at night. He supposed it was because he was kind, polite, and handsome enough, but it was still surprising how forward they tended to be. He hadn't had much interaction with Heidi in the past, but she hadn't made any inappropriate advances on him in the past, which put him slightly at ease around her.

It's not to say that he wasn't lonely, and that he hadn't yearned for female companionship; he simply already had a wife. While he may not know for certain what she looked like, he fell in love with her every time he read the words written in her journal. Even more, he was not the sort of man who would ever cheat on his spouse, and even if he couldn't be with her, he knew she was still out there somewhere, and he could not betray the vows he made to her.

A slight clearing of a throat made him aware that he was not, in fact, alone, and that Heidi had stopped examining him, and wanted to continue their conversation. It wasn't like him to daydream like that, but he couldn't deny that he seemed to be doing just that.

"You remember how to heal the wounded, and you know how to cure illnesses. You may not remember where home is, and much about your family, but you certainly can know that there is something to miss. I know that I cherish the memories of my family while I'm here. I miss them, but remembering who I have waiting back home for me is comforting," Heidi stated.

Carlisle smiled sadly at her. "I'm sorry you miss them so much. It must be hard to be away from them. I suppose I'm more lonely than homesick, if I'm honest with myself. It's an American holiday today, and I guess it just struck me that I'm the only one around here that would care. It's not your holiday—you have no reason to celebrate it. What's more, America is Germany's enemy, and at the moment, I suppose they're mine, as well."

"I've never really thought much about your position here," Heidi said, exhaling sharply in what could only be described as a cross between a scoff and a laugh before she shook her head. "That's sort of terrible, though, isn't it? You've been here for over a year, and I've never once really thought about how it must be to help heal your enemy on a daily basis."

"I guess I stopped viewing Germans as 'the enemy' a long time ago. You're all just people, friends. I don't even really know who the enemy is at this point, as strange as that sounds. I think everything that has happened has turned me into a pacifist. I'm not sure I was ever terribly keen on fighting in the first place, considering I joined the army as a medic, but even if I used to think fighting was necessary before, I've seen what devastation it leads to. I just can't seem to find the good in it," Carlisle stated quietly.

"I have to say that I agree with you, Doctor Carlisle. I became a nurse because I saw too many people back home lose brothers, sons, and fathers. Others had family and friends come back injured. I may not agree with our cause, but I can't stand by and watch when there are people getting hurt. Maybe you came for the same reasons."

Carlisle smiled at Heidi. " I think you're right. From what I've learned, I joined because my brother was here and sent a letter home saying that they were in desperate need of medics."

Heidi looked surprised at the information. "Did you remember that? Are you remembering parts of your past?" She seemed excited for him, and Carlisle was touched that she seemed to care about him. Maybe she could be a good friend to him.

He just wished that he didn't have to dash her hopes so soon. "Actually, no. Unfortunately, I still have no memories of my past. I do, however have a journal that I had on me when they found me. It was written by my wife," Carlisle began. As soon as he said the word 'wife,' Heidi interrupted him.

"You are married?"

Carlisle smiled. "It would appear so. She had given me the journal as a Christmas present, but claimed to have taken it back to write about our wedding, so I could have her thoughts on it when I went to war. We were married on New Years. From what she described, it was simple, but intimate and beautiful." Carlisle smiled, though his eyes filled with tears. "I would give anything to remember it."

"They say that it's not uncommon for people with amnesia to regain their memories. You simply must have faith that you will remember, and find your way home."

Carlisle wasn't so convinced, but Heidi seemed optimistic enough for both of them. As he looked at the young nurse, he realized that he had not opened up this much to anyone else in the year that he had been in the German camp. It felt good to talk about his feelings of loneliness, as well as about Bella. Heidi seemed genuinely interested in his thoughts, and he promised himself that he would try to continue to seek out her conversation.

He needed a friend, or he was certain that he would one day become insane.

x-x-x

It had been months since Carlisle and Heidi became friends. Deciding to trust Heidi had turned out to be one of the best decisions he could remember making. She was kind, honest, and insightful. They had a lot in common, he rationalized, because they both had committed their lives to healing the sick and wounded. She was a serious person, but always quick to smile, and had a very wry sense of humor that you could only really identify after you had known her for a while.

She was from a small town near the French border of Germany, and actually spoke French in addition to German. When they discovered one another's fluency in the other language, they began to have their more private conversations in French rather than German. Whether there were others who could understand them or not, they felt a slight sense of freedom, and their topics of discussion became more personal and in depth.

Carlisle had told Heidi about reading Bella's journal, and falling in love with the woman all over again. He described the characteristics that Bella possessed that endeared her to him, even though he couldn't recall any of the events she wrote about. He sometimes recounted specific anecdotes that Bella had written, though it was always a paraphrase. While he was grateful to have someone to talk about his wife with, he felt her words were too intimate to share with anyone else, even Heidi.

For her part, her new friend fascinated Heidi. He was certainly one of the most handsome men she had ever seen, but that had only served to make her avoid interactions with him at first. She wasn't looking to become the plaything of a good-looking doctor; she simply wished to help the wounded, and be a compassionate and competent nurse. It wasn't until she saw him sitting alone during lunch that day that she felt compelled to speak to him.

No one should ever have looked so lost as Carlisle had that day.

She knew that she couldn't really understand what he was going through, but she knew she had to try and at least listen to him. She had to do something. No one should ever look so miserable as Carlisle had. She had seen him working in the hospital, and knew he was a wonderful doctor, and she admired how caring and compassionate he was. She was even more impressed by his friendly demeanor and strong work ethic, considering that he was not German, and was being forced to work for his enemy. That he never seemed to complain or hesitate to heal the wounded or sick was the most incredible thing she had ever heard. It took an extraordinary man to suffer as he had and still find it in his heart to help others.

As they began talking, she learned that while his kindness and inner strength was completely genuine, he certainly had moments in which he felt bitter and angry over what had happened to him. Surprisingly, he didn't blame those he worked with, and refused to take out his frustrations on his fellow medics; he understood why the Germans had taken him, and he had made peace with helping his supposed enemy long before he and Heidi became friends. It was his inability to remember his past, the people he loved, which served as a constant source of frustration to him.

Heidi thought that the way he had fallen in love with his wife all over again through her journal was the most romantic and beautiful thing she had ever heard. She found herself irrationally jealous of a woman who neither of them, for all intents and purposes, knew. Carlisle knew the words she had written that made him love her, but he could not remember a single conversation they had. He could not remember her touch, and he could not remember what she looked like. Carlisle couldn't even remember her name; the only reason he knew he had a wife was because of a diary in his possession.

As much as she wanted to be angry at Carlisle for loving someone he didn't know, couldn't remember, and could not return to, she found his devotion and love for Bella so beautiful and pure. She wanted nothing more than for someone to feel about her as Carlisle did for Bella. If she were being brutally honest with herself, she knew that wasn't completely true. She could say that she wanted a man as wonderful as Carlisle to feel that way about her, but it would be most accurate to say that she wanted Carlisle to love her like he did his wife. She wanted Carlisle himself to be devoted to her.

x-x-x

It was New Years Eve, and Carlisle was miserable. Tomorrow would mark the beginning of another year, 1918, but he could not convince himself to celebrate it. What good was it for another year to pass if it brought him no closer to remembering who he was or how to return to his family? It was two years to the day that he had married Bella, and he felt as if he had failed her in every way imaginable by not knowing how to return home to her.

Was it doing him any good to continue marking the date as it passed when he only knew it was significant because a well-read journal informed him of the day's significance? Could it really hold any significance if he had no memories to attach to the date? It felt a lot like the Fourth of July again, when he knew there was a holiday, but had no recollection of how to observe it, nor anyone to celebrate it with.

After dinner, he had rather diplomatically informed her that he wanted to be alone for the rest of the day, and promptly spent the evening with a pad of paper in his lap and a pencil in his hand. He didn't draw any images from the hospital or barracks; instead, he found himself sketching the woman he saw nightly in his dreams, and pictures of willow trees, ponds, and ducks. By the time he finally fell asleep, he had filled numerous pages with rough sketches of a person he couldn't remember meeting, and a place he couldn't remember seeing.

When he woke up the next morning, he was determined to stop letting his feelings of loss and frustration at his lack of memory affect his life. It was not wise to live in the past when one could not remember it. In the present, he had people and co-workers who relied on him, and a good friend in Heidi who cared for him. The more time he spent with Heidi, the more he came to care about her. Her friendship was frequently the only thing that kept him sane when he was certain he was going to go mad. She was the one person in the hospital and camp that he could simply be himself around.

After working his hours in the hospital, Carlisle and Heidi ate dinner together. It was something they had frequently done, but that evening felt different, and neither Heidi nor Carlisle were able to discern why. Carlisle could only hope that the difference in the atmosphere was due to his resolution to live in the present, and not dwell on the past or future.

After dinner, they went for a short walk, and talked. Carlisle explained his decision, as well as what it meant to him.

"It's not that I want to disregard what she means to me. Bella is my wife, and even if I can't remember being with her, I know I made a commitment to her, a promise to her, and I will honor it as best I can. I also am in love with her. Everything I know about her from every thought she wrote down has convinced me that she's everything I could want in a wife." Carlisle paused after his declaration. "I love her for everything she is, and for everything that she meant to me… but I don't remember her, and I don't know if I'll ever have the ability to find her again, as much as I wish that weren't the case. How can I live my life for someone that I may never actually know again?"

Heidi's heart broke at the pained expression on his face. She didn't know what to say, or what to do; all she wanted was to take away his hurt. She was in love with Carlisle, and even if he never knew it, she would do anything for him. She was a nurse—she healed people. She could assist doctors in emergency situations, but when faced with a man with a broken heart, she could only remember what her mother did when she was little and something hurt: she kissed it and made it better.

Unable to think of anything else, she followed her mother's advice, and brought her lips to Carlisle's tenderly. It was a brief kiss, but to Heidi, it was perfect.

After she had stepped back, Carlisle looked at his closest companion. She was a beautiful woman; he couldn't deny that fact. She had pale skin and light ash blond hair that came down to the middle of her back. She was fairly short, and while slim, she had a nicely developed hourglass figure. What was most striking about her were her eyes. They were a hazel color, with a rich caramel color near the center of her eye, with a ring of royal blue at the edge of her irises. They were captivating.

He didn't know what had possessed her to kiss him, but as her lips touched his, he made the decision to stay true to his resolution. She was a wonderful friend and an attractive woman, and if she desired intimacy with him, then he would be willing to provide her with it.

He brought his mouth back down to hers, and placed one hand on the small of her back, and bringing her body closer to his. The kiss was gentle and tender as they explored the feel of each other's lips, not urgent or needy, but soft and sweet. Neither felt the need to deepen the kiss, as if they knew that there would be time for that in the future.

Over the next few months, their intimacy grew, though their relationship did not. Carlisle was still in love with a wife he did not know, and while he loved Heidi, he would never fall in love with her. Being a reasonably perceptive woman, Heidi was aware of this fact, and never informed Carlisle that she was in love with him, despite the depth –or lack thereof- of feelings for her.

Heidi was satisfied with being as close to Carlisle as she was. It was not what she wished for in her most honest moments, but she was nothing if not realistic. After all, how much of a relationship could they have in the future? He had a wife he was in love with, and the war seemed to be coming to and end. She was not foolish enough to believe he would remain in Germany, simply because she was there.

Even if he didn't remember where, he had a home to return to somewhere back in the United States of America. When the war was over, he would finally be free to try and find it.

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**A/N: Next chapter will be up on Monday, and we'll be with Edward as he strikes out on his own. Thank you for reading, as always, both new and old readers. I appreciate you all.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thank you, as always, to my awesome beta, Bethaboo. It's her birthday this week, so everyone should give her a hug. Also... I'll be posting a special one-shot in her honor on her birthday (the 8th). It's some Edward/Bella fluff, so if that's your thing, feel free to keep an eye out for it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Legends of the Fall. Yep, that's still the case.

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"Father, I'm leaving."

Edward had walked into his father's study five minutes prior, before realizing that he should have gathered his thoughts before entering. Charlie watched in silence as Edward stood in front of his desk in silence. When Edward finally spoke, he closed his eyes briefly, and his jaw clenched.

He had expected Edward to leave the ranch long before, and had allowed himself to believe that Edward had found a reason to stay. Charlie was an observant man, and had noticed the way Edward doted on Bella, and had hoped that their friendship was enough to keep Edward home. He knew that something had happened between Edward and Bella since Jasper came home, but Charlie wasn't certain what. All he knew was that Edward wasn't happy with whatever had transpired.

"Edward," Charlie began, "I know that something happened between you and Bella, but…"

Charlie could not finish his sentence, before Edward began shaking his head and interrupted him. "Father, this has nothing to do with Bella, and everything to do with me."

"You say that, and yet not even a day ago, you were perfectly content to stay here."

"I know how it must seem to you, but I haven't been happy here for quite some time. I need something more from life, and I am convinced that I cannot find that here."

"Why now? We just got your brother back home. What will Jasper think when he finds out that as soon as he came home, you felt the need to leave?" Charlie countered.

Edward didn't have the courage to tell his father that he felt that Jasper would have plenty of comfort available to him, provided by the arms of Carlisle's widow. Instead, he chose a truthful, yet incomplete argument. "Jasper will understand, Father. He knows that I was unhappy before I left for war, and that I have never been content with tending cattle and working fields. I have an education in business, Father, and I have not been allowed to utilize it here."

"Then why have you stayed here the last year? To simply get my hopes up that my son had finally adjusted to this life?" Charlie's temper had been escalating, and while he was still controlling the volume of his voice, he could not keep the annoyance he felt from his tone.

"I stayed here this last year because I was needed here. Between Carlisle's death, and Jasper's absence, I don't want to know what would have happened if I hadn't stayed! Even if staying wasn't what I wanted, I knew that everything would have fallen apart if I left, and I couldn't let that happen." Edward's voice was laced with so much frustration, and Charlie was forced to understand that Edward had sacrificed his own happiness for this ranch, for his family. "Now Jasper has returned. You don't need me here any longer, and I know that if I don't leave now, I may never have the strength to…and I think staying might truly kill me."

Charlie could not doubt the sincerity in Edward's words. He was also even more convinced than ever that something had transpired between Bella and Edward, but he supposed the event was most likely inevitable. It was obvious to anyone that Edward cared very deeply for Bella, and that Bella was still deeply grieving for her husband. Edward's words killed any hope Charlie held that their friendship was enough to keep his eldest son at home.

"You know I was not happy that you chose to seek your purpose at war." Edward looked like he was going to interrupt, but Charlie simply held up his hand, and with a slight shake of his head, continued. "I never wanted my sons to know exactly how depraved mankind can be, and participating in war, even for a noble cause, is the fastest way to see the worst of man. I wanted better for you, for all of you."

Charlie took a deep breath. He had been angry with Edward for so long, blaming him for not listening to his lessons about war, and for Carlisle's death, but he found he couldn't be so any longer. It wasn't Edward's fault, and though Charlie made it no secret that he now disliked the military, he clearly had failed to articulate his reasons. It was his own failure as a father to protect his children from making the same mistakes he had that led to the tragic events of the last year.

Now he looked at Edward, who was a strong and capable man, and could not deny that he had failed Edward more than his other sons. Edward was brilliant, and capable of so much more than he was doing with his life, and Charlie knew that he could no longer hold Edward back. It would be better to let him go find his own way in Helena than for his to try and foolishly re-enlist. It would also be better to support his son in his decisions than it would be to withhold his support and lose his son forever.

"You didn't fail us, Father," Edward stated quietly. "I always knew that you hated war, but I was too foolish, and thought that this war would be different. In a horrible way, I was correct; man simply came up with new atrocities to commit. I should have listened to you then, but I was just so desperate to make something of myself that I wouldn't listen. I'm so sorry I didn't listen, Father."

By the time Edward finished his apology, his voice broke, and Charlie did all he could not to acknowledge the glassiness of Edward's eyes.

"Edward, I think I may have done you a disservice, keeping you here. You have too much of your mother in you to be content tending cattle. I guess it's time that you find something that will make you happy."

"Thank you, Father. I hope you know that I love you, too," Edward said.

x-x-x

Edward had always been a frugal man. It had never really mattered to him that he had a large amount of money in the bank, for he had gone to college on scholarship, and had lived at home for the rest of his life. He had inherited money from his grandfathers, his father had always given each of them a wage for their labor, and the army had paid him for his service. His expenses were almost non-existent, so he had a fair sum of money to start his new life in the city of Helena, Montana.

Upon his arrival, he made two purchases. The first was for a small apartment to live in, located close to the town center. It came fully furnished, and he paid his landlord the rent for the first year in advance. His second purchase was a small farming supply store. The owner had been looking to retire, so when Edward went in and inquired about employment, the old man offered him the company for a reasonable price. It was not the most lucrative business in town, but it more than broke even every month.

While Edward could not believe his good fortune in housing and enterprise, when he walked into his new apartment after supper, he was alone with his thoughts long enough to be reminded of what he was running away from. The small apartment was just too void of personal touches, the silence too large, and Edward couldn't remember the last time he felt quite so completely alone. When he remembered his family on the ranch, he recalled the betrayal and hurt that he felt, and he did his best to convince himself that this was for the best.

As profoundly hurt as Edward was by Bella and Jasper's actions, the anguish of his loss was not the emotion that overpowered him on that first night—it was his anger. Every time his mind conjured Bella's face, he felt a prick of rage ignite inside of him. It was still accompanied by the warmth of love, but the coldness of anger tainted his being.

He was certainly angry at Jasper for treating someone so clearly burdened by grief so carelessly, but Jasper hadn't been around all year. He didn't see what an accomplishment simply making her smile was. He didn't know how long it had taken her to actually laugh. Perhaps what angered him most about Jasper's actions stemmed from the fact that he hadn't been there to give her a box with the heart of her husband, and watch her scream in pain as she mourned him. He didn't see her doubled over in physical agony as she lost her baby. He most certainly didn't see her retreat into herself for months as she grieved over Carlisle's death.

Still, as angry as Edward was at Jasper, his brother wasn't the one who truly hurt him. He had yelled at Jasper, and laid accusations at his feet, but mainly because he needed an outlet for his rage. He had been seething internally, feeling helpless and hopeless at himself for being so foolish as to think he could save Bella and bring her back to life again. Mainly, though, he was angry with Bella.

How dare she? How could she treat him as if he were nothing at all? For over a year he stood by her, doing everything in his power to make her happy. He offered her comfort when she needed it, as well as his love. It was bad enough that when he offered her his heart, she merely turned and walked away without acknowledging it. Was it really necessary to further trample his heart by sleeping with his brother the first chance she got? To reject him would be one thing, but to flaunt the fact that she chose Jasper's bed was almost cruel.

He had not even been sitting in his new apartment for an hour before his anger became too strong. Frustrated and lonely, he left his new house and found the closest saloon in which to have a drink. Despite the late hour, he was relieved to find an open saloon easily, and within a quick walk of his apartment.

Edward wasn't generally prone to drinking, but, he decided, there was a first time for everything. Jasper frequently would get drunk at night, and 'fuck' a woman from town. He always seemed to enjoy this practice, and a small part of Edward's mind thought that maybe acting a bit more like Jasper would be a good thing. Though it shot a pang of sadness through him, Edward could not help but note that a man like Jasper was clearly what Bella preferred.

It was with that last thought that Edward sat down with a large glass of whiskey, and proceeded to drink until he could no longer feel his ears. If he had been sober, or if he had truly cared, he would have been ashamed at how little alcohol it took him to get well and truly drunk. All Edward was concerned about was the fact that every time he closed his eyes, an image of Bella smiling greeted him. This made him smile in turn, as he was drunk enough to not remember being angry with her in the first place.

A lazy smile appeared on his face, and he said quietly, "such beautiful brown hair."

"Why thank you, Handsome," a quiet voice replied from beside him. He turned quickly in his seat, and felt as if he had to wait for his vision to catch up to him. When it did, he saw a lovely girl who was not Bella.

"It's not dark brown, is it? It's sort of like a maple tree, but it's so shiny. It's shiny like an olive," Edward said, oblivious to his own slurring.

"Are olives all that shiny?" the girl asked, seemingly unaware of his inability to think logically. She had tilted her head to the side slightly in question.

"They are when they're in oil. Everything is shiny in oil. Maybe that's what's making your hair shiny," Edward stated. He leaned closer to her, caught a small section of her hair between his fingers, and began inspecting it. Her quiet giggle caught his attention, and his eyes met hers. "Your eyes aren't brown, but they almost are. They're sort of brown and green." His eyes widened slightly before he blurted out, "Olives! They're the color of olives!"

"You know, I don't think anyone has compared my eyes to olives before. Come to think of it, I don't think anyone's compared my hair to olives, either."

"Olives are wonderful, but we don't get them very often on the ranch."

"Ranch? Are you not from Helena?"

"No, ma'am. I am from out by Glasgow, but I just moved here. I have an apartment around the corner and everything."

"That's very nice for you. Did you have a lot of family?"

"Yes. I have a father and a brother and a sister-in-law, who isn't really my sister-in-law anymore," Edward replied.

"What do you mean? Did she and your brother divorce?"

"Of course not. They loved each other fiercely3 . He died in the war. Then my brother came home from the hospital, and she slept with him. Hey, I don't know your name. I'm Edward." Edward shoved his hand towards her with an affable smile on his face.

"My name is Kate. It's a pleasure to meet you, Edward. I'm afraid I don't totally understand. Your brother is dead, but his wife had sex with him when they brought him back from the hospital? I'm confused."

"No. I have two brothers. Carlisle was Bella's husband, but he was killed in the war. Jasper saw it, and went a little crazy for a while, and when he came home, he slept with Bella."

"Well, that sounds like an awful lot of drama. It's a good thing you left," Kate said.

Edward wasn't certain why it was good that he left the woman he loved behind, and in the arms of his unstable brother, but he supposed Kate had her reasons for thinking that.

"I don't know why it's good. I should have taken Bella here. I'd make her smile and fall off a horse."

For the life of her, Kate couldn't understand why Edward was suggesting falling from a horse as if this were a positive experience, but the wistful smile on his face seemed to suggest that it was. This man was one of the most handsome she had met in months, and she wanted to see if his long fingers were an accurate representation of other parts of his anatomy.

"We wouldn't want you hurting yourself. If you were looking for something to make you smile, I'm done with my shift here in a few minutes, and I'm sure we could find something to entertain you."

"My apartment has a lot of furniture, and I have a number of good books."

"Well, Handsome, we don't need to read any books. If you want, I could keep you company, and we could see how durable your furniture is."

"I don't think we really need to test it, but I'd like it to be less lonely. Thank you for the offer of company, ma'am. It is very kind of you."

"I'm certain the pleasure will be all mine, Edward. Can I get you another drink before I'm done here?" Kate asked.

"No, thank you. I've already had two glasses of whiskey," Edward replied.

Kate thought it was a miracle that she was able to keep the surprise she felt off of her face. He had been sitting on that stool for about an hour, and was quite drunk. She would have expected him to have consumed far more alcohol for him to be as drunk as he was. With a shrug, she finished serving the drinks to the customers who were waiting, collected her tips, and returned to Edward's side.

She was impressed that he held the front door of the saloon open for her, despite his obvious inebriation, and offered her his arm for the short walk back to his apartment. She wasn't used to anyone treating her like a lady. She certainly didn't have the best reputation; she was known around town as a loose woman. She felt so very flattered that this gentleman would return her affections. She had always been considered a beautiful woman, but the men she bedded were rarely as kind and handsome as Edward.

The walk to Edward's home was still brief, though it took him twice as long as it had to walk to the saloon, by virtue of his crooked gait and fuzzy memory. Despite his drunken senses, they arrived in his apartment, and Kate instantly understood what he meant by it being lonely. It did not feel as if it had been lived in, and it took her a few moments to recall that he said he had just moved to town.

As soon as he shut the door, Kate spun around and pressed her lips to Edward's. He was shocked at her forwardness, but as she began to move her lips against his, he responded to the pleasurable feeling. He was intoxicated from the alcohol in his system, and though a part of his mind knew that this wasn't behavior he typically approved of, he couldn't think of any reason why he should not continue kissing Kate.

His mind could only remember Bella's face as she smiled. He recalled the contours of her body that he had seen after she and Carlisle swam in the lake in nothing but their undergarments. With images of Bella in his mind, he wrapped an arm around the girl kissing him, and began returning the kiss in earnest.

Bella had sex with Carlisle before they were married, and she slept with Jasper before they were even engaged. Perhaps it was his inexperience that was so abhorrent to her? Did she even know that he believed that intercourse was to only be enjoyed while married? For a passing moment, he wondered if anything would be different had he made it clear that he desired her sexually. He then chided himself for even considering having such a vulgar discussion with a lady.

He was brought out of his musings by a warm palm pressing firmly against his length. Despite the kiss, he had not been aroused, but the sudden and unexpected warmth from her hand caused him to begin to harden. However, the contact brought Edward back to the present reality, in which there was a very real possibility that he was about to have sexual relations with a woman that he did not know; no matter how much he wanted to be more like Jasper, Edward could not allow this to continue.

He wrapped his fingers around Kate's wrist, and gently removed it from his body. "I'm so sorry, Kate. I…I can't do this. I don't believe in physical relations outside of marriage, and I would not be the gentleman my parents raised if I treated you with so little respect."

"I don't mind, Edward. I'm not a virgin, so you don't need to worry about taking my virtue," Kate replied.

He smiled sadly at her. "Kate, you may not be a virgin, but I am, and I wouldn't feel right about sleeping with you. I'm sorry if you thought that was my intention, but I can't do this."

"I'm so sorry. It was my intention. I was mistaken," Kate stated quickly. She took a quick, loud breath, and flashed him a smile. "I'm going to just go now."

"Allow me to escort you home. It's late," Edward offered.

Kate shook her head. "No, thank you. It's kind of you to offer, but I think I'd like to be alone right now."

Before he could respond, she slipped out his front door, leaving a dazed Edward in her wake. Kate didn't go straight home that night. Instead, she found herself knocking on a familiar door. When Garrett opened the door with a surprised smile, she knew that her evening was far from ruined by Edward. She had been correct—he was a gentleman, and kind. She had simply underestimated how strong his moral code actually was.

Edward had stumbled to his bed shortly after Kate left. Almost immediately, he fell into a deep slumber, where Bella was the woman kissing him, and running her fingers along his length.

Despite its proximity to his apartment, Edward never did return to the saloon where Kate worked.

x-x-x

It took a couple of months, but Edward had finally established a routine for his life, and considered himself settled in Helena. While his business was still fairly small, it had proven to be lucrative enough, and he had already decided that if it continued to do so well within the next few months, he would expand it.

With his business, Edward acquired something that he had not previously had: a friend. Michael Newton, or Mike, as he asked Edward to call him, was a man only slightly younger in age than Edward, and had a friendly demeanor that was a great asset as a salesperson. He had hired Mike to be his assistant manager, and could not have been happier with his decision. Mike had worked for his parents in his youth in their apparel store. They catered to the local farmers and ranchers, and their clothing tended towards the more practical style than fashionable.

After spending each day with Mike's easy smile and even temperament, Edward and Mike struck an easy friendship that only improved their working relationship. Even during his time at university, Edward had mainly kept to himself, and rarely bothered with any relationship outside of his family. Mike's companionship was the first time that Edward truly felt as if he were living his own life.

In addition, he had become friends with the girl who worked in the flower shop next door, Jessica Stanley. He met Jessica when her employers had sent her to offer him a few arrangements for his shop in welcome. She was a sweet woman who was very welcoming, and rather pretty, with long, curly brown hair, and a quick smile.

Jessica had invited Edward to tea and to dinner on various occasions, and they formed an easy friendship. Over a little time, however, Edward realized that he was giving Jessica the wrong impression of his intentions. He saw the way she looked at him when she thought he wasn't looking, and would sometimes talk about wanting to get married and start a family. While Edward valued her friendship, he simply was not romantically inclined towards her.

"I'm so sorry if I've led you to believe that I was interested in more than friendship. I did not mean to do so, and the truth is, my heart belongs to another," he informed her.

"Is it the woman who lived on the ranch with you? You speak about her sometimes, and really seem to miss her."

Edward closed his eyes and took a deep breath before responding. "Yes. It's her. Even if she doesn't love me, I love her, and I think I always will."

"If she doesn't love you, than she is much more of a fool than you have led me to believe."

"She's not a fool. She was in love with her husband, and after he died, someone else captured her attention. She's a brilliant woman—she just doesn't love me."

Jessica was not convinced that this mysterious woman was an intelligent individual, but as she had never actually met her, could not truly pass judgment on her fairly. If she could not capture Edward's heart, she would be content in his friendship. When he introduced her to his friend and co-worker, Michael Newton, she was happy that things had turned out as they did.

It was seven months later that Edward found himself hosting a dinner party for Mike and Jessica in honor of their engagement. Also invited to the celebration were Jessica's old friends, Ben and Angela Cheney. She was the daughter of the local minister, and he managed the local tannery.

As he took in the smiling faces of his new friends, a wide smile graced Edward's lips. He had a successful business, a nice home, made a comfortable living, and had genuine and trustworthy friends. For the first time in his life, he felt a sense of accomplishment. While he did not have Bella by his side, he led a full life, and could finally say that he was truly happy.

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**A/N: Oh my god, is that hope I feel? Yes, it really is. Next chapter will be up on Monday, and brings us back to Bella and Jasper. **

**Also, I have a one-shot in the Alternate-Shipper Challenge. It's Jasper/Carlisle vamp slash, so check it out... and if you like it, vote for it:) I'd appreciate it. **

**You can vote for it here: **http :/ /www . fanfiction . net/u/2333273/Alternate_Shippers_Challenge,** read it here: **http :/ /www . fanfiction . net/s/6079325/1/The_Unanticipated_Prey, **and read the other entries here: **http :/ /www . fanfiction . net/community/Alternate_Shipper_Challenge_Entries/81593/99/0/1/


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Thank you so much to Bethaboo, for being an amazing beta, as always. **

**More stuff down at the end.**

**Disclaimer: I still own neither Twilight nor Legends of the Fall.

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_February 12, 1915_

_Carlisle and I discussed a future today. We were speaking about something pertaining to one of his anatomy classes, and we somehow managed to get on the topic of where he wanted to go next. I knew that he wanted to attend medical school, but I was surprised that he wanted to go to school closer to his home than Harvard. He explained how much he missed his family._

_The way he speaks of them, sometimes, is incredible. He made me wish that I were part of a family again. It's not something I allow myself to think about very often, but hearing the love he has for his brothers and father, and even the people who work on his family's ranch, makes me yearn for that sort of connection with another. _

_We spoke of his plans for the future, and I was so amazed that he seemed genuinely interested in my own. He even alluded to the fact that I could really teach anywhere, should I so desire. In fact, he even began asking if there were other parts of the country I wished to see, including where he's from. We were speaking of our individual hopes for our lives, but I couldn't help but notice that he seemed to make certain that they were not too separate. _

_If I'm not reading too much into the situation, I believe that he wants me to be a part of his future._

x-x-x

Bella managed to avoid being alone with Jasper for three days after Edward left. She wasn't entirely certain why she felt it was necessary to do so at first, until she realized that she needed the time to sort out her own thoughts.

Part of her was still surprised that she had slept with her husband's brother. For the past year, Bella had refused to admit to herself that she did not truly believe that Carlisle was dead. She hadn't felt it as a truth deep within her as she had when her parents and grandparents died. Even when Edward gave her the box with Carlisle's heart, she did not believe he had passed.

It was as if she could still feel him. She had not said the words, even in the privacy of her own mind, that she thought her husband was alive, but she did. There was a large part of her that believed against all logic and reason that one day, she would gaze out across the fields, and see him riding towards her. She should have realized her fantasy for what it was simply because she'd imagined him riding her own horse, Esme.

A part of her was furious with Jasper for telling her that he had actually witnessed Carlisle's death, and, in doing so, killed her foolish beliefs. She wished that she could have remained ignorant, and that the secret part of her that believed Carlisle to be alive could continue to hope, even if it shouldn't.

She knew that it was irrational to blame Jasper for shattering her willful ignorance, but she could not seem to help doing so.

The other reason she was actively avoiding Jasper was that she was so confused by what had happened, and what it meant. She didn't love him—at least, not as a lover. She had always seen him as a brother and friend, and that she now added a sexual relationship to the one they had left her feeling slightly off-balanced. She couldn't deny that she he was attractive, but what she found so intoxicating was that he made her _feel_ again.

Jasper was a handsome man—he had the same golden hair that Carlisle had, and there were times when Jasper's eyes became the same aquamarine as her husband's. She couldn't help but wonder if she had slept with Jasper in part because he reminded her so much of Carlisle. As soon as that thought passed through her mind, she suppressed it—not because she believed it impossible, but that a part of her knew it to be true.

She wasn't sure what she should do. She didn't know if Jasper would be interested in having sex with her again, but she wanted to know where she stood on the issue before she asked him what he wanted. She had enjoyed the way his body felt against hers, and there could be no doubt that Jasper knew how to give a woman physical pleasure. She also was addicted to the fact that he made her feel something again, and considered that continuing their liaison would allow her to continue feeling.

After much deliberation, Bella had made her decision. She was not willing to give up the way Jasper evoked true and strong emotions in her, but she could not consent to a relationship with him. Her heart was still very much spoken for, she would not pretend otherwise, even if it meant that she had to relinquish a physical relationship with Jasper. She could only hope that he would not press her for an emotional relationship; she did not want her refusal to cause any awkwardness in their relationship.

"So you finally decided that we should talk, I take it?" Jasper said as he raised an eyebrow. Once she had decided on what she wanted, she searched the house for him, until she spotted him sitting on the swing on the porch.

"I'm sorry I haven't talked to you before now. I just…wanted to figure a few things out by myself before we spoke," Bella replied.

"I understood that you needed to work something out, Bella, but I didn't plan for this to happen either. I think we should try to work this out together. I may know now what I want to have happen, but it won't mean anything if it's not what you want," Jasper stated. Bella was surprised at how much sense his words made, and felt guilty for both underestimating him, as well as for avoiding him for days.

"What is it that you want?" Bella asked after taking a deep breath to settle her nerves.

"I want to take care of you. I want to try and turn our relationship into something more. I want to give you whatever will make you smile."

Bella felt her eyes slip close, and clenched her teeth together in hopes of preventing the grimace her mouth was trying to form. This was exactly what she didn't want to hear.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper. I don't know if I can give you that. I'm still very much in love with Carlisle, and I don't want to hurt you," she informed him sadly.

"I know that your heart is still healing, Bella; mine is too. I think we could both help each other. I already love and respect you, and I clearly find you attractive physically—I think we could have a shot at something really special here."

"I just don't see how this could lead to anything but pain, Jasper."

"I'd take care of you, Bella. I know I could," he insisted. Bella couldn't look him in the eye and see the pleading expression he wore.

Her reply was barely a whisper. "Edward tried to take care of me, too. For a year, Jasper, he tried anything and everything to make me smile, and I only ended up breaking his heart. You, Charlie, Billy, Emmett, Sue, and Alice are the only family I have left. I think it would kill me if I lost you, too."

"You won't lose me, Bella," he assured her.

Bella's eyes flashed with unexpected anger. "Well, Jasper, that's something you certainly can't promise. We both know that you may have to leave me, whether you want to or not."

"That's not what I meant, Bella…" he began, but was cut off again before he could finish her statement.

"I don't care what you meant! It makes it no less true that I don't know if I could survive any more loss in my life! Being intimate with you felt amazing, but I can't put myself in danger of getting my heart broken again!"

"I'll do everything in my power to keep you from being hurt ever again, Bella. I just want to care for you, and try and make you happy."

"I don't think I could make you happy, though. I'm broken, Jasper, and I don't know if I can be fixed," Bella whispered.

To say that Jasper was frustrated was an understatement. He had promised Carlisle he would take care of Bella. He had given his word that he would protect her, and make sure that she was happy in life. He couldn't fail Carlisle—not after everything that had happened, after he had already failed Bella so completely. He would not let her force him to break his word.

He knew that if he would just give him a chance, he could make her life easier, he could make her happy. He just had to convince her of that. Perhaps making promises to her was the wrong tactic. Bella was too selfless to enter in a relationship with her if she thought she would hurt him. Perhaps conveying a part of his truth would accomplish his goal.

"It would hurt me more if you didn't give us a chance," Jasper said quietly.

Bella sucked in a deep breath. "You don't mean that, Jasper. You should want to protect yourself from me, not waste your time on a woman whose heart has been shattered. You know it has been, Jasper; I don't understand how this could be appealing to you."

He was grateful that he could mask the care he took in choosing his words with somewhat false consideration. "I don't know how to explain it to you, Bella, but I feel compelled to care for you, and make you happy. I know you felt pleasure when we were together, Bella. I want to continue to make you feel that way."

For a moment, Bella was able to pretend that he was only asking for her body, not her heart, and she found herself nodding in response to the offer of more physical pleasure. A part of her knew that it was wrong to use her husband's brother in this way, but he provided a much-needed break from the pain and grief that normally filled her days. She could live with guilt more than she could live with the pain.

Jasper took her nod as the assent he was looking for, and drew her into his arms before claiming her lips. Once again, Bella lost herself in the sensations he evoked inside of her. While the grief would never leave her, the feel of Jasper's body pressed against her own provided an adequate mask. As his tongue slid against her own, her conscious thoughts focused on the sensation, and the pain of her past was momentarily forgotten. Being in his arms was very like a powerful medication, she decided.

His hands moved down past her hips to her cup her ass, and she moaned into his mouth. A slight breeze blew past them, and caused Bella to shiver unintentionally. "Jasper, I have no problem with you taking me any way you want, as long as we have a little privacy when you do."

Jasper smiled at her, and chuckled. "You mean you don't want my father or Emmett to catch us?"

Bella grinned in return as he guided her through the front door and into the house. "It is certainly something I'd rather avoid, even if it is dark outside. That, and splinters don't sound particularly appealing."

Jasper shook his head. "We can't have that now, can we?"

They walked up the stairs to Jasper's room, and Bella had barely shut the door before Jasper had her pinned to the door. He skipped over kissing her mouth, and ran his lips against the column of her neck. She tilted her head to the side to make it easier for him, and moaned at the feeling. She brought her fingers from where they had been pressing against his shoulders to the buttons of his shirt, tearing it from his torso when they were undone.

His mouth continued descending along her body, and she realized that he had unbuttoned her blouse without her realizing it. As his teeth nipped along her collarbone, Bella gasped. He removed her skirt and unlaced her undergarments until she stood naked in front of him. He dropped to his knees before her, and before she could inquire as to his actions, he pulled one leg over his shoulder, and began kissing along her inner thigh.

As his mouth reached the apex of her thighs, her head fell back against the door with a loud thud. Jasper didn't seem to notice at all, as he simply hummed in delight of tasting her for the first time. Some men found little pleasure in the act, but Jasper had always enjoyed the rush of making a woman come apart with his lips and tongue. He had been blessed with an abnormally flexible tongue, and it would have been a shame to waste his talents. Bella had not been aware that a tongue was capable of moving the ways Jasper was, but the knowledge was more than welcomed.

She and Carlisle had an extremely fulfilling sexual relationship, but they had never explored each other orally. It was now a regret among many on a list of things she mourned they would never do. Jasper would moan against her clit, and the vibrations would shoot through her and set her body aflame. He slipped three fingers inside of her, and curled them forward, making her quake in pleasure. With his free hand, Jasper held on to her waist, keeping her steady. The sensations finally grew too great, and she found herself in the familiar euphoric haze of a climax.

When she finally regained her senses, she noted that Jasper was still kneeling in front of her, but she could now see a smug smirk on his lips that was tempered by a glaze of pure lust in his eyes. She grabbed the hand from her waist, and pulled him up to kiss him. She could taste herself on his lips, slightly salty, but she found it neither appealing or unappealing. She began pushing him backwards, walking with him until the back of his legs hit his bed, and he sat down on it heavily. She moved her hands to the buttons of his trousers, and quickly removed them before making quick work of his undergarments. He scooted backwards, and rested his head against his pillows.

Bella began kissing across his body, starting behind his ear, traveling down his neck and shoulder, along his chest, and ran her tongue down the center of his abdominal muscles. As she explored his torso with her mouth, she brought one of her hands up along the hard muscles of his thigh, running her nails along his skin, eliciting a gasp from him. His cock was hard and straining between them, and all he wanted was for her to _touch_ him in any way. After what felt like hours to him, she did. Though he had briefly considered she might want to reciprocate in kind, her tongue running along his length was still a surprise. He let out an embarrassingly loud groan, and she closed her lips around his head.

Just as Bella had never been pleasured orally by Carlisle, she had never had her mouth on a man's cock. She looked up at Jasper, and, after running her tongue around the head once, released him from her lips. "Jasper, I haven't done this before, but I want to try. Can you tell me what feels best?" She asked.

Jasper nodded, and proceeded to tell her exactly how he liked to be touched. Every time she drew him deeper into her mouth, he moaned, and after a short couple of minutes of instructing, he lost himself to his pleasure. After swallowing the result of his orgasm, she crawled up the bed, and settled her body against Jasper's side.

Both exhausted from the events of the day, they fell asleep quickly, Jasper lying on his back with one arm curled around Bella's sleeping form, Bella lying on her side, her head resting on Jasper's shoulder. It was the first time Jasper had ever slept in the same bed as a woman, and it was the first time that Bella had slept in bed with any man besides Carlisle.

Bella woke up shortly after, panting from emotion, and haunted by the images of her nightmare. She dreamed of Carlisle alone in a dark room, reading her journal, tracing its pages lovingly. When she approached him, she saw no flicker of recognition in his eyes. She smiled at him, and he merely frowned at her.

"I don't know the girl in this journal," he told her, just before she woke up.

Her guilt crashed down around her, much as it had the day Jasper returned, and she wondered how Carlisle would feel if he knew what had become of her life. She couldn't sleep in the same bed as Jasper. Free of her exhaustion, her skin felt too tight, and the air around her too thin. Silently, she slipped out of Jasper's bed, and wrapping her clothing around her, returned to her bedroom.

Carlisle continued to haunt her dreams that night, and her sleep was restless at best. Every time she woke up, one thought echoed through her mind with startling clarity.

What had she done?

x-x-x

Jasper and Bella fell into an easy routine together. In a lot of ways, Bella found it similar to her friendship with Edward, only there were certain times when she and Jasper would jump into the river after a long and hot day on their horses, and end up tangled in each other's body, enjoying the escape sex provided. With Jasper, Bella felt a freedom she rarely had before.

With Edward, there were times in which she felt as if she were failing him if she allowed her thoughts to dwell too long on Carlisle. Though she was never able to truly hide her anguish from him, looking back on the past year, she could tell how much making her smile meant to him. She tried not to think about him often; whenever she let herself remember his face when he saw her exiting Jasper's room, her guilt hit her hard.

What's more, she could not shake the feeling that she was betraying her husband. Jasper's account of his death should have caused her to feel better about continuing her life, but it didn't. Every night, Carlisle invaded her dreams, and every morning, she would wake up feeling unable to breathe properly. Sometimes, he was reading her journal, much as he had in her first dream, in others, he was making love to her. In some of her dreams, they were standing on a foggy street, when Bella would call his name, but he remained just out of reach.

In the most painful dreams, she was trapped in a room, watching his mouth trail kisses along another woman's body. It was the last dream that haunted her the most. It would crush her to know that he was with another—how would he feel if he learned that she was in a relationship with his brother? Would it destroy him to think of Jasper's hands creating such pleasure in her body? It was this thought that caused her the most guilt. Would he understand that the only time she felt even marginally better was when she and Jasper gave one another pleasure? Would he be comforted that she still, even after six months, had yet to spend the night sleeping alongside Jasper?

Would he be relieved or disheartened to learn that as soon as their physical intimacy was complete, she returned to feeling no different than she had when Edward was around?

For his part, a storm was brewing inside of Jasper. He was proud that Bella seemed in better spirits these days. Despite his failure to Bella, that she seemed content made him proud that he could deep his word to Carlisle. He had gone into this relationship out of duty, but was surprised at how much he enjoyed her company. She had a way of making the more mundane tasks on the farm seem more enjoyable. He had always enjoyed solitude, but if he had to spend time with someone, Bella was an interesting and worthwhile companion. The fact that he could enjoy her body freely also contributed to his good mood.

There were times, though, when Jasper was alone, that he craved something more. He had been caged for so long that he had to suppress the desire to break free. He knew it was selfish, but he longed for the challenge and thrill of a good hunt. The bear inside of him longed for the kill, as well as the freedom of the hunt. He could lose himself to his senses, and truly become a part of the nature around him. He indulged in the hunt on occasion, but it became more and more difficult to return. He craved something more, something deeper—the land around him became too small. Despite this, he stifled his desires, knowing that he could not take care of Bella properly if he was not there.

Jasper was unable to dispel the restlessness that he felt, just as Bella was unable to rid herself of her guilt. While both were comfortable while in the other's presence, they could not mask their unhappiness when they were alone. It wasn't that they were miserable, far from it, actually, but they were not happy, nor were they fulfilled.

They could not honestly say that they were in love with one another. There was physical attraction that seemed to consume them at times, and they cared for each other. Still, Jasper saw her as his brother's wife, who he was supposed to take care of, and Bella viewed Jasper as her husband's brother who made her feel. Each held love for the other, but it was a familial love instead of a romantic one.

x-x-x

It took seven months of Bella going through the motions of being in a relationship with a man she was not in love with to realize that she could no longer allow it to continue. Every night, she dreamed of Carlisle, and in her dreams, he became increasingly disappointed with her choices. When he spoke to her in her dreams, he would speak to her as they used to, discussing their plans for the future. Carlisle still spoke of his desire to be a doctor, but when she spoke of staying at the ranch, the Carlisle of her dreams would grow unhappy.

When she woke up, without fail, her dreams would linger. She couldn't help but know that even though he was only appearing in her dreams, her husband really would be disappointed with how she was living her life. They first fell in love in part because of their shared passion for their chosen vocations. Bella knew that Carlisle had always loved her passion for teaching. They had planned a future together, and she could no longer convince herself that he would approve of her decision to not pursue it simply because he would not be a part of it.

She could no longer, in good conscience, stay at the ranch. She also knew that she could not expect Jasper to come with her, but she wasn't certain if he would even have the desire to do so. For as much as she knew that her heart did not belong to Jasper, she knew that she did not hold his. After being so completely and perfectly in love, Bella knew what real love felt like, and she did not share it with Jasper.

Bella decided that she would pursue the future she had always envisioned for herself. She had always wanted to teach, and there was no reason she could not move to the city and do just that. Now, all that was left to do was to tell Jasper.

She found him grooming their horses in the stable. She watched the thick muscles in his back ripple as he drew the dense brush along the short fur of his horse. He certainly was a beautiful man, and despite the wave of lust she felt while watching the way his body moved, she knew that she was making the right decision. She walked up to him, and began speaking softly, as to not disturb him or the horse.

"Jasper, I was hoping that I could speak with you," she said.

He turned to her, and brought his lips down to brush across hers before he smiled and nodded at her. "What's on your mind, Bella?"

Bella took a deep breath to steel her nerves. "I don't think this is working out for me, Jasper. I feel like I lost myself when I lost Carlisle, and as much as we've been trying to make this work, I'm not sure that it was ever right. I do care about you, but I'm very sorry, I don't think I can be with you anymore."

"I thought you seemed happier," Jasper said, his brows furrowing. "Did I misunderstand?"

Bella shook her head. "No, Jasper, you didn't misunderstand. I have been happier when I'm around you… but only when I'm around you. It's like the minute I'm alone, the feelings I've been pushing aside come back to me, and I just don't think it's fair to either of us if I were to stay here."

"I just wanted to make you ha—wait. You don't want to stay here? Why would you leave?" Jasper asked.

"I want to go to the city, to Helena. It's not that I don't appreciate everything you and Charlie have done for me; I really am incredibly grateful. I just don't think that this is what I was meant to do with my life."

"What would you do?"

"I want to teach. I have a degree and certification to do so, and it's what I had always wanted to do. Living at the ranch was always meant to be temporary for Carlisle and I. Before the war started, he was going to go to medical school, and I was going to find a job teaching. When we lost him, I somehow forgot what it was that I wanted. I had dreams of a certain life, and just because one part of it is missing, it doesn't mean that my goals in life had to change. I think it's time that I finally do what I wanted to do. I have money from my parents and grandparents. It's more than enough to start a new life in Helena."

Jasper was dazed. He couldn't believe that she was leaving. If he really thought about it, he could see the sense in what she was saying. They were drifting, and while he enjoyed the freedom their kind of life provided, Bella was never meant for that type of life. Not really. She had given Alice an amazing education, and any school would be lucky to have her as a teacher.

He simply didn't know where it left him.

"What about you and I?"

Bella smiled sadly. "I care about you a great deal, Jasper, but I think we both know that we were never really meant to be together. I'm so sorry. You'll be happier here."

It was Jasper's turn to give Bella a small smile. "I don't know. I've just felt so restless, like I'd been trapped in a cage for so long that I need more for a while. I need to go to new places, and see what else the world has to offer. I know I'll come back, but I think I need to leave for a little while."

"It sounds like you've been giving this a lot of thought," Bella said with a wider smile. She was glad that Jasper seemed to feel the same way as she did, even if he hadn't wanted to express it.

He grinned at her. "I suppose I have, if I'm honest with myself. I just didn't want to leave you here alone, and, no offense, but you really don't seem the type to travel the world, hunting and immersing yourself with nature."

"No offense taken. It doesn't sound like something I'd enjoy, but I can certainly see how that would appeal to you."

"It does. I think taking some time to myself would help me put what happened in the past behind me."

"I think so, too. I think I'll love Carlisle until the day I die, but he would want me to live my life, not let my grief consume me. He always loved my passion, and I think I let myself forget that for a while," she said.

Jasper closed his eyes, not wanting to see the unshed tears in hers. "I'm sure he'd understand; I do think you're right, though. I think he'd be happy if you found something that would make you truly happy."

They smiled at each other, a quiet acknowledgement that their relationship was over, and that they would both be okay. Jasper drew Bella into his arms, and brought his lips to hers. She returned his kiss, but when he tried to deepen it, she pulled away.

She noticed the slight frown on his face when she looked at him again, and said, "I'm sorry. I think it's best if we leave things as they are. I do love you, Jasper, and I'm sure you'll find someone who can make you very happy."

"I love you, Bella. I hope you know that."

"I do. But I think we both know that it isn't the right kind of love, and we both deserve more."

He drew her back into his arms, but this time did not try to kiss her. He knew Bella well enough to know that once she had made a decision, there was no going back. In fact, it was less than a week before both Jasper and Bella left the ranch, each headed in a completely different direction.

* * *

**A/N: Next update on Monday.**

**I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reads this story, and to those who let me know what you think about it, or tell a friend about it, or recc it. Thank you so much...I can't tell you how touched I am by your support. I'd like to give a shout out to Sleepyvalentina who recently recc'd me on the Edwardville blog. Some of you also put so much thought into your reviews, and hearing about how you connect to these characters really means the world to me. So thank you to everyone who has read this, everyone who has told a friend, and everyone who has taken the time to let me know. I'm really honored.**

**That being said, I probably just lost a few of you who were hoping for more Bella/Jasper. It's not the last we've seen of Jasper by any means, but I'm sure there are a few of your who will be disappointed by this development. Next chapter, Bella strikes out on her own, and finally starts living again for the first time since Edward told her that Carlisle was dead.  
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	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I wanna give some snuggles to Bethaboo for all her hard work and for being a superawesome beta. She kicks some major ass.**

**Disclaimer: I own neither Twilight nor Legends of the Fall.

* * *

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_April 2__nd__, 1915_

_Today, Carlisle took me to the ballet. We saw _Romeo et Juliet_. The music was lovely, but the dancing was transcendent. The principle dancers had such elegance and grace. I found myself crying at the beauty of their love, causing Carlisle to wipe the tears from my cheeks. I couldn't help but kiss him softly as he did so. _

_After the ballet, he walked me to my apartment. Along the way, we spoke of the story, and how while we both enjoyed the ballet, as well as the play, neither of us could imagine taking our own lives. We agreed that we would want the other to continue living. _

"_Bella, if anything were to happen to me, I would only wish to know that you were happy. Consider that my dying wish. Besides, you have to know that I'd never leave you."_

"_Even if you were killed?" I asked._

"_I'd still come back for you. I'd never be able to truly stay away from you, so I'd be very upset if I couldn't see your smile when I returned," he said with a grin, causing me to laugh._

_He's foolish. I know that he was joking, but I know that's what I would want. I'm terrified of how deeply I love him, but I have survived losing all of my family. It simply made me more determined to make something of myself. _

_This is why I never choose to read that play… it always makes me think the most morbid thoughts. When I told Carlisle this, he laughed, and assured me that we would only ever see comedies after tonight. He really is a fool, but I love him for it._

x-x-x

When Bella and Carlisle had planned their future together, they had decided to live near Missoula, Montana, so that Bella could teach while Carlisle went through medical school at the University of Montana. They had briefly spoken about moving to Helena afterwards, where there were better hospitals for Carlisle to work in, as well as plenty of schools for Bella to teach in. When she decided where to start living her life again after leaving the Cullen ranch, she could not bring herself to go to Missoula. She would forever associate the town with Carlisle because of the medical school, and she knew that she couldn't put herself through that.

She needed a clean break, so she headed to Helena, where she hoped to that she could start over. She expected that the city would provide a certain amount of anonymity, so she could maintain her privacy more than she would be afforded in a small town. She also believed that it would provide enough distractions to keep her mind occupied, and not dwell too much on the past. As Helena was fairly close to the ranch, she promised Charlie that she would come back one night every couple of months for dinner.

"Just because you're not my blood, it doesn't mean you're not my daughter," Charlie explained. "I love you, Bella, and am so proud of you for doing this. I think Carlisle would be, as well."

She smiled at him as a few stray tears slid down her cheeks, and thanked him before wrapping her arms around him. "You know, you're an amazing father, and I am so honored to be part of your family."

"Thank you, Bella," he replied gruffly.

Ending their embrace, Bella laughed lightly and brushed the tears from her eyes. "In any case, I have to come back and make sure you're leading my pupil astray. I expect regular progress reports on Alice's education."

Charlie laughed as well. "Yes, ma'am."

"Oh, and Charlie?" She waited until he raised his eyebrows. "I left the drawing Carlisle drew of the Boston Public Gardens in the living room. I know you love it, and I have my memories of it. I thought you'd like to have something that he made."

Charlie took a deep breath, and nodded his head. He was incredibly touched by her thoughtfulness. When he had first seen the drawing, he had commented on how beautiful it was. There was something almost magical and peaceful about the scene. After Bella hung it in the living room, he frequently would stand in front of it, letting himself believe that it could bring him closer to his son, and let the serenity and joy it evoked overtake him. He hadn't thought that anyone had noticed this, but that Bella had, and left it for him meant a great deal to him.

Despite her old maternity clothes, Bella did not have many possessions to take with her to the city, yet Charlie, Jasper, and Emmett all traveled with her to help her get settled, with Billy following them with her belongings (and Jake) in the car. She knew they didn't come because they thought her incapable; they simply wanted to see her safe. She was their family, and it touched her that they would do this for her. It would not be the first time she would be on her own, but it would be the first time she would be alone in an unfamiliar city.

She had found a beautiful little apartment to live in. It was fully furnished, which suited her needs well, and was within walking distance to the schools. She had inquired about a position, but school didn't come back from the mid-year break until February. There was a vacancy to teach fourth year students, and the school's headmaster was happy to have a Radcliffe graduate fill the post. In the meantime, she would attempt to sort out her life.

She had made a decision to return to her maiden name when she moved to Helena. If she were truly going to start a new life, the constant reminder of Carlisle through his last name would be trying at best. In addition to once again being known as Bella Swan, she stopped wearing her engagement and wedding rings. She broke down in tears as she removed them, viewing them as a tangible sign that she was finally letting Carlisle go. She felt naked and incomplete without them, and had to remind herself that she would always carry Carlisle in her heart. Even if she no longer wore his rings, she never took the necklace he gave her for Christmas from around her neck.

She knew that if she kept his name and wore his rings, others would constantly question her, and Bella didn't think she could survive telling her story to new people over and over again. Even if it was slightly cowardly, and made her feel as if she were denying her relationship, she was certain that the alternative would hurt even more.

The men had a long journey back to the ranch, so they left as soon as they had everything set up. Esme was to be kept in a nearby stable, despite Bella's initial protests that the horse belonged at the ranch. When Charlie pointed out that it would allow her to come back to visit more frequently, she acquiesced. Jasper's only contribution to the conversation was to shake his head and remind her that Esme had been a gift in the first place.

When they were gone, she looked around her new apartment. It was simply decorated, but comfortable. She displayed the portrait of herself that Carlisle had drawn for her, as well as the drawing of Jake on her walls. She had an old silver jewelry box that her grandmother had given her with a dragonfly etched into the metal; in it, she placed her wedding and engagement rings, and placed it on the mantle. If she couldn't wear them, she could at least subtly display them.

Once she had everything unpacked, she was exhausted. She sat down on her couch and laughed lightly as Jake jumped into her lap almost immediately. She picked up a novel from the end table beside her, and began to lose herself into someone else's life.

x-x-x

Teaching again was exactly what Bella had needed. She had spent so many days simply going through the motions of living, she had almost forgotten what it was like to feel passionate about something. Though she had taught Alice, she was still surrounded by Carlisle's family, in places linked to memories of the two of them together. She could not escape her past while she remained at the ranch. Now that she was on her own in Helena, free of the ghosts that haunted her, she was able to remember why she had wanted to become a teacher in the first place.

Her students were quite lovely little people. They saw the world in a way wholly unlike anyone else. They were so open and honest, and filled with wonder at the world. She admired their ability to create their own stories, and the endless optimism that they held. Of course, their hurts always seemed to hurt more, but they were also forgotten quicker than they were by adults.

Through teaching, she was able to find true joy once more. She looked forward to expanding the minds of her students. While she still wrote letters to Carlisle every day, she found the pages being filled with something she thought she had completely lost: hope.

She still was cautious to make new friends, though. She had lost almost everyone she had truly cared for too early. Her grandparents were elderly when they died, but her parents and Carlisle were not. Was she in some way cursed? She did not want to become close to someone only to lose them, too. She wasn't sure how much loss she could handle. Despite her self-inflicted solitude, Bella was becoming happy, and she knew that she had made the right choice.

When she returned to Glasgow in March, the ranch was much quieter. It was then she realized that when she had first come in 1915, the brothers were a strong presence. Now, it seemed so empty, and she realized that Jasper had gone off to explore the world, as he had told her he wanted to do. She had always loved the vitality of the ranch, and while it was still successful, it wasn't the same without Jasper and Edward around. In a strange way, it felt similar to when the three brothers were still at war, and a part of her wanted to believe that Carlisle still might be coming home.

"I'm so glad you could come today, Bella. How are you enjoying life in the city?" Charlie asked once they were all sitting down to dinner.

"It's actually quite good. I spent so long studying to become a teacher—to use that education makes me feel accomplished. The kids I have are so sweet, too, so full of energy. They certainly keep me on my toes."

"Yes, I know much about the energy of young children," Charlie said, grinning largely behind his thick mustache. "My own were quite the little terrors, chasing after bears and frogs. If there was mischief to be had, they would find it."

Bella smiled. She had heard many stories of Carlisle's youth, and of the same mischief the colonel had referenced. "At least you only had three. I have twelve to look after all day."

"Really, I had six." At her look of confusion, he explained, "Alice is the fourth, and Emmett is capable of getting into enough trouble for two children if he's not looked after."

"Hey!" Emmett exclaimed. "I am a grown man, Charlie Cullen, with children of my own. I am not some overgrown child!"

"Then why was it I had to go running to fetch Charlie a couple weeks ago when you got your hand stuck in the wagon's wheel?" Sue asked teasingly.

"I was trying to fix it!" Emmett countered.

"Yes. Without any tools or jacks. Really, Emmett, no matter how strong you are, you cannot change a wheel without any tools. When you try, you just end up crouched over with your hand trapped," Charlie retorted.

Bella was surprised at how easy it was to laugh at their stories. It had been so long since she had allowed herself to truly be a part of this amazing family.

"Welcome back, Bella," Charlie said, raising a glass in toast to her, and Bella wondered if he had read her mind.

Her grin widened, and she thanked him in return. She then cleared her throat before speaking again out of slight nerves. "Speaking of children, have you heard from either Jasper or Edward?"

Charlie smiled fondly. "I hear very infrequently from Edward, but he seems well. Perhaps I should have secured a promise from him to visit every so often." He paused and shook his head with a short laugh. "I actually just received a parcel from Jasper for you the other day. Hold on a moment, and I'll get it for you."

Before she could say anything, Charlie had left the table, and moved swiftly into the other room before returning within a couple of minutes. "Here," he said, handing her a small package. "He has written to me, as well, but this is just for you."

Bella opened the plainly wrapped box, and she smiled as she read the small note from Jasper.

_Bella,_

_The Javanese women wear these bracelets as a sort of talisman. It is supposed to protect whoever wears it, so I hope this finds you and keeps you safe._

_Jasper_

She looked inside, and found a sort of looped bracelet, meant to be worn on the upper arm. It was open on one side and did not require a clasp, so she slid the bracelet onto her arm, and smiled. It was a thoughtful gesture, and Bella was touched that he had thought of her.

The rest of dinner was spent in comfortable conversation. After months of being a part of this wonderful family, and barely letting herself interact with them, she was surprised at how easy it was to once again feel like she belonged there. As she left the ranch the next morning, she couldn't help but feel relieved that she had decided to move to Helena. The change in location had made a strong impact in a short time on her life, and it was the first time since Carlisle's death that she felt like she was actually living again.

x-x-x

"Bella! I'm so glad you decided to come to lunch with me. I'm always glad for the break when summer returns, but I miss seeing my friends every day."

Bella had resisted making friends for months. Once summer saw the students on vacation, she found herself regretting that decision. While she kept herself busy with summer courses and camps, she still found herself with more idle time than she was accustomed to; no matter how much more alive she was feeling, she would still find herself dwelling on her loss if she spent too much time in solitude. She briefly considered going to the ranch to help out, but when one of the other teachers in her school invited her to lunch, she decided that one friend might not be a bad thing to have.

"Thank you for inviting me, Angela. I'd almost forgotten how nice it is to have adult friends."

"I always am sad when the school year ends, and we don't get to see our students every day. It does give me a bit more time to spend with my adult friends, though, and my husband, Ben, is always happy to have more of my time."

"I didn't know you were married," Bella replied.

"Yes, for about four years now. We've known each other for a long time. He actually runs the local tannery, so you may have met him."

"Actually, yes, I have. He doesn't just make the leather, he also creates leather products. I bought a new saddle for my horse from him last month."

"I must say, your horse is particularly beautiful."

"Thank you, she was a gift."

"From a beau?" Angela asked, hiding her curiosity rather poorly. Bella had remained an enigma from the moment she started teaching, and Angela was eager to know more about her new friend.

"No." Bella replied with a clipped tone. Looking at the disappointment on Angela's face, she steeled her emotions, and decided to tell her the truth. "My husband's brother broke and trained Esme, and then gave her to me."

Angela's face lit up in excitement at the information. "You're married! How was I unaware of this before?"

"I'm not married. Not anymore," Bella stated quickly, hoping that she didn't have to say anything more. This was exactly the reason she did not make any friendships, and why she no longer wore her rings. She wasn't aware that her hand had unconsciously grasped the aquamarine pendant she wore lightly, as if the tangible reminder of Carlisle could give her strength.

Of course, the information was not enough. "Oh," Angela stated, clearly confused.

Bella closed her eyes and took another steadying breath. When she opened her eyes, Angela could see the numbness that had seeped inside. "I lost him in the war. It's not something I can really talk about, I'm sorry."

Angela placed her hand on top of Bella's, and gave her a gentle and sympathetic smile. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," Bella murmured quietly.

They were silent for a moment before Angela wisely decided to change the topic of their conversation. She began talking about her childhood and her family. Her father was the local minister, and she had a set of twin brothers that she helped her mother raise, since they were much younger than she was. By the time they were about to leave, Bella almost regretted her reluctance to befriend Angela. She was still wary of being too close to someone again, but the past few months had left her lonely.

She missed the quiet companionship that Edward always offered her, as well as the way he always seemed to try so hard to make her smile. She missed Jasper, and the rush of feeling that she felt with him, though looking back, she realized just how much their relationship only served as a mask for her pain. She missed Emmett's smile and fierce protectiveness. She missed teaching Alice, and the young girl's curiosity for the world around her and pure energy. She missed Sue's calm. She missed Charlie's quiet wisdom and steady warmth. No matter how frequently she visited them, they were always on her mind.

Now, it seemed, she had Angela—a kind woman, who offered simple friendship. She didn't remind Bella of her lost husband or child. She knew not to press Bella for more information than she offered. Bella was not going to be defined by her past. She was able to enjoy the comfort of having a companion. As long as she didn't allow herself to get too close, she thought that Angela's friendship could be a wonderful addition to her new life.

x-x-x

Bella was content with Angela's friendship. She was a sweet girl with a good sense of humor, and a kind heart. Angela had been trying since their first lunch together to get Bella to meet her husband, Ben. She wanted Ben to get to know the intelligent woman who she had quickly become good friends with, and her husband was anxious as well. Whenever Angela mentioned getting them together, Bella would come up with some excuse as to why she was unable to attend. It had been two months since they first became friends, and Bella and Ben had still never met.

It was because of this that Angela orchestrated their first meeting.

They were spending the afternoon shopping for new dresses for the upcoming school year that started in a week, and Angela had Ben come to the same store at the same time to have a pair of trousers hemmed. While Bella was mildly annoyed that she had been ambushed, she wasn't altogether surprised. Angela had been pushing her to meet her husband, and she had to admit that it was the polite thing to do. Angela just didn't know why she felt it so necessary to close herself off from meeting new people.

For all of her reluctance to meet Ben, now that his company had been foisted upon her, she had to admit that she enjoyed his company. He was kind, just like Angela, and she immediately could see why they worked well as a couple. As Bella made another friend, she began to wonder if she could have more. Perhaps she had been going about this all wrong… maybe by limiting her social circle, she was becoming too dependent on the friends she did have.

When Angela invited her to dinner on September 14th, she eagerly accepted the invitation. She had not told Angela, but it was her birthday that night. Angela had wanted to introduce her to some of her other friends, Jessica and Mike, who were engaged during the winter. Angela had spoken of Jessica on numerous occasions, and thought that she and Jessica would get along quite well.

Bella arrived at Angela's house slightly early, bearing a cake. It was her personal favorite, a devil's food cake with fresh raspberries and a chocolate frosting. She had made it for her first birthday at the ranch, and even though she still thought of Carlisle and the day they shared together, she was trying to embrace her memories and remember the happiness they felt, instead of dwelling in the pain of loss.

Angela looked at the cake in Bella's hand, and quickly swiped at the base, gathering a finger full of chocolate frosting, and popped it into her mouth, moaning loudly in pleasure. Bella laughed at her friend, shocked that she had not even greeted Bella yet before sampling the sweet she brought.

"Oh, Bella, that is simply divine. I'm sorry, come in; I have a particular weakness for raspberry and chocolate. I cannot believe I just did that!"

"It's lovely to see you, too, Angela. Should I leave the cake and come back later?" Bella teased her friend fondly.

"You're far too generous. Thank you for bringing this, I hadn't actually planned anything for dessert. Jessica and Mike should be here shortly."

They entered the kitchen, where Angela removed the roast from the oven, and chatted with Bella until they heard a knock at the door. She heard a pair of voices echo down the hallway, and she smiled.

"I hope you have enough for one more. We just had to invite him. He's been out of sorts all week, and today he was especially morose. He claimed that it was a special day for someone that he cared about, but wouldn't say what it was."

Bella was slightly confused at the conversation, but Angela merely assured the man that it was perfectly fine, and that she had cooked too much food anyways. They entered the kitchen, and saw a lovely girl with lightly curly brown hair, and a man with blond hair and a kind smile.

"You must be Bella! It's so wonderful to meet you! Angela has told me so much about you!"

"You must be Jessica. It's a pleasure to meet you," Bella replied with a smile.

"This is my fiancé, Mike," Jessica introduced proudly.

They exchanged the traditional 'how do you do's, and chatted amiably for a short while before Bella inquired about the other guest.

"It's my boss, actually, and a good friend of ours. He owns the local farming supply store here, and introduced Jessica and I several months ago. He's been slightly sullen for the last few days, and I'm sorry if it was presumptuous of me, but I thought it would do him good to be surrounded by friends."

"Of course, I'd be happy to meet him. Tonight is about making new friends for me, so I suppose adding another can only be a good thing," Bella replied.

"He's a good man. A little on the quiet side, but a brilliant businessman." A knock sounded on the door before Mike could continue. "That must be him."

Ben had answered the door, and Bella heard him say, "Everyone is in the kitchen, but I think dinner is ready."

Angela called out that everyone was, but that they'd meet them in the dining room. She handed serving platters filled with vegetables to Mike, Jessica, and Bella, and sent them into the dining room. Bella heard footsteps entering the room as she set down her platter with green bean casserole, and heard a loud gasp. Her eyes flew up to the man who made the sound, and blinked rapidly to see if it could clear her vision. When she realized that she was not seeing things, a word escaped her lips before she could contain it.

"Edward?"

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**A/N: I know. I ended it on a cliffhanger. But you know the next update is on Monday, so I won't leave you long... and we'll see how Bella and Edward's first interaction away from the ranch goes.**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Bethaboo, as always, is my Yoda and the best beta a girl could ask for. Her support over the last couple weeks has meant the world to me. **

**News at the bottom.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Legends of the Fall. I just like coloring outside their lines.

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_April 17, 1915_

_Today has been the most magical day of my life. I don't know how else to describe it. I had anticipated meeting Carlisle for lunch and enjoying his company, but it became so much more than that as the day progressed. I should have known by now that Carlisle always manages to make every day better—it is certainly a lesson I have learned by now._

_He took me to the Boston Public Gardens. We walked along the Charles River from Harvard Square, and then wound our way through the streets of Boston until we found ourselves in the Garden. It was stunning. Even though it was fairly early in spring, flowers were in bloom, off-setting the green of the grass with their vibrant colors. Their fragrances were intoxicating._

_He had packed a picnic, which we ate beside the bridge on a bench, looking at the small pond and willow trees. We watched as people drifted along on the swan boats. We laughed at the ducks that swam by, and I stopped to feed the little ducklings that came peeping along near us. They weren't frightened of us humans at all. They were so adorable, and I wanted to see if we could steal one or two to keep, but when I turned around, Carlisle was on one knee in front of me, holding the most beautiful aquamarine ring. It was simple and perfect, just like him._

_He asked me to marry him today. He asked if I would be willing to spend my life with him. He asked if I would stay with him for always. He asked if I was willing to shape my dreams to fit with his. I didn't have to think for a moment. I don't see how I would ever be willing to live without him._

_Marriage…I suppose I never really considered what it would be to get married. I've known that I wanted to teach since I was much younger, but despite feeling alone for so long, I think that a part of me never really believed that I could have someone to share my life with. My parents were happy before they died, as were my grandparents. I think some part of me, deep within, wasn't sure that I deserved happiness like that. Looking back at that now, I can't help but wonder why I thought that._

_There was a time when I was younger, crippled with insecurity because I didn't have living and happy parents like all the other children, when I am certain I would have thought myself unworthy of a man like Carlisle. To be honest, I sometimes wonder how I am so fortunate to have his love still, but I wouldn't give him up for the world._

_He has such passion and drive, and he doesn't even see it. I think he knows how noble he is—choosing to become a doctor, but I don't think he knows how much he has pushed himself to excel in his chosen vocation. He's brilliant._

_He's also mine. Although today was the day that I promised to marry him and spend my life with him, he made the same promises to me. We're not planning a long engagement by any means; we planned to be married within a year. Still, I don't want to wait. I want to promise each other in front of God and his family that we will spend the rest of our lives together and in love._

_I told him today that I wanted to be a flower. He told me I would be bored, if all I needed was the sun. I didn't know how to tell him that to me, he was my sun, and I will never need anything else in my life besides his love._

x-x-x

"Bella?" Edward said, shocked that the woman he loved was standing in front of him.

All week, the only thing he could think about was that it was her birthday, and he didn't know how to wish her well. He had not regretted moving to Helena for even a moment, no matter how much he missed Bella. Still, on such an important day in her life, he wished that he could be with her to celebrate. He had spoken to his father in letters over the last year, but they had established an unspoken rule that Bella was not a topic they could discuss.

It wasn't that Edward didn't want to know how she was; he simply didn't know if it would hurt him more to learn that she and Jasper were happy, or if she was miserable again. While he only wanted her to be happy, he wasn't certain that his heart could handle knowing she would truly never be his. He hadn't been convinced that Jasper would be good for her, so a part of him still clung to a glimmer of hope. No matter how much he had hoped that she might still find her way into his arms once more, Ben and Angela's dinner party was the last place he expected to see her.

He wasn't really aware that he had walked around the dinner table. It wasn't until he felt the relief flood through him that he realized that he was holding Bella in his arms once more.

"I missed you," Bella whispered, causing Edward's grin to widen even further.

"I missed you, too. I can't believe you're here," he whispered in reply, giving her a gentle squeeze. "Happy Birthday, Bella."

"Shush. They don't know about that," Bella warned. Her hopes of letting her birthday pass by unacknowledged were dashed when Edward released her with a mischievous smirk on his face, and laughter in his eyes.

"Oh, no. I'm terribly sorry, Bella Cullen, but your friends deserve to know that it's your birthday today."

Bella winced for multiple reasons. She hadn't gone by the last name of Cullen since moving to Helena, and the reminder of Carlisle always caused her pain. Also, she had simply wanted to spend her birthday with her new friends, not force them into celebrating her birthday when they barely knew her.

"Bella!" Angela exclaimed. "I can't believe you didn't tell me it was your birthday! I would have bought you a present."

"Which is why I didn't tell you, Angela. I'm sorry. I don't like people to fuss over my birthday. Really. I haven't celebrated it in three years, and didn't want you to feel obligated to do anything. We're having dinner, which sounded like a perfect way to spend my birthday when I accepted your invitation."

Angela twisted the side of her mouth slightly, causing her lips to purse slightly, before she finally nodded. "Alright. I still wish I would have known, but I suppose that there's nothing I can do about it now."

The truth was, Bella had a strange history with birthdays. Unlike Christmas, her grandparents had always tried to make every September 14th as special for her as they could after her parents had passed away. When they died as well, she didn't feel she had a reason to really celebrate. Only after she met Carlisle did anyone seem to view her birthday as a special event.

She couldn't help but think that it could be easier on her heart to not celebrate her birthdays in the future. Everyone who had ever viewed it as a day to be celebrated had now passed away. There was also a small part of her mind, tugging just beyond her consciousness, that refused to celebrate her continued life when Carlisle could not. He would never have another birthday. He would never grow any older.

Edward looked at Bella, and was amazed at how well he could read her expressions, even though he hadn't seen her in over a year. He knew that she had not acknowledged him in the past when it was her birthday, but she had also never responded to anything, really. The woman sitting beside him now was someone completely different. She was more like the woman he had first met at the train station in Glasgow. The vibrancy and passion for life that had first attracted him was once again evident in Bella. Even though he could still see the lingering sadness and pain that had permeated every cell of her being, Edward couldn't help but be overjoyed that the woman she had once been was finally overshadowing it.

"Wait. Is that why you brought the cake?" Angela asked, bringing both Edward and Bella from each of their internal musings.

Edward's eyes widened, and a smile graced his lips. "Please tell me she is referring to that chocolate and raspberry cake you made a couple years ago. That was one of the most incredible things I have ever eaten."

Bella chuckled at his enthusiasm for a baked good. "Yes, Edward, it's that cake...and yes, Angela, it was why I brought the cake. I may prefer the day to pass without fanfare, but everyone likes a cake on their birthday."

"Well, that certainly is true," Jessica stated in agreement.

Instead of immediately concurring with his future bride, Mike was sitting next to Jessica with a furrowed brow. No one had addressed the very unusual pink elephant trouncing through the room, but he could no longer hide his curiosity.

"I'm sorry, but I have to ask. How do you know each other? Edward, why did you call her Bella Cullen, when her last name is Swan. Are you two related? Cousins or something?"

Edward's eyes widened briefly, and Bella wasn't certain if it was in regards to the fact that no one knew how they knew one another, or if he had spoken about her to his co-worker. She couldn't have known that while Edward was grateful for his friendship with Mike, he was a very private person, and had told no one much about his personal life. The truth was, the only thing Mike knew was that Edward was in love with someone from home, and that for whatever reason, he could not be with her. The knowledge came, not directly from Edward's mouth, but from deductions made from how Edward acted in certain situations.

"I didn't know you changed your name back to Swan. I thought you would have kept it because of Jasper. I'm honestly slightly surprised that he isn't here with you," Edward stated quietly.

"Edward, I've been living here in Helena since January. Jasper is somewhere off hunting exotic game across the world. I know he went to Java at some point, and your father mentioned Africa when I was there a week ago."

Edward was livid. "I knew he would abandon you and hurt you," he whispered under his breath quietly, though Bella still managed to hear him.

"Edward, you're wrong. I left him," Bella whispered in a slight hiss. "We were never supposed to be together like that, and I realized I needed to start living my own life again." Before she continued, she raised her voice for the others to hear. "I'm teaching here, now. That's how I met Angela."

Edward was reeling from this information. He hadn't even considered that she would have ended the relationship with Jasper, and the news made him happier than it should have. A strange feeling swelled through his being as a year's worth of jealousy seemed to drain from his system in a brief moment.

"I think it's great that you're teaching," Edward stated with a soft smile. "You seem happy. It's wonderful to see your smile so easy again. It's been a long time since I've seen it."

Bella smiled at him. "Thank you," she replied. "I am much happier now."

"That was very sweet of you to say, Edward, though you have yet to answer my question. Are you related?" Mike inquired again, curiosity seeping through his pores.

"I was married to his brother," Bella stated simply, and with a sense of finality. She didn't want to explain her past any further.

"I'm sorry. I don't know many who are divorced, but I have heard it's very difficult," Jessica stated.

Bella sighed and shook her head. "I would never have divorced Carlisle. He was an amazing husband."

"Carlisle? I thought you said something about Jasper? I am so confused," Mike declared.

"I was never married to Jasper. I was married to Edward's youngest brother, Carlisle, but I lost him to the war. He was a medic in Belgium with the Canadian Expeditionary Force," Bella explained as she brought one hand up to rub her index finger along the large aquamarine pendant of her necklace.

"I'm so sorry; I didn't know," Mike murmured sadly. "Edward really doesn't talk much about his family."

Edward had the grace to look sheepish, Bella observed with a small measure of satisfaction. "I came to Helena to start a new life, really"

Bella turned her head to face him, and whispered so softly that Edward had to strain to hear her, "I'm so sorry I invaded your circle of friends. I just met Mike and Jessica this evening. I can keep my distance if you don't want to have to see me."

He took her hand in his quickly and ran his thumb along her knuckles. "Please, Bella. I really missed your company. It's too wonderful seeing you; please don't stay away on my account."  
She smiled at him again. She had forgotten what a generous heart Edward had always possessed. "I won't go anywhere unless you tell me to," she said.

In truth, Edward was slightly surprised at how much he wanted Bella in his life once again. While he hadn't left the ranch because she and Jasper were together, a part of him couldn't deny that being around her when she didn't want him was nothing short of torture. He was not foolish enough to believe that there was hope that she would love him simply because she was single once again, even though his love for her had not seemed to diminish at all.

Edward didn't want to lose the opportunity to have Bella in his life once again. While he had finally found his place in the world when he purchased the farm supply store, he knew that having Bella's friendship could only improve his life. He looked at her as she sat next to him, and took the time to examine the face that he had come to know so well. For the first time in years, she finally resembled the girl that had first come to Montana, and all he could find it in himself to want was to continue seeing her this happy. All he had ever wanted was for her to be happy; she deserved that much, and he could never pass up the opportunity to be a part of her life if she wanted him to be.

"So you're her brother-in-law?" Jessica inquired, breaking the moment that Edward and Bella were sharing once again. It was the second time they had been interrupted from their private conversation, and they both looked at one another and began laughing. Jessica merely shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such a poor guest. I haven't seen Edward in so long, and it's so good to see him. I don't think I've ever seen him quite so happy before." Bella remarked with a light laugh.

Angela had been eyeing her friend, and realized that she could say the exact same thing about Bella. "It's alright, Bella. You two simply seemed as if you were in your own little world. It must be nice to see your brother-in-law again."

Edward unconsciously bristled at the reminder that Bella had -and likely always would-considered him a brotherly figure. As he attempted to remind himself of this fact and stave off the odd sense of hope their brief interaction had instilled in him, Bella spoke.

"It's wonderful to see him again, yes, but I have to admit, I always saw Edward as more of a good friend than a brother figure."

While friendship was not what he desired their relationship to be, he couldn't help but admit that it was highly preferable to her viewing him like a brother. He hadn't considered for a moment that Jasper had also at one point been her brother-in-law, and while her statement about Edward was correct, her previous sexual relationship with Jasper had been the catalyst for her making it. Not aware of her motivation for the clarification, he was happy she had made the effort.

"Oh! Edward! Jessica made her famous tapenade," Mike said proudly.

"It's one of the only things I make in the kitchen that actually tastes good, so I hope you like it!" Jessica explained with a laugh.

"I'm sure it's delicious, from all I've heard," Edward replied. Both she and Mike had referenced this tapenade spread for months in an attempt to explain why they were reluctant to host a dinner party at Mike's home. Apparently, while Jessica excelled in floral design and decorating, she was a terrible cook.

Bella looked at Edward with a cocked eyebrow. "It's too bad you won't eat it, then."

"What? Of course I'll try it. I'm certain it's fantastic."

"Edward?" Bella asked, and then waited until he hummed to demonstrate she had his attention. "It's made from mostly olives."  
"Really? I thought it was made from herbs," he replied.

"Oh, no. It's mostly olives, with capers anchovies, and olive oil," Jessica explained. "It's so delightful on bread."

"I think I'll take you at your word, and let you enjoy more of it, in that case," Edward said, suddenly feeling slightly queasy at the description. Jessica had only previously stated that it was a spread they used frequently in France.

Bella looked at him and started laughing at the look of disgust on his face. "I'm sorry, really. It's just that Edward won't go near an olive if he can prevent it in any way. He once left a room after Carlisle and I shared a plate of them, as if he was afraid we would force him to eat them."

Bella continued to laugh at the memory. She knew that Carlisle had been exploiting Edward's distaste for the fruit by over-exaggerating his enjoyment, and once he started feeding Bella, Edward had left the room suddenly, looking somewhat nauseated. She never knew that for all he hated the taste of olives, it was their easy intimacy that had driven him from the room. He had yet to acknowledge his feelings for Bella at that point, and had attributed his jealousy to a longing for someone to share his life with like Carlisle had.

"Yes, well, they're certainly not my favorite fruit by any means," Edward affirmed, wrinkling his nose in displeasure.

The rest of the dinner guests all began to laugh at Edward's expression, as well as the idea of Edward fleeing a room because of a fruit. Bella was happy that Jessica was not offended by Edward's refusal to try her singular culinary achievement, and found both she and Mike to be funny and kind people.

"So you work with Edward, Mike?" Bella inquired.

"Yes, ma'am. He keeps me busy all day, that's for certain, but I can't ever be too angry with him because he also introduced me to my lovely fiancée, Jessica, here. Secretly, I think he did it so that I'd feel obligated to keep working for him," Mike replied.

"Did it work?" Edward asked playfully.

"I'm still with you, aren't I?" Mike countered with a wink.

"I thought that was just because you couldn't find any job you'd rather do more," Edward said.

Mike laughed and replied, "I have to admit that's true. I hope you're happy, though, because you're stuck with me."

"I suppose there are worse fates in life than having a good friend and colleague," Edward said with a small smile.

Bella was amazed at the man sitting next to her. She had known him for years, but was just now realizing that she never really knew him at all. It wasn't simply that she had been consumed with Carlisle before the war, nor was it due to her grief after she lost Carlisle. She fully acknowledged that she had treated him poorly back then, but Edward was the reason that she didn't really know who he was.

It was impossible to know someone who only lived for others.

The man sitting next to her had a quiet confidence that she had never seen in him before. Striking out on his own, and owning his own business had transformed Edward Cullen into a strong, self-assured man. When he lived on the ranch, he simply existed. She couldn't remember him ever having friends of his own. His entire social life revolved around his family, and while Bella understood how much the Cullens valued their family, Edward was the only one of them who seemed never to venture outside of it. Now, he was joking with friends about their loyalty and companionship. It was refreshing to see, and Bella was excited to get to know him better.

The rest of dinner was filled with a great deal of laughter as Bella became acquainted with Mike and Jessica. She felt an instant bond with Jessica, and both women knew that they were fast friends. Before Angela brought Bella's cake to the table for dessert, Jessica, Angela, and Bella had plans to meet for lunch.

At first, Bella was still slightly nervous to befriend Edward's friends, wondering if he was really fine with her invading his social circle. He seemed to read the hesitance on her face, and quietly told her that he was happy that she and Jessica would get to know one another. Bella was relieved, and was so glad that he seemed to welcome her into his life in Helena, despite her actions in the past. She had always regretted hurting him, but she could now see how far he had come in his new life in the city. He was his own person, now…a person she very much wanted to get to know.

Bella's cake was a definite success that night. Edward moaned in pleasure beside her, and Bella wondered how a man could seem to be sensual and childlike in a single gesture. Mike had declared the cake one of the best things he had ever put in his mouth, which earned a playful glare from Jessica, until she took a bite herself, and promptly informed Mike that she was going to marry Bella instead of him. Both Angela and Ben laughed loudly at their friends' antics, and agreed that the cake was divine.

The evening ended soon after dessert and coffee. As Bella bid Ben and Angela a good evening, Edward asked if she could see her home. She agreed, seeing as it was later than she had thought, and the evening was warm and clear for the walk to her apartment. They walked together at a leisurely pace, and Edward asked her more about her life in Helena before she asked the same of him.

"Edward?"  
"Yes, Bella?"  
"I'd like to see you again. Soon. I've missed you, and I'd love the chance to become reacquainted."

Edward sighed, and then grew silent for a couple minutes. Just as Bella was about to tell him to disregard her request, he spoke. His voice was quiet, and though he wasn't whispering, she had to strain to hear him. "I don't know if that's a good idea, Bella."

He paused, and thinking his statement was finished, she nodded, and said, "Oh."

Edward shook his head and shut his eyes tightly for a moment before opening them again. "It's not that I don't want to. Bella. I don't think I can explain this properly. I've loved you -been in love with you- for a very long time. I know that you don't see me like that, and I can accept that. I just don't know if my heart could take being close to you, seeing you all the time, knowing that you'll never really see me. It might kill me if something like what happened with Jasper occurred again."

Bella was silent for a few minutes, and when Edward looked at her, he noticed a tear falling down her cheek, shining almost silver in the moonlight. "I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry." He tilted his head back and gazed at the sky as if asking for some guidance, and breathed heavily. "We can see one another at dinners with Jessica, Mike, Angela, and Ben. They're your friends as well, and I promise that I won't make this awkward for you. I really did enjoy seeing you this evening."

Bella had been silent as Edward spoke, and continued to walk in silence for a few minutes afterwards. When she finally spoke, her voice was clear and strong.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you. I behaved horribly, and I am so very sorry for how I acted. I know I treated you badly, and there really is no way to make up for that."

"You don't need to make up for anything. It hurt me, yes, but I knew what I was doing. You weren't ready to move on, and I should have known better than to ever expect otherwise."

Bella felt the overwhelming urge to explain herself, to defend him, even if it was only against himself. The man in front of her was so unlike who she had known before. She had seen him during dinner, and found herself drawn to him. Still the urge she had to keep him in her life in any capacity surprised even herself.

"Please, Edward, don't take the blame for my behavior. I may not have been aware of what I was doing, but I my actions were my own, and I recognize that. I don't want you to think that I wish to be friends out of any sort of obligation. I want to spend time with you without any sense of obligation. That's not what this is about. You said I never really saw you, Edward, and that may have been true before, but it isn't any longer. I see you now.

"I see the man that you've become. I see how your kind heart, your loyalty, and your intelligence…but I've always seen those qualities. I can see that you've become so much more in the last year than the potential you possessed. You're successful, and accomplished, to be sure, but you're also passionate. You've made something of yourself, and it's clear how driven and ambitious you are. We once spoke about how you felt like you needed to do more with your life, before you even considered going to war. I think you've found that here."

Edward, despite being shocked at her observations, replied, "I have. I have no doubt that this is where I was meant to be."

"I'm certain it is. You misunderstood me, though."

"About what?" Edward asked, confused.

"When I said I wanted to see you, I didn't mean as a friend, or even family. I can't change what has happened in the past, no matter how much I may wish otherwise. Just as you needed to move away from the ranch to find your place in the world, I needed to start living the life I had always planned. Carlisle wouldn't want me to be miserable for the rest of my life, and he would have hated the fact that I gave up on my passion for teaching."

"I don't understand what you mean by all this Bella. I'm sorry."

"I'm saying that I needed to be reminded of who I was and what I wanted. It took me a long time, but it's time for me to let myself be happy again. I'm happy here with my friends, but I want more. Carlisle wouldn't want me to spend the rest of my life alone. I know that. I can't promise that everything will work out, but I know that I want to try."

Edward was breathing fast, trying to fight the hope he felt swelling in his chest. He stopped walking, put his hands on Bella's shoulders, and guided her so that she was turned, facing him. He slid one hand up her face, and cupped her cheek softly. "You want to try…with me?"

Bella smiled gently, and Edward could see the nervousness lurking in her eyes, as if she were afraid he would reject her offer. "I can't think of a better man than you. You're handsome and kind, intelligent, successful…I trust you, and I care about you."

"Really?" Edward breathed in a whisper so quiet, she wasn't sure he had even formed the word, but she nodded anyways.

There, on the street, just a block from her apartment, Edward Cullen's smile outshone the moonlight that illuminated their way. Bella didn't need him to say anything else to know that he was accepting her offer. For the first time in a long time, the hole in her heart that appeared when she lost Carlisle began to close. She knew that it would never be filled in, but for the first time in a long time, she believed that it could be healed.

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**A/N: Next chapter will be up on Monday, as usual. **

**I've posted a new story, An Unexpected Lady, this week. It's Bella/Carlisle, full of vampires. Here's a summary:**

_After Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, a wish sends Bella to Jane Austen's England, where she meets a familiar face, Carlisle Cullen, whose control is not what it was in 2010. Knowing his secret, will she be the end to his loneliness? AU, Carlisle/Bella_

http:/ /www . fanfiction . net/s/6163651/1/

**I'll still be updating this story weekly, and it will continue to be my main focus, so please don't worry:) This is my baby.**_  
_


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Thank you so much to Bethaboo, who is pulling double beta duty for me, and is always a fantastic and wonderful friend.**

**This chapter is dedicated to bugsmama07**** and Bethaboo, who both wanted to see more of Charlie and what he thinks of losing his son, Bella and Jasper's failed relationship, and her blossoming relationship with Edward.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and I don't own Legends of the Fall.

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_October 10__th__, 1918_

_My Dearest Renee,_

_How are you doing? I've been remiss in waiting so long to respond to your last letter, and I am sorry for that. _

_I know that most parents expect for their children to grow older and leave the house, but it seems as if I wasn't truly prepared for this to happen. Even when all three of our sons went to fight in someone else's war, I still had Bella at home. It still surprises me at just how much I view her as my own daughter. _

_You once said that we could be her family now, since she was engaged to Carlisle. Even though we lost Carlisle to the war, I have not been able to stop thinking of her as family. Now she has moved away to Helena, and though we do see her every month or two, the house feels so empty without her presence. Even in her desolation, she was a tangible reminder that our son had lived and loved. _

_I did wonder at first why I felt her departure more keenly than I did Edward's or Jasper's. Edward never truly seemed to belong here, though. I lost him long before he even left for war; my selfishness simply would lot let him move on and follow his heart. Now he has found his own success, and I am so proud of him. I miss his smile and calming presence here at the ranch, but I am genuinely pleased and comforted to know that he is so happy now. I can only regret for holding him back from his life for so long. _

_When he was younger, I thought this life was perfect for Jasper. He always enjoyed the fresh air and all that nature could provide him. He could break and train horses, and enjoy the thrill of the hunt. I think the war changed him most of all. Perhaps the bear inside of him that Billy always spoke of was hibernating before he left, and the violence of war awakened it. I know you've never subscribed to Billy's beliefs, but when I look at our son, it is often difficult for me to deny the wildness inside of Jasper. _

_At first, I felt guilty for not feeling his departure as keenly as Edward or Bella's, but I'm honestly not certain that he ever truly came back from the war. His time back here always seemed like a forced interruption to his life. Looking back, I cannot help but liken it to that time when Jasper found a wounded falcon, and brought it home. He tended to it, and fed it, until it was strong enough to be set free once again. While the falcon had lived among us fairly happily while it was recovering, and Jasper still was able to see it afterwards, he knew that it was never meant to be a pet, no matter how much he wished this wasn't the case. _

_I think I didn't want to admit that my son was like the falcon, and truly did not belong here. _

_Now, all three are gone, living their lives away from the ranch. I miss the sound of their laughter hanging in the hallways and rooms of the house. I miss seeing their smiles. I miss being able to provide them comfort. Now I can only find consolation in the fact that Jasper and Edward do both write to me sometimes, and Bella does visit with some regularity. When she visits, it's like having a small piece of Carlisle back, even though it has been years since we lost him. _

_I love you, Renee. I hope this letter has found you well. I miss you. Every day, I miss you._

_Faithfully yours,_

_Charles_

x-x-x

Charlie had been looking forward to this Friday for weeks. He always looked forward to the weekends that Bella would come to visit. She would arrive late in the evening on Friday, and stay until the middle of the afternoon on Sunday. She couldn't know that every time she came to visit, he felt closer to his lost son. Every time he saw Bella's smile, Charlie was reminded of Carlisle, and the love his son held for Bella.

There was a part of him that had never quite accepted his son's death. For months after Edward came home from Belgium, a piece of his heart expected Carlisle to come riding up across a field. Charlie had seen this hidden desire in Bella whenever their eyes met. She refused to call herself Carlisle's widow. She refused to stop writing letters to him. She even referred to him in the present tense, as if explaining his mannerisms and proclivities in the past tense was wrong.

Still, he could not escape the knowledge that humans had developed so many euphemisms for death because the reality of it would always remain unimaginable. Perhaps Bella was the only part of Carlisle that he could still see. As long as he could see her living and interacting with the world, the secret portion of Charlie's heart could believe that Carlisle would overcome even death to come back to her.

This particular Friday was particularly significant to Charlie, though. It was November 15th, 1918, and just that Monday, November 11th, that the Germans surrendered to the Allies. The war that had taken Carlisle away from his family was now over, and that same part of Charlie that he had tried to deny was no longer silent. He could not deny the hope he now felt—hope that Carlisle was only captured and would return to them. If there was anyone in the world that could share in Charlie's emerging emotion, it was Bella.

To his immense surprise, however, when Bella arrived at the ranch, it was not astride Esme. She was in a new and unfamiliar car. When the driver emerged, Charlie's mouth dropped slightly in surprise before his face lit up in a wide and happy grin. She had not come alone; Edward had come home with her.

Once he had shaken himself from his brief shocked stupor, Charlie quickly descended the porch steps and gathered Bella into a fatherly hug. After a quick squeeze and quiet greetings, he turned to his eldest son, and embraced him as well.

It was too late for supper that evening, so the three retired to the sitting room for a nightcap. Once Charlie had poured a glass of scotch for Edward and himself, and a glass of brandy for Bella, he lifted his glass in toast.

"To the Armistice and surrender of the German forces, and to the reunion of our family," Charlie declared in toast. Both Edward and Bella smiled, and returned the toast before taking a sip of their drinks.

"I cannot believe that the war is over, and that we won," Edward stated.

"I've read that the Germans have agreed to release their prisoners of war, and are withdrawing from all the countries they are currently occupying," Charlie said. He noticed the faint flicker of hope that Bella was unable to suppress, and he knew that she still was clinging to the faint hope that Carlisle had not died on the field that day, just as he did.

"It will be nice for the families of the remaining soldiers to finally be reunited with their loved ones. We've been fortunate that Edward and Jasper came back before the end of the war; some people were not that lucky," Bella said. Though she had felt the sharp pang of hope fly through her when Charlie mentioned prisoners of war, she buried it deep within her quickly.

Hope would not help her now. She had chosen to try and make a new life with Edward, and clinging to the hope that Carlisle would miraculously return to her would only end in heartbreak for all of them.

Edward heard the slight sadness in Bella's voice as she spoke of soldiers returning home. He could never forget that her husband had left for war, and was not coming back. He carefully covered her hand with his own in sympathy, and didn't bother to hide the smile that graced his face when she laced her fingers between his. He caught her eye, and she smiled in return, squeezing his hand lightly.

The exchange did not go unnoticed, but Charlie chose to ignore it.

"So, Edward, I'm glad you decided to join Bella this weekend. She told me last time she came to visit that she had seen you on her birthday, and that you two had some mutual friends."

"Yes. It turns out that a woman she works with at the school is a friend of my friend Mike's fiancée. It was a shock to see Bella at dinner; I didn't know that she had moved to Helena. We ended up talking that evening, and then started seeing one another more regularly."

"I'm glad that you both have family in the city. It must be nice to be reminded of home despite your new lives," Charlie remarked.

"It is…but it's more than that, Charlie. We've been seeing each other. We're trying to build a relationship together," Bella clarified.

Charlie's eyes widened, and he drew in a sharp but shaky breath. "You are courting her?" He asked Edward.

Edward nodded before he answered. "Yes. I am. I have been in love with Bella for quite some time now, and we are finally at a point in our lives where we think we could build a real future with one another."

"I'll admit that I didn't expect this," Charlie stated. He shook his head subtly to clear it, unable to gather his thoughts. He drew in a breath to continue, but Bella spoke before he could.

"I didn't either, to be honest, but I care deeply about Edward, and I think we could really be happy together."

"All I could ever want is for you both to find happiness, and if that lies with one another, then I am glad for you," Charlie said.

They sat and chatted for another half an hour before Bella's yawns could not be hidden, and they all retired to bed. He knew that he had responded to questions, and asked some himself, but his mind was still swirling with the information that Edward was courting Bella. He couldn't recall what they had just spoken of, even though he had participated in the conversation.

As he lay in bed that night, his mind would not be quieted as he continued to try and process the information. He had always suspected that Edward's feelings for Bella ran quite deep, but he had never seen any indication that Bella felt the same for him. She had tried to pursue a relationship with Jasper before he left, but neither of their hearts were in it. When it failed, Charlie had not been surprised. They were too different, and wanted different things in life. He had felt as if he had lost Bella after Carlisle's death, and while he was grateful that Jasper seemed to bring her back to her own life, he knew that it was only a matter of time before they realized that they were better apart than they were together.

When they'd ended their relationship, there were no broken hearts, no tears; there was only a calm acceptance from both of them. Charlie knew that if Bella and Edward's relationship were to fail, their hearts would not be so lucky. He never wanted to see his son get hurt, and he wasn't certain that Bella could reciprocate the depth of his feelings. Then again, he had not really seen them together for well over a year, and he could not say for sure that she didn't truly love him. He respected Bella too much to believe that she could be so callous as to toy with Edward's feelings. He resolved to watch them while they were at the ranch that weekend, and set his conscience at ease.

Still, there was a small part of him that warned him that this would all end badly. If his hope was not in vain, and Carlisle ever did return from war, would he ever be able to forgive either his brother or his wife for moving on with each other?

x-x-x

_December 11__th__, 1918_

_Dear Father,_

_I cannot describe the beauty of Greece. I've never before seen the appeal of sandy beaches and oceans, but there is something about the blueness of this ocean and white of the sands that is beautiful in its serenity. I don't think I've seen any water this blue before in my life—certainly not in Montana._

_I miss you, Father. I regret that I won't be home for Christmas this year, but I am going to go to Constantinople within the month. I have heard that Turkey is a fascinating country. I've been told to prepare myself for the change in culture. Even though Greece and Turkey are close together geographically, many people have told me that the Turks have a very different way of life than the Europeans do. _

_I am excited to interact with people that are referred to as "heathens" by so many I have spoken with. I have a feeling that I will get along better with the Turks than I do Europeans. After all, isn't that what they called the members of the tribes? If Billy is a heathen, I think that heathens should be defined as men of honor who should be respected. _

_In my last letter, I had been in the wilds of Indonesia where I found beasts that I had never imagined existed. I lived as a hunter—killing for food, avoiding other people as much as possible. I felt as if I were one of the natives that lived in the forests there. But that's not who I am. _

_I am not done exploring the world yet. I know that probably isn't what you want to hear from me. I know it can't be easy for you to not know where I am, or where I will be. I am going to come home in the next few months—probably in the spring. I just need a little more time._

_I really am sorry to have left as I did, but hopefully when I return, I can be the son you need me to be. I love you, Father._

_Your son,_

_Jasper_

x-x-x

After Bella left the ranch, Charlie continued Alice's education. She had truly blossomed into a beautiful young woman now. She was no longer the same little girl she had once been. While she still had the propensity for exploring the natural world around her, the knowledge that Bella and Charlie had instilled in her had transformed her into a mature and curious woman. There was still a strong part of her that yearned for new adventures, to see exotic and interesting lands, but it had been tempered by her ability to experience places and events through the eyes and words of others.

This had become especially true after Charlie received letters from Jasper. He found that Alice was enthralled when Charlie would describe where he had most recently been. As he explained to her where in the world he currently was located, he would try to teach her about the culture and history of the lands. Alice enjoyed hearing about the faraway places that the person who understood her the most was visiting. The more she learned about a country or place, the more she wanted to visit it… preferably at Jasper's side.

Most recently, Charlie was teaching Alice about Greece and Turkey. He described how Constantinople was once the capital of the Roman Empire, the Byzantine Empire, and the Ottoman Empire. He told her about its history as a sort of midway point for the crusaders to rest as they made the journey from England to the Holy Land. He spoke of its history as a center of wealth and culture.

"What was it before Rome?" Alice asked suddenly. She was still so voracious for knowledge that she didn't always wait for Charlie to explain everything to her before interrupting with questions.

"Do you remember when Bella taught you about the Odyssey?"

Alice nodded. "Yes. It was after the Trojan War, and Odysseus encountered many obstacles on his way home. Penelope waited, despite the many suitors who sought her hand in marriage, for Odysseus to come home. She never lost faith that he would return to her."

"You have an excellent memory, Alice."

"Thank you, but I remember Bella explaining it to me. She seemed to relate so easily to Penelope. If Jasper hadn't been there to confirm that Carlisle had really died, I think she would have waited forever for him to come home."

The mention of Carlisle, and the knowledge that Bella wasn't waiting for his return sent a brief shock of pain through Charlie's heart. Jasper's presence at Carlisle's death was a detail he frequently liked to forget. It made it so much harder to believe that there was some mistake and that his son would return home when he disregarded the fact that Jasper had witnessed the event and found Carlisle's body.

None of the Cullens could ever have known that though Carlisle had been thrown back by the blast, the body that Jasper found was not Carlisle's. It had belonged to the medic that was on field detail, running the bodies from the fray into the medical tents. He had been trying to reach the fallen Canadian commander when he was shot. He was long dead when the grenade exploded and burnt his face and body. It was his body that Jasper found that day; it was Hodge's heart that rested on top of the hillside on the ranch.

"I think you're right about that, Alice. Bella loved Carlisle deeply; she still loves him. She has finally begun to build a new life for herself, and she has chosen Edward to be by her side."

Alice smiled. She had been heartbroken when Jasper had returned, only to quickly begin a relationship with Bella. When he left after the affair ended, Alice had been crushed. Part of her had expected that he would finally notice that she was no longer the little girl with the scraped knees chasing frogs. She was a woman now, and that Jasper had barely spared her a glance had hurt her deeply. Perhaps now that Bella was pursuing a relationship with Edward, Jasper would take notice of her when he returned.

"That's enough about Penelope, though. I thought we could talk about the woman who started the war in the first place, Helen of Sparta."

"I thought she was Helen of Troy?" Alice asked, interrupting Charlie's story once again.

"Indeed she was," Charlie confirmed.

"Then how was she Helen of Sparta?" Alice interjected once more.

"She was both. Helen was the daughter of Leda and Zeus, the king of the gods. She was also the most beautiful woman who lived. She was married at a young age to Menelaus, the brother of Agamemnon, the king of the Greeks.

"After being denied attendance to a wedding of the gods, Eris, the goddess of discord, left a wedding present, a golden apple, along with the instruction that it was to go to the fairest of the women. Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite all believed themselves the fairest, and quarreled over who should receive the apple. Zeus gave the decision to Paris, the prince of Troy. When he could not decide, the three goddesses offered him bribes. Hera offered power and wealth, Athena offered glory in battle and wisdom, while Aphrodite offered love, and the hand of the most beautiful woman, Helen of Sparta. Paris awarded Aphrodite with the apple."

"Did they not realize that the goddess of discord was likely intending to start a quarrel? Wouldn't it have been easier to throw the apple away, and pretend it had never existed?" Alice asked.

"Yes, of course. Vanity, however, is a very powerful thing indeed.

"After being promised Helen's hand by the gods, Paris took Helen from her husband's house, and brought her back to Troy, where he married her. Menelaus was furious, and convinced Agamemnon to gather an army and fight for his honor. They sailed to Troy, and the battle began. Whether they were really fighting for honor, or to simply gain back their property, Helen is frequently called 'the face that launched a thousand ships' because of the war her abduction caused."

"That seems like a terrible reason to cause a war," Alice stated.

Charlie couldn't help but agree with her. Yet people had always done strange things for love, and a part of him wondered if the same thing could happen in the modern age. Perhaps a fistfight would occur, but he doubted that any country would attack another simply because a man's wife was taken.

No, today people fought for much less noble reasons; they fought for money, power, and land. They fought to satisfy their own greed.

"The battle was grueling. It was almost impossible to penetrate the walls around Troy, and many men were killed, including the heirs to the Trojan throne, including both Paris and Hector, and Ajax and Achilles, the strongest warrior the Greeks had ever seen. He was almost immortal, but when his mother had bathed him in the River Styx to give him immortality, she missed his heel. When an arrow caught it, he was killed.

"The Greeks laid siege along the beach for over ten year, finding no success in breaching the wall, until Odysseus came up with a plan. The Greeks built a large horse, and offered it to the Trojans as a gift, claiming that their forces had left. Inside the horse, however, were armed Greek soldiers. Once the Trojans brought the horse inside the gates of the city, the soldiers came out of the horse, and attacked. Once the walls of the city were breached, Troy fell quickly."

"That's a terrible story. How could the Trojans have not realized it was a trick?"

"They didn't realize it because they were exhausted from the war, and saw that the Greek ships had left the shore. It had never been done before, and the story of the Trojan Horse has been used as an example; appearances can be misleading."

Their lesson ended shortly after that, but Charlie contemplated the story of the Trojan War for the rest of the afternoon. He knew that he had not prepared his sons for the horrors of war, but he could only hope that he had taught them enough history for them to make smart decisions.

Love could not be won or lost in a fight; it simply was, and to fight –even against its hold on a person- was pointless. He also hoped they knew to never simply accept something at face value when something of value was at stake; the moment you let your guard down was the moment you lost everything.

Despite an irrationally niggling fear in the back of his mind that they would, Charlie could only hope that it was a lesson they would never need to recall.

x-x-x

_March 30__th__, 1919_

_My Dearest Charlie,_

_I have had the most wonderful news from Edward. It appears that he and Bella have become very close, and he is considering proposing marriage. _

_He asked me to send him your mother's ring, my ring. I don't want to part with the symbol of our love, but I cannot deny how happy it would make me to see it on Bella's finger. She has been a part of this family for years; as far as I am concerned, it was hers before she married Carlisle._

_I have missed so much in the lives of our family, and I know I will never be able to ameliorate the situation. No matter how much I love you and our children, I cannot live on the ranch. However, I refuse to miss another of my sons' weddings. Carlisle's wedding came too suddenly for me to attend, and I have always regretted this fact. _

_Should Bella accept Edward's proposal, I will come for a visit, and stay until they are married. I do not want to miss any more important milestones in our children's' lives. _

_I love you, Charlie. I truly do regret not being there for you. I have failed as a wife, but it was never because I did not love you or our sons. You mean the world to me—they mean the world to me. _

_Sincerely yours,_

_Renee

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**A/N: Next update on Monday once again, and we'll see the ending of the war, and what will happen to Carlisle.**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Everyone should give some major props to Bethaboo for being the best beta a girl could ask for. She's so fantastic.**

**Disclaimer: I own neither Twilight nor Legends of the Fall.**

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_November 28__th__, 1918_

_My Dearest Carlisle,_

_The German troops have surrendered, and the war has ended. I wish that I could take more comfort in this victory than I seem to be able to. That we have succeeded in preventing the Germans from invading other people's lands validates your sacrifice in some strange way, but you were a loss I cannot justify—no matter how great the victory. I cannot help but feel like a terrible person for thinking that._

_I have begun a relationship with Edward. You always said that, no matter what happened, you wanted me to be happy. Remember when we spoke of _Romeo and Juliet_? You told me that if anything happened to you, you wanted me to live. Well, I've taken your advice, Carlisle. You know that I will always love you, but my life can't revolve around you if you're not in it. I'd like to think that you would want me to find someone to share my life with._

_I want to believe that you would be happy that I might find happiness with your brother. Even though I treated him so poorly in the past, he still cares for me. Sometimes, I can see the struggle in his eyes, though… he wants to trust me –to believe I won't hurt him again- more than anything, but I think his insistence that we progress our relationship slowly is evidence that he doesn't yet. _

_We told your father that we were involved this past weekend while we were visiting for dinner. You should have seen how your father's face lit up when he saw Edward emerge from the car. He was so happy that his son was back home. I only wish he seemed that pleased when we told him about our relationship. He hid it well, I think, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. _

_I just don't understand why he wouldn't be happy that Edward is finally seeing someone. It is a new relationship, but I don't think that Edward could pursue something with a woman if he did not think it had the potential to be serious. He has never pursued a woman before, never brought a woman home to meet his father as the woman in his life. I still don't understand how Charlie was less than ecstatic. _

_I want you to know, Carlisle, that no matter how close Edward and I grow together, you will always be in my heart, and I will never love you any less. You are always in my thoughts…in my soul. Nothing will ever change that. There is a terrible part inside of me that still clings to the hope that you will some day return to me. As beautiful as that dream may be, I think I need to start accepting reality, and I think Edward may be the person to best help me do so. _

_I love you, Carlisle, with every inch of me. You captured and ignited every part of my soul, and I miss you every day. I wish things were different; I wish you were here with me still._

_Eternally yours,_

_Bella_

x-x-x

The surrender of the German forces set Carlisle's life into a state of chaos. Almost immediately, the German camp that had been stationed in Belgium for the last three years was dissolved, and its military and medical personnel received orders to go home.

Carlisle was actually one of the first people notified of the changes in the German camp. German officials were ordered to relinquish all prisoners of war, and despite the fact that he had been treated more like a member of the army than a prisoner, Carlisle still fell under that category. The head of the field hospital took him aside shortly after the Armistice to tell him about his future.

"Dr. Carlisle, if I may have a moment of your time?" Dr. Hans asked after approaching Carlisle.

"Certainly. What can I do for you?" Carlisle queried in return.

"Our army has surrendered to the Allies. You are to be turned over to the Canadian forces within the next forty-eight hours."

Carlisle sat down in the chair next to him, unable to fully process what might happen to him now that the war was over, and he would be cast into a world he did not remember.

"Wow," was the only response Carlisle was able to formulate.

"You will be escorted to the Canadian camp two days from now by a Canadian officer, as well as two of our own soldiers." Dr. Hans paused briefly before he continued. "You have done the German military a great service, Carlisle, and we have come to view you as one of our own. A number of officers and doctors have donated some money and clothes for you to help start your new life. You may not be German by birth, but you have saved countless lives, and we wish you only the best."

"I don't know what to say. Thank you. I consider you all good friends, and only wish the best for your futures. You are the only friends I remember, and I cannot thank you enough for treating me as well as you all have. You can be certain that the Allied officials will be made well aware of that fact," Carlisle promised.

Carlisle left his commander's makeshift office in a daze. He knew that he should feel happy. He was no longer a prisoner, and the bloodshed of this horrific war was ending. He was going to Canada, though he knew that wasn't home. He could only hope that they would know who he had been before the war.

The fact still remained, however that he was leaving the only friends he could remember having. He knew from Bella's journal that he had a family, and friends when they were in Boston together, but he was wholly unable to conjure a name or face of anyone in his past. The doctors in the German hospital each had smiles to match their names. He could tell you the members of their families, yet he could not remember anything about his own father and brothers.

The one thing that made going to Canada attractive to Carlisle was that he could find Bella, and he could reclaim his life and love. He wasn't sure if she was still living with his family, but she was either there, or, he assumed, she would have returned to Boston, since she was from there originally. As long as he could find her, he knew that she could help him piece his life back together. He was quick to make friends in the German camp, and he was sure that he could have a full and happy life, as long as he had Bella by his side.

In the German camp, however, there was one person that he would miss more than any other—Heidi. He loved Heidi, but had always known that when the war was over, they would have to go their separate ways. She belonged with her family in Germany; he belonged with Bella. Still, though he was not in love with her, and knew that he and Heidi did not have a future together, he still cared very deeply for her, and he knew they would keep in touch if she would allow it.

He found her in her quarters, reading on her bed. The sun was drifting through the walls of her tent, casting her face into a warm golden light, and she looked ethereal. When she noticed Carlisle standing in her doorway observing her, she smiled brightly at him before standing up, walking towards him, and throwing her arms around his. She reached up on her tiptoes, and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Hi," she said breathlessly once their embrace ended.

"Good afternoon," Carlisle replied.

"How was your morning, Carlisle?"

"Strange," he stated. She cocked an eyebrow at him, and he continued. "You know that the Germans have surrendered." She nodded, furrowing her brow slightly. "I am being turned over to the Canadians, since I'm technically a prisoner of war. It seems our release was negotiated as part of the Armistice."

"When do you leave?"

"Within forty-eight hours."

Heidi drew in a deep breath unsteadily. As she exhaled, she breathed out a quiet, "so soon?"

Carlisle drew her back into his arms, and began to stroke the length of her hair. "I'm sorry. I have to go. I'm not a German citizen, and my life isn't in Germany."

Heidi contemplated for a moment, breathing in the clean scent of Carlisle's chest to calm the storm brewing inside of her. "I'll come with you," she stated, her voice steady, though her emotions were anything but calm.

"To Canada? I can't let you come to a country you've never been to. You don't speak English, either, so you wouldn't be able to communicate with anyone besides me."

"You could teach me English, Carlisle. You have already taught me a few phrases," she countered.

"What about your family, Heidi? You love them, and you know this would hurt them. You would be miserable without them, without even the possibility that you'd go home to them. If we go, we're never coming back. I can't take you away from your family like that. Not for me."

"It's not just for you; I'd go for myself as well."

Carlisle leveled a pointed look at her. She gazed back at him, not backing down. The truth was, she felt like she had to go. She was in love with him, and could not imagine living her life without him in it. More than that, though, was that she was terrified for him. He would be going to a new country, and had no memories. How would he survive living in a new place, where he didn't know anyone? Everything he knew was in this German camp, and she thought that maybe he would be better off if she were with him, to provide a sense of familiarity and support.

Carlisle knew that Heidi loved him, just as he loved her. While he didn't want to lose her, he also knew that he couldn't search for his wife if he was still involved with another woman. When they first had begun their relationship, he had believed he never would find Bella. Now, there was a chance to find his way back home to her. He loved Heidi, but Bella was still the woman he dreamt of every night. She had captured his heart through her beautiful words and stories of their love. She was his soul mate, and no matter how much he cared for Heidi, she could never be his future now that he knew there was a chance to find Bella.

"Heidi, I don't even know where I'm going. There's a chance that I might be sent home to my family—the Canadians may know who I am, and if that's the case, I don't know what would happen to you."

Heidi heard the words he did not say. "You don't know what would happen to me when you find Bella."

Carlisle shut his eyes tightly, and drew a shaky breath. "No, I don't. She's my wife."

"She's your wife, and you never stopped loving her."

"I didn't."

"You don't even know her. What if you see her, and don't even remember her? What if she doesn't accept you?" The words tumbled out of Heidi's mouth before she considered how they would sound to Carlisle. "Oh my god, I don't mean to sound so cruel. I'm just worried for you. What if they don't know where you are from? You don't know anyone there. I could help you."

Carlisle wasn't angry with Heidi. In truth, he needed to be realistic, and there was a possibility that any of these scenarios would come to pass. She was right to be worried, and he was worried, too—but he had to have faith.

"I appreciate your concerns, and I understand them. I have to believe that I'll find my way home, even if they don't know who I am. I couldn't ask you to go through that with me. You belong with your family."

"I know I do, but I'm in love with you, Carlisle. I don't want to be without you."

"I love you, too, but this is for the best. We'll still keep in touch. You have to give me your address in Germany, and I'll write to you as soon as I am settled. I won't be gone from your life—but I don't think a future in Canada together is possible. I'm so sorry, Heidi."

Heidi tried to find the words to say what she was feeling, but nothing would pass through her lips besides a strangled noise. She was looking at him with wide, desperate eyes, and he drew her in until she was pressed to his body. Her hands reached up and found purchase in his hair as she pulled his lips to her own.

Carlisle slid his hands to the front of her dress and began unbuttoning it quickly. He slid the dress off her shoulders, and removed her undergarments. She worked on the buttons of his shirt before removing it, trying to feel as much of him as possible, as quickly as possible. She needed to know it was real, that he was real. Once she had unbuttoned his trousers, he kicked them off and removed his underwear before moving them back to her bed.

Neither could keep their hands still, as they tried to memorize one another through touch. Though a future together was impossible, it did not reduce the love that either of them felt for the other. Carlisle loved her as well as he could, but he had a wife, and for the first time since he woke up in the German hospital, he believed there was a chance he could find her. Still, the girl in his arms had given him so much -friendship, companionship, and love- that he wanted to give her something more of himself.

As he drew one of her nipples into his mouth, he made a decision. Despite their relationship that had lasted a year, they had never actually made love. There had been a part of him that was unwilling to give that part of him to a woman who wasn't his wife. Now, as he tasted the skin of her navel, feeling the desperation in her touch, he knew that he needed –wanted- to make love to her. Their relationship was good and honest, and he was overcome with the urge to prove his love to her this once. He knew her, and he loved her.

She saw the flash of resolve in his eyes, and she drew his length to her with a slight whimper. He saw the raw need, the love, and the pleading in her eyes as he raised his eyebrows in silent question. Both Heidi and Carlisle seemed afraid that whatever spell was cast between them would be destroyed if they spoke a word. She nodded in response, and with a single nod to her, Carlisle pushed forward into her.

He held still as she gasped, feeling complete, whole, and perfect. She shifted forward and he knew he had made the right choice. She felt wonderful and was beautiful, but he knew that for him, there was something more. He held her tighter to his body as they moved together, wanting to be closer if this was the one time they would be together like this.

She felt tears escape her eyelids, rolling down hot and fast from the corners of her eyes. Carlisle broke from her mouth, and kissed them away, hating that he knew she was crying from joy and heartache. She clutched tighter at his back as she felt the tender gesture, feeling pleasure coil hot and deep within her. This was the last and first time he would fully be hers, and she wondered if anyone else would ever make her feel this way.

He was close, his body driving forward despite his desire to stop time, and he reached down to where they were joined together. The pleasure ripped through her, and he felt her contract around him, as he finally gave in to his own release, burying his eyes into the crook of her shoulder when he couldn't prevent his own tears. He remained inside of her as he rolled them onto their sides facing each other, his face still buried in her skin as they cried together. It was the end of their relationship, but they laid together. They remained still joined, until their tears quieted, occasionally kissing one another as they wordlessly said farewell.

x-x-x

Once Carlisle arrived in the Canadian camp, everything happened quickly. Almost immediately, he was placed on a boat that would take him to Canada. Once there, they took him to Toronto, where he was asked to give statements about his treatment and experiences in the German camp. But all he wanted was to find someone who could tell him who he was.

After a full week in Toronto, where he was provided housing from the military, he was called in to discuss his future.

"Good afternoon, Carlisle. I am Colonel Joseph Adams. It's a pleasure to meet you. Please, take a seat," the officer greeted him.

"Sir, the pleasure is mine," Carlisle replied as he sat down.

"How are your accommodations?" Col. Adams inquired.

"They're quite nice. Thank you, sir. They put me on the first floor to accommodate my leg. I can move around fairly well, but stairs can be difficult." Carlisle was truly thankful that they had taken his limp into consideration.

"Carlisle, I'm afraid I have some difficult news. We've been pouring over our records, but there is no record of anyone named Carlisle who went missing in the war, and since we don't know which unit you were a member of, there is no way for us to know either your last name, or where exactly you are from. I am so sorry—I know how difficult this must be for you."

Carlisle felt as if a weight had fallen onto his chest. Though he realistically knew that this was a possibility, he hadn't been able to suppress the hope he had that they would know who he was, and he would be able to go home.

"There's nothing you can do?" Carlisle asked quietly.

"I'm so sorry; there isn't. Unfortunately, records aren't kept as thoroughly as we'd like."

"What am I going to do?"

"I can't tell you that. From what we have learned from the German officials, you wouldn't have been kept had you not been a medic, and we know you have had plenty of experience working in their hospital. We would like to offer you a position at the military hospital here in Toronto. You could continue to practice medicine, and we would compensate you well, and continue to provide you housing, as well. You served our country well in this war, and acted with great honor, even after you were captured, and we would like to honor your actions as much as possible."

"Thank you," Carlisle murmured, barely able to catch his own thoughts.

"Does that sound acceptable to you, Carlisle?"

"Yes, it does. I appreciate all of your help."

"Do you remember your last name?"

"No. I don't. They just called me Dr. Carlisle in the German hospital."

"How did you know your name was Carlisle?" Col. Adams asked, honestly curious. He had never met anyone who had amnesia, and he had to resist prying too far into Carlisle's life.

"I had a journal on my person, sir. My wife, who gave it to me as a Christmas present before I left for war, had apparently written it. In it, she calls me Carlisle," he explained.

Colonel Adams tried to mask his shock at the news. He couldn't help but feel badly for the man standing in front of him. To know that you left behind a wife, and that you couldn't remember her, couldn't get home to her, was truly tragic. He silently resolved to keep in contact with Carlisle in the future, and perhaps provide him with friendship.

"Is there any hint as to your last name?"

"None. It would make going home so much easier. I do know that we met through our roommates in Cambridge, Massachusetts. I attended Harvard there, and she went to Radcliffe and studied education. She's a teacher—or, at least was planning on becoming one."

"Some day, you can go try and find her, or someone who knows her."

Carlisle considered Col. Adams for a moment, and realized that he was right. Despite the gnawing pain of disappointment that clawed at him from the military not knowing who he was, he had Bella's journal, and he knew they had lived in Boston. She had grown up there, and there was a chance that she had returned. He would work in Toronto until he saved enough money to go to Boston and look for his wife.

"I will. Thank you," Carlisle said.

"Do you have any preferences as to what you want to be your last name? Anything from your journals, or anything you can remember? You need to be called something besides just Carlisle."

Carlisle considered the question carefully. "I've had a few dreams about a garden with a pond where swans and ducks were swimming as I sat with a brown haired woman I like to believe is Bella, and Bella mentioned swan boats in the journal entry about when I proposed to her. Is Swan sufficient? I think Carlisle Swan sounds like a decent name."

Colonel Adams bit his tongue, and refused to tell Carlisle that for her sake, he hoped that if he ever found Bella, she could tell him his real name. After all, who would want their name to mean "beautiful swan?" His cousin, Jill, had married a man named Hill, and he had always thought that the rhyming name sounded fairly ridiculous.

"I think it's a fine name," he said instead.

They discussed some of the details of Carlisle's new employment before Carlisle returned home. There, he was able to think about the strange turn that his life had suddenly taken. The mystery of who he was before the war remained unsolved, but for the first time, he realized that he had the potential to solve it.

He resolved to work hard and save the money he made so that he could make his way to Boston. There, he would get a job in a hospital, and spend all his free time searching for any clues to his past he could find. Until then, he would explore the city he was now living in, and try and make new acquaintances.

Settled into his new home, and knowing he would be there for a while, he wrote a letter to Heidi. He told her that they didn't know where he was from, or who he had been, but he told her about his plan to save enough money to move to Boston. He told her that he missed her, and that he hoped that she was well, and that her family was safe and in tact. He only wanted her to be happy, and though he would miss her every day, he knew that she was better off in Germany, surrounded by those who loved her, and who she loved. She was an amazing woman, and he had no doubt that she would find someone that would make her happy.

After feeling the pain of loss, knowing how deeply it hurt Heidi when they had to part, Carlisle knew that he would not becoming involved with another woman until he was reunited with his wife. Bella was his soul mate, his future, and he wouldn't give up until he had returned to her.

* * *

**A/N: Next update on Monday, as per usual, and we'll be back with Bella and Edward, backing up a little bit in time to just before they go back to the ranch and visit Charlie together.**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Thank you as always to my superawesome beta, Bethaboo. **

**We're back to Edward and Bella, at the beginning of their relationship, before they met with Charlie here. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and I don't own Legends of the Fall. I just write this twist on the both of them.

* * *

**

_June 30__th__, 1915_

_We have been at the ranch for a little while now. Carlisle introduced me to his family—Edward, Jasper, and his father. He introduced me to their ranch hand, Emmett, his wife, Sue, and daughter Alice, and Billy, the colonel's best friend and Sue's father. They are all such lovely people, full of joy and laughter. I had forgotten what it felt like to be a part of a family. My grandparents did the best they could, but it wasn't the same as having brothers and sisters and parents._

_The relationships between Carlisle and his brothers are so fascinating. Jasper is such a free spirit, so untamed in many ways that it's hard to see how he and Carlisle are related—until you look at him. Their hair is the same shade of gold, and they have the same lean, muscular physique. There are times when Jasper's eyes seem almost green, but so often, they match Carlisle's aquamarine. The physical resemblance is uncanny between them, but their personalities are so different._

_Edward, on the other hand, looks almost nothing like Carlisle. He has the same fair skin, and his smile is somewhat similar to Carlisle's, even if he does not do so as frequently. His hair is an unusual bronze color, and his eyes a vibrant green. He's handsome, I suppose, though his appearance isn't as compelling to me as Carlisle's. He's much more like Carlisle in personality, though. I can see how kind he is, and how intelligent. At first, I thought he lacked ambition, but I've come to realize that he possesses it, but doesn't seem to know where to apply it. I can see the same goodness in him that I do in Carlisle._

_I am so lucky to be part of this family. They're so welcoming and warm, and I cannot help but feel blessed that they have accepted me into their lives. _

x-x-x

Edward waited two weeks before he took Bella out to dinner. They had seen one another in the company of their friends, but there was a small part of him that was afraid of being together privately. He still remembered the pain that invaded his every cell when he saw Bella leaving Jasper's room the night he came home. There were times during their separation that he had tried to convince himself that that memory was simply a dream, but his mind couldn't allow him to deny his reality.

She had broken his heart, and while he had moved past his initial anger, there was still a deep hurt that polluted the feelings of happiness brought about by her request to pursue a relationship. When they met for lunch with Angela and Ben the day before, he noted the hint of sadness in Bella's eyes and had attributed the look to her continued grief over Carlisle. As they were parting ways for the afternoon, Bella stopped Edward from leaving.

"Edward, may I ask you a question?" Bella asked hesitantly.

"Certainly. I noticed you seemed a bit sad today—is there anything wrong?"

Bella shook her head, her brows furrowed and lips pinched together slightly. "I was hoping that you could tell me that." She paused briefly, examining his face for clues to what he had been thinking, only to find confusion. "I was wondering if you had reconsidered our relationship."

Edward was surprised by her question, and it took him a moment of flustered gaping at her before he was able to shake himself out of his stupor. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, you haven't taken me on any dates, for one thing. Every time we make plans together, you make certain that some of our friends are around. It's like you're afraid to be alone with me."

She was closer to the truth than he had expected her to be, but though he_ was_ afraid to be alone with her, it was not because he didn't want a relationship with her. He simply wanted to give her a little time before they truly pursued a relationship. He didn't think his heart could recover if she were to break it again.

"I'm sorry if I gave you that impression, Bella. In truth, I simply wanted to give us a little more time to become reacquainted before I began courting you in earnest. I know you said that you wanted a relationship with me, but I just wanted to make certain that it really was what you wanted."

Bella read the truth within his somewhat vague response: he wanted to make sure she didn't change her mind and hurt him once again. She closed her eyes and drew a deep breath, centering herself before she responded.

"I know I hurt you in the past, Edward. There really is no excuse for my actions—both in failing to acknowledge your feelings for me, and for flaunting a physical relationship with your brother in front of you. I can't excuse my actions, because in all honesty, I'm not entirely sure how I could have behaved in such a horrible manner. I do know that I had been in a very dark place at the time, and I made some very bad choices that hurt someone I care very much about as a result. I don't deserve forgiveness for what I did, but I do want you to know that I regret what I did, and I am so sorry that I ever caused you pain."

Edward was touched by her apology, yet couldn't prevent the question that burst forth from his lips. "Why? I still don't understand exactly what happened—what did I do wrong?"

Bella could stop her face from crumpling in pain at the question. It was, perhaps, the action that she was ashamed of the most. "It was pure selfishness, really. I don't want you to think it was because I didn't care about you. I did –I do- but I wasn't in a place in my life where I was really capable of love. When you told me you loved me, it was as if Jake had opened his mouth and commented on the weather in plain English." Edward laughed slightly at her unconventional analogy, though hearing that the most important confession he had ever made was received with such flippancy stung his heart.

"What about Jasper? Why him?" Edward asked. He could see no use in avoiding the subject, no matter how much he wished he could.

"I was angry," she replied simply.

Edward blinked, yet his face remained a smooth mask. "You slept with him because you were angry?"

"You have to understand—I had been numb with grief for so long, that feeling any emotion beyond pain was a revelation. You know how I was back then—you saw it."

Edward cut her response short, needing to voice a long repressed thought. "You were smiling, though; you were laughing. I really thought that I was successful in making you happy."

Bella's expression softened, and she didn't stop herself from throwing her arms around Edward. After a moment of surprise, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her soft, small body closer to his own.

"You did make me happy, Edward, but as soon as I was alone again, the misery would return. My happiness wasn't your burden to bear. When Jasper came home, I was just so angry at how he was blaming himself for Carlisle's death…and you. It was Carlisle's decision to risk his life for his country, and to save the lives of innocents—not yours, not Jasper's."

It wasn't the first time that Bella had made that point to Edward, but he knew that a part of him would always blame himself for asking Carlisle to go to war. Even now, though, he heard the fire in her voice, defending Carlisle's actions. Despite understanding the source of her ire, he wasn't quite certain how that could have pushed her into a relationship with Jasper. He wondered, not for the first time, if it was something he wasn't capable of understanding, due to his sexual inexperience. He was proud of his decision to wait until he was married to have sex, but there were times that his stricter moral code made him feel as if he could not comprehend certain actions.

Edward was still slightly lost in his own thoughts when he heard Bella begin to speak once again. "The truth is, I don't really have an excuse, but something about Jasper's actions actually made me feel strong emotions for the first time, and I just wanted to continue _feeling_. One minute, I was yelling at him, and then he was kissing me. I can't regret what we did, because it really helped me gain the perspective I needed to finally start living my life again. That said, I really do regret that I hurt you in the process."

"You said that you believe that your relationship with Jasper was never meant to work out. Why is that?"

After the question passed through his lips, Bella came to a stop. He realized that they had slowly been walking towards her apartment -and arrived- before he was even aware they were moving. Silently lifting her chin and tilting her head towards her door with raised eyebrows, she invited him to continue their conversation inside. He nodded his assent with a gentle smile on his lips.

Once they were in her apartment, they settled onto her couch together. Edward was happy to see that she chose to sit next to him, instead of sitting on the chair that was adjacent to the couch. Once they were settled, Bella noticed how stiffly Edward was sitting, and wondered how she could make him feel more comfortable. She reached over to where his hand was sitting between them, and took it in her own. Upon her touch, Edward's tension seemed to ease up, and Bella smiled at him.

"You wanted to know why my relationship wasn't meant to work out?" Bella asked, focusing them on the topic once more.

Asking Edward to pursue a relationship with her had been an admittedly impulsive decision on her part, but she remembered how comfortable she had felt in his presence, and how he had done everything he could to pull her out of the darkness she had sunk into. While he hadn't completely succeeded, she had certainly been happier in his company than in solitude. He was a good man when she knew him on the ranch, but now that he was pursuing something that made him happy, he was transformed. He now had confidence, and was more at peace with himself. Bella had always known that he had something to offer the world, but the fact that he was now aware of that made him a force to be reckoned with.

"Please. I know it may seem like a strange question to ask, but I just feel like I have to know," Edward replied.

"I told you that Jasper made me feel emotions again. When we were physically intimate, I frequently felt passionate—alive. That spark would last for a little while, until it would gradually fade away. At one point, though, I realized that I really didn't have anything that made me feel like I was really living. Jasper is a lovely person, but we were never actually compatible as partners.

"Over time, I guess I realized that when I lost Carlisle, I gave up on all the dreams I once had for myself. Carlisle had all these plans –for him to go to medical school, and for me to become a teacher- and I had just given up on them because he wasn't there to realize them with me. It wasn't fair to myself, and it wasn't fair to his memory. Moving to the city and settling in to a life with routines and patterns wasn't a life Jasper can really live, and while I know we both care about one another, we were never in love."

"So that was it, you just decided to end things and move to the city?" Edward asked, trying to process all the information that she had just revealed to him.

"Almost exactly," Bella replied with a small shrug. "He was getting restless; I could see it. I think he felt like he needed to take care of me, but that's not enough to keep a relationship strong and healthy. We respected each other and cared for one another, but it wasn't any epic love. Once I convinced him that there was something more I wanted out of life, he admitted that he had wanted to travel the world…and as you know, that's exactly what he did."

Edward was silent as he contemplated what Bella had told him. He was glad that he finally knew what had motivated Bella to sleep with his brother, and he understood why she had completely disregarded his feelings when she did so. He could see why she refused to acknowledge his confession of love. He could even understand to some extent how he had been somewhat invisible to her, despite his constant presence in her life.

It did not, however, mean that he was no longer hurt by said actions. He could only hope that, over time, he would be able to forgive her mistakes and move past them.

He wanted to be able to tell her that everything was fine; the past didn't matter. He wished he could release the insecurities he held, the nagging concern that he was still too easy to overlook. There was a part of him that wondered what had changed besides their circumstances while they were apart, wondered if she would once again become so comfortable in his presence that she failed to remember he was even there. He wanted to be sure that she wanted a relationship with him for who he was, not because he was a kind man who she knew loved her.

He couldn't tell her that everything was fine; the past _did_ matter, and he was fairly certain that she was aware of that. Still, he was so completely in love with her that he knew he had to try and let her prove her commitment to him. He had to trust that she truly did want to be with him. In the spirit of that trust, he could only form one response.

"Bella, will you accompany me to dinner tomorrow evening?"

"I would be honored," she replied with a bright smile.

x-x-x

Edward had been courting Bella for a month when she asked him to accompany her to dinner with his father at the ranch. Despite his initial reservations, Edward had really enjoyed getting to know Bella again. She wasn't quite the vivacious woman he had first met when she came to the ranch with Carlisle, but then, he really couldn't expect he to be. She had been forever altered by the death of his brother, and he suspected that she would never recover from a loss like that.

She had retained many qualities that he had initially been drawn to, as well as those that had caused him to fall in love with her. She had a way of knowing when he was over thinking things, and a knack for bringing him back to the present. Bella never let him wallow or dwell on his insecurities; she was quite fond of confronting him, and making him face whatever was bothering him head-on. She was still the sweet, intelligent, funny, and kind-hearted woman that he had come to love so dearly.

She was also the most beautiful woman he had ever met, and there was a part of Edward that was terrified of his desire for her. He tried to keep physical contact with Bella to a chaste minimum, but it wasn't always an easy task. While he believed that she was content with their lack of physicality beyond taking his arm or occasionally holding hands, he was finding it increasingly difficult to restrain himself.

He didn't believe that a man and woman should have a physical relationship outside of marriage, but he was very aware of two different facts. The first was that Bella challenged his desire to remain chaste with every smile, every look from her deep brown eyes, and turn of her head. With Bella, every movement was a study in seduction. The second fact that made his resolution waver momentarily was that she was not a virgin. She had been intimate with Carlisle before they were married, and slept with Jasper before they had even decided to pursue a relationship. Surely she would desire more of a physical relationship with him?

What Edward could not know was how Bella felt on the subject of intimacy, and likely would never ask for her opinion. The truth of the matter was that she had not really noticed their lack of intimacy. Edward lacked the raw sexual energy that Jasper possessed, as well as the magnetism she had always felt with Carlisle. When she first met Carlisle, she had thought him the most handsome man she had ever met, and wanted to taste every inch of his skin; she had a feeling that Jasper knew how to thoroughly pleasure a woman the first time she met him.

Though Edward was, by all accounts, a very attractive man, she simply did not feel any overwhelming physical pull towards him. Bella knew Edward's feelings regarding pre-marital relations, and felt that she should respect his beliefs and boundaries. He seemed perfectly content to keep their physical relationship very limited, so she followed his lead. There were times when she allowed herself to wonder what sort of lover he would be, but they were somewhat idle fantasies. He was a good man…intelligent, kind, hard working, and devoted, so she assumed he would be a very generous and attentive lover. She also was certain that if she were anything short of satisfied, Edward would take any steps necessary to fulfill her every need.

Despite their lack of physical intimacy, Edward and Bella grew steadily closer. He could see the changes in her already—she was much more outgoing, and willing to meet new people and make friends. She wondered how she had never appreciated Edward's charms before. He had a sarcastic wit that never failed to surprise her, and was so knowledgeable about many different topics. He followed local and national politics, and he made certain that he had a thorough understanding of current events. He supported dozens of local charities, and was always quite generous to those in need. He was, she realized, the same man that had risked his life, because he heard that innocent lives were being lost because of the greed of others in war.

She asked him to come back to the ranch with her in November, because she knew how much Charlie missed having his children at home. He had treated her as if she was his own daughter, not simply his daughter-in-law, but there was always a sadness in his eyes when she arrived for the weekend. It wasn't that he was ever anything less than overjoyed to see her, but even though both Jasper and Edward wrote to him regularly, there was something different about actually seeing them. He missed his sons, and Bella now had a legitimate excuse to bring Edward along.

The smile on Charlie's face when he saw Edward merely confirmed that Bella had made the correct decision. It didn't take Bella long at all to realize that his particularly good mood was not only caused by Edward's presence. The war was finally over. Bella was relieved to hear the news as well, and happy to discover that the Allies had emerged victorious. She almost felt guilty at how strongly she felt that losing Carlisle was somehow more palatable because their side won the fight.

Edward, however, saw something more in his father's happiness. He saw the hope in Charlie's expressions, as if he believed that there was a chance that Carlisle would miraculously return with the other soldiers. What distressed him more than his father's initial reaction was that he was aware that there was a part of Bella that held the same hope. He knew that she had an incredibly difficult time believing that Carlisle was really gone, and he was hoping that she had finally let that hope go.

Edward was torn. He loved Carlisle dearly, and had always felt it unfair that God had chosen to take the best of their family from them. He would give anything to have Carlisle back, even if only to make his father happy once more. Unfortunately, he realized there was a chance that if Carlisle did return, he would lose something precious to him—Bella. She had loved Carlisle so deeply, and while he could see that she was beginning to return his love, he doubted that she would even think twice about staying with him.

He wanted to give her everything her heart desired, and for years, he wished nothing more than for Carlisle to somehow come back from the dead and make her whole once more. Now that Bella was finally _his_, he could no longer wish for the same thing. He knew that this made him selfish, but he also knew that there was no way for Carlisle to return to them. He was dead, and the hope that Charlie and Bella still secretly carried that he could return would only result in heartbreak.

Instead of worrying about what might have been, Edward resolved to try and provide Bella with everything she could ever want.

"What are you thinking about so hard?"

Bella's voice broke him from his internal musings as he drove him back to Helena on Sunday. He turned to her and offered her a smile, holding her hand as it rested in her lap.

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking about my father. He's so overjoyed that the war has ended."

"It's wonderful that it finally has. It caused so much destruction and devastation, I can only be thankful that it has ended."

"I agree. I went to fight because I thought that I could make a difference. I had no idea just how naïve that notion was."

"You don't think you made a difference? You received a medal of honor for your bravery, Edward."

"I received that medal, but I could do nothing to prevent the deaths of so many of our soldiers," he replied, silently adding Carlisle's name to that statement. "I know that it was important, that our efforts were not in vain. I know that we fought with bravery and honor to prevent innocent lives from being lost, but it's difficult to imagine that any one solider could honestly make an impact."

Bella was silent as she heard what Edward said. He really had never spoken about the war before, and she had always assumed that it was too painful a subject for him to discuss. Before she could form a response, he continued quietly.

"I have tried to tell myself that my reasons for going were selfless—that I wanted to help people. I wasn't so noble, though. I wanted to prove my worth, to make a name for myself, to find glory. I was a fool. It was such chaos there, and when you stopped to think, you were fighting against soldiers that were just like you—frightened, full of visions of honor. They weren't trying to kill innocent people; they were just trying to fight for their country. They were no more to blame as individuals than I was, but they were the ones with guns trained on our chests, so they were the ones we killed. I still remember the faces of every man I killed. Some were so young, Bella.

"So, yes, I'm glad that the war is over. It was horrific, and far too many lives were lost because of greedy and power hungry men. I was terrified every minute of every day, afraid that I would be killed, or worse—that someone I cared about would die. I wish I could say that it was youthful naiveté, but it was simple arrogance and foolishness. I'm glad we won, and am glad it is over, but there is nothing that can make the loss the war created any less terrible."

He was unaware of the tears running down Bella's cheeks, just as he was unaware of his own. For years, he had refused to talk about the war, because Bella needed him to be strong, to be whole. He didn't think that speaking of the devastation he convinced her husband to risk his life for would do anything besides cause her pain. He couldn't prevent the words that he had denied himself from saying for years, knowing that they could not change the future, from escaping him.

"I'm sorry you lost so much to it, Bella." He was referring to his own foolish quest for glory, to his request for Carlisle to become a medic, and to the war that had destroyed their family.

"I'm sorry that you lost so much, too."

They drove in silence for over half an hour, both lost in their memories of that dark time. It was Bella who broke the silence, surprising Edward with both her voice, as well as her words.

"I think we should go back to the ranch again before Christmas. Your father was so thrilled to see us, Edward. I could practically feel his joy… but I'm worried about him. I know that he was surprised to see us together, and I don't think that it will get any easier for him to accept unless he sees how much we care for one another. He only wants our happiness, and I think the more he witnesses that we are, the easier it will be for him.

"I'm worried about him, Edward. I think a part of him believes that the war's end will bring Carlisle home, and when he realizes that it's impossible, it's going to break his heart all over again."

Edward kept silent, thinking the same could be said for Bella, but not willing to voice the thought. Instead, he decided to have faith in her—faith that being with him was enough… faith that he could make her happy.

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**A/N: Next update next Monday, as usual. **


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: My incredible beta, Bethaboo, deserves extra snuggles for getting this back to me super fast this week. She's amazing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and I don't own Legends of the Fall. I hope you all know that by now.**

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_July 24__th__, 1915_

_There is something to be said for the electric magnetism between Carlisle and I. I have felt it since the moment we met months ago at my apartment with Emily. Since my affection and attraction grew deeper into love, it has only increased. I cannot help but wonder- if our physical relationship is this intense now, what will it feel like when we actually make love?_

_I have pressured Carlisle to go against how he was raised in terms of our physical relationship. Still, I believe that he has wanted to be intimate with me, and I know I have not forced his hand in any way. I would never forgive myself if he were to feel pressured by me. _

_All that being said—today has marked a sort of turning point for us, I believe. He has initiated every physical contact between the two of us. Not only was he the one to place his hands on me, but he also shocked me when he reached for my hand and guided it to his hard flesh. I'm not certain I have found any action to be as arousing as that simple gesture. _

_I love Carlisle more than my own life, and I have always known that I would do anything for him. I have told him how much I love and need him, but words are sometimes not potent enough. There is something about the tangible power in the way our bodies have begun to come together that transcends the voice._

_I'll admit, this entry is making me feel slightly perverse, yet who else can I talk to about this outside of Carlisle? He is everything that I have ever desired in a friend, a husband, and a lover. I cannot wait until I can officially be called his wife and lover. I want to be his in every way imaginable. _

x-x-x

Christmas 1918 at the Cullen ranch was a more joyous occasion than it had been in the years after Carlisle's loss. Still, Bella knew that she would not be awoken by Carlisle playfully jumping on her bed. There would be no private gift exchange, followed by a family gift exchange. No, this Christmas, she woke up in the same bed, alone, but for the first time in years, she was actually excited to join the rest of the family. Christmas might never be the same joyous occasion that it once had been, but at least it was festive once again.

Before either had seen the other that morning, Edward and Bella were worried about Charlie. He had been in high spirits once again last evening, and they were individually concerned that he may be expecting his own Christmas miracle this year. There was nothing either Edward or Bella could actually do to stifle the hope that Charlie felt, but they had each individually decided that keeping him focused on the family that was there would hopefully prevent any major disappointment.

Bella had been quite excited to be living in a city for the first time in years during the holiday season. For Charlie, she had purchased a set of crystal scotch glasses, and a matching decanter. It was simple in design, but sturdy. She had seen the chips in the set he had been using, and she thought he would appreciate the new glasses. For Emmett, she had acquired one of Ben's new saddles. She bought a new quilt for Sue that she thought was pretty. She bought Billy a new pair of shoes from Ben's tannery, as they sold traditional moccasins. For Alice, she purchased a number of books on some of the more exotic locations that Jasper had visited. She knew that Charlie had already been teaching her about the areas, but she wanted to provide more information in case Alice was still curious.

Edward was also excited to give his family the gifts he had purchased. For Alice, he gave a small bracelet. He gave Sue a vase that Jessica sold in her flower shop. He gave Emmett a new plow to till the fields with, knowing Charlie wouldn't buy a new one himself, but that their old plow wasn't as effective as it once had been. He had purchased a lovely knife for Billy. He was particularly proud of his purchase for his father, though. He had gone to the local stationer's, and commissioned monogrammed stationary, as well as a new pen with which to write his letters to Renee.

It was around ten Christmas morning when Edward came knocking on Bella's door. As per tradition, Sue had her cinnamon rolls warming in the oven, waiting for the family to come downstairs for breakfast. The scent of sweet cinnamon caused Edward's stomach to growl in hunger, and he rapped his knuckles across her door. He heard her call out for him to enter, and opened the door.

The sight he was met with made the breath in his throat catch, and the sentence he was about to say leave his mind completely. Bella stood before him, completing the laces on her undergarments. It wasn't the first time he had seen her in a state of undress, but when he had seen her after she and Carlisle went for a swim in the river, she was his brother's fiancée and completely off limits. This morning, however, she was his, and he could not recall anything that had tempted him more than the woman in front of him.

Seemingly oblivious to the turmoil within Edward's mind, Bella slipped her dress on, and turned to Edward. She smiled at him brightly, and came over to kiss him on the cheek. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart."

"Merry Christmas, Bella," he returned. "You look lovely this morning."

The truth was, Bella had finally become somewhat discontented with their lack of physical intimacy, and was trying to break down the rigid limits Edward had placed on their relationship. While he was quite fond of kissing her hand or cheek, he had yet to kiss her mouth. At first, she hadn't really noticed the lack of physicality between them, but she was beginning to wonder if he was even attracted to her. If he wasn't interested in a physical relationship with her, could they even have a future?

She cared for him a great deal –could even see herself loving him- but was afraid that their relationship was more of a close friendship than what she truly wanted from a man. After her relationship with Jasper, she knew that she didn't want another relationship based on sex, and was careful to avoid beginning one. She could see a future with Edward, and, if she were being honest with herself, that future included him being her lover as well as companion. It had taken her a long time to come to that realization, but since having arrived at it, she was impatient to further their physical relationship along.

Edward was still reeling from walking in on Bella in a state of slight undress. He was conscious of just how aroused he was, and was careful not to hold Bella too close to him. He didn't know that she would have felt infinitely better about their relationship if he had allowed her to feel the evidence of his desire for her. He was simply terrified. She was a woman with experience, and he was a man of none. He wanted to be enough for her, but was so frightened that she would have expectations that he could never meet.

He also didn't believe in having sex before they were married any more than he did years ago, when Carlisle admitted that he was going to make love with Bella before they were married. He was afraid that if he were to kiss her, it would only be a matter of days before he had given himself fully to her. As appealing as the thought was to part of him, he didn't wanted to compromise his values. There was a small part of him –a part he regularly was forced to quiet- that was afraid that if he slept with Bella before they were married, they would fall into the same form of relationship that she had with Jasper.

He loved her more than he could put into words, but he refused to settle for anything less than her love. He would do anything he could to ensure that she one day would love him, but he knew that he deserved that much if they were to truly make a life together.

After kissing her cheek in return, he grasped her hand in his own, and led her down the stairs to where Charlie was waiting for them in the dining room. He was surprised that Emmett, Sue, Billy, and Alice were not there yet, but before he could inquire about their absence, they entered, carrying coffee, juice, and the cinnamon rolls.

After their breakfast, they retreated to the sitting room, where presents were waiting. Both Bella and Edward were thrilled at the family's reactions to their gifts. Bella had put a great deal of care into what she gave everyone, and was excited that everything went over so well. Even Alice was ecstatic to receive the books, but Bella suspected that she was simply happy to have another tie to Jasper. Bella was surprised that Alice's crush from when she was younger was still present, but she realized that Alice was now close to 18 years old, and no longer the little girl she once knew.

Edward was pleased at the reactions that everyone had to his gifts. His father was especially happy with the stationary and pen, warming Edward's heart greatly. Edward knew how important Charlie's correspondence with Renee was, even if neither ever really spoke of it in the company of their family. Despite their inability to live in the other's world, they loved each other greatly, and he knew that their constant communication was important to them.

The gift that Edward was most nervous about giving was actually Bella's. He knew that she still wore the engagement ring that Carlisle had given her, though she had recently moved it to her right hand, and she wore the aquamarine necklace he had given her for Christmas before leaving for war every day. He knew how much each piece of jewelry meant to Bella, as if she were carrying a piece of Carlisle with her each day. In that respect, he thought that she would appreciate his present, but was wary that she might think that he was trying to stake a claim on her. It was not his intention to do so –at least not consciously- but he could see how someone would view it as such.

He handed her the small package, and held his breath as she opened the silver wrapping that covered the box. She opened the lid, and a small gasp escaped her lips. Sitting nestled in a white velvet cushion were the most stunning earrings she had ever seen. They were platinum, and almost in the shape of a snowflake, but adorned with aquamarine, and a lovely green stone. Her eyes flew to Edward's anxious face with questions in her eyes.

"They're called kaleidoscope earrings, and the stones are aquamarines and tourmalines. You've said that aquamarine reminds you of Carlisle's eyes, and you always wear your ring and necklace; I was hoping that I could give you something that represents Carlisle to you, and perhaps give you something of me, as well."

Bella looked into his eyes, thinking the gesture so generous and thoughtful, and realized exactly what he was trying to convey. His eyes were the exact green color of the tourmaline, and she realized that he wanted a part of him decorating her person, just as Carlisle did. That he would select a piece that was meant to remind her of both him as well as her husband –his brother- was perhaps the most touching gesture. He didn't ever want to take Carlisle's place in her heart, and knew he never could, but it was a clear request that she make room for him in it.

She leaned forward to kiss him quickly in thanks, only to be met with his cheek. She was disappointed that he would refuse her kiss, even after the clear symbolism of his gift, but refused to let the rejection bother her. She understood that he had his reasons, and would find a way to make him more comfortable with her physically. Instead of dwelling on his refusal, she smiled at him after drawing back.

"Thank you so much, Edward. They're absolutely stunning, and you chose exceedingly well; the tourmalines are the exact same shade as your eyes. I would be honored to wear a reminder of you."

Edward finally drew a deep breath in relief. "I'm so very glad. Merry Christmas."

"Thank you, and Merry Christmas. I want you to know—I'm so grateful to have you in my life. I appreciate that you understand why I continue to wear Carlisle's ring and necklace."

"I do. I know that he will always be in your heart, Bella, and I would never want you to remove him."

"I never will, but the greatest gift of the human heart is its ability to love infinitely. Just because I will always hold Carlisle in my heart doesn't mean that there is no room left for you. Quite the contrary, really."

Edward's smile was breathtaking, and his eyes shone with happiness. He had never looked more handsome to Bella, and she found himself wanting to keep him this way always. She had almost expected him to kiss her in the moment as a result of his apparent joy, but didn't allow herself to be disappointed when he again failed to do so. She was nervous that he wouldn't find the gift she had commissioned for him romantic enough, but she had put a lot of thought into it. She found herself explaining her reasoning before she had even led him to where his gift was sitting.

"I know that you have owned your store for a while now, but you've been making so many improvements to it recently. You've expanded a once reasonably successful business into a very profitable enterprise. You have really transformed the store, Edward, and made quite the reputation for yourself as you did."

She began to pull him into the next room, where a large wrapped rectangle sat against the wood, as well as a large box that sat to the side. He was incredibly curious as to the contents. He was also touched by her words. Before he could move to unwrap the gift, she began to speak once more.

"The one thing you have not done is renovate your store front. You still have the same nondescript 'Farming Supply' sign that the previous owners had, and the paint is chipping. I commissioned these after I first came to your shop, so that everyone can see the evidence of all the hard work you put into the store."

After a small gesture of her hand indicating for him to open the package, he tore open the paper to reveal a brand new sign. It read, "Cullen's Farming Supply" in bold white letters, contrasting to the deep green of the background. It was beautiful.

"Bella, this is perfect! Thank you so much. I love it."

Bella smiled widely. "I wasn't certain if you would rather the sign, or a new awning, so I actually bought both," she stated, indicating the box. When he opened it, there was a deep green awning, also boasting his family's name in white lettering. "I thought if you preferred the awning, you could put the sign at the rear entrance, so people picking up the larger items like ploughs and such would know which door was yours."

"This is incredible, Bella! Thank you," he stated once again, this time drawing her into his arms. He relished in the way she fit against him, and could not remember a time where he felt so at peace. Perhaps the gift was not the most traditionally romantic. It was not her heart, but in a way, it was a symbol of her love. She understood what his business had come to mean to him, and wanted to contribute and support that. He had spent a great deal of time, money, and labor transforming the supply store into a vital part of the Helena community, and she was showing him with her gift that she had seen the transformation it had gone through.

When they returned to the sitting room, Charlie was sitting with an envelope in his lap.

"Thank you so much for such a wonderful holiday this year. It's the most festive we've been in years, and I wanted you all to know how incredibly grateful I am to have us all happy and well this year. I received a letter from Jasper five days ago, and wanted to share what he wrote with you."

Charlie didn't inform them that this time, he had opened the letter before setting it aside to read to Bella and Edward. After Edward's letting that he read on Christmas in 1915 resulted in his other two sons joining him in a gruesome war, Charlie refused to read a letter on Christmas without first screening its contents. Jasper's letter was intended as a wish of holiday cheer, and Charlie was happy to share it with his family on Christmas.

_December 2__nd__, 1918_

_Dear Father,_

_Merry Christmas! I hope this letter finds you healthy and happy. I'm sure you'll read this to the rest of the family, so please extend my well wishes to them as well. Christmas really won't be the same without you all, and I miss you greatly. _

_I am headed to South America next. I'm planning to travel through the jungles of the Amazon, and see what manners of beasts I can find there. I have heard about the great people that lived in Peru and Mexico, and I am planning on exploring their ruins. _

_Once I make my way up South America, I plan on coming home. I aim to be back sometime in the summer. I know I've been gone for a long time, and though there is so much I still want to explore in this world, I miss home. I miss you, Father. I miss you, Bella, and Edward. I hope you are both enjoying life in the city, and I can't wait to see you again. _

_I must go now, but I hope this has arrived in time for the holiday. I love you all very much._

_Merry Christmas,_

_Jasper_

After sitting and talking for a couple of hours, the family adjourned to the dining room, where Sue had dinner laid out. They ate a delicious ham, drank eggnog, and enjoyed the spirit of the holiday. The family was not as complete as it once was, but there was no shortage of joy and love that day.

After the kitchen and dining room were cleaned, Charlie went to his study to write a letter to Renee using his new stationary. Edward and Bella sat in the living room, her hand in his as he played with her fingers. Bella wanted to broach the issue of him not kissing her, but was so frightened of doing so. They had been involved since the middle of September, and it was over three months later. She simply didn't know what to do, or what she could say to persuade him to kiss her. She wasn't expecting him to make love to her now, but she wanted an indication that he might some day be interested in doing so.

Edward was basking in the happiness of the day. Bella had touched him with the gift she gave him, and he was amazed at how well she knew him. She had also accepted the gift he gave her, and seemed to understand his meaning and encourage it. She may not have been in love with him yet, but perhaps for the first time, he thought that she truly might sometime soon.

A small bit of green caught her eye. She looked over to the doorway that led from the sitting room to the hallway, and saw something that was not normally there: mistletoe. It was a holiday tradition, and she knew she shouldn't have been surprised that the Cullens would hang it for Christmas, but she hadn't remembered seeing it in any previous years. She couldn't have known that hanging the mistletoe was Charlie's way of letting them both know that he supported their relationship. He may have been uncertain at first, but after seeing them together, he saw how well they complimented one another.

It was the solution to her current worries, and she immediately concocted a plan. After yawning once or twice, Bella got off the couch. "Is it time for bed?" Edward asked. Bella simply took his hand in her own once again, and pulled him off the couch.

"If that's alright with you, yes. I ate so much at dinner that I'm rather sleepy. I don't know how you weren't overweight as a child when you had Sue preparing your meals," Bella said.

Edward simply laughed. "Let me walk you to your room."

"Thank you."

When they reached the doorway, Bella stopped, and Edward followed suit. "What's wrong?"

Bella pointed up at the ceiling. "I just noticed—there's mistletoe here. You know, I've never been kissed under mistletoe."

Edward felt the muscles in his shoulders and neck tense, and he tried to force the instinctive anxiety away from him. He took a deep breath, and felt his resolve strengthen within him. He was afraid of what a kiss could lead to, yes, but he could also see the pleading hope that Bella was communicating through her eyes. She didn't know his reasons, and he wasn't entirely sure if he had a right to feel as he did. He searched her eyes for any understanding or hesitation, and could not find any.

"I believe that's an oversight that needs to be corrected, Bella. Everyone should be kissed under the mistletoe at least once in their life."

"Have you been kissed under the mistletoe before, Edward?"

Edward's smile was slightly teasing as he paused before answering. "No, I haven't. I've only ever kissed one woman before, and it was not at Christmas time."

"Well, then, I suppose it's time we remedy this problem immediately."

"Yes," Edward breathed.

Slowly, Edward moved one hand to Bella's waist, and brought the other to her cheek. He brushed the soft skin there with his fingertips, and then moved his fingers so that he could tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. Her tongue darted out and moistened her lips. He moved his hand to where the top of her neck and base of her skull met, and lowered his mouth carefully to hers.

It was a tender kiss, slow and unhurried. Edward reveled in the softness of her lips, and as he caressed them with his own, he felt a deep yearning for more contact, and deeper emotions. She was reveling in the surprising strength of his hands holding her to him, and how simultaneously yielding and demanding his lips were. Despite the gentleness of the kiss, it was full of promise.

It was not a kiss of great passion. It wasn't a kiss of need or hunger.

No, it was a kiss of promise and love. His lips promised her that he wanted her for more than just a friend. Her lips promised him that she wanted more from him. He had been afraid that she would never feel passion for him after being intimate with both Carlisle and Jasper, but this kiss proved the worry was without merit. He loved her, and to feel her in his arms at long last was the most complete he could ever remember feeling.

It was Bella's response to the kiss that was most intriguing, however. She had always felt tenderness from him, and she knew that he loved her. What shocked her, however, was that as soon as her lips touched his, she knew that she loved him as well. Perhaps it was not the great love that she had shared with Carlisle, but it was more than comfort and familiarity with Edward. It was love, and she suddenly could not wait to see where it would take them.

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**A/N: Next chapter will be up Monday as usual. The earrings Edward gives Bella for Christmas are linked on my profile. I think they're gorgeous, and I sort of want both the aquamarine necklace and these earrings. Only in my dreams.**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Much thanks to my beta, Bethaboo, who really does so much for this story, and doesn't complain when I throw four chapters at her in a week... I heart you, B. **

**I'd just like to say thank you to the people who are reading this story. I adore you all. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this over, or drop me a line, or tells a friend. Someone nominated this story (and my other work in progress, An Unexpected Lady) for a couple Twilight Gem Awards. Thank you to whoever did so-I'm quite honored, and deeply touched. ItSoUM is nominated for Best WIP (Work in Progress), Best AH, Best Family, and Best Carlisle/Bella. If you feel so inclined, you can vote at: gemawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com. There are some other really awesome fics that aren't well-known nominated. If you get a second, you should check 'em out.**

**This is up early because I'm moving today, and won't have internet until sometime Tuesday or Wednesday. Next week will post Monday as usual. **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight or Legends of the Fall, but I think you all know that by now.**

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_October 17__th__, 1915_

_Being intimate with Carlisle is the most incredible feeling in the world. It is as if his very soul enters me when his body does. He first made love to me months ago, but it never ceases to touch my heart. The first time we consummated our love, our love forever altered me. Since that night, he has merely burrowed himself deeper into my heart and soul, leaving a permanent mark. _

_I think, perhaps, what convinced him that our actions would be beautiful and accepted was that we have promised ourselves to one another in every way. He knows that there is no one in the world that I could love as much as I love him; I cannot imagine myself with anyone but him. He is my entire life, and I know that we will be together forever. I cannot wait to become his wife, yet I know that I must wait a little longer. _

_Life on the ranch is an interesting balance of contradictions. There is so much to do every day, but I feel as if I am waiting for my life to truly start. I accepted Carlisle' s proposal because I want to share my life with him. While I adore living with his family, I want to begin living our life together. He will become a doctor, and I will teach. This is the life that we had planned, and while I know that we agreed to wait a short while before pursuing it, I find myself impatient. I want to be his wife; I want to pursue my dreams with Carlisle by my side. _

_I must admit that I am somewhat worried about Edward. I have noticed his melancholy becoming more pronounced than it was before, and I believe something is going to happen. It hangs in the air around us every day, and I keep thinking that Edward is going to leave us. He has been so unfulfilled, and something has sparked a need for change within him. He speaks of the unrest in Europe frequently, and I cannot help but fear that he is going to go to war. I know he spoke of the possibility with Carlisle last night, and I think it is only a matter of time before it becomes a reality._

_I appreciate the desire to protect innocent lives. I understand that he thinks he can find his place in the world through battle as his father did. His intentions are noble, and I know it is unfair to think him selfish for wanting to fight for the rights of others, yet I cannot rid myself of this horrible feeling. I fear that Edward will not find his purpose in war, and that something terrible will happen. I don't know if either his father or brothers would ever recover should anything happen to him. _

_Perhaps I am simply looking for a problem; Carlisle and I have never been closer. Perhaps it is simply my impatience that we are not yet married, and I want to begin our lives together. I know it is likely in my head, but I'm afraid that if Edward goes to war, tragedy will befall the Cullen family. _

_That's enough of these morbid thoughts. Here comes my beautiful fiancé, and I plan on tasting every inch of his skin that I can, until I am no longer certain where he ends and I begin. _

x-x-x

It was Saint Valentine's Day when Edward Cullen realized that he wanted to propose to Isabella Swan. As soon as the moment of clarity struck him, he was upset with himself for missing the opportunity to take advantage of the date. After all, February 14th was known to be one of the most romantic days of the year; it was a pity he would be unable to propose when they were out to dinner that evening. Then again, Edward had a few dates that he associated with love. September 13th was Bella's birthday, when she had boldly requested for him to pursue a romantic relationship with her. December 25th was Christmas—and the day the couple had shared their first kiss.

As he considered that it was truly only five months after they began their courtship, he reassessed the wisdom of proposing to Bella after such a short period of time. He was certain that he wanted to marry her; she had captured his heart years ago, and now that he knew what it felt like to receive her affection, he could not imagine his life without it. She was his future, and he would spend the rest of his life attempting to make her the happiest woman in the world.

When Edward met the beautiful, vivacious woman who his brother had brought home to marry, she had captivated him. When her world was shattered, he was drawn to her aching fragility. When she survived losing her husband and unborn child, he was enchanted by her limitless strength and loyalty. When she fell into his brother's arms, she broke his heart, and forced him to become the man that he never knew he could become. When he found her again, once again vital and full of joy, he fell in love with her. When he thought of his future, he could not picture life without her by his side.

He would love her for the rest of his life, and he wanted to tie himself to her in every way. He wanted to feel the silk of her skin against his. He wanted to wear the ring that would symbolize their love for one another—the ring that would show that he belonged to her. She wanted her to once again take his last name, but to know that it was out of love for him. He wanted to give her the last vestiges of his innocence, binding himself to her in a way he would never again share with anyone else. Edward wanted to share the rest of his life with her and marry her.

Now all he needed was the ring to propose with, and an idea of when to ask her.

x-x-x

_February 17__th__, 1919_

_Dear Mother,_

_I hope this letter finds you in good spirits and health. Things have been excellent in Helena. I have been expanding the shop, in both size and business, and although it can sometimes be exhausting, I feel such a wonderful sense of fulfillment. My employees are honest and diligent, and I do not know where I would be without them—especially Mike. _

_As you know from my last few letters, I have been courting Bella. She is everything I have ever wanted in a woman, and I cannot imagine sharing my life with anyone other than her. She captivates me. When I am upset, she comforts me. When I am happy, she lifts my spirit even higher. After Carlisle's death, I wasn't certain that she would ever recover, and regain the spark she once had, but I am happy to report that she absolutely has. _

_I want to ask her to be my wife. I want to marry her, and spend the rest of my days making her happy, just as I know she will make me happy. _

_Years ago, you told me that when I found the woman I wanted to share my life with, you wanted me to give her the ring that Father gave you. I hope that the offer still stands. I cannot imagine my life without Bella, and I would be honored if I could give her your ring. You and Father may not live in the same house, or even the same state, but I do know that you love him as fiercely as you did the day you married him. I want Bella to wear a symbol of a love that enduring. _

_I plan on proposing during the spring, perhaps in June near my birthday. Jasper is coming home in the late spring or early summer, and I would like to inform him of my intentions towards Bella before I propose. _

_Thank you, Mother. _

_With love,_

_Edward_

x-x-x

It was April when the expansion of Edward's store was finally completed. The final upgrade was the one Edward had most looked forward to. He hung the sign that Bella had given him on Christmas at the rear entrance, and put up the awning in the front of the sign. He felt as if he would burst with pride as he saw his name in front of his store. He had felt accomplished when he purchased the store two years before; now his business had become highly profitable, and he had customers travel from all across Montana to purchase their supplies from him.

He sometimes wondered how his life would have turned out had he left the ranch and moved to Helena instead of joining the army. The man who only wanted Bella to be happy regretted not following this path, for if he had never gone to war, Bella would still be blissfully married to Carlisle. The selfish side of Edward rebelled against even considering changing the past. It may have been a road filled with pain and heartache, but he finally had everything he had ever desired now. He had a thriving business, an excellent reputation, and was in love with the most charming woman he had ever met. The only thing that could improve his life would be to make Bella his bride.

After school let out for the day, Bella made her way to Edward's shop, stopping only for a quick detour for his surprise. She was so happy for him, knowing how hard he had worked to transform the store into what it had become, and she knew that he was so proud of his accomplishments. Moreover, _she _was proud of what he had achieved with the store, and with his life. He had finally become the man that was waiting inside of him, biding his time as he lived his life for everyone but himself. Now Edward was living his own life and doing what made _him_ happy, and he had never been more attractive to her.

She saw him as he had finished straightening his awning, standing on his ladder, tracing the white letters of his name on the dark green fabric reverently. She watched as he descended the ladder, moved it out of the way, and took a few steps back to see the completed renovations.

"It's a fine storefront, Edward," came a deep voice, gruff with emotion, from beside Bella.

Edward quickly spun around, and his eyes went wide as he took in the surprise Bella had retrieved from the train station. "Father?" Edward asked, still in shocked.

Bella giggled lightly at his reaction, and Charlie smiled warmly at his son before he spoke. "You didn't think I'd miss the grand re-opening of your store now, did you?"

Edward could have reminded Charlie that he had not seen the store when he first purchased it, but he had always understood his father's reasoning. It was why he was still amazed that he was standing in front of him. "I didn't even know you knew when it would be complete. We were just home last weekend, and you didn't mention it to me!"

"Well, Bella likes to brag about your accomplishments, and she's kept me abreast of its progress through both letters, and in-person reports. I knew I couldn't count on you to tell me, but this girl of yours is quite proud of you."

Edward smiled warmly at Bella as she blushed lightly at Charlie's words. "Now that I can see it for myself, I can see why she insisted that I come to be here for this. I am so proud of you, son." Charlie said, as he stepped forward to embrace Edward.

It wasn't the first time that Charlie had told Edward he was proud of him, but it was the first time that Edward had felt he deserved the sentiment when Charlie did.

Once Charlie had ended their hug, Edward could see the affection that Charlie held for him shining brightly in his eyes. He had only ever wanted Edward to be happy, and for the first time that he could remember, Edward truly as. He had fulfilled dreams that he didn't ever hope to have.

"Thank you so much for coming, Father. I can't tell you what this means to me," Edward said.

"You should be thanking that lovely young lady of yours, Edward. She was the one who invited me, and arranged the train tickets. She even fetched me from the station."

Edward turned to Bella, who had been watching Edward and Charlie interact with a small but warm smile on her face. She knew how much it would mean to Edward to have his father see just how far he had come in his life, and how happy Edward was. It's one thing for Charlie to see Bella and Edward back at the ranch—no matter how much Edward told his father that he was happy, it could never compare to Charlie actually seeing the fruits of Edward's ambition and hard work for himself.

Edward drew Bella into his arms, and kissed her lips. It was not the gentle kisses he usually favored her with, but one of passion and gratitude for the woman he loved. Neither of them noticed Charlie's reaction as he stood watching their kiss with a smile on his face. His son had finally allowed himself to pursue everything he ever wanted –a career and Bella- and achieved not only success, but also happiness. Even more exciting to Charlie was that Bella was just as happy as Edward. She had regained the spark that Charlie thought had been lost with Carlisle.

"Thank you so much, Bella. I cannot believe you managed to get Colonel Cullen to leave his ranch and come all the way to the big city here. You must have some sort of magical powers of persuasion," Edward said, only partially in jest.

Even Charlie knew that his presence in Helena was a momentous occasion.

"I merely informed him that he'd be a fool if he didn't come to see what you have spent years accomplishing. He didn't even put up a fuss." Truly, for all Bella had thought that convincing Charlie to come was an impossible task, it had taken very little convincing. Once she informed him that it would mean a great deal to Edward for him to come, he readily agreed to come; the fact that she had already sent him his train tickets helped, as well.

"Now, Bella, it's been a long journey, and I believe I was told there would be dinner. Edward, why don't you give me a tour of this store, and we can head out."

"Oh!" Edward exclaimed, stopping dead in his tracks after a handful of steps into the store, causing Charlie to bump into him. "We were planning on having dinner with Mike, Jessica, Ben, and Angela. I suppose we can reschedule our dinner with them."

"Now, why would we ever do that, when they're so looking forward to meeting the famous Colonel Charles Cullen?" Bella asked with a large grin.

"They're already expecting Father, aren't they?" Edward asked.

"Of course they are," Bella replied with a soft smile.

"I love you," Edward said softly before nuzzling against her cheek and resting his forehead against hers.

Bella didn't even think about her response, despite the fact that she had ever admitted her feelings to him before. "I love you, too, Edward."

Edward's breath caught in his throat, and he drew her closer against his body before kissing her once more. He felt as if he didn't even need air to breathe after her admission. He had been waiting for months –years, if he were being completely honest with himself- for her to return his love. Hearing those words fall from her lips made an already wonderful day absolutely and completely perfect. He didn't even remember that his father was standing beside them until Charlie began to laugh quietly.

Edward broke their kiss, only to lift her feet off the ground and spin Bella around in his arms. They both were laughing, and somewhat dizzy, but Edward could not remember an instant that he had felt more incandescently happy. He was tempted to ask her to marry him at that exact moment, until he remembered that he had not yet received a response from his mother, and didn't have the ring.

He had once again forgotten Charlie's presence, and was ignorant of Charlie's feeling of peace. For years, he had worried about Edward and Bella, wondering if his son would ever find fulfillment, and if the girl he loved like a daughter would ever find joy after her profound loss. Now, as he gazed at the couple that was completely oblivious to the world around them in their joy, he knew he no longer had reason to worry. They were happy, and he regretted that he had ever doubted their future together.

Finally remembering that his father was waiting for a tour of his store, Edward stepped away from Bella, foolishly believing that if he stepped away from her, she would be less of a distraction. Almost immediately, she stepped back toward him, and took his hand in hers. Charlie smiled as he saw the movement, and Edward, comfortable after having physical contact with Bella, began leading him around the store. Charlie was impressed by the variety and volume of products Edward sold, noting that everything was of good quality, and that Edward's prices were very fair and reasonable. It was no wonder that people in the neighboring farms and ranches had commented to Charlie that they had heard excellent things about Cullen Farming Supply.

After the tour, the three walked down the street to Mike's home, where they were meeting the others for dinner. At least once a week, if not two or three times, the group met at one of their houses for dinner and conversation. With Edward and Bella's transition into a relationship, the dinners only grew in frequency. It was an experience that both Edward and Bella were excited to share with Charlie. They were proud of the friends they had, and that the once fairly reclusive individuals had such strong friendships.

Charlie loved Ben and Mike, and thought that Jessica and Angela were both charming. He could see how Bella had become friends with Angela when she first moved to Helena. He was slightly surprised that Edward had played matchmaker to Mike and Jessica, but was proud that they were so obviously in love after his efforts. It was something he never believed Edward capable of, but he realized that much of who Edward had become seemed incongruous with who he had been at the ranch. This Edward was kind, friendly, and ambitious. He thrived at making friends with those he viewed as trustworthy and honorable.

It was a typical dinner for the friends, as they shared their stories with Charlie, as well as an abundance of laughter. It was difficult to believe that his son was going to stand up as Mike's groomsman, and Bella as a bridesmaid for Jessica. Jessica and Mike would be married in August, and Charlie was happy that they were including Edward and Bella in their wedding. His children had both found steadfast friends, and found true happiness.

Charlie stayed the night with Edward and left the next morning. As he sat on the train to Glasgow, he finally felt a bit of peace in his heart. It had taken a long time, but it finally seemed as if his family was happy once again. It was not the future he had ever envisioned… how could it be after the loss of Carlisle, but his family was happy, and he could not be anything but content.

x-x-x

_April 21__st__, 1919_

_My dear son, Edward,_

_I apologize that it has taken me so long to respond to your request, but I hope this parcel finds you well. I will be so happy to see my ring on Bella's finger. When do you plan on proposing? I would like to be there for the wedding, so when you two decide on a date, please let me know, and I will make arrangements so I can attend. It has been far too long since I've seen you last, and I miss you terribly._

_I recently received a letter from your father, telling me how impressive your shop is, and that you have already established quite the reputation for yourself. I cannot believe that Bella managed to convince him to travel to Helena. It may not be the most thriving metropolis, but it is further than he has traveled in years. I swear sometimes that Bella has a touch of magic in her. Either that, or she has become the daughter that Charlie always wanted, and has wrapped herself around his little finger. _

_However she managed to convince him to go, I think it was one of the best experiences in his life. He is so very proud of the man you have become, and is so happy that you have found happiness with Bella. We both are, my son. _

_I love you very much, and look forward to hearing all about your proposal. I have no doubts that she will accept; she loves you—how could she not?_

_With all my love,_

_Mother_

x-x-x

Edward fondled the ring he had been carrying in his pocket for the past two months. It was simple, but beautiful, just like Bella. He had tried to think of an appropriate time to propose to her, but hadn't found the right time before now. It was June 20th, his birthday, and he could not think of anything that would bring him more joy than asking Bella to be his. There was nothing he wanted more.

It was a beautiful Friday afternoon, and Edward left Mike in charge of the store when he left just after noon. He gathered supplies for a picnic, including a wide variety of foods, wine, a basket, and a blanket for them, and put them in Susannah's saddlebags. They didn't ride together often, but it was too lovely a day to not take Bella on a ride.

When she saw him waiting for her outside of her school, she smiled widely at him, excited by his surprise appearance. She was simply glad that she had taken his present with her to work that day, so she didn't need to stop back at her apartment when he informed her that he was whisking her away for the evening.

They rode at a fairly leisurely pace, savoring the fresh air and beautiful scenery as they left the city behind them. It had been a while since Bella had left the city for any reason other than to visit the ranch; it was nice to explore the area somewhat. They chatted about their days as they rode side by side, and Bella wished him a happy birthday. He knew Bella wanted to let Esme stretch her legs a bit, but he was nervous about the bottle of wine, so he resolved to save the race until after their picnic.

They finally reached their destination after riding for about an hour. They had ridden through the woods until they reached a clearing by a riverbank. It reminded Edward of one of his favorite places on the ranch, where he had accidentally seen Bella and Carlisle swimming in their undergarments, but it had a lovely little patch of grass littered with dandelions and wildflowers. Bella gasped when she took in the idyllic scene, and smiled widely. They dismounted and secured Susannah and Esme at the edge of the clearing, and Edward removed the supplies he had packed, before spreading the blanket on the ground for them to sit.

They ate in a comfortable silence, enjoying the serenity the clearing provided. The river bubbled against the bank, and Bella couldn't remember a time when she had felt so perfectly content. Edward had always loved this little oasis and often sought it out to clear his mind, but he had never found it so lovely as it did that day with Bella. She overshadowed its beauty, but did not detract from its comfort and calmness.

Once they had finished their meal, Bella removed the small wrapped gift from her bag, and handed it to Edward.

"Happy birthday, Edward."

"You didn't need to give me a present, Bella," he assured her.

"Don't be silly. Of course I needed to give you a gift; I love you."

He leaned over and gave her a kiss as he lifted the paper that wrapped his gift. He broke the kiss as the box was bared, and gave it his full attention as he lifted the lid. Inside was a beautiful pocket watch, engraved with a beautiful filigree design. He opened the clasp, and admired the face of the watch. It was quite handsome—simple in design, but easy to read and elegant looking. The hands were platinum that matched the outside. He noticed more engraving on the inside, and examined it.

"_This world is not conclusion; _

_A sequel stands beyond, _

_Invisible, as music, _

_But positive, as sound." _

The words were beautiful, and he looked at Bella, awed. "It's beautiful…absolutely perfect. Where are these words from?"

Bella breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. "They're from a poem by Emily Dickinson. She's from Massachusetts —one of my professors at Radcliffe was from her hometown, and introduced me to her poetry. This is from _Time and Eternity_, called 'This World Is Not Conclusion.' It resonated with me, and I thought you might appreciate it. You have always commented on wanting a nice pocket watch like your father's, and I thought it would make a nice present."

"I love it. Thank you so very much."

"You're most welcome. I'm so glad you like it."

He kissed her again, and Bella hummed in pleasure. She wanted more from him than simple kisses, but was afraid to ask for more. She knew that he was more rigid in his belief that intimacy should only be shared in marriage, and didn't want to make him feel pressured to do more. He had become more exploratory in his touch, going so far as to ghost his fingers over her breasts, and trace the outline of her body, but he had yet to touch her naked flesh. Nor had he indicated that touching him was acceptable. She conceded that she had not done either of these actions with Carlisle before they were engaged, so she accepted Edward's pacing of their physical relationship.

After their embrace, Edward knew that it was the right moment. He took her hand, and led her to the edge of the river, and kept her hand in his before turning his body to face her. Once she mirrored his position, he slowly sank down on one knee before her, holding her eyes steadily with his mother's ring resting in the palm of his hand.

"Isabella, the first moment I saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world. At times I believe it was love at first sight, like out of some fairytale, but there are other times that I know that it is something infinitely more genuine and real. Life isn't a story. We have seen each other through profound heartache and pain, and through it all, my love for you has only grown stronger. You have broken my heart, and forced me to start living for myself. You have made me become the man I am today…the man that loves you beyond comprehension and reason.

"These last few months since we were reunited have been the happiest of my entire life. I had not known that it was possible to truly be satisfied with your life, but you have proven to me that it is. I love you. I love the woman that you were, as well as the woman you have become. I cannot imagine my life without you in it, and I don't ever want to try.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I promise to love you for the rest of my life. Please say that you'll marry me."

Tears fell down Bella's cheeks, as she smiled brilliantly. It was not the way Carlisle proposed to her, but Edward was not Carlisle. She had loved Carlisle completely, but their beginnings had been simple. It was easy to fall in love with Carlisle. It had been a difficult path for she and Edward at the beginning. He had meant a great deal to her as a brother-in-law and friend, and it wasn't until after she had lost Carlisle –the most precious thing to her- and found a way to be happy and live once again that she finally could see how incredible Edward was. Once she allowed herself to believe that she could once again be happy, that she deserved to love and be loved, she knew that her future could be wonderful with Edward by her side.

There was only one way to answer his beautiful proposal.

"Yes, Edward, of course I'll marry you!" Bella said through her tears.

Edward's eyes and smile widened, and he pushed himself off of his knee, pulling her against him and kissing her deeply. He broke away long enough to look into her eyes, and ask a giddy, "yes?" When she nodded, his lips found hers once more.

Finally they broke apart, and Edward realized that in his zeal and excitement, he had dropped her ring in the grass. He crouched down, and searched the grass for a moment before he found it once again. He dipped the ring, which was now covered in dirt, into the river before pulling it back out and holding it out for her to examine.

"It was my mother's ring. My father gave it to her when he asked her to marry him. No matter how many miles apart they may live, they still love one another. She still holds his heart, just as he still has hers. They weren't the most conventional love story, but I think their devotion in spite of the challenges they faced is one worth emulating. Please, accept this ring as a token of my love, and a symbol of my promise to marry you in the near future."

She looked at the ring, which was quite beautiful and simple. Unlike her ring from Carlisle, the stones were all diamonds, and the platinum band cradled multiple stones within a delicate setting, like lace, or a web. It was breathtaking—a unique blend of strength and fragility.

"I would be honored to wear this ring as a symbol of my promise to marry you. I love you, Edward, and cannot wait to become your wife."

He slipped the ring onto her finger and wasted no time pulling her into another kiss. He could not get close enough to her, feel enough of her body, despite his best efforts. This was the best gift he could ever receive. It wasn't until the sun sank behind the mountains that they realized it was time to leave. They packed up the blanket and basket and refuse from their picnic, and mounted their horses.

Edward couldn't help but wonder if Helena itself would know that his life was so completely altered. He had left the city a hopeful but single man, and now he was Bella's fiancé. He couldn't wait to fully begin their lives together.

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter will be up next Monday.**

**The full text of "This World Is Not Conclusion" by Emily Dickinson is as follows:**

_This world is not conclusion; _

_A sequel stands beyond, _

_Invisible, as music, _

_But positive, as sound. _

_It beckons and it baffles; _

_Philosophies don't know, _

_And through a riddle, at the last, _

_Sagacity must go. _

_To guess it puzzles scholars; _

_To gain it, men have shown _

_Contempt of generations, _

_And crucifixion known._

**I'm aware that it wasn't published until 1924, but since she had already been dead for over 30 years by 1919, I took some creative license. Hope you don't mind.**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Thank you so much to Bethaboo, who is the most incredible beta, and to Sleepyvalentina for pre-reading. **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight or Legends of the Fall.**

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* * *

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_January 1, 1915_

_Carlisle, My Dearest Love,_

_I gave this journal to you for Christmas, but after the events of yesterday, I am unable to call it complete without comment on the most incredible day of my life. Yesterday, we stood in front of our family, friends, and God, and promised to love one another for the rest of our lives. It was a simple ceremony, but, to me, it was perfect._

_I wore the dress that my mother was married in, and used the rings that my parents exchanged. I don't think I told you how much these small details mean to me. I lost my parents when I was so young, and I miss them every day. I wish more than anything that they could have been there to see me marry you. They would have been so proud of me for finding a man with such a beautiful heart. In some way, using their rings and my mother's dress made me feel as if they truly were there with us, supporting us._

_Nothing in my life will ever compare to the look on your face as our eyes me. You have permanently altered my life, and I have never felt so perfectly serene as I did as I saw your face. I love you with everything that I am, and as I walked towards you, I could see that you felt precisely the same way. I have never seen you look so handsome, my love, and it may have been the way your entire being seemed to radiate confidence and certainty. When your hand slipped into mine, the rest of the world disappeared. _

_I wish I could say that the words spoken will forever echo in my mind, but I'll admit that this is simply not the case. I don't think I could understand anything that that the reverend said, his words sounding like they were spoken underwater. All I could comprehend was how perfect it felt to finally become your wife. I have to admit, you probably could have had me agree to anything, for at that moment, I would give you anything in my power to give. _

_Making love to you is the most incredible experience. I feel complete when I am in your arms. I had thought that I knew the height of physical pleasure, but I now know that I was mistaken. I had never put much stock in the notion that intimacy shared in marriage was more powerful. After making love to you as your wife, I can finally see how true that was. There is a power to the knowledge that I now belong to you. It also amazes me to know that you are mine._

_We're married, Carlisle. I don't think that there can be anything more perfect than that fact. _

_In less than a week, I have to learn how to sleep without you by my side. I am so proud of you for wanting to help others. I will miss you every day that you are gone, Carlisle, but I never want you to doubt that I fully support your decision to go. You would not be the man that I love, the man that I married, if you did not. _

_I will write to you every day while you're gone. I promise you this. You are my entire world, and I will wait for you to return to me. Although I know that I won't be able to send them to you, I will continue writing letters to you until the day you come home. When you come home, I will give you my words, but I hope you know that you already have my heart. That will never change, no matter how much distance or time separates us. _

_I love you, Carlisle. Thank you so very much for becoming my husband. Thank you so much for being my best friend. _

_I wish you the best of luck in Europe, and hope that you learn from the other medics. I know that you will help save the lives of so many, and I am so proud of you. I will always be proud of you. _

_I will miss you with my entire being, and will love you forever. _

_Please, keep yourself safe._

_Your loving wife,_

_Bella_

x-x-x

It was August of 1919 when Jasper returned to the Cullen ranch in Montana. As soon as he had caught sight of his home, Jasper realized just how much he had missed it. Everything looked the same, and Jasper was surprised at how glad he was that it did. He had explored the world, and had adventures, but there was something comforting about the ranch that still calmed his heart. He had been happy here in his youth, and a part of him wondered if his restlessness would have ever emerged had he never gone to war. Could the simple wilderness of Montana ever provided him with enough excitement, had he never been caged in that hospital? After seeing the expanse of the world, he was no longer certain it could have, but he knew that he had once been happy.

It was Billy who noticed him first as he rode in across the fields. He began singing chants loudly—honoring a warrior's return. Billy's excited cries drew the attention of both Charlie and Emmett, who ran over to see what was happening. When Charlie caught sight of his well-traveled son, he was overjoyed. Jasper had barely dismounted before Charlie caught him in a fierce hug. Even Emmett embraced Jasper, happy to have his friend home.

When they went inside to bring in Jasper's bags, they had barely made it inside the doors before they were intercepted by Sue and Alice. Sue had always thought of Jasper as if he were her own son; in many ways, she was—for most of his life, she was the only female influence he had. It was Alice that surprised him the most, though. Gone was the little girl that he had left, and in her place was a beautiful woman. She wasn't a child any longer, and the curves of her figure surprised Jasper. She was lovely, with black hair that cascaded down her back, and eyes that held more wisdom that Jasper would have believed. He was surprised by his own observations.

This was his family—the people who knew him better than anyone else. He had met so many incredible people in the world, but for as much as he learned from their experiences, it was his family that truly understood how he became the man he was. At times, he felt isolated in the world. He had felt that way when in Europe during the war, and he continued to feel isolated after he left. He wished there was a way to bring his family with him as he explored, but he knew that it wouldn't be possible.

Everyone enjoyed Sue's cooking together that night. Emmett, Billy, Sue, and Alice had been a large part of Jasper's life, and they didn't want to be separated from him for any longer than necessary. They didn't know how long he would be home for, and they wanted to take advantage of whatever time they had.

It was only a few minutes into dinner that Jasper asked about the one person who had haunted his consciousness during his travels. She wasn't at the ranch, so he assumed that she was well enough, but he would never fully forget his promise to Carlisle.

"How's Bella? Is she well? Do you still hear from her?" Jasper inquired.

Charlie shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The motion did not escape Jasper's attention, and he was instantly worried by his father's anxiety at the mention of Bella's name. Before he could voice his panic, Charlie answered.

"She's well—quite well, in fact. She's still in Helena, and she has been teaching for these past years."

"She's happy? Does she have any friends?" Jasper asked.

"She's very happy, and she has a circle of very good friends. She comes home for a weekend once every month or two, depending on her schedule, and we correspond via letters as well. Actually, I went to Helena recently to visit, and I met her friends. They were all lovely people, and I'm so happy that she's doing so well."

Jasper was pacified that she was happy, but could not acknowledge it at the moment. "You left the ranch? Colonel Charles Cullen seriously went to Helena?" He teased with a broad smile. His eyes were twinkling blue with his jovial mood.

Charlie, however, huffed. "Why does everyone think it so strange that I went to Helena? I'm not a hermit!"

Jasper laughed. "When was the last time you went to Helena?"

"Twenty years ago," Charlie grumbled in response.

"That is exactly my point. I'm proud of you, though," Jasper said warmly.

"Why thank you, son," Charlie said sarcastically.

"Perhaps I will follow your example, and visit Bella myself. It's been too long since I've seen her."

Charlie once again tensed, wishing he knew how Jasper would react to his news. He smiled as best he could. "I think she'd like that," he began. "I should tell you, though…Bella is in a relationship. She's getting married in November."

The color drained from Jasper's face, as did the blue from his eyes. As the smoke grey of his eyes met his father's, Charlie was afraid that he had always misjudged Jasper's feelings –or lack thereof- for Bella. He had been so certain that Jasper had never truly loved her—after all, he had left her to explore the world. Seeing the raging storm within Jasper's eyes, though, Charlie began to think he had been very wrong.

Charlie had been accurate that Jasper was livid at the idea of Bella marrying someone; he was mistaken that his reaction was caused by jealousy. The one thing that Jasper knew for certain about Bella was that she loved Carlisle with everything she had. He had readily agreed to Carlisle's request to look over his wife because of that knowledge. The idea that she could possibly have moved on after so little time was inconceivable to Jasper.

"She's getting married? How could she betray Carlisle like this?" Jasper bellowed.

"She's not betraying anyone, Jasper," Charlie defended firmly. His slight relief that he had not, in fact, misjudged Jasper's feelings for Bella was tempered by his frustration for the real source of Jasper's objection. "She loved Carlisle deeply, but he's gone. She has mourned him for years, and she finally has begun to live her life once more. How dare you begrudge her the chance to be happy again?"

"She's only been living in Helena for two years, and Carlisle died less than five years ago! It's too soon for her to move on with someone—especially someone she barely knows!" Jasper countered.

"It's too soon for her to move on? You didn't seem to have a problem with her being in a relationship when it was with you, Jasper Cullen. I held my tongue before, because I knew that you had good intentions, but your objections to her engagement are entirely hypocritical," Charlie informed him.

"I was trying to do as Carlisle asked and look after her, to make certain that she was happy and taken care of, even if he was no longer with her!"

"She is happy! She has made a wonderful life for herself, and I'm glad that she's found love again. I have only ever wished that she be happy, and if Edward makes her happy, they have my full support and blessing."

Jasper's eyes widened, and he went completely rigid. He stopped breathing for a few moments in shock. "Edward?" He asked in a low, lethal voice.

Charlie realized his slip too late, and chose to reply in a calm voice. After all, once a bear is provoked, only extreme calm can prevent disaster. "Yes, Edward. They became reacquainted through mutual friends in Helena, and have been seeing one another for almost a year. He proposed in June, and are to be married in November."

"How can you possibly support this?" Jasper asked incredulously.

Charlie chose not to point out the hypocrisy in Jasper's question. "I can support it because they love each other, and I want them to be happy. Being together makes them happy. Just because she has found love again with Edward doesn't mean that she loves Carlisle any less. He understands that, and has never tried to replace Carlisle in her heart."

"How can you be sure of that?"

"I'm sure because I've seen them together! He has always created ways for her to honor Carlisle's memory, and never once asked her to forget what they had shared."

Jasper's eyes gleamed dangerously. "Then why was he writing her letters from the war, declaring his love for her?"

"He did what?" Charlie asked, confused.

"I saw them by his bunk. He wrote about how much he loved her, and how guilty he felt that he wished she was his wife instead of Carlisle's. Would a man like that really wish to honor his brother's memory?"

Charlie was shocked at Jasper's revelation, but he was very aware of the mail received from the front, and there were no letters to Bella from Edward. "Even if Edward did write letters to Bella, he didn't send them. He never would have acted against Carlisle's best interest. You weren't here, but I know that Edward has always honored Carlisle's memory. He suggested she plant a garden in Carlisle's name. He was a friend to her when she needed one. Not once have I ever thought that he was acting in an appropriate manner."

Jasper heard the words, but still wasn't convinced. "I knew he loved her when I first came home from the hospital."

Charlie's eyes narrowed as his breath caught in his throat. "You knew he loved her, and you still slept with her?" Jasper began to speak, but Charlie shot him a glare that stopped the words before they could be spoken. "You have no right to condemn Edward and Bella for finding love with each other in Carlisle's name—not when your own actions are so suspect. I love you Jasper, but I will not allow you to judge them for the same mistakes you yourself have perpetrated. They love one another, and have found happiness.

"They will be married in November, and I know it would mean a great deal for you to attend the ceremony. Learn to accept that they mean no disrespect to Carlisle's memory. This is about the love that they have found in each other. Find a way to support them, because they deserve to be happy, and they deserve their brother to trust their decisions and respect them."

With that, Charlie left the table, murmuring apologies to Billy, Emmett, Sue, and Alice, who all sat in stunned silence.

"Am I really wrong?" Jasper asked himself out loud, not expecting an answer.

"Yes." It was Billy who answered Jasper's question, using an English word for the first time in his life.

x-x-x

Renee Cullen returned to Montana after an almost twenty year absence. It was the first time that she had seen Jasper since she left the ranch. Her welcome from him was not the warmest, but it did not surprise her in the least. After all, every letter she wrote to her wild son remained unanswered. She had briefly wondered if he would be more willing to accept her now that she had returned home, only to be disappointed.

She arrived eight days before the wedding, November 14th. Bella and Edward returned that weekend to visit her, and the rest of the family. It was not the first time they had encountered Jasper since he returned, but it was the first time that he seemed to accept their decision. Neither took his acceptance for granted.

When they came home in September to celebrate Bella's birthday, Jasper had been slightly antagonistic. Bella had expected him to be happy that she had found love again. Throughout their misguided romance, Jasper had tried to convince her that Carlisle wanted her to be happy, and it was through Jasper's help that she was able to live her life again. She couldn't understand why he seemed so angry about her relationship with Edward.

Edward, however, understood Jasper's qualms, even if he disagreed with them. He understood that Jasper wanted Bella's happiness, only if it meant that Carlisle was the only man in her heart. He truly believed that Jasper would have been happy that they were engaged if Bella was merely marrying Edward for companionship. That she truly loved Edward and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him was what upset Jasper the most. He understood Jasper's logic, but believed he was being intentionally obtuse.

The next time Jasper saw Edward and Bella, his attitude had only improved briefly. He no longer openly antagonized the couple with snide comments, but he also only spoke when necessary to not be rude. Still, neither Bella nor Edward gave up hope that he would one day learn to accept their relationship. They knew he may never understand their relationship, but they did hope that he would one day realize that it did not affect how much they loved and missed Carlisle.

When he seemed to finally accept their relationship, Edward wasn't certain if he had come around because he finally realized that they loved one another and deserved happiness, or if he simply believed their impending marriage was less upsetting than Renee's arrival. He hoped that it was the former, but was wise enough to know that it was likely a combination of both. Whatever his reasons, to know that he and Bella had the support of their brother meant the world to Edward. He would have married Bella whether or not he had Jasper's blessing, but his family had suffered enough heartbreak in the past few years, and he wanted his wedding to be a joyous occasion.

Renee greeted Bella fondly, and the fact that Bella was the last person to have seen Renee out of the entire family was not lost on anyone. Renee had loved Bella when Carlisle introduced the two women, and was happy that she had remained a part of the Cullen family. She was surprised that Bella was marrying another one of her sons, but she knew what a remarkable young woman Bella was, and could easily see how Edward could have fallen in love with her.

Charlie was overjoyed. He loved Renee with all of his heart, and had understood her reasons for leaving. In return, Renee still loved Charlie deeply. Both had remained faithful to the vows they once made, despite the years they spent apart. It was one of her biggest regrets that she could not live on the ranch in Montana with her family, yet she knew that she had no choice but to leave. It was suffocating her, despite the abundance of fresh air. Renee really only knew how to survive in the city, and while she missed her children every day, she knew that she would grow to resent them –and Charlie- for her unhappiness.

When she returned home, she focused on her children and her husband. A part of her wanted to remain in Montana with them, though she knew that she wouldn't be able to take the isolation. It was too raw in the winter, even in Helena. It was exciting for Charlie to wake up next to his wife once again, to hold her as they slept. He had missed the feel of her lips against his, and was determined to commit every moment they shared in each other's presence to memory. He would have to suffer the loss of her yet again, but this time he knew he would remember the feel of her embrace.

x-x-x

At noon on November 22nd, 1919, Edward Cullen married Bella Swan in Glasgow, Montana. Angela Cheney was Bella's matron of honor, and Michael Newton stood as Edward's best man. In attendance were Charlie, Renee, and Jasper; Jessica Newton and Ben Cheney; and Billy, Emmett, Sue, and Alice. It was held in the same church that Bella had married Carlisle in almost five years before. While she was slightly nervous it would remind her of her other wedding, she knew how much it meant to Edward to be married in the church he had attended all his life.

She would do anything to make the day perfect for him.

As the doors opened, Charlie by her side to give her away, Bella's nerves faded from her completely. It was not Carlisle waiting for her at the altar, but she was just as excited to reach the man who was waiting for her. Edward looked so handsome in his tuxedo, but it was his expression that stole her breath. His face held the most beautiful combination of elation and serenity, and Bella was captivated by his smile.

She placed her hand in his, and listened to her own heart as it raced from his touch. She smiled as he repeated the words the minister spoke. She cried as she pledged her love to him. She heard the beauty of the sermon spoken, and savored every word, every minute. When the minister pronounced them husband and wife, she finally felt truly happy again. It was, in reality almost identical to the ceremony in which she married Carlisle, but her experience was completely different.

She expected to feel profound sorrow, knowing that it marked the ending of her life with Carlisle, but the sorrow was manageable. She still loved Carlisle, and there was a part of her that felt as if she was betraying him by marrying Edward. There was an even smaller part of her that believed she was a fool for giving up hope of his return. She had made her peace the night before; her last great act before becoming Edward's wife was writing her final letter to Carlisle—her farewell.

At the reception, Bella and Edward shared their first dance as a married couple. She danced with Charlie, Jasper, and Emmett, which Edward danced with Renee, Sue, and Alice. It was a lively affair, despite the limited number of guests, but to Edward and Bella, it was perfect. It was after 8 o'clock at night when Bella and Edward finally took their leave of their family and friends.

They stayed in a hotel in Glasgow that evening, and were returning to Helena, where they had a new home ready and waiting for them to occupy it, the next day. They were waiting until just after Christmas to depart for their honeymoon, but Edward wanted as much privacy as they could obtain for their wedding night. It was the finest accommodations that Glasgow had to offer, and Bella was impressed by the simple elegance of the fixtures, and the softness of the mattress.

Edward had both strawberries and champagne delivered to their room before they arrived, and when Bella saw them, she spun around and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him hard. It only took him a few moments to get over the shock of her exuberance, and he wrapped his arms around her and returned her kiss eagerly. She hummed happily as his tongue sought hers, and she sighed when he pulled away. He kept her hand in his, and led her over to where the champagne was chilling. He released her hand to pour the champagne, and was overjoyed when she placed her hand on his shoulder, as if she were as reluctant as he was to relinquish physical contact. Once the effervescent wine was poured, they walked over towards the bed, Edward carrying the glasses, and Bella carrying the berries.

After Bella sat the berries down, Edward handed her a glass, and gazed into her eyes, smiling contentedly. "To my beautiful wife, who I love completely."

Bella smiled and touched her glass to his. "To my handsome husband, who I love with all that I have."

"Cheers," they said in unison before taking sips of the champagne. Edward took a strawberry from the bowl, and lifted it to Bella's lips as soon as she swallowed, and she took a bite, savoring the way the sweetness of the berry complimented the bite of the champagne. Edward took his own berry before setting his glass to the side, and moving the bowl to the table beside the bed.

He quickly captured Bella's lips with his own, loving the feel of her lips against his. He had heard that champagne and strawberries were a seductive combination, but Edward didn't want the first time he made love to his wife to be blurred by alcohol. He wanted the feel of every inch of her skin and taste of her flesh to be forever preserved in his memory. He wanted to savor every moment of this memory, as he finally would know the touch of a woman.

He was going to worship Bella.

He pulled on her hand as he stood up from the bed, and spun her so her back was to him. He gently pulled on the laces of her dress, and removed the garment from her body. He wanted to ask her to twirl for him, so he could see what her corset looked like from all angles, but didn't know how to ask. Instead, he put his hands on her shoulder, and turned her before kissing her. When he drew back, he looked down at her somewhat exposed figure, moaning at the shape of her breasts. He couldn't resist kissing her again, and instead of turning her back around, he fumbled blindly at the lacings, finally managing to disrobe her after a couple of minutes. He simply couldn't break his lips from hers.

Her hands reached up and pushed the jacket of his tuxedo from his shoulders. They came back around to his neck and unfastened his bowtie before undoing the closures of his shirt. She pushed the shirt off of him, and pressed herself into him, delighting in the feel of his skin against her own. He pushed down her petticoat, and she removed his pants and undergarments in one smooth motion, shocking him with her exuberance. They stood naked before one another, but Edward could only focus on the feel of their bodies as they touched.

He continued kissing her as he bent down, wrapped his arm under her knees, and lifted her up. He gently laid her down onto the bed, and allowed his lips to leave hers, only to begin tasting every inch of skin he could. She gasped as he kissed the swell of her breast, sighed as he licked just below her navel, and moaned when his lips found the inside of her thigh. He was listening to the noises she made, committing to memory the places on her body that brought her the most pleasure. He was reluctant to oblige when she began pulling on his shoulders, but he eventually brought himself up to kiss her once again.

He was torn when her hands began exploring his body. He wanted to feel her touch, to let her learn what pleased him most, but he wanted this to be about _her _pleasure. When her fingers trailed up his hard length, he stopped breathing, and allowed the sensation to wash over him. He rolled himself so that he was pressed against her side, not allowing her hand access to him, and allowed his hand to drag along the curve of her side.

He brought his hand across her hip and slipped two of his fingers inside of her. She was so wet, so hot, and he wanted to take his time. He wanted to explore the landscape of her body.

Instead, he found himself hovering over her, and guiding himself into her.

He entered her slowly –achingly slow- and knew that no feeling could ever compare to being connected to Bella. The look of rapture on his face before he even moved captivated Bella. She had never expected to love him, to desire him, but now, as they found themselves in an ancient, passionate embrace, she was glad that she had given him her heart. He would cherish it and protect it, and she found herself wanting to do the same for him.

He moved slowly within her, and carefully, as if she were a priceless work of art. He filled her body, and slowly drew out the heights of ecstasy from her body. It was not urgent and needy. It was not desperate and wanting. It was not primal and feral.

It was Edward and Bella, communicating their love in the most intimate of ways.

She felt herself on the brink of release, and unconsciously ground herself harder against him, and as she began to shudder and gasp, Edward found his own release. He opened his mouth, as if to cry out, but no sound beside a strangled gasp emerged from his throat. His eyes flew open, and he saw her watching him intently, her eyes burning with passion, and he captured her lips once again. When he could no longer trust his arms to support him, he rolled onto his side, pulling her over so that he could continue kissing her.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

It was not the only time they made love that night, and every time they came together, Edward took note of what pleased her best, until even Bella was surprised that this was their first night of intimacy.

x-x-x

On December 26th, 1919, Bella and Edward went on their honeymoon. She took him to Boston, so that he could see the places that shaped her youth, and made her the woman she had become.

She showed him the house that her parents had lived in. She took him to the house her grandparents owned. She took him by the schools she attended, and to Radcliffe where she had learned how to be a teacher. She took him to the apartment building where she had lived with Emily. She showed him the dorm she had lived in when she first arrived at Radcliffe. She brought him to where Carlisle lived when he shared an apartment with Samuel.

She brought him to the parks that she had loved. She took him to the Public Gardens, and showed him where it was that Carlisle proposed. She didn't bother hiding her tears, and he didn't hesitate to wipe them away and kiss her softly. Carlisle was a ghost he would always accept, because there wasn't a day that passed when Edward didn't miss his brother, and wish that he were still alive—even when he knew that it would mean he could not be with Bella.

They made love frequently, and relished in the opportunity to be so close after their chaste courtship. Bella was delighted to know that Edward's desire to save physical intimacy for marriage was completely unrelated to his sexual appetite. She was completely satisfied, and very much in love.

On the final day in Boston, Bella took Edward to the cemetery. He stood by her side as she wept over the graves of her mother, father, grandmother, and grandfather. She had known so much loss and suffering in her young life, but had only emerged stronger. Edward had no idea how she had managed it. She proceeded to tell her parents about Carlisle, and the loss of their daughter. She informed told them about the Cullens and the ranch, and about how much she loved the entire family. She recounted becoming a teacher, and how it felt to shape young minds. She told them of the amazing man who had helped her live her life again, and the friends she had made in Helena.

Finally, she introduced her parents and grandparents to Edward Cullen, her husband.

**

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A/N: Next chapter up on Monday, and we'll be back with Carlisle.**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Many thanks to my beta, Bethaboo, for making this story so much better than it would be without her expertise. I'd also like to thank Sleepyvalentina for pre-reading and her keen insights. **

**Disclaimer: I own neither Twilight nor Legends of the Fall, but I think you all know that by now.

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_November 21__st__, 1919_

_My Dearest Carlisle,_

_This is the last letter I can allow myself to write to you. Since the day you left for the war, I have written letters to you in my journals, hoping that once day you would read them. Even after Edward returned, carrying with him a box that contained your now still heart, I refused to accept the truth. I continued writing letters, not to your memory, but in hopes that you would one day return to claim them. I had promised that I would write to you every day until you came back, and a large part of me believed that if I were to stop writing, any hope that a miracle could happen would be forever lost. _

_It has been over a year since the war in Europe has ended. All prisoners of war have been released, and sent back home. Still, you have not returned. I have resisted the thought for as long as possible, but I must now force myself to accept that you truly did die on the field in Ypres. You will never come home, and I will never again feel your arms around me. I always thought that I would feel it what you left this world, that our connection was that unique and powerful, but I can now see that I was grossly mistaken. _

_Part of me wonders if I would have wasted the rest of my life if I hadn't found love again with Edward. He is a good man, Carlisle, and you would be so proud of him. He found his passion and is so successful in his business. We met again through the most incredible group of friends, and I consider myself so blessed to have realized what an incredible man he has become._

_Tomorrow, Edward and I will be married. It will be small, like our ceremony was, but your mother was able to travel to Montana to attend. I don't know who is more excited by her arrival, Edward or your father. I cannot wait to marry him, Carlisle. He makes me happy again, and makes me feel cherished. I know the life I will have as his wife will be full of joy and love. _

_I wouldn't marry him if I thought for one moment that you would disapprove of our union. I know you better than that, Carlisle Cullen. I know that all you could ever want would be to be happy and find love again. I know that you would be glad that I have chosen to share my life with Edward. Knowing that you love, trust, and respect the man I am going to marry is as important to me as believing that my parents would approve of my choice. _

_There is a part of me that wishes I could continue writing to you like this, but it isn't fair to Edward. Every letter is a small admission that I still believe you will return, as well as a declaration that I want nothing more. Edward deserves his wife to commit to him fully, and, to be honest, I want to do that. _

_This letter is a farewell, my dearest husband. I will always love you…until the day I die, I will miss you and ache for you, but this has to stop. It is time for me to let go of my foolish hope, and let you rest in peace as your memory lives in my very soul. I choose to believe that wherever you are, you are watching over me, and that you are with me every step I take. You taught my heart to love and live when I met you, and I will never forget you. _

_Goodbye my dearest. I will love you forever, Carlisle. _

_Eternally yours,_

_Bella_

x-x-x

Carlisle lived in Toronto for just over two years. He worked at the base hospital, gaining a great deal of experience along the way. He had become an accomplished doctor under the tutelage of John McCrea and the doctors of the German army, but it wasn't until he worked in Canada that he became an outstanding doctor. For all that he knew how to stitch a bullet wound closed, or remove shrapnel from a grenade blast, he had a peculiar lack of knowledge of more complicated illnesses. Because he was a gifted surgeon, no one had realized that Carlisle had never attended medical school. Now that he was no longer inundated with traumas and surgeries, Carlisle learned the basics needed to truly be an asset to any hospital.

He gave his notice to the chief of staff, and bid farewell to Canada. He was by no means wealthy, but he had enough saved from working full time as a doctor -and not paying for housing- to rent an apartment close to the hospital in Boston. After working through January so that they could hire a replacement for him, he boarded a train for Massachusetts. For the first time since waking up in the German hospital, Carlisle was headed toward a location in which he knew he had once lived.

In February of 1921, Carlisle arrived in Boston, Massachusetts. He had finally saved enough money to move, and, with the glowing recommendations of his superiors at the base hospital in Toronto, he was offered a position at Massachusetts General Hospital. Knowing that he wanted to leave as soon as he was able, Carlisle didn't hesitate to leave; there was no one he would be leaving behind.

As he stepped off the train in North Station, Carlisle took a deep breath of Bostonian air. He expected to feel different, now that he was on American soil, but he felt the same as he did in Canada. He was still Carlisle, and he still had no idea who he had been in the past. Nothing around him felt familiar, and for a moment, he wondered if he should have stayed in Toronto. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and thought about Bella.

She had lived here, and even if he didn't remember their shared past, being in the place where they fell in love brought him closer to her.

He had been in correspondence with a realtor in Boston, but had yet to find a suitable apartment. He spent his first two weeks finding a place to call home, and learning his new neighborhood. He didn't begin work until March, but he had regular meetings with the chief of surgery, who he would be working under. Carlisle's expertise in trauma surgeries was a great asset to the hospital, and he would be working predominantly in the emergency room to assist with any injuries that came in.

He found a small apartment that was a short ten minute walk from the hospital, and settled in. It wasn't a lavish living space, but it suited him. He had been living in military housing and field barracks in the army, and much beyond spartan furnishings seemed excessive to him. He simply wanted to do his job and help people as best he could, have a place to return to at the end of a long day with a place to sit and read, and a soft bed to sleep in.

Once he began his shifts at the hospital, he felt more at ease with his move. Free time was something that Carlisle still was not accustomed to having. He liked the doctors he worked with, but he was afraid of becoming too friendly with them. When he realized how he was behaving, it occurred to him that he had nowhere else to go. He had been wary of making friends with the German doctors, because he knew that at the end of the war, he would likely never see them again. In Toronto, he had been planning on moving to Boston as quickly as he could, and he didn't want to form any close attachments for fear it would be harder to leave.

In Boston, he had no reason to believe he wasn't going to stay for a longer period of time. He had no reason to keep those around him at arm's length, but he found himself unable to let them closer. He wanted to find Bella if she was in the city. He wanted to regain his memories, so that he could find the rest of his family. He had been so driven by these desires for so long that he had never realized that while he was well-liked by almost everyone he'd met, he had no idea how to truly have a friend.

The realization left him absolutely stunned. He thought about Heidi, and how their relationship began as a friendship, but Carlisle knew that their friendship had never been typical. He was torn between wanting to prevent himself from having to ever leave behind someone he cared about, and feeling extremely lonely. At least, he reasoned, if he kept to himself, the only person he would ever hurt was himself.

In order to keep from feeling extremely isolated, Carlisle began to search for the only true tie he had to his former life—Bella.

x-x-x

Carlisle began searching for Bella using the only method he could; he read her journal, and tried to pinpoint the locations she mentioned. The first place she had written about was Radcliffe. The campus was located quite close to Harvard University in Cambridge, only a few miles from the hospital across the river. He arrived in Harvard Square, and hoped like hell that he would recognize the buildings around him. He had spent at least four years living in the area, and nothing looked familiar.

He found buildings that she had specifically referenced, but for all Carlisle knew, they could have been in Toronto. He walked along the Charles, hoping to jar his memories. He went to concerts and ballets, hoping the performances would remind him of things he and Bella had seen and experienced. He went to Radcliffe and questioned the professors there, hoping that they had Bella in a class, only to find that no one remembered a girl based on only a first name.

He was disheartened. All Carlisle wanted was to find his wife, but everywhere he looked was a dead end.

Finally, he sought out the Public Gardens, where he knew he proposed to Bella. It was April, close to when he had been there with Bella, and it was beautiful. He examined the flowers, and felt an odd sensation of déjà vu, and he looked around to see if there was someone beside him. He found himself contemplating what it would be like to live as a plant, but knew that for all the simplicity it offered, it would also be a rather dull life.

He walked towards the small pond, where he looked at the ducklings and swans floating across the surface of the water. He crossed over the stone bridge, and found a small area with a stone bench. It was like something out of a dream, until he realized that he actually _recognized_ the setting. It wasn't _like_ something out of a dream—it _was_ something from a dream. He saw a girl with long dark hair, and deep brown eyes shining with love, standing above him.

His breath quickened as he tried to remember the words that were spoken. Instead, the words they each said sounded as if spoken by mouths with no tongues. He could remember her smile—he had seen it countless times in his dreams, and he allowed himself to fully believe that Bella was the woman he dreamt of every night. He grasped at the memory, trying to recall how her hand felt in his own. He watched as the swans swam by, and he knew that everything was just beyond his grasp.

Still, for the first time, he actually felt a connection to his past. The Public Gardens were _familiar_ to him, and even if he didn't have a clear memory of that day, he knew that he had truly been there. _Bella_ had been there, and it was the closest to her that he could ever remember being.

Carlisle returned to the Public Gardens every day for three months. After the first month passed and his memory refused to sharpen, he knew that it never would. In spite of this, it became his sanctuary in Boston. It was, after all, the only thing he could remember of his life with Bella, and just knowing that the Gardens had meant so much to the two of them gave him peace.

If it was all he would ever have of her, he would make certain to cherish it.

x-x-x

In July of 1921, Carlisle was working in the emergency room on a particularly busy day. There had been no major traumas or injuries to treat, but the ward was inundated with illness. With nothing else that required his attention, Carlisle leant a hand to the busy emergency room staff. He had a calm and confident bedside manner, and he was glad that he was able to diagnose and treat the patients he saw.

He was worried, however, when a very pregnant woman arrived in the E.R. in labor, and he was the only doctor available. The nurses were concerned because it was clear that she was panicked. She was a teacher, enjoying her summer of freedom, when her water broke. She was two weeks before her due date, and her husband was currently at work. Her neighbor had immediately seen her predicament, and luckily was in possession of a car. He drove the woman to the hospital before going to fetch her husband from work.

It was not often that the husband insisted on being present for a delivery, but Carlisle found the devotion of the man quite refreshing.

As he turned the corner into her room, the woman was in the middle of a strong contraction. After checking with the nurse to see how far apart her tractions were, Carlisle realized that unless the husband arrived very soon, he would miss the birth of their child. He put down the chart in his hands, and stepped towards the woman.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Uley. It seems as though we're about to deliver your baby," Carlisle said with a comforting smile. "I heard that your husband is on the way, and will be here soon."

"I will not have this baby until he arrives," she said definitively.

"I'm certain he will be here shortly. Until then, I want you to focus on breathing in and out slowly. When you feel a contraction, remember to continue to take deep breaths, though it helps with the pain if they are shorter in duration," he instructed.

The woman was staring intently at his face, as if he were a puzzle she could not solve. "Do I know you?" she asked.

Carlisle frowned, despite the jolt of hope that raced down his spine. It was the first person he had encountered to whom he seemed even vaguely familiar. "I honestly don't know, ma'am. I'm so sorry."

"Why would you apologize for not knowing me? My name is Emily Uley. Does that sound familiar?"

Carlisle pinched his eyes shut tight and took a deep breath, trying to fight off his own frustration when the name sounded completely foreign. "I wouldn't know. It's possible that we've met before, but I would not know. My name is Carlisle."

"That sounds familiar. I'm sorry. I'm sure it will come to me eventually," she said. "I'm usually so good with—"

Her words were cut off by another contraction, and Carlisle took quick, deep breaths with her in example. He could only hope that she was right, and that she would remember if she had ever known him.

Seconds after the contraction ended, a tall man burst into the room.

"Sam! You made it in time!" Emily cried.

"I'm so sorry it took so long, but at least John drives like a maniac, and I didn't miss the birth," the man said.

"As long as you're here, everything is perfect," she said. Sam had yet to acknowledge that the doctor was in the room with them, and bent down to kiss her deeply.

Their embrace was interrupted only by another contraction, and both men focused their attention on Emily. As soon as it passed, Carlisle examined her cervix to estimate how long it would take before she was ready to push. When he lifted his head to inform Emily that she would probably have only a quarter hour before she was ready, he caught the husband, Sam, looking at him with wide, shocked eyes.

"Carlisle?" Sam asked.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Carlisle stated, holding out his hand for Sam to shake before realizing that he had yet to tell the man his name. "You know me," he whispered.

"Of course I know you! I lived with you for years!"

Carlisle completely forgot about the woman in labor on his bed, as a strangled sob erupted from his throat. Sam briefly worried that there was something very wrong with his friend, before Carlisle's face broke into the widest smile. "You _know_ me!" He exclaimed.

Sam was now certain that despite his friend's exuberance, something was not quite right. "Carlisle? Is everything well with you?"

Before he could respond, Emily gasped in pain once more, as the next contraction hit. Both men turned their attention to her, but Carlisle couldn't help but send silent prayers of gratitude as he began to help Emily through the delivery of her child. Twenty minutes later, Emily gave birth to a healthy baby boy. The nurses fussed over the newborn and mother, and Sam hovered close to the pair in pure happiness.

Carlisle went to the admitting desk and informed the nurse working there that he would need an hour break. When asked for the reason, he couldn't resist answering with the sweetest truth he had known in years. "Someone remembers me."

He didn't need to elaborate; the old and proper woman jumped from her chair and threw her arms around Carlisle in congratulations. He agreed to see one patient before returning to the delivery room to ask Sam what he knew about his former life. As impatient as he was to learn about his identity, he knew that the conversation was likely to be long, and he wanted to give the family some time to bond after the birth.

He returned to their room to find Sam walking out the door. They narrowly avoided a collision, and Carlisle put his hand on Sam's arm to steady his off-balance frame. "I was just coming to find you," Sam said, clearly still in a state of bliss from his baby's successful delivery.

"I was just seeing one last patient before I took a break. Do you mind coming to the cafeteria with me? I should probably find some dinner for myself while I'm on a break."

"That sounds fantastic," Sam agreed with a nod and smile. After they made their way to the cafeteria and Carlisle ordered himself a sandwich and a tea for Sam, they found a secluded table at which to talk. "Carlisle Cullen. I can't believe you're back in Boston and didn't tell me. Is Bella with you? You should come over for dinner soon; Emily would love to see her again."

Carlisle chocked on the bite he had just taken, and quickly drank some water. This was really happening. "Cullen?" Carlisle managed to ask.

Sam measured a long look at Carlisle, and shook his head slowly. "Carlisle, what happened to you?"

Carlisle took a deep breath and let it out shakily. "I have amnesia," he began. "I went to Europe as a medic for the Canadian Expeditionary Forces, but I was somehow involved in some sort of explosion. I suffered some sort of head injury, and woke up with no memories."

"Oh my god," Sam breathed. When Carlisle didn't say anything, he encouraged, "please continue."

"I actually woke up in the German camp. They had found me on the field in a medic uniform. There was a terrible shortage of doctors, so they healed me, and asked that I do the same for their men. Luckily, I spoke German and actually remembered the medical training I had, or I'm not certain that they would have kept me at the camp as anything but a body in a grave.

"They treated me exceedingly well, though, especially considering that it was war, and I learned a great deal about becoming a surgeon from them. I'm not sure which specialty I held before the war, but I'm actually a trauma surgeon now. Once the war ended, I was sent to Canada, where I worked in the hospital on the military base. As soon as I had saved enough money and experience to do so, I came here to Boston."

"Why Boston?" Sam mused aloud.

"Bella," Carlisle stated. When Sam furrowed his brow in confusion, Carlisle elaborated. "The only reason I knew my name was Carlisle was because of a journal that Bella had apparently given me for Christmas before I left. She described how we met, how we fell in love, and how we were married." When Sam heard the word 'married,' he smiled widely.

"I know that we moved to where my family is from, but it never clearly states where that is. Since I didn't know my last name, and the Canadians had no record of a Carlisle as a prisoner of war, I had no way of finding out who I was and where I came from. The only thing I _was_ certain about was that Bella and I had lived and met here in Boston. Once I saved enough money, I came here."

"You didn't even know your last name? What have you been calling yourself all this time?"

"Swan. Carlisle Swan." When Sam sputtered at his name, he quickly defended himself. "The Canadians needed me to have a last name, and Bella had mentioned swan boats in the journal."

"Of course she did. You had taken her to see the swans and swan boats in the Public Gardens when you proposed because Swan was her last name."

Carlisle let out a single incredulous laugh. "Are you kidding? Her name was Bella Swan?"

Sam simply nodded before refocusing the conversation. "I can't believe you came to Boston simply because you knew you had met Bella here."

"I was actually hoping that it would help me remember something—that maybe being in a place that I had actually lived in would cause my memories to return. A part of me wondered if Bella returned to Boston after I didn't return home. It's entirely possible she thinks I am dead. I suppose I hoped she was here, but that I could be closer to her if she wasn't."

Sam couldn't begin to express his sadness at Carlisle's tale. "Did you remember? I must assume that you did not fully regain your memories if you still are known as Doctor Swan, and you haven't gone back to the ranch."

"I don't remember anything. I went to the Public Gardens, where Bella had explained I proposed. It felt familiar, and I know I've dreamt of it, but the memory wasn't clear." Suddenly, he remembered what Sam said about living with him in the past. He asked his next question with a cautious optimism. "Do you know where the ranch is? I want to find my family… to let them know that I'm alive. I want to get to know them."

"Of course I know, Carlisle. You're from just outside of Glasgow, Montana. I've never been there myself, but you always said that if I ever wanted to visit, I merely had to ask the folks in Glasgow where I could find the Cullen Ranch, and they'd help me find my way."

"My name is Carlisle Cullen, and I'm from Glasgow, Montana," Carlisle whispered, in awe that he finally could name his own face. He didn't know if Bella was still at the ranch, but knowing that he could find his _family_ meant the world to him. His eyes met Sam's, and Sam was overwhelmed by the emotions they held. "Sam. You have given me my life back. I…I don't know how to thank you."

"You were always a good friend of mine, Carlisle, and I am only glad I could help. Let's also not forget that you just safely delivered my beautiful son."

Carlisle smiled warmly at the friend he wished he remembered. "I can never repay you, but I am so lucky to have found you. It seems we were both blessed with new life today. I know that I, for one, want to go visit the newest addition to your family."

Sam agreed, and the two men headed to the maternity war. Before they entered Emily's room together, Sam put his hand on Carlisle's arm, barring his entry. "Carlisle, Emily was Bella's roommate. I know she misses her greatly. If you could have her send Emily a letter, or just write me and tell me how Bella is, it would mean a great deal to both of us."

"I promise I will see to it. It's the least I can do."

x-x-x

Once Carlisle informed his boss that he had found information regarding his identity, Carlisle was effectively fired from the Massachusetts General Hospital. When Carlisle tried to insist that he wait to leave until they found a replacement for him, the chief of surgery told him he was no longer a surgeon on his staff. Hiring a replacement would be easy, and a man as honorable and kind as Carlisle deserved to finally be reunited with those who loved him.

Less than one week later, Carlisle boarded a train to Glasgow, Montana to finally find his family. He was headed _home.

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**A/N: It's taken a while, but I think we all knew he'd get there eventually. Next update will be Monday, as usual. **


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Bethaboo rocks my world. Seriously. You're the best beta ever, bb. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I don't own Legends of the Fall. I just write this story.

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Jasper had been subtly avoiding Alice for months. He was always cordial to her, but he was unable to reconcile the girl he had known before his travels with the beautiful woman she had become. He had always seen her as both a sister and a friend, but now found himself fighting his attraction for the girl. He felt slightly incestuous, and rather than remind himself that he wasn't really related to her, he thought it best to limit his interaction with Alice.

That is, of course, until she had enough of his avoidance eight months after Bella and Edward's wedding, and sought him out. He was feeding the hogs when she walked up to the other side of the pen, and began talking. He had just started his task, and she knew she'd have at least a few minutes of his attention. She had been aware that he was avoiding her, and thought that maybe if she could just talk to him, he would realize that she was the same girl he'd always been able to confide in.

"Where was your favorite location during your travels?" Alice asked.

Jasper tried to think of an excuse to leave her company, but failed to do so. "I traveled along the Amazon, where I saw all manners of beasts. It was beautiful and wild."

"Were you traveling on the river itself, or in the rainforest?"

Her question surprised him. "How did you know there was a difference?"

"Your father. Bella taught me a great deal of history of geography before she moved to Helena, but when you left, your father decided to teach me about the specific locations you provided in your letters."

"That's impressive. I'm touched my father would do that for you."

"He's always been a great man, and I'm honored he considers an education for a girl like me to be a worthwhile use of his time."

"You thought that learning about my travels would be a worthwhile use of _your_ time?"

"Of course. You've always understood me better than anyone, Jasper, and in many ways, learning about where you were helped me feel closer to you. You're my best friend. I didn't have the heart to tell your father that his lessons were merely making me want to explore the world, as well."

"You would want to travel?"

"Of course I would. The ranch will always be home to me, but there is so much in the world that I cannot really imagine. I want to see the ruins of the Aztecs. I want to see the Grecian islands. I want to hunt in the wilds of Africa, and see the animals of India. I want to see the things I can only dream about."

"Wouldn't you miss home?" Jasper asked.

"Of course I would, but I know that there's more to life than this ranch. I can always come home—like you do."

"Where would you go?"

"Wherever you chose."

"Alice, you mean that you want to travel with me?"

"Of course I do. It would be quite impossible to travel alone; you know that. Besides, I'd make an excellent companion. I know how to hunt and speak French, Italian, and Greek. I have a thorough knowledge of history and geography in many countries, and you know me. You've always been my best friend, Jasper; wouldn't you like someone to share your adventures with?"

He couldn't respond. The truth was, he wanted nothing more than to agree to her suggestion, and whisk her off to some exotic locale. She was intelligent, kind, and had always understood him better than anyone else. They were two sides of the same coin in many ways; she was raised with both his father's Christian beliefs, as well as Billy's old spirituality. She was like a domesticated animal, just like he was—a cat who could appreciate the stability of a regular meal and comfort of a family, but wanted nothing more than to roam free at times.

His hesitation stemmed from his inability to trust himself around her. She captivated him with her exotic beauty, though he tried desperately to remember the days when he viewed her as a sister. If he brought her with him on his next journey, would he be able to keep their relationship platonic?

x-x-x

It was always difficult for Jasper when Edward and Bella came to visit. It wasn't that he was jealous, per se, but he had never really understood how Bella had wanted to marry Edward. Now, they had been trying to start a family, and Jasper wondered how he had ever thought he could make her happy. As much as it was strange to see the woman he had once been intimate with married and in love with his brother, it never occurred to him that she had also been intimate with his other brother before him.

Bella and Edward had been visiting the ranch the first time she miscarried. Jasper had seen her devastated in the past, but her raw pain after losing her child had been almost too great to witness. Edward was similarly heartbroken, and Jasper knew that he had been wrong to ever doubt their relationship. No, it wasn't the magnetic passion that she and Carlisle had shared, but it was built on a solid foundation of trust, affection, and communication. As her anguished cry of Edward's name cut through the silence of the night ranch air, Jasper knew that she needed Edward as strongly as she had needed Carlisle.

She didn't know what she would do if she were ever to lose Edward.

It had been a year since Edward and Bella were married, and Jasper was once again feeling restless. His family was happy in a way he had never expected. He had finally come to terms that supporting Bella's marriage to Edward was the best way to uphold his promise to Carlisle. Charlie enjoyed seeing Edward and Bella together, and was content with his quiet life, sharing his work and home with Emmett, Sue, and Billy.

Jasper had finally realized that he no longer counted Alice amongst those he would leave behind. In trying to avoid thinking of her as a woman, he had only managed to become more captivated by her charms. He dreamt of her onyx hair, and the curve of her breast. She was a slight girl, but her curves were beautifully alluring. He could no longer deny his attraction for her, nor that he had decided to take her with him when he left home.

He knew that just because he admitted that he desired her, it didn't mean he couldn't resist temptation. He would go into town frequently to find a girl to fuck, but wasn't able to cast Alice from his mind. He was losing the fight against himself, and he didn't want to know what the consequences would be.

Alice, on the other hand, knew exactly what it was she stood to gain. She had loved Jasper her entire life. It had broken her heart when he began courting Bella; she was completely wrong for him, and it seemed that everyone but Jasper was unaware of this fact. Her joy at their parting was dampened by his departure. This time, she would make sure that he didn't leave without her. She could be good for him, if only he would let himself give in to her.

She found him in the barn, brushing his horse. She had prepared a speech, outlining once again _why_ she would make an excellent traveling companion, but all that came out was, "I'm coming with you."

"I know. We leave next week."

She stood in shock that he had consented, her mouth hanging open slightly, until she realized that she was truly going to travel the world with Jasper. She didn't think before she flung herself at him and kissed him.

He kissed her back before he realized what he was doing, amazed at how her tiny frame fit against his despite the difference in their heights. Her lips felt perfect against his. It was only after he pulled back that he realized her legs were wrapped around his waist, and his hands were cupping her ass. He was disappointed when he realized he had to let go, and relieved when she didn't remove herself immediately from her perch. She felt too delicious pressed against him as she was.

She leaned back, and he thought for a moment that she was going to remove herself from him. It was a surprise, then, when she took her dress straight over her head, revealing a quite shocking lack of undergarments. It was more than Jasper could bear, and with a moan, his lips found hers once again, and he laid her down in the soft hay below them. He quickly thanked god that they weren't in one of the stalls before doing so. She quickly unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it from his shoulders, not breaking their kiss during the movement. He removed his trousers before sliding his hand from her breast down between her legs. When he felt how wet she was, he moved his hand back to her breast, and pushed himself inside of her with one fluid motion.

He stilled, relishing how tight she was, and he wondered briefly how he hadn't realized that he was taking her virginity before then. His eyes flew open and searched her face for discomfort, and was glad he found none. He honestly wasn't sure if he could resist moving for much longer. She shifted her hips impatiently, and he answered her silent request. She was too tight, felt too incredible, and he knew he wasn't going to last long.

He didn't, but Alice didn't seem to mind as she smiled in satisfaction. He was quickly ready for another round, and by the time they left the barn, both Alice and Jasper were quite satisfied, and there was no doubt that their decision to travel together was the correct choice.

They left the ranch in a little over a week, long enough to see Edward and Bella one last time before they departed. Charlie and Edward had been shocked when they learned that not only were they traveling together, but that they were also involved. Bella, however had not been surprised in the least; she had known that Alice was in love with Jasper since the first day they had met, and had seen Jasper struggle against his attraction for Alice in recent months. She didn't know why, but she _was_ mildly surprised that Alice's prediction would never come true; Alice would never marry Jasper.

They did, however, travel together for many years, and happily spend their lives together and in love. Billy performed a ritual blessing the couple before they left, and neither believed enough in a Christian god to be married in a church.

x-x-x

Edward had heard stories from other couples of how repeated failures to conceive could permanently damage a relationship. That their problem wasn't in conceiving a child –miscarriage was- left Edward hopeful for their relationship. They had been married for well over a year, and after the first two miscarriages, he tried to remain optimistic. He didn't blame Bella their troubles, but he did worry about her.

He knew that she was the strongest woman he had ever met, but he would have given anything to spare her the pain of such loss. It broke his heart every time he saw the haunted look in her eyes. He wanted a family with her so very much, but there were certain times in which he wondered if it was worth putting themselves through such fierce heartache. He knew they hadn't been trying that long, so he resolved to wait before voicing his concerns to Bella. He wanted to support her—not give up on their mutual dream.

It had been a long day at work, but his exhaustion faded as soon as he approached the door to the house he shared with Bella. His home always had the power to erase his worries and fatigue—but he suspected it had more to do with its other inhabitant than the house itself.

He walked through the door, and called out to Bella. As per usual, Jake was the first one to come greet him. He bent down and pet the overexcited Boston Terrier with a fond smile. Jake had been Bella's most trusted confidant for years, but since he and Bella had begun their relationship, Jake had become as much his dog as he was hers. He was still petting Jake when he felt two slender arms slip around his waist. He straightened, and felt Bella's lips trail her tongue along the column of his neck. A loud moan escaped his lips before he spun around in her arms to capture his lips with his own.

Bella wasn't in the mood for foreplay. She had returned home from work restless. It had taken her over a month to truly recover from the heartache of losing her baby. For so long, she had believed that the stress of losing Carlisle had caused her to lose her daughter, but she was no longer certain that was the cause. She had yet to make it past the first trimester, but she hadn't allowed herself to give up hope. Edward had been incredible throughout the last year. He was a gracious and attentive husband, a passionate lover, and she knew that he would make an incredible and loving father. She wanted to give him that opportunity.

More importantly, she wanted to show how much she appreciated his kind patience. She had spent the better part of the evening imagining ways to show him how much she loved him…how grateful she was for his support. Walking in the room and being treated to a wonderful view of his well-formed derriere, her plans flew out the window. It had been weeks since either of them felt truly amorous, and she now felt more than slightly aroused. She didn't mean to pounce on him, such as it were, but when your husband was as lovely as Edward Cullen, some things could not be helped.

"I missed you," he said into her lips.

"I want you. Need you," she murmured in kind.

He groaned, and picked her up by the backs of her thighs, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He looked towards the bedroom, and realized that they were most definitely not going to make it that far. She had fumbled with the buttons of his shirt before tearing it open, revealing his muscled chest. She dragged her teeth across his shoulder before running her tongue along his sternum. He quickly unbuttoned her shirt –he always did have more patience than Bella did- and threw the garment behind her. He had to interrupt the kisses she was lavishing upon his chest to remove her corset, but the interruption didn't last long at all.

He never noticed that she removed his trousers and undergarments, and he briefly wondered if she had some sort of magical garment removal power that he was otherwise unaware of. Her legs, after all, were still wrapped around his waist. He set her down briefly to remove her skirt and undergarments, before turning slightly to lead her into their bedroom. At her whine of impatience, he quickly lifted her up again, and pressed her against the wall. She needed the feel of him inside her. It had been far too long, and she craved his touch.

"Please," she cried, before her mouth sought his.

He obliged quickly, not even bothering to check if she was ready; he knew that when she was like this, she was more than adequately prepared. Every time he entered her felt like the first time. He was never able to lose himself in anything more than he was the feeling of being united with her. Making love to her was a more spiritual experience than any religion could provide.

Now, he simply wanted to fuck her.

He remembered Jasper and Carlisle discussing fucking or making love to a woman. What he didn't believe Jasper could ever understand was that as long as you're in love, fucking _was_ making love. He had needed her touch as fiercely as he needed oxygen, but it didn't feel right to be intimate so soon after their heartache.

He braced himself against the wall with one hand as she ran her nails down his back—not scraping, but gently. They never ended their kiss, breathing heavily through their noses so they could maintain the connection. When he felt her clench around him, he lost himself in his own release, as he usually managed to do. There was nothing that he found more alluring than Bella as she climaxed around him.

They caught their breath, still entwined, though he was now bracing himself with both hands against the wall. After a few moments of languid kisses, he slid out of her, and she allowed herself to stand once again. She murmured a quiet, "I love you," which he promptly returned before kissing her again.

She made them dinner after they both had redressed—though neither of them bothered with their undergarments.

"So… what prompted such an enthusiastic greeting?" Edward asked, as they were finishing their meal.

Bella smiled sheepishly. "I had been planning to show you how much I love you, and how much I appreciate your patience over the last few weeks. I know it's been difficult for both of us, but…I don't know. I suppose I wanted to show you that I know there's more to you –to us- than the losses we've suffered. I love you."

"I know you do," he said with a soft smile, and understanding in his eyes. "I love you, too."

"I didn't mean to be so impatient," she admitted. "There are actually candles lit in the bedroom, but as soon as I saw you, I needed you."

He smiled devilishly at her. "It would be a shame to put those candles to wait, but feel free to be impatient any time you'd like."

She chuckled at his response, and said, "I never said that the candles were wasted. The night is young, husband."

"I believe you're correct, wife."

They made love into the early morning, long after the candles had burnt out.

x-x-x

Bella had been trying to hide her sadness from Edward during the entire drive from Helena to the ranch. She had thought she might be pregnant once again, until she saw the telltale blood appear. She had been two weeks late, but she was waiting until the second month to tell Edward about the pregnancy. Now she didn't know if she should tell him at all. She knew he would support and console her, but a large part of her wanted to believe that if she ignored it, she wouldn't be as hurt by the loss.

She knew it was a silly hope, but she clung to it, regardless.

Edward had enough on his mind, and she knew he needed her support and guidance. A small group of local businessmen had approached him recently about running for Congress. He had become a very prominent figure in Helena society—well liked by everyone, and greatly respected. Some believed he would excel in the political arena. The group that had approached him had gone so far as to offer financial support should he choose to run.

Edward had been honestly considering their offer. He was content in his life, but there would always be a part of him that wanted to make a name for himself in the world. He knew it was a vain and selfish desire, but it seemed beyond his control. He wanted the glory that he sought in battle all those years ago. He wanted people to know the Cullen name through _him_, not his father. He just didn't realize that glory in battle was fleeting. He was part of one of the most lauded advances in the war, but the victory was ultimately hollow. How can you claim honor and glory when so many lives are lost?

Moreover, people knew his name already. His store had flourished under his management, and he had an impeccable reputation as a fair and generous boss and entrepreneur. He had begun to start small shops in some of the smaller farming towns, like Glasgow. His main store remained in Helena, but people trusted his product, and his prices were reasonable. His customers were more than willing to travel to Helena for large purchases, but he had fielded too many requests for small stores with basic necessities like seeds, grain, and soil closer to the farms to ignore.

Edward's voice broke the silence when they were a mere half hour from the ranch. "Do you think I'm a fool for considering their offer?"

Bella sighed. Her objections had nothing to do with his ability to be an outstanding politician—she had no doubt he would be excellent in the position. No, her reasons were entirely selfish, and she knew it. "I don't think you're being foolish. You'd be foolish not to at least consider it."

"Then why don't you seem excited by the idea?"

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be. I'm really just not feeling well at the moment, and my lack of enthusiasm has nothing to do with you."

"Why didn't you tell me you were unwell earlier? We could have sent our regrets to Father. He'd understand."

"I'll be fine. I promise," she said with a rather wan smile.

"Do you think it's a good idea, then?"

"I think it could be good for you, if that's what you want."

He heard something unspoken hidden in her words. "We're partners, Bella. It's not just about what I want, and you know that."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I know. But what would happen to your store? Would you sell it? You love working in the store."

"And?" Edward asked, knowing there was more that was bothering her.

"We're tying to start a baby. Would we have to move? Would you have less time for the baby?"

Her words sparked something in him, and he was curious as to her phrasing. "Is there a baby?" Edward asked softly, hope lacing his tone.

Bella closed her eyes to prevent herself from crying. "No. I hoped there might be…but I was mistaken."

"Is that why you've been so out of sorts all day?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to get your hopes up until I was certain, but yes. I didn't want to ruin your weekend, too."

"You will never ruin my weekend, unless I were to find out that you were trying to hide this disappointment from me. You know I would never forgive myself if you were hurt, and I hadn't been there to comfort you."

"I know. I just thought you should concentrate on the idea of running for office."

"I haven't made my mind up yet, but I don't want this to affect our lives. If even considering it makes you think I wasn't available to offer you support when you need me, there's no way I can actually run for office."

"Don't think that. I was just being foolish. I suppose I'm being overly sensitive at the moment." He had always supported her in her decisions, and she really was happy to be able to support him in his.

Edward clasped her hand in his, and ran his thumb along the back of her hand. He smiled gently at her, and murmured, "I'll discuss it with Father, and see what he thinks of the idea."

Of course, he should have known that Charlie would be completely against the idea.

When they arrived, Charlie immediately regaled them with a letter he had received that week from Alice and Jasper. They were in Egypt, and exploring the great landmarks that still stood from the ancient civilization. It was still clear that Charlie was still unhappy that they refused to marry before traveling the world together, but he had seemed to accept that there was nothing he could do to change their decision.

When Edward broached the subject of running for Congress, Charlie was incredulous.

"How can you want to become part of a government that would try to systematically wipe out an entire people, just so they could have more land? They forced out the natives from their homes, killing innocent women and children as well as those who stood up to fight against the injustices!"

"I want to be part of a government that would make real changes for the good! Not all politicians are evil and corrupt, Father."

"Of course they aren't, but you would be the voice of the minority, and I know you would be frustrated. I worked for the government for years when I served my country, and when I tried to tell them that what they were forcing us to do was wrong, I was met by silence."

"The men who want to fund my campaign –who want me to run- believe I can make a real change."

"Of course, they would expect you to take up for their personal agendas. Don't think for one moment that their motives are altruistic!"

Before Edward could respond, there was a knock on the door. Bella rose to answer as Charlie continued to convince Edward that becoming a Congressman would not be the honorable path he desired. When Charlie pointed out that becoming a politician would greatly decrease the amount of time he could spend with his family, Edward finally conceded. If Charlie and Bella both thought that running for Congress would take him away from his wife and future child, he couldn't allow himself to act so selfishly.

Bella couldn't hear their discussion, but said a silent prayer that Charlie could convince Edward that he shouldn't go. She didn't want her husband taken away from her by the agendas of other men. She knew, though, that if anyone could make Edward see reason, it was the colonel.

She smiled at the thought as she swung the door open, revealing the figure on the other side. Her breath froze in her throat, and she blinked her widened eyes rapidly, as if to clear the apparition she couldn't possibly see. She finally was able to draw a shaky breath, but her mind was unable to form words. Gooseflesh ran down her arms.

Finally, after minutes of shocked silence, she heard his voice. "Bella?"

Tears ran down her cheeks unheeded. Surely, this had to be a dream.

"Carlisle?"

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**A/N: Next update on Monday. It'll pick up right where I've left off. **


	30. Chapter 30

**A /N: Thank you so much to my incredible beta, Bethaboo, and to Sleepyvalentina for pre-reading. You both are such champions for this story, and it means the world to me to have your support. **

**Welcome new readers. You've joined us in the thick of things here. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I don't own Legends of the Fall. I do own a shocking number of notebooks.**

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After whispering his name, Bella froze, paralyzed in shock and disbelief. Tears ran down her cheeks as she stared at the ghost in front of her, and she wondered briefly why he would choose to haunt her now that she had finally made a real life and home with Edward. She hadn't taken or released a breath since his name passed her lips, until an anguished sob tore through her.

It hadn't yet occurred to her that ghosts did not knock on doors.

Carlisle knew without a doubt that the woman standing in front of him was Bella, his wife. He had clung to the hope that when he finally found the woman whose words had given him life once again, he would remember his past. She was his anchor when he didn't know his own name. Yet now that she stood before him, his past was still as vacant to him as it had ever been.

He had dreamt of her face every night since he awoke in the German hospital, and it was the only face he could remember. He may not have remembered their shared experiences, but he knew her face as well as his own. What he had never anticipated was the look of sorrow and fright that graced her delicate features. She had always smiled in his dreams, but Bella was now gazing at him in shocked silence.

Choosing not to dwell on her lack of joy, he wanted to verify that she was, indeed, his wife. "Is it truly you, Bella?"

His words brought her out of her stupor, and she gasped. "Oh my god!" Bella cried. Suddenly, she became aware of the changes in him. His hair was longer and slightly darker. He had a few days worth of stubble on his face, where he had preferred to remain clean-shaven in the past. His shoulders were broader, and she noted that he seemed more muscular, more defined. She examined his face, focusing on his eyes; they were the same beautiful cornflower blue they had always been, but they held the burden of unknown hardships. Though the differences were subtle, Carlisle had changed.

Ghosts couldn't change, nor could they grow older. No, she realized as she inhaled sharply, Carlisle was no ghost. To confirm her hypothesis, she slowly brought a shaking hand to his face, tracing the pads of her fingertips along his cheekbones. Her eyes seemed to vibrate as she rapidly searched his eyes and face. She cupped his cheek, and let out a shaking breath.

She didn't know how it was possible, but Carlisle truly stood in front of her, _alive_.

Bella didn't think when she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. As soon as her lips met his, she felt an overwhelming sense of joy course through her. For years she had dreamt of what it would be like to kiss Carlisle one more time; she had tried to barter for the chance to feel his arms circle her waist. As his hands wormed their way around her waist, and he began to kiss her back, she couldn't suppress the sigh that escaped. It was more perfect than she had anticipated, until he pulled back slightly.

He didn't move from her embrace, but pulled back just enough to examine her eyes. He didn't want the moment to end, but he had to be certain. His words were quiet, but their implications echoed in Bella's mind long after they were spoken. "Please, tell me that you're Bella."

Her breath was released in a rush as she realized that she needed to consider why it took Carlisle so long to return to her. He looked perfectly healthy, so she couldn't imagine why he would question her identity. As she opened her mouth to confirm his assumption, and ask what had happened to him, a strangled cry alerted her that they were no longer alone. She looked over, and saw Charlie rush over to them; she barely had time to move out of the way before Charlie drew his son into his arms.

Charlie and Edward had finished their discussion, and Edward confident in his decision not to run for office. They noticed that Bella had yet to return, and were curious as to who would come to call at such a strange time of day. The sight of Carlisle standing in the doorway shocked both men, but it was Charlie who was uncharacteristically overcome with emotion. He couldn't prevent his cry any more than he could stop himself from rushing to embrace his son.

Edward hadn't witnessed the kiss Bella and Carlisle had shared, but he felt simultaneously overjoyed and terrified. He noted that while Carlisle seemed hesitant to return his father's embrace, he clung to Bella's hand like a lifeline. What seemed to shatter Edward's world was that neither Bella nor Carlisle even seemed aware of their physical connection. He felt immediately ashamed at his reaction, knowing full well what a miracle it was that Carlisle was not only alive, but had also managed to find his way home; still, Edward could only focus on the fear that he was about to lose everything that was precious in his life.

Shaking his head clear of his pessimistic thoughts, Edward noticed that Carlisle had gone from looking somewhat awkward in Charlie's embrace, to downright uncomfortable. Despite the confusion he felt at this reaction, Edward was the one to rescue Carlisle, by moving Charlie out of the way, and pulling Carlisle into a hug. When Carlisle hesitantly returned it, Edward allowed himself to revel in the happiness that his brother was alive and home. Despite his concerns on how Carlisle's reappearance would affect his marriage, he loved his brother, and had missed him every day he was gone.

Edward, sensing Carlisle's unease once again, kept his hug brief. When he pulled back, he noticed Carlisle's breath was shallow and quick, and that he almost immediately looked back towards Bella. The truth was, Carlisle had recognized Bella from his dreams, but neither Charlie nor Edward were more than vaguely familiar, like the Boston Public Garden. He assumed by their reactions that the older man was his father, and younger man was either Emmett or one of his brothers, but he couldn't be certain. He hadn't realized how tightly he was clinging –literally _and_ figuratively- to Bella for support.

Bella was still in shock that Carlisle had returned, and let her eyes stray from Carlisle's face. Charlie was sniffing slightly, and wiping away happy tears before they were able to fall. Edward looked much as she thought she herself must have looked—thrilled to see Carlisle, but terrified of what his presence meant for the future. She wanted to run into the protection of Edward's arms, to comfort him, and allay her own sudden unease.

As she took a step towards Edward, she became aware that Carlisle had been clutching her hand tightly in his own. When she noticed the look of slight panic in his eyes, she couldn't bring herself to move away from him. Instead, her mind finally began to process what was happening, and she remembered his earlier query. He had said her name earlier, but it was a question, followed by another request for confirmation. After kissing her, he sought confirmation once more that she was, in fact, Bella. She had initially assumed his questions rhetorical, but as she recalled them once again, she realized that they had been genuine.

"Oh god," Bella breathed, her right hand coming up to rest above where her heart was pounding furiously against her chest. "Carlisle," she said in question, entreating him to confirm her suspicions without needing to voice them.

She was pleading with her eyes, begging him to tell her that her dawning suspicions were erroneous. At the sight of her distress, Edward could no longer keep his distance, and came behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, and kissing the top of her head. She slid her hand from her chest down to grasp his hand tightly, clinging to him as fiercely as Carlisle was to her.

Carlisle was momentarily confused by the action, but had a more pressing concern. "Please tell me I'm home?" As soon as the words were spoken, he began to cry. He was fairly certain, given the welcome he received from not only the woman he hoped was Bella, but also the man he assumed was his father, he had finally found his way home, but the lack of memories flooding into his consciousness made him doubt himself.

Bella moved his head to her shoulder, not forgetting that Edward's arms were still wrapped around her, but unable to allow Carlisle to cry without comforting him. "Yes, I'm Bella, and you're home, Carlisle. You're home," she whispered.

She felt his smile, even as he continued to breathe shakily. "I found you," he murmured into her shoulder quietly.

"Where _were_ you?" Bella asked before she could prevent herself.

Carlisle drew a deep breath, and moved away from her shoulder, looking to Charlie and Edward's troubled faces. Carlisle kept Bella's hand firmly entwined with his, but Bella didn't move from Edward's protective embrace. Charlie had finally gotten over his shock and elation at Carlisle's presence, but hadn't begun to process that there could be any negative aspects to his return before he heard Carlisle's question. Charlie, quite simply, was too overjoyed his son wasn't dead to process that there was a dark shadow marring his return.

"I have amnesia," Carlisle declared, and Bella gasped in response. "I woke up in a German camp during the war with no memories. I was wearing a medic's uniform, so the German's kept me as a prisoner—though they never treated me as one," Carlisle hurried to inform his family members, lest they think ill of the people who had shown him nothing but kindness. "Their doctors healed me, and, since I remembered how to heal the wounded and treat the ill, I worked as a doctor in their hospital for years. The war ended, and I was sent to Toronto, Canada. I worked as a doctor in the army hospital until I was able to save enough money to move to Boston."

Bella wasn't the only one who was perplexed by Carlisle's simplistic explanation, but she was the only one who felt the need to ask him to expand the explanation. "I don't understand. Why did you want to move to Boston? And how were you a practicing doctor when you never attended medical school?"

Carlisle blanched at her questions. Not only was he confusing her, but she had also confirmed one of his worst fears. He had always assumed that he had graduated medical school at Harvard, but a small niggling in the back of his mind always wondered if the assumption was valid. "I didn't know I hadn't finished medical school."

"Wait, you didn't know you didn't go to medical school, but you knew how to practice medicine?" Bella inquired.

"It's actually rather common for people with amnesia to remember acquired knowledge, like languages. In my case, I remember how to speak German, French, and English, as well as how to set a broken bone or extract a bullet, but I didn't remember my own name."

"Your name is Carlisle Cullen," Bella informed him, before realizing that if he was here, he most likely already knew that information. She was too overwhelmed to think clearly.

"I know that…though I wasn't aware of my surname until a week ago."

"How?" Edward breathed. He had completely forgotten his earlier panic, now that he was hearing Carlisle's story. That he had his arms wrapped around Bella, who clearly was grateful for the support, helped him focus on his brother.

"Bella told me my name, actually."

"I didn't know you were alive until just now," she said, hurriedly. She wondered how she had told him his name when she was still realizing that he wasn't an apparition or hallucination.

"When the Germans found me, I had a journal in my possession. They thought it had been mine, but when I began reading it, I learned it wasn't."

He removed the journal from his breast pocket, where he still kept it, and handed the worn and tattered book to Bella, whose eyes were glistening with fresh tears. With his free hand, Carlisle wiped her tears from her cheeks, smiling gently. "I gave this to you on Christmas, before you left."

"I know. You wrote as much in the journal's final entry. From this journal, I knew my name was Carlisle. I knew you were named Bella, and that you were my wife. I knew we met in Boston. Most importantly, I knew that if I could find you, I would be home. You told me about our relationship—how we fell in love. I have a father named Charlie, who you liked to refer to as 'The Colonel,' and two brothers—Edward and Jasper."

"I'm Edward," Edward confirmed quietly.

"I'm your father," Charlie murmured.

Carlisle was grateful that Edward had offered the information before he had to ask. He didn't want Edward to think he didn't care about him enough to recall his face or name. He nodded softly in thanks. "I didn't know what state I was from, or what my last name was, but I did know that you're an incredible woman. I'm… I'm so sorry it took me so long to come back to you, Bella."

"Shhh. It's alright. I understand. How did you find us if you didn't remember your last name?"

"I worked as a doctor at Massachusetts General Hospital," he informed them. "I had been sent to Canada because I had enlisted with the Canadian army, according to my uniform. I knew we had met in Boston, so I returned there as soon as I saved enough money. I had hoped that you moved back after I didn't return from the war. There were no Carlisle's listed as P.O.W.'s according to the Canadian officials, so we had to assume that I had been confirmed as dead."

It was Edward who confirmed Carlisle's suspicions. "Jasper saw you. He was coming after you when you went to save the Canadian commander on the field. Before he could reach you, he saw a grenade blast near you. He…he found your body," Edward said in disbelief. "It must have been someone else, another Canadian medic. I can't believe it. He was so certain it was you, even though your body was severely burnt."

"I don't know what happened, but I do know that I was in some sort of explosion. I had shrapnel in my leg that damaged the nerves there, and I had a severe head wound. The consensus is that the head injury caused the amnesia.

"The Canadian records just weren't complete enough to confirm my identity. I went to Boston, hoping to find you, Bella. At the least, I hoped to find someone who knew you. It took over a year and a half, but a woman named Emily came into the Emergency Room when I was covering a shift there. She was in labor, but thought I looked familiar. It was her husband, Sam, who truly recognized me. He was my roommate at Harvard, and Emily was yours."

"Emily and Sam had a baby?" Bella whispered, as a pang of sorrow shot through her at the mention of a child.

"A very healthy one," Carlisle informed her. "Emily said to say hello, and that she misses you greatly." Bella smiled in response. "Sam told me that Swan was your last name, and gave me the address he had for me—to this ranch. I left a week later, and found my way here."

"I'm so glad you're alive," Bella said, finally allowing herself to break down in relief, and grief. "I thought you were alive for so long. I wrote to you every day, until a year passed after the end of the war, and you didn't return. I didn't want to give up hope, but I thought I was just being foolish."

"I dreamt of you, Bella, every night, I dreamt of your face, your smiles. I knew who you were when I didn't know my own name. I'm fairly certain I promised that I'd come back to you. I love you, Bella; I couldn't break my promise like that."

Bella choked on a sob when he said he loved her. His statement was in the present tense, a fact that escaped neither her attention, nor Edward's. Edward unconsciously held Bella closer, both in support of her, and to assuage his own dawning guilt. He had never truly questioned that Carlisle would be happy for Bella to have found happiness with him, but hearing his horrific story made him feel like the worst monster for encouraging Bella to move on and make a life with him. As if she knew his thoughts, Bella squeezed Edward's hand tighter in her own.

"I'm married," she declared, before immediately regretting the statement. It was definitely not the way she had intended to impart the news, but she couldn't retract her words.

"I know. We were married on New Years Eve, 1914," Carlisle informed her proudly. It broke her heart how he was reciting a fact, while clearly did not remember the event. She could never forget a moment of their wedding, no matter how simple the ceremony had been, yet she knew that Carlisle only had written words that informed him of the event. Even worse, she had to tell him that the wedding he referred to was not the one she had meant.

"I married Edward in November of 1919. The war had been over for a year, and I thought you were lost to me forever," she whispered, horrified that she felt no regret for marrying Edward, even when faced with Carlisle. Had she known Carlisle was alive, she would have moved Heaven and Earth to find him, but she had finally been forced to accept that he was gone forever.

Carlisle's eyes widened as her words reached him, and his breath caught in his throat. His mind could not break beyond a single thought, 'no,' repeating endlessly through his mind. Finally, he began gasping for air, unable to quell the panic in his mind. He was too late—she was married now, and he had lost her forever. His anxiety spurned her into action, and she tore herself from the safety of Edward's arms before grasping Carlisle's face between her hands. His eyes were wild and frantic, and she struggled to keep his gaze.

Slowly, after whispered reassurances from Bella as his eyes locked on hers, Carlisle began to calm. The sadness in his gaze shattered Bella's heart, and she realized that there was no solution to the predicament they now found themselves. She had been close to completely breaking down, but she knew it was now immanent.

She meant to stay in the room; she knew it was the correct action to take. Still, she fled to her old room, shutting the door to escape the rapidly encroaching reality that surrounded her. She knew it was cowardly to hide with Carlisle in such a vulnerable state, but she convinced herself that watching her fall apart would be even more detrimental to his emotional state. Once she had thrown herself on her bed, she gave into the exquisite anguish inside of her, refusing to consider anything besides the fact that Carlisle, her husband, was alive, home, and had no memory of her.

Silence hung heavy in the foyer, Carlisle and Edward both shifting uneasily at Bella's sudden departure. Edward knew that she was overwhelmed, and needed time to fall apart. The times in which she broke down had decreased dramatically, but certain days had remained too emotionally taxing. Every year, he knew that she needed extra support on New Year's Eve, Carlisle's birthday, and the anniversary of Carlisle's death. This was the first time, however, that he wasn't sure his presence could help her through it. It was a struggle to remain still and give her space, but it was also the first time in years that she didn't automatically reach to him for comfort. The fact that she seemed to want distance from him broke Edward's heart.

Carlisle didn't try to stop himself from going after her. If he were being honest, standing in a room with two people he was bound to by blood should not have invoked the unease that it did, but for all that he intellectually knew that they were his family, they were strangers to him. Bella alone was someone he recognized, and even if the memories he had were all products of her words, the fact that he actually recognized her face provided a great deal of comfort. Before he could take two steps towards where she had fled to, Edward grabbed his arm, and shook his head sadly.

"She…needs a moment. You can't know how long she's dreamt that you would come home, but she's overwhelmed. Give her some space, and she'll come back to us."

Carlisle winced when Edward said 'us,' knowing that his brother had a similar claim on her heart. "How did this happen?" Carlisle sadly and quietly questioned.

"Why don't we adjourn to the sitting room?" Charlie suggested, before leading his sons from the foyer so they could sit.

"She waited for so long. After I returned home, she was simply broken. I still can't believe that the man Jasper found wasn't you. He had your build…he was a medic…he had your hair…and your medal."

"This medal?" Carlisle asked, pulling his Saint Rafael the Archangel medal that Bella had given him from underneath his shirt.

"I suppose it would have been common for a doctor to wear," Edward acknowledged, shaking his head in disbelief. "Jasper… he broke down, Carlisle. He performed a native ritual on what he thought was your body. He cut out the man's heart, which I brought home with me."

"Where is Jasper?" Carlisle asked, suddenly realizing that his family was not complete.

"He and Alice are exploring the world. They left a few months ago. Jasper will be so overjoyed that you're alive, and angry that he missed your homecoming," Edward said, laughing slightly.

Carlisle wondered why his brother had taken Emmett's daughter to tour the world, but decided to refrain from other questions until later. "Tell me more about Bella?"

Edward closed his eyes, remembering the time after Carlisle's death. It still pained him to think of her suffering so greatly. "She was desolate. She lost her husband and child in the same day, and—"

"What?" Carlisle interjected as Edward blanched.

"Shit. She didn't find out until you were already in Belgium, but she was pregnant when you left. It may have been the stress of losing you, or it may have been some physical condition she was unaware of, but she lost the baby after your funeral. I'm so sorry, Carlisle. I know how terrible it is to lose a child before it is even born."

Truthfully, Carlisle wasn't certain that losing his child was not a secret blessing. He wouldn't have been able to care for it, or its mother, while he was lost without his memory. Selfishly, he couldn't imagine this reunion if were he to have learned that Bella had been forced to raise a child alone; the guilt would have overwhelmed him. "I can't believe she had to go through that alone."

Edward bristled at the suggestion that he would have made her suffer her losses alone, and couldn't quite keep himself from lashing out at the suggestion. "Carlisle, she was _family_, and we supported her. She was never truly alone. It was a battle to make her smile, but after six months, I finally managed to coax a smile onto her face. Laughter took longer, but she finally was able to be happy again. She was inconsolable for a long time –I won't deny that- but we would never have let her go through such pain alone."

Carlisle regarded his brother for a long time, realizing that for all he suffered for not remembering his past, he at least had hope to cling to. Bella had lost so much in a short time, and he was grateful that she was surrounded by people who loved her. "Thank you for caring for her," he whispered.

"I had to care for her. It was impossible not to," Edward admitted. He took a deep breath. "It was a year after I returned home that Jasper came back to us. He had been sent to a psychiatric hospital in Toronto." When Carlisle's eyes widened, Edward realized he had to explain. "When he thought he saw you die, he exacted a rather brutal revenge. He killed and scalped anyone who may have caused your death. Afterwards, he was simply empty of any emotion beyond sorrow and rage. Eventually, he healed, and returned to us."

Carlisle was reeling at the damage the news of his death caused. "I'm so sorry you went through that," he said, his eyes locked with Charlie's, even though Edward had been speaking.

"It wasn't your fault, Carlisle," Edward assured. "When Jasper came home, he tried to be in a relationship with Bella. He thought he could honor his promise to you to take care of her if he did. They simply weren't compatible, but it did help her finally begin to live her life again, and she moved to Helena to teach."

It tasted bitter on his tongue for Edward to describe Bella's relationship with Jasper as if it hadn't decimated his heart, but he didn't want Carlisle to think ill of his brother. Despite his remaining anger at what happened, Edward couldn't bring himself to influence Carlisle's opinion of Jasper. Also, he had mostly overcome his resentment of Jasper, seeing how he and Bella had found their way to one another in the end anyway.

"I had been living there since Jasper came home, but we didn't see one another for months after she moved to the city. We actually had a number of mutual friends, and met again at a dinner party our friends threw." Edward drew a deep breath, not knowing any way to lessen the impact of his next words. "I," he began, pausing when he couldn't force his next words. "I have loved her since I met her, Carlisle. I would not have pursued her in any way if I hadn't believed that we had lost you, but when she told me that she cared about me, and wanted me in her life, I…I had to do anything in my power to make her happy."

Edward began to cry, horrified that he had to tell Carlisle that Bella had he slept with their other brother. Telling Carlisle that he himself had since married Bella seemed almost cruel.

"So you married her?"

"She didn't give up hope you'd come back for so long. She only stopped writing to you each day when we got married. I wouldn't have asked her to marry me if I thought you were still alive. You have to believe that," Edward asked, his eyes frantic and pleading.

Carlisle was overwhelmed. The link to his past that he had clung to for so long had moved on with her life. He'd be lying if the thought of her marrying someone else didn't rip his heart into pieces, but he couldn't deny that his brother had done nothing wrong. He couldn't begrudge her finding a way to be happy again, and was indeed grateful that he had taken care of her. But the fact remained that her life had progressed without him while his had revolved around her since he read her journal.

He looked at Edward, unable to offer words of absolution, but unwilling to condemn his actions. It was Charlie who spoke, finally finding his voice. "I think we all may need time to process what has happened. It's a lot to take in, and I want to take a moment to just be happy that you found your way home to us, Carlisle."

Edward found himself nodding with the suggestion, and was glad that Carlisle seemed to agree, as well.

"Can you do me a favor?" Carlisle asked.

"Anything," Edward and Charlie agreed in unison.

"Please…tell me about myself? How I grew up, stories about my family?"

Charlie blew out a breath and smiled widely. "I think that's a wonderful idea. Let me go check on Bella, and we'll share stories."

When Charlie knocked on Bella's door, he felt nervous about what state she would be in. She answered the door, her red and watery eyes looking to Charlie for guidance. He pulled her wordlessly into a hug, where she shook against him.

"What are we going to do?" She asked.

"Right now, we're going to tell Carlisle who he is, and who we are. After that, we'll figure things out when we need to," he replied, stroking her hair.

Bella nodded, and they went back downstairs together. When they reached the sitting room, Edward and Carlisle had stopped crying, but their silence was far from comfortable. Charlie sat down in his favorite chair, and Bella sat down next to Carlisle on the couch. He immediately sought her hand with his, and when she allowed the contact, Edward had to force himself not to read too much into the action.

Soon, Charlie began telling Carlisle about his life before Edward, Jasper, and Carlisle were born, and then about Carlisle's own life. When Edward remembered certain events, he would share the anecdotes, and soon, all four were able to forget the weight of reality pressing upon them, and lost themselves in memories of happier times.

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**A/N: Next chapter will be up on Monday. **


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: All my gratitude goes to Bethaboo, my amazing beta, who supports me and helps this story be even remotely coherent. Additional thanks must go to Sleepyvalentina, for pre-reading, and offering her incredible expertise. **

**I'm sorry for not replying to reviews this chapter. I read them, I promise. These chapters have been a bit difficult for me to write, and RL has been more hectic recently, so I thought you'd enjoy an update more than my rambling responses. I treasure your thoughts and insight. **

**Disclaimer: I own neither Twilight, nor Legends of the Fall. I think both Stephanie Meyer and Jim Harrison might both be a bit shocked and amazed by the turns this has taken, though.

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For hours, Bella sat beside Carlisle, holding his hand as she and his family shared stories of his past. While he laughed with them at the anecdotes, it was not the laughter of remembrance; it was the laughter of amusement. He was learning who he had once been, but it was becoming increasingly clear to Bella that it was entirely possible that the stories would always belong to a different man. He was not the same Carlisle she had married, and she was finally realizing that he might never be that man again.

She had sat next to Carlisle because he seemed to need her. She couldn't articulate what it was that made her believe this, except for the way he had earlier clung to her hand, and a glint in his eyes that told her that he was still overwhelmed and panicked. Though he may not have had his memories, she was still able to read his face as if she could feel his emotions along side of him.

She didn't want to contemplate how _right_ it felt for her to once again hold his hand. When they first met, their attraction and physicality had always been simple…effortless. She tried her hardest to ignore that the ease and comfort of even the simplest of touches was still present. It wasn't that she was anything less than overjoyed that he was alive; she simply had no idea what Carlisle's return meant for her future.

All Bella wanted in that moment was to go over to where Edward sat, and curl up in his lap. He would stroke her hair, and kiss her temple. His arms would hold her tightly against him, and world outside of their embrace would end. Longingly, she turned her gaze towards Edward, and saw his expression mirroring her own. She had been so consumed by Carlisle's need for her that she hadn't realized how difficult it must be for her husband.

She immediately cleared her throat, and withdrew her hand from Carlisle's. He turned his head sharply towards her, and shot her a questioning glance. She merely shook her head in reply, causing Carlisle to wrack his brain in search of what he could have done to cause her abrupt shift in mood. He turned towards his brother, to see if he knew what had happened, and found Edward's features marred with concern for Bella. He smoothed his expression when he realized Carlisle was watching, which only served to make Carlisle slightly suspicious of what was happening.

Before Carlisle could inquire about Edward's concern, Bella spoke up. "What are we going to do?"

She hadn't meant to ask the question. It had been repeating itself on loop in her mind for almost an hour, but she had managed to suppress it, until she was no longer capable of keeping it inside of her. She had asked Charlie the same question earlier, but he hadn't been able to give her an answer that would work past the immediate future. She didn't know what would happen the following _day_, never mind the following weeks or months.

It was something that Edward had been turning over in his mind. He knew exactly what he wanted to happen, as well as what he was certain would come to pass. More than anything, he longed to take Bella back to their house and continue their life as if the man who had always held her heart had not come back from the dead. However, he was nothing if not a realist. He knew that the love Carlisle and Bella shared was intense and true. Carlisle clearly needed her, and Edward knew that his days with his wife were limited.

His wife. Two men called Bella 'wife,' yet Edward realized with a start that this could not be the case. Carlisle had been declared dead by the Canadian military based on Jasper's account of his death, but Carlisle was not dead. He and Bella had never divorced; she and Edward were legally married because she was a widow. Now that Carlisle was clearly alive, Edward realized with a gasp that his marriage to Bella was neither valid, nor legal.

He hung his head in distress, and ran both hands roughly into his hair, grasping the roots tightly, as if he could pull the abhorrent thoughts from his own mind. Seeing his distress, Bella quickly moved over to him, giving in to her earlier urge. She sat on his lap, pushing his hands from his hair, and replacing them with her own. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and wrapped his arms around her. He leaned his head on her shoulder until the calm of her presence overtook his distress. When he kissed her temple, both he and Bella became oblivious -for a few perfect moments- to the world around them.

The was the first moment since seeing Carlisle in the foyer, that Edward realized that he was wrong to have had so little faith in Bella's love for him. Yes, she loved Carlisle, but she also had gone through a great deal with Edward, and loved him just as well. It was a different kind of love—it wasn't the all-consuming, love-at-first-sight that she shared with Carlisle. It was a patient love that had grown with shared experiences and time.

Charlie wanted to answer Bella's question. He was as much her father as he was Edward and Carlisle's, and now, all three of his children were facing an impossible situation. He could not stand hurting either son. He looked at her, sitting in Edward's lap—he realized that, for now, there was only one solution, and he could only hope his son would understand.

"I think it's getting late, and you both have a long drive back to Helena." Bella quickly spun around to look at Charlie, and he smiled softly at her. "You have work in the morning."

Bella hadn't considered that she would work the next day, but she couldn't let the children she taught down. Charlie knew she would never shirk the obligation she had to her students, and he utilized that knowledge for his benefit. Carlisle was home, the perfect place to rediscover who he had once been, and reconcile that with who he had become. Edward and Bella seemed to be becoming increasingly lost in the enormity of the situation, and they needed one another.

They not only needed to be reminded that the loved each other, but to gain some perspective. Carlisle wasn't the man Bella had married years ago, but Edward was. Charlie knew, without a doubt, that no one could help Bella sort out her thoughts and feelings better than Edward, even if it was at risk to his own heart.

"You're right. We should probably leave soon, Edward," she said.

"If you're sure. You can stay if you want, Bella. I can stop by the school in the morning, and tell them that you had an emergency, and needed to stay here at the ranch."

The words tasted like acid in Edward's mouth, but Bella was touched by the gesture. She shook her head, and was about to speak until Carlisle interjected before she could. "You're leaving? Where would you go?"

"We've been living in Helena. I teach at a school there, and Edward owns a farming supply shop. It's extremely successful," she boasted.

"Oh. Will you return?" Carlisle asked, seeming to panic.

"Next weekend, we'll come back. I promise," Edward said, reassuring his brother.

Carlisle was frustrated. He had survived these long years alone, feeling confident that one day, he would unlock the mystery of who he had once been. Now that he was actually _home_, faced with his father, brother, and wife, nothing was as he had envisioned his homecoming to be. It left him reeling, and truly frightened about his future. He had dreamt of finding Bella for so long, a part of him had been unwilling to believe that she would have chosen a life that didn't include him in the future.

Now, everyone would expect him to watch her walk away, without him.

Bella's voice interrupted his thoughts. "I'm sorry I have to go, but I can't ignore my obligations." She paused a moment before she continued. "I know we have a lot to talk about, Carlisle, but I think it will be good for both of us to take a few days to…think."

Carlisle nodded, though to say he was disheartened would have been a gross understatement. Returning to Bella had been in his thoughts since the moment he opened her journal. She was the only thing in this life that was familiar to him, despite the stories his family had recently shared with him, and it felt as if his past and future was rapidly slipping from his grasp. He hadn't really considered what his return would do to _her_ life—that she would have any reaction other than joy. It took seeing the stress in her eyes and the lines of her face to realize just how egotistical and self-absorbed this belief had been.

Now, he realized there was only one thing he could do. He had to respect her wishes, and try to support her as best he could; it was the only way to show her that though he may have lost his memories, he remained the man she had described in her journal. Perhaps then she would see he was the man she had loved, and find a way to love him once again.

Edward and Bella left soon after, both welcoming Carlisle home, and reassuring him that they would return in a few days.

During their journey back to their home, both Edward and Bella were quiet. The mood lacked discomfort, though neither party's thoughts were terribly peaceful. Edward had questions racing through his mind, about what Carlisle's return meant for their relationship, yet he knew Bella well enough to know that she needed time to process Carlisle's return. Bella, however, was not thinking about Carlisle at all. She was acutely aware of Edward's distress, and her heart was aching.

She honestly did not know how he could have so little faith in her love. Yes, she loved Carlisle, and no, she had no idea how they could all progress from where they were, but Edward didn't seem to want to fight for her at all. He already seemed defeated, and she simply wanted him to have a little faith in her.

Of course, she remembered what he was so far ignorant of—that when she first saw Carlisle standing before her, she kissed him. She rationalized to herself momentarily that it was a reaction brought about by the shock of seeing him again, and before she was aware that he had no memory of her.

When they arrived home, Edward had resolved to talk to her. Silence would get them nowhere, and he wanted her to know that he only wanted her happiness; he would understand if she chose to return to his brother. When he opened his mouth to speak, she shook her head. She didn't want to hear him give in. When he said her name, she held both of her hands in front of her, trying to convey her unwillingness to have this discussion. When he repeated her name, she swallowed his words with a kiss.

He moaned into the kiss, his lips clinging to hers as he wondered how many more times he would be able to feel her. She felt his desperation, and shook her head before breaking the kiss. "Damn it, Edward, I am your wife! Stop doubting that I love you!"

He pulled back slightly to look into her eyes. As soon as he found the fierce determination and anger flickering in the dark depths, he allowed a glimmer of hope to infiltrate his heart. At least for now, he would allow himself to become lost in her embrace.

He picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist so he could carry her to their bedroom. Along the way, she unfastened the buttons of his shirt and trousers, and unhooked the fastenings of her dress. Once he laid her down on the bed, they finished removing one another's clothes.

Edward's movements were colored with urgency as they came together, and Bella was very careful to slow their movements. She needed to connect with him. She needed Edward's arms firmly around her body, reminding her -as they always did- that she was safe and whole. She needed him to surround her in his love, so that all she could know was that they were together, and that they loved one another. As his eyes locked with hers, he saw the need they contained, and gave himself over completely to the consummate bliss of their lovemaking.

x-x-x

It was Wednesday when Bella approached Edward to talk about Carlisle's return.

"I love you, Edward."

He looked at her and smiled, though she noted the sadness that lingered in his eyes. "I love you, too, sweetheart."

"Then why have you been acting like our marriage is over?" She questioned.

Edward was taken aback by the query. "I haven't."

"Bullshit," she stated calmly. Edward's eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off before he could. "I've seen the defeat in your eyes since before we left the ranch, Edward."

"Can you blame me? Bella, has it even occurred to you that we're not actually married?"

"_What_? How can you say that to me? We both know that's not true, Edward."

"Actually, it is. Your marriage to Carlisle is still binding. _He_ is your husband, not me. We were able to marry because you were a widow—because Carlisle was dead. Now that this is no longer the case, our marriage is neither legal nor binding."

She stood in stunned silence for several long seconds. "Is that really how little you think of our vows?" She asked, incredulously.

"This has nothing to do with vows, Bella; it's the law."

"I stood up in front of God, our friends, and our family, and promised to love you and cherish you for the rest of my life. It has everything to do with those vows."

"You made those same promises to Carlisle—in front of our family and God."

"Yes, but he died, Edward, and I fell in love with you."

"He's not dead, Bella! I know that you're having a difficult time dealing with the fact that he's alive, but it does not make it any less true. The vows you exchanged with him are still valid."

"He doesn't even remember making them!" Bella shouted, and it seemed that even the air around them was stunned into silence.

The words hung between them, as if they were visible, tangible. Her pulse rushed through her ears, as if it were some folklore monster manipulating her very blood.

"He doesn't remember," she whispered, before an agonized sob ripped through her. Suddenly, she was gasping for air, tearing at her dress as if its removal would help her breathe. Edward didn't hesitate to close the distance between them and wrap his arms around her. He said nothing, simply holding her as she cried. When she was once again capable of speech, her voice was hoarse with emotion. "He said he's dreamt of me, Edward…but I'm no more than some idealized figment to him. I'm a stranger to him."

"He knows you, Bella. You said it yourself, he knew who you were as soon as he saw you, and had dreamt of you before he returned."

"That means nothing to me if he can't even remember the promises he made to me in our wedding."

"Bella…I saw it in his face, and the way he clung to you—he loves you just as madly as he did before the war."

Bella was quiet for a few moments before she turned her face up to look into his eyes, tears still quietly falling. Even with her face red and splotchy, she was the most beautiful woman Edward knew. "I don't know this Carlisle, Edward. He may look the same, but how can he possibly be the same man he was before he left for the war?"

"No man is the same after they go to war; I can attest to that. It changes something within you, but that doesn't mean that these changes are necessarily bad."

"I know that. I do…but I don't know that man. I know you, Edward, and I love you. I pledged my love to you because I wanted to be tied to you in every way possible. You're my best friend, my lover, and the person who knows me best in this world. You make me feel safe and loved, and we have so many years of history between us. I can't throw these years away so callously."

"What are you trying to say, Bella? What do you want?"

"I want to be your wife. I love you, and you love me. We have six years of memories between us, and I need your strength. I can't abandon Carlisle, but I don't think I can offer him more than friendship. I loved Carlisle deeply…but I don't know the man who just returned home. I want to help him find his life again; I just don't think it can be as his wife."

Edward tried his best to hide the pang of doubt at her words, and focused instead on the fact that even with Carlisle's return, he was the man who held her heart.

x-x-x

Carlisle was exceedingly restless. Bella would return the next evening, but the days since she had left the ranch had seemed like weeks. He was accustomed to feeling like he was biding his time to begin his future, but he had always thought that as soon as he found his way home to Bella, he would no longer need to wait. It was rapidly becoming apparent that things would once again be difficult for him. He clung to the hope that when he was able to truly speak to Bella alone, she would realize that he was the same man she had loved.

If only he could be positive of that himself.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he did not even notice his father's approach. "She's loved you for as long as I've known her."

Carlisle started, but then turned to look at Charlie. "Then why wasn't she _happy_ to see me? Apart from when she kissed me when she first saw me, she seemed as if she was on the verge of tears for the duration of her visit."

"Of course she was, Carlisle. Have you even once truly considered what Bella might be going through right now?"

Carlisle frowned, "I thought she'd be happy that I was still alive. I thought she'd be happy that I found my way home."

"Don't you dare think for one moment that Bella believes your return is anything short of miraculous," Charlie spat.

Carlisle sighed. "I'm not expressing myself properly. It's been six years since I woke up in that camp. Six years. That whole time, all I knew about myself was that Bella loved me, and that I had to return to her. Every action I took was made with the idea that it was something Bella would have approved of. I've tried to be the man she described. Now, I find my way back, and she has a whole new life."

"She waited, Carlisle. When Edward returned with news of your death, and what we believed to be your heart, I thought we were going to lose her. When Edward had to carry her back from your grave…there was so much blood…" Charlie shook his head to clear the images from his mind, and took a deep breath before continuing. "She did nothing, Carlisle, for so long. She continued to teach Alice how to read and write, mathematics, and geography and history. She helped with the gardens and barn. Still, it was as if she were sleepwalking. After a while, she stopped crying, and I became aware for the first time that there is indeed something more heartbreaking than a woman in tears.

"It really was Edward's friendship that made her express any emotion beyond raw hurt. Even then, it was only when Jasper returned that she even resembled the Bella we had first met. She was passionate again. They were like fire and wood—both strong, but when thrown together, they'd destroy each other thoroughly." Charlie paused and shrugged. "Once Bella realized that, she put an end to their relationship. By then, she had come back to herself enough to realize that she wasn't living how you would have wanted her to live."

"What do you mean?"

Charlie regarded his son thoughtfully for a moment. "You've read Bella's journal. You know what your plans for the future had been. Would you have wanted her to still be living here when you returned? Would you have still wanted her to be in mourning?"

"I wanted her to be happy. I actually had thought she would return to Boston after hearing about my 'death.' It's the reason I moved to Boston once I had saved enough money in Toronto. I would have hated the thought of her staying at the ranch, grieving. She always had wanted to do so much with her life. She wanted to teach. I think she appreciated the peace here on the ranch, but I think a city will always be her home. I think a city will always be where _I_ feel most at home."

Charlie nodded. "I agree. It's why she moved to Helena. She didn't truly leave much in Boston. You know her parents and grandparents have all passed away." Carlisle nodded. "We really became the only family she had. I think being too far away from the pieces of you she had left would have been too difficult for her."

"I didn't expect her to be married."

"She thought you were dead, Carlisle. We all did. Bella and I? We resisted believing that for so long. When the war ended, there was a part of me that thought you really were going to come home. I saw it in her eyes—she felt the same. She wrote to you in her journals for years. Every day, until the day she married Edward. I asked her about it at one point last year, and she admitted that she didn't think it fair to Edward to continue writing to another man as she pledged her love to him."

"Does she really love him?" Carlisle asked.

Charlie bit back the reminder that Edward was his brother, and as worthy of love as anyone. "She does. He's a good man, and, despite my initial reluctance to admit it, he's very good for her. He's cared for her, supported her, and has showed her that giving up her dreams was a foolish thing to do. She taught him the same. I honestly don't believe that he would be the man he has become –as successful as he is- if he didn't have her in his life."

Carlisle was silent for several long minutes. Charlie wasn't a man of many words, but he had given him a great deal to think about. "She's the only thing I've known for so many years," he finally admitted.

"Then it's time to make new memories. Living in the past will help no one."

"I can't conceive of living my life if she's not a part of it," Carlisle stated in close to a whisper.

Charlie was silent for a moment. He didn't know what the future held. Right now, he was certain that Bella didn't really know up from down. His son was so focused on the notion that Bella might not be his anymore that he hadn't really considered how difficult it would be to love someone that had no memories of you. At least Bella had a journal to inform Carlisle of their connection; he would never know how much it broke his heart that his son hadn't even recognized him, and likely never would.

"No one has said that she won't be a part of your life. She loved you with everything she had. She still loves the Carlisle she married. My guess is that she hasn't quite realized that you're the same man. Give her a little time. She's gone through hell, same as you have—you just always had the advantage of knowing she was still in the world to find."

Carlisle had been biding his time for years, simply trying to find his way back home. Returning to Bella had been his goal for so long, he never considered that simply showing up on her doorstep wouldn't be the end of his odyssey. As he absorbed his father's words, he realized that it was, perhaps, time to set a new goal for himself.

* * *

**A/N: Next update on Monday. Thank you all so much for sticking with me. I'm pretty much flying without a safety net at this point. **


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Thank you so much to my amazing beta, Bethaboo, and Sleepyvalentina for pre-reading. You both provide so much support and advice, and I don't know what I'd do without you. Seriously. **

**Thank you to everyone who is reading. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your feedback and support. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I don't own Legends of the Fall. You should really know that by now.

* * *

**

Edward and Bella sat in their car at the end of the ranch's long driveway.

"Are you certain this is what you want, Bella?"

She shut her eyes, willing herself not to snap at him in response. Even after their fight on Wednesday, she knew he didn't believe her words. She continued to remind herself that he only had her best interests at heart—it was unfortunate that all she wanted was for him to have his own.

"Yes, this is what I want. I love you. I choose you. This is the right decision for all of us, even Carlisle." She took his hand in hers, and looked into his eyes. "Trust me, Edward. Please."

He took a deep breath and nodded. "I do." Their situation was impossible, but he had never once believed that she would choose him over Carlisle if given the chance. Now that she was doing exactly that, he found it difficult to wrap his mind around. Instead of arguing further, he decided to have a little faith in her, and started down the long, dirt driveway.

Carlisle was waiting on the front porch, and Bella's eyes slipped shut against the image. It was everything she had dreamed of for so many years, but she couldn't look past the horrific reality that marred the moment. He wasn't her husband—not really. Her husband would have remembered the words that bound them together. Her husband would have recalled how perfect that day in the Public Gardens had been when he proposed to her. Her husband would never forget the feel of her skin as they made love.

Carlisle had forgotten all of these things. Edward remembered every moment they shared since the moment she stepped off the train in Glasgow. Edward knew her well enough to understand why she wore Carlisle's engagement ring and necklace. He knew that giving her earrings to honor her love for her lost husband that included a reminder of him would mean more than any other gift. He knew when she was upset, and when she was happy. His arms made her feel safe and loved.

She ignored the voice that reminded her that his lack of memory wasn't Carlisle's fault. She was making the right choice, and she knew that, given time, Carlisle would come to see that. She just didn't know how to tell the man wearing Carlisle's face that she could not be with him.

Steeling herself against her nerves, she took a deep breath, and opened the car door. Carlisle's smile was large, and she could see the relief that colored his features. She couldn't imagine why he would ever have doubted that she would return, but it was clear that he had.

"You came back," he said, drawing her into his arms and burying his face in her neck.

"Of course I came back, Carlisle. I promised you that I would."

"I know. I knew you would keep that promise, but I…I just feel a bit lost at the moment, and had this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'm glad to learn I was worrying for nothing."

She didn't want to have this discussion with him yet, so she remained quiet. Seeming to sense her discomfort, Edward made his presence known, and moved to embrace his brother. Though he was still uncertain how this situation could possibly be resolved favorably for all parties involved, he had missed his brother every day. Carlisle had always been the best of them, and even without his memory, Edward knew that he always would be.

Carlisle greeted him warmly. After his discussion with Charlie, he had made a concerted effort to show his father that he was grateful for the opportunity to get to know him again. When Charlie was noticeably happy at his attention, he realized that he had been remiss in his distance. He had been so disheartened by the way Bella reacted to his return that he forgot that his other family members had missed him greatly. Charlie had agonized over Carlisle's "death," and to see him again was truly more than he could ever have hoped for.

Edward kept his arm around Carlisle's shoulder as they went into the house. After noticing Carlisle's limp, Edward asked about the injury. He had been so fortunate that Carlisle was so skilled a surgeon that he hadn't been left with a limp, and Edward was truly saddened that Carlisle himself had not been so fortunate. Old sentiments of guilt surfaced in Edward; he was the one who had wanted to prove himself in battle, and Carlisle was the one who had suffered. While Edward was grateful that he had not, in fact, been killed, he lamented that in many ways, Carlisle had still lost his life.

They joined Charlie in the sitting room, where they proceeded to tell one another about their weeks. Edward had explained that he had told the men trying to convince him to run for congress that he was not interested—that he wanted to focus on his family. While he had initially been convinced by Bella's desire to start a family and be able to devote more time and attention to a future child, he now knew that both Carlisle and Bella would need his support in the coming weeks and months.

They all enjoyed dinner together, and the surreality of the moment was not lost on Bella, Edward, or Charlie. Only Carlisle could not fully appreciate how wonderful and strange it was to have dinner as a family again, and how odd to have Edward be the one at Bella's side. Carlisle described his life in the German camp as they ate, and everyone was struck by how positively he had viewed the Germans. He considered them friends, and frequently credited them with saving his life. They had given him an opportunity to do what he had intended to do in the war: save lives.

Charlie had seen a very different side of war against the natives—where the side he fought for was clearly in the wrong. To help the native inhabitants seemed like the more honorable course. Listening to his experiences provided Bella with a glimpse of the man she had married. She had been viewing him like a stranger; his flesh was the only familiar aspect to the man she once knew. Now, she had to admit that helping others, no matter what they had done, was something _her_ Carlisle would have done.

Edward, however, was angry that Carlisle would have saved the lives of those responsible for taking lives of innocent and defenseless people. He didn't understand how Carlisle could have betrayed the allies. Didn't he know the destruction that the Germans caused? Didn't he realize how their cruelty had taken so much away from everyone—from Bella? He realized with a start that he had been so angry with the actions of the German army because he blamed them for Carlisle's death, which, in turn, caused Bella years of anguish. Hearing that they had actually saved Carlisle, and treated him well, sent him reeling. He bit back the angry comment in his mind, and realized that perhaps it was time for him to push old prejudices aside.

Once they had finished dinner, Carlisle asked to speak with Bella in private.

Carlisle shut his door once they reached his bedroom. Bella was grateful they had not met in her room—ever since they first arrived in the ranch in 1914, they had rarely spent time in Carlisle's room. She took a deep breath, knowing that she had to tell him about her decision. As she opened her mouth, he raised his hand to stop her speech.

"Please let me speak first? I feel I must explain something to you. Is that alright?"

She released her breath and nodded. "That's fine. Go ahead," she said, and waved her on slightly.

"I need you to know that everything I have done has been in an effort to come home to you. In the beginning, I rationalized this as thinking that finding my way back to you would allow me to find my family. As I read your diary, I found myself fascinated with the way you thought, the way you reacted to certain situations. Your capacity to love despite the loss you've experienced is astounding. You're so strong, and so passionate. I may not have actually remembered our past, but I know that I love you. You're intelligent, kind, compassionate, and honest. Every word I read pulled me back home, towards you. I was desperate to know you again, to love you again. I'm glad to have found my family, but Bella, you are my family. You're my passion, my North Star, and my wife. To have finally found my way back to you means everything to me."

"I'm glad you've found your way back to us, Carlisle. Your family and I have missed you so much." She drew a deep breath and held it inside as her eyes sought purchase on the ceiling. He sounded so much like her Carlisle in that moment, yet she knew that he wasn't; he couldn't be. "I hope you know that I'll always be here for you as your friend. I want to be part of your life…but I don't think it can be as your wife. I'm not the same girl you married, and you're not the man you were. I made vows to Edward—vows we both remember, and too much has changed between you and I to think that we could do anything besides hurt one another."

Carlisle felt as if the world around him was melting through the floorboards. He grasped onto the arms of the chair he sat in, hoping he could stop its seemingly rapid descent into oblivion. "Please, don't say that. Every action I can remember taking has been done so I could finally come home to you. You've been my focus –my purpose–for so long, I don't know how else I can live my life. How am I supposed to live in a world when I can't be with you, Bella? How can you ask me to?"

She saw the pain swimming in Carlisle's eyes, and couldn't prevent tears from falling from her own. "I'm not saying that I won't be part of your life; I just can't be the only part in it."

"You're also saying that I can never know what it's like to have you in my arms. You have those memories, Bella. I never will. I'll never know what it's like to make love to the woman I'm in love with. What you're asking is impossible. I don't understand how you can ask me to let you go when I just found you."

"It's not impossible, Carlisle. I've done it! You don't think I know exactly how it feels to lose the most important thing in your life? You're losing a past you never knew. I lost my entire future when you died!"

The words escaped her before she had thought them through. The silence permeating the room was stifling. They each stood stock still, staring at one another, as if either of them could simply vanish into the air around them. A single sob tore through Bella's chest before she spoke again.

"I lost everything, Carlisle. I didn't have any family left, except for yours. I didn't know where to go, what to do, how to survive each day without you. I had nothing, except this hole within my heart. It was like a loose thread in a shirt that keeps getting caught on everything you pass, until all you're left with is a rag that no longer resembles what it used to be. I didn't even know which was worse: when I was in agony with grief, or when I became simply numb.

"I was so completely lost. It was Edward who finally managed to show me that I was even capable of short moments of happiness. Even that wasn't enough. You have no idea the things I've done, Carlisle. I've made mistakes that I don't know I can ever make amends for. Edward told me he loved me, and I didn't even have the decency to acknowledge his words. I just slept with his brother instead." She was so consumed in her own words, she missed Carlisle's wince at the information.

"Seeking physical comfort with someone isn't a terrible thing, Bella."

"It is when you know that your actions could hurt someone you care about."

"Then I am just as guilty as you," he admitted softly. She narrowed her eyes onto his face, before they widened slightly in question. Even if she couldn't be with him, the thought of him being with anyone else sent ice through her veins. He nodded in confirmation. "Her name was Heidi. She was a nurse in the German camp with me. She was a good friend for a long time, but it turned into something more after a while. It's no excuse, but I needed to feel close to someone. You were like a fairytale to me—something beautiful and magical that I could never have. We had a physical relationship, and we made love once before I was turned over to the Canadian government. She wanted to come with me, but while I loved her, I was in love with you."

Bella was breathing rapidly, as if more air would help the weight constricting her heart. She had no right to be angry with him for finding happiness –however fleeting it may have been–with someone else, when she herself had done the same. Still, she couldn't escape the knowledge that while she believed him dead, he had known she was alive; she had still felt guilty for betraying vows she thought were nullified, while Carlisle had broken his willingly.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Carlisle said softly. He saw her distress, and, for the first time, finally understood how horribly he had disrespected the woman he claimed to love. Perhaps she was right to reject him.

"I can't condemn you for things I did to myself. It's not the point, in any case. Being with Jasper made me realize that I had lost my way. I wouldn't have been capable of a true relationship with anyone at that time, because I was so consumed by my grief and loss that I forgot what I had wanted for my future. You and I had always planned on doing so much. You were going to be a doctor, and I was going to be a teacher. If I couldn't stand on my own and make a future for myself, what good was I to anyone?

"It wasn't until I stopped living for what I had lost, and started living for myself that I truly became happy again. I made new friends, had a good career, and a family –your family- who loved me. When I saw Edward once again, we fell into a relationship easily. He's a good man, and once he found some purpose for his life, it was easy to fall in love with him. It wasn't planned, but he's helped me through so much—we've helped each other through so much. I truly do love him, Carlisle, and I can't hurt him like that. He doesn't deserve that."

"Yet you can hurt me? Did you stop loving me?"

"Of course I haven't stopped loving you. I will always love you…but I don't know you anymore."

"How are you so sure I'm not the same—you've spent so little time with me since I came back! Every choice I made, I asked myself if it fit with your descriptions of me. I have put forth every effort to ensure that I was still the man you described falling in love with. Don't you see? I have to be who you remember, because I'm nothing but who you said I was."

"That's exactly the point. You've been trying to be a man you think you should be instead of allowing yourself to trust your instincts. I can't know who you'd really be because _you_ don't know who you really are."

"Then, tell me Bella. Tell me what am I supposed to do?" Carlisle yelled at her.

"Life doesn't come with instructions. Live the life you want to live, how _you feel_ you should."

"I _feel_ that I am in love with you. I don't _want_ to live without you."

"I never said I wouldn't be in your life; I simply can't be your wife."

He hung his head, and rubbed the heel of his palm against his forehead—a gesture the Carlisle Bella had married used to perform habitually when he was extremely upset. She heard a quiet sniff from him and knew that he was crying, as well. She questioned her next action, but knew that she had to fulfill this promise.

"These are my journals," she told him, drawing a small stack of leather-bound notebooks from her satchel, and handing them to him. "When you went to war, I promised you that I would write to you every day until you returned. Even when they told me you were dead, I kept writing in them. I had to. It wasn't until the day I married Edward that I stopped. I couldn't put you first in my heart, pretending you'd come back to me, when I promised to love him and honor him. I'm sorry I broke that promise by stopping, but I thought I had to.

"They're yours. You can keep them, read them, use them as decorations, or burn them. They belong to you. I always liked to imagine that you could somehow hear my words, wherever you were—I guess there's a long delay before delivery." Bella smiled sadly at him, and leaned forward to kiss his temple. "I will always be here for you, Carlisle. Always. I hope we can be friends, but you will always be my family."

Bella let her lips linger against his temple once again as he continued to cry. "I love you, Bella."

She shut her eyes tightly before she stepped away and out of the room. She shut the door behind her, and whispered, "I love you, too," into the air. He wouldn't have heard her, but she hoped he knew, nonetheless.

After Bella left Carlisle's room, she immediately sought Edward in their room. When he wasn't there, she crept down the stairs until she found him, sitting and talking quietly with Charlie. As soon as he saw her face, he said goodnight to his father, and crossed the room to take her in his arms. He carefully picked her up, one arm around her shoulders, and the other beneath her knees, as she buried her face into his chest and cried. Once they were in their room, he lay her gently on the bed, and stroked her hair.

It was several long minutes before her tears slowed, and he could ask her about what happened. She told him of her conversation with Carlisle—about how he didn't want to let her go, but she knew it was for the best. She told Edward how she no longer knew Carlisle, and that he wasn't the same man. After two lengthy conversations with Carlisle himself, Edward knew that Bella was in for a rude awakening in the near future. Though he may no have any memories of his life before the war, he clearly was a man with a generous heart, and passionate emotions; in short, he was the same Carlisle he had always been.

Edward didn't know what that would mean for their future. Bella had convinced herself that the man with Carlisle's face was a stranger, and Edward was afraid of the consequences this would incur when she realized he was the same. For all Bella had convinced herself that the man whose heart she had just broken was not the man she married, she wept for the man who wore his face. He had been so convinced that merely returning would solve his problems, but she knew that his troubles were only beginning. She couldn't consider what would happen if Carlisle were to regain his memories.

She didn't know if it was possible for the two of them to ever be close once again. Though she had loved Carlisle's heart and mind, she couldn't deny how physically drawn she had always been to him. It was a desire more powerful than she had felt with Edward…even more powerful than the lust she felt with Jasper. The knowledge made her desperate. She needed to be reminded that even though he had her husband's face, he was not her husband.

No, the man holding her as she wept once again for her past was the man she married. She kissed the skin of his neck in appreciation, delighting in his sharp intake of breath. Though he could taste her tears when he kissed her, Edward was grateful for the whispered reminders of her love. As they came together quietly, reverently, he knew that it would not be the last time they made love.

He knew that it would not be the last time he held her as she cried over Carlisle, either.

Carlisle was lost and broken after Bella left his room. Mercifully, he was unaware of her actions with his brother. He knew that she had loved the Carlisle she married, but he was now uncertain as to who that man was. Wouldn't she have seen it had he been the same? He couldn't imagine the author of that journal ever being unable to recognize the man she seemed to know and love so well. How was he different? The problem was, hearing the stories that Charlie, Edward, and Bella shared were like hearing amusing anecdotes shared by close friends. You can imagine yourself in the situation only to a point, but don't know for certain if the reactions fit your instinct.

He considered Bella's words. Was she right? Had he been so concerned with being the Carlisle she described –the Carlisle he assumed he _had_ been- that he had changed? Certainly, he had thought about her characterization of him before he acted, but he couldn't recall a time in which he felt he had acted incorrectly.

What he knew was that he felt as if his entire future was vanishing before his eyes. In that respect, she was right. Despite the cruel ache in his heart, he knew himself guilty of her accusations. He had been living for her—every step he made was an effort to find his way to her. He had achieved his goal, and he wondered if his new goal should simply include an adjustment. She had been in his dreams for years, both innocently and less innocently. He couldn't deny that she was the embodiment of his ideal woman, and that he wanted to feel her in his arms; it was time he realized that some dreams weren't meant to be realized.

She was willing to be his friend. He wouldn't press her to change her mind, as it would only cause her more pain. He was, however a doctor, and it was time that he put his knowledge and skills to work. He needed to work in a proper hospital, where a surgeon's skills would be required. The best hospital in the area was in Helena, and he decided to take her advice. He was going to do what made himself happy, and live his life as he wanted to.

In Helena, he would be able to be close to Bella, and at least be her friend. He would also be close to Edward, and could visit his father every other weekend. It was not the life he envisioned upon his return home, but it was as close as he would be able to achieve. It would break his heart to see his wife in the arms of another man, but it would be a much worse fate to not have her in his life. He would begin arrangements to move to Helena within the week.

The next time Edward and Bella returned to the ranch, they left it with Carlisle in their car as they helped him begin his knew life.

* * *

**A/N: Next update on Monday. It might be slightly late, because these chapters have been tough for me, but I'm hoping to get it up on time. We're nearing the last few chapters.**


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